Wow! Lot's of revisions for this chapter, following up to last chappie's revelations!! I had to zoom to get this finished! I hope it doesn't seem rushed though!
I don't own Star Wars but I probably should wish I do.
Chapter XXI.
Dariinj hurried towards the mess hall. 'Act normal; that did not just happen.' He joined the queue for dinner, so immersed in his thoughts that he had to be nudged forward by the person behind him as the queue moved along. 'You are an idiot. You are the biggest idiot in the Galaxy! She is a Jedi; she does not even like you. Get a life, Dar.'
He sat down with the others, and picked at his food a little. The conversation moved to the new base. It was all they seemed to talk about now. They'd been in the temporary base for a while now, and nobody could wait for the more space, greater facilities, and just a generally better atmosphere that it should have. Rebba grinned, "I overheard one of the leaders talking to the head chef; she wanted her to use up the ingredients."
"So that's why we're eating this?" Higad poked suspiciously at his food.
She nudged him on the arm, grinning, "Don't be silly! But anyway; we're moving really soon! The new base will be bigger and better than ever! We'll get new kitchens- oh the joy! And my goodness, we'll get new rooms! Rooms of our own! Privacy at last," she glanced at Higad slyly.
"Not at the dinner table, please," Indy laughed.
Hilfa smiled, "Now Dariinj has no excuse to gripe about the size of our lab!"
Dariinj looked up, "Huh?"
Indy rolled her eyes, "You weren't even listening, were you?"
"Listening to what?"
Rebba smiled, "Credit for them?"
He shook his head, "It is nothing. Did you say we were moving soon?"
"Yep."
"Oh good, now I do not have to gripe about the size of our lab."
Indy laughed, "That's what Hilfa just said!"
"Oh."
"Boy, you were out of it, things on your mind, eh?" Higad smiled.
'I need to get up and do something. I need to eat, actually. Then I'll go back to the crèche…' Lumara rose and headed for the mess hall. She joined the line. The Padawan lifted a plate of something she was sure she wouldn't eat and looked about for Indy.
'Oh… poo.' Indy and her friends were, of course, sitting with Dariinj. 'I can't go over there!' She looked about frantically, set the plate down and raced from the room.
Indy strained her neck to see over the tables, "Is that- there's Lumara!"
"Where's she going?" Rebba tilted her head.
"I don't know; she's certainly hurrying," commented Higad.
Dariinj remained silent.
That night Lumara lay in her small bed in the crèche. Her mind was never silent now, thoughts racing through her head a million miles an hour. They were interrupted suddenly by a small voice.
"Mara?"
The Padawan sat up, and looked down to see, with little surprise, Gin. "What's the matter now?" She was too tired, but her tone was gentle.
"I can't sleep- Hangja's snoring!"
Lumara sighed, "She has a cold. It can't be helped. Have you tried putting your hands over your ears?"
He nodded, pouting, "It's too loud, Mara!"
"Well how come everyone else can sleep through it?"
"They can't."
"What?" she sat up tiredly.
"Mara, everyone's awake 'cept for Hangja! No one can sleep 'coz she's so loud!"
Lumara sighed, "Well then, I'd say it would be simpler if Hangja came in here. Hang on," she climbed out of bed regretfully and padded through the door and into the youngling's dormitory, Gin in tow.
She gently lifted Hangja, carried her back and placed the sleeping girl in her own bed. 'A Jedi's life is sacrifice,' she thought with a tired smile.
The other younglings waved, "Thanks Mara!"
She smiled, "Goodnight," she whispered, "Go to sleep now."
Lumara closed the door, and realised that Gin hadn't been exaggerating. The small twi'lek was making noise fit to wake a Hutt. She sighed and tried to make herself comfortable on the floor, 'A Jedi's life…'
The woman sat in a sparsely furnished room, hands resting on a swollen belly. There was little remarkable about her, save the presence of shocking purple hair. She looked fatigued, greatly so, and heaved a huge sigh as she glanced at the chrono on the wall. She peered down at her stomach pensively, tracing small circles on it with her finger absently.
She looked sharply up, an exuberant grin lighting up her tired face, moments later, a man entered through the door.
It took a couple of tries for her to rise from the old, sagging sofa, but she was far too determined to stay sitting in her pregnant stupor.
The couple embraced, the woman holding him tightly as if he might vanish from her grasp. She mumbled into his shoulder, tears threatening to spill from her already bloodshot eyes.
He replied gently, kissing her on the cheek as he muttered a soothing reply. They eventually pulled away, sitting close together on the lone sofa. The man smiled as he kissed her stomach gently, and she smiled back. He began to speak, but she interrupted, her smile turning to a frown. He nodded sadly and she started to cry again. He held her gently as she sobbed.
He stayed there for a few hours, but his glances at the chrono became more and more frequent. Eventually he rose, his face filled with anguish.
The woman held back her tears this time, and they embraced tightly once more. He kissed his unborn child, and then passionately kissed her goodbye.
Soon she was left alone, and she began to cry again.
Lumara woke crying herself; the emotions had almost been like as to her own. It was intense. She usually forgot her dreams, but this one had been crystal clear, like the visions. The only thing she couldn't recall was the man's face, but that was a minor detail at this stage. It was the woman's face that sent her mind reeling.
She shook her head. 'That couldn't be… That wasn't…' She decided that she needed to talk to Pamive.
Morning came and passed in the usual routine, not much happening except Gin and Hangja getting into another fight. After lunch, Master Finah came to speak with her master; he brought Justo with him of course.
