AN: This is just a shorty, but I wanted to post it in anticipation of the biggy coming up. Hope you enjoy!
She was still numb. She was still struggling to process everything. She'd wanted the truth so much, but now she had it she wished things could go back to the way they were. Derek would still be a cheat, and her heart would still be broken, but it would be nothing to the pain she was feeling right now. The pain of knowing that Derek was out there somewhere, suffering. The pain of knowing that in his darkest moment instead of turning to her he pushed her away, and in the cruellest way possible. The pain of knowing that she might never get the chance to hold him again, to tell him that everything would be okay.
She was angry also. So angry! Did she really mean so little to him? She remembered back to that day she came back to him. How broken he was. How he'd told her that it wasn't for her to decide. That when you love someone you're there for them unconditionally, through the good times and bad, no matter what. They'd made a vow that night that no matter what life threw at them they'd face it together. And yet Derek hadn't keep his side of the bargain. She'd trusted him implicitly and he'd betrayed the love they had for each other, because of what? Pride? Conceit? Stubbornness?!
She was suddenly stirred from her thoughts by a knock on the door.
"Go away" she moaned, turning over and pulling the duvet back over her head. She heard the door open and felt someone sit on the end of the bed.
"So here's the thing Cartwright. There's this small little concert thing that's happening today that I'm pretty sure you can't miss ... so what say you crawl out of this pit and into the shower, and we head down to the theater ASAP. Ana's already down there. She figured I might be able to drag you out of bed by telling you a few of my bad jokes.
Karen smiled to herself. He always had a way of making things seem better. She pulled the duvet back and slowly sat up, wiping her tear filled eyes.
"I don't think I can go out there Josh."
"Of course you can" he said, reaching out and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "And you know why? Because you're so much stronger than you think you are. And because I know you're not going to let Kyle down, no matter what."
Karen nodded. He was right. This wasn't about her. This was Kyle's night.
"That's my girl" he smiled.
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"What if I can't find him?"
"Hey, you'll find him, okay! Someone like Derek Wills doesn't stay hidden forever. And I'm only speaking from my experience of being a man here, but we do stupid things most of the time! When Derek comes to his senses, I'm sure he'll find his way back to you."
"I don't know" she said, her face crumpling. "I've never known anyone so bloody minded before."
"Hey hey hey" said Josh taking her in his arms. "There's one small thing you're forgetting though Cartwright ... it's you he loves. Karen Cartwright! If you were mine, I'd never let you go."
"Shut up Josh" she laughed through her sobs, breaking away from him and playfully clouting him round the head.
"Ow!" He laughed. "Come on, let's get you sorted." He stood up, taking Karen's hands, and pulled up her out of the bed. "Go jump in that shower, and I'll ring Ana ... let her know we're on our way."
"Thanks Josh. I'd be lost without you."
"Yeah well, that's what friends are for right" he said, smiling at her, a hint of regret flashing across his face ... "now get your ass in that shower Cartwright!"
"I'm going I'm going!" she laughed, making her way into the bathroom. Once inside she leaned against the door and closed her eyes. She'd get through tonight, and when it was over, she was going to find him. However long it took. She didn't know what she'd find when she did, or if he'd even let her in again. She didn't even know if she could let him in again. But he was sick, and she needed to find him, and help make him better. Whatever else their future held didn't really matter right now.
The apartment didn't feel like his home anymore. Of course it didn't help that everything was still packed up, but without Karen to share it with it was just back to being somewhere to go to at the end of the day, a place to sleep. He sat on the sofa and took out took out his photo of him and Karen again, gently running his finger across her face. God, he missed her so much.
He'd been to see Dr Morris as soon as he got back to New York. He'd told her wanted the operation as soon as possible. That he was going to do whatever it took to give himself the best chance of surviving this, and if that meant risky surgery, then so be it.
She'd asked him again if he'd opened up to his friends, his family. She told him again that he needed them more than anything at a time like this. This time he'd simply nodded.
"I've not handled this so well have I?" he'd laughed. "Pushing away the people I care about ... the girl I love more than anyone."
"Well you're here now Derek, and everything else will work itself out, I'm sure of that" she'd smiled reassuringly.
He only hoped she was right. Now he was so close to her again, he wasn't sure he could handle her rejection of him, however justified it would be. He'd wanted to go to her straight away, but he knew Kyle's benefit was tonight, and he wasn't going to jeopardise that for her. But he was damned if he was going to miss seeing her sing again. He'd find her after the show, explain everything to her. He'd never been so terrified in his life.