Lumara was sitting in the corner with some younglings as usual. Master Finah and Knight Onih stood together in the centre of the room, talking quietly. Justo was standing a little away, with his back to Lumara, looking awkward. Lumara called over to him, waving, but he didn't turn round.
'He is deaf!' she thought, smiling.
Master Finah glanced at his Padawan in amusement, "Justo?"
He turned, "Yes, master?"
"You can go and talk to Lumara if you want."
"Oh." He glanced over, "I didn't see her."
The masters exchanged that Look. "Do you know what," Knight Onih began carefully, "I think Lumara could use a break- and some practise –and we could be a while; why don't you two go and spar in one of the little rooms about the place."
"A very good idea," Master Finah nodded, looking to his Padawan, who nodded weakly. It had been plain all day that something was wrong with Justo, but he wasn't going to tell his master what it was. Maybe he could work it out now.
'Well, at least maybe this'll take my mind off things,' Lumara stood and walked over. "Ok, we'll be back in a while." She headed for the door, Justo following. "Where should we go?" she peered down the corridor.
"I dunno," he shrugged.
She frowned, "Ok then… I suppose we could find a storeroom or something… There's a pile around here. Master Onih and I would use them a lot."
He looked over, his face still depressingly blank, "I bet you do."
'Ok… Why is he so…? I don't know.' She wrinkled her nose, "Sure, Ok, let's go find one with some space."
Lumara led the way as they wandered towards one such room. She was confused about Justo's behaviour, but she figured she could talk to him properly when they were sparring.
Lumara and her master usually used this room for training; it was big enough for a good spar.
She glanced over at her friend. Something was very wrong; she knew it. He wordlessly shed his cloak and drew his lightsaber, igniting it. Lumara followed suit. "Ready?"
"Yep."
They started off slow, and built up until they were going at a fair speed. Lumara tried to sweep past his lightsaber, but he blocked it swiftly and nearly got past her humming blade himself. An overhand strike whizzed past her head. Justo ducked and feinted, then nearly disarmed her.
'His style is all over the place today. I don't even know what form he's using…' Lumara thought dimly as she had another near-miss. It was making him very unpredictable though, and it was actually a little frightening.
This went on for a short while, until Justo flicked his saber at the right moment and disarmed his opponent. They sat down in silence. A moment or two passed before Lumara spoke, "Good spar."
"Yeah."
"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you now?" she tried to smile.
He looked at her blankly.
"You can tell me," she raised an eyebrow.
"Really? I thought you might be busy with other things," despite the turmoil Lumara sensed just under the surface, both his face and voice were totally devoid of emotion.
"What? Seriously, what's the matter?" she frowned.
He simply rose and left, picking up his cloak as he went.
"Hey, wait! Why are you-" the door slid shut behind him. 'What have I done now??' she sighed in frustration and picked up her own cloak, heading back to crèche.
It was evening before Lumara was given the chance to go and find Pamive, her master true to the promise that she wouldn't be sleeping in the crèche another night.
Lumara decided to head for his office first, and found him there, sorting piles of datapads, "Oh, hello Lumara."
"Hi."
"I'm really sorry I can't stop for a chat, but with us moving in a few days… As you can see, I'm sort of a little busy."
Lumara sat down in the chair across from him, "I'm sorry; I sympathise, but this can't wait."
"What's the matter?" he frowned, setting down the pad and sitting up a little.
"Last night I dreamt of… something that I think happened in the past."
His frown deepened, "How could I help you?"
Lumara took a deep breath, "I saw Ja- Illa." He nodded, "She was pregnant."
His eyes widened, "Oh!"
"There was a man with her."
"Oh."
"You knew about this?"
He sighed deeply, "Lumara, you must understand I didn't intentionally keep this from you. It's just that… it happened a long time ago and… I suppose it's a rather controversial matter."
"What happened?" she asked simply.
"I knew that Illa never held much stock in the non-attachment rule, but she never intended to become pregnant; that I am sure of. I don't know what happened. When she did, firstly; she refused to tell the council who the father was, or abort the child. They then tried to get her to give up her baby, but she wouldn't hear of it. Maybe if she had she could have stayed? I don't know how it worked." He paused and took a breath. "She left the Order. I believe her exact words were, 'I'll leave before they can kick me out first'. Above all though, she'd had enough of that life. She just wanted to be free to feel and do what she pleased. She wanted that for the child as well."
"Who was the father?"
"I don't know. I never asked. She would have told me if she wanted me to know, and if she didn't want me to know, no amount of persuasion would get her to tell me. I had my suspicions of course- I think everyone did –but no proof."
"But what happened?" Lumara leaned forward in her seat. This was shocking to say the least. She felt like she couldn't process it, but she needed to know what happened now.
"She had the child. She was happy I suppose- but I think there was a problem with the father… Like I said, I never met him. When the baby was born, he wasn't there. She just said that he had gone away. Don't get the wrong idea though; I'm pretty sure they loved each other." He sighed. "It was just me. Qui Gon was away too. He'd promised to be back, but it took longer than he expected."
Lumara nodded. "But what happened to the baby? Where are they now?"
He shook his head sadly, "I don't know; probably dead."
"What do you mean?"
He paused, "The child was Force Sensitive; the Jedi took them."
"What?" she was more than alarmed at this.
"It's- it was law, you know that. It didn't make it right though… Not nearly. If anything can be changed and improved from the Old Republic, it's that. Illa… what they did was unspeakable. She tried to fight them, but she didn't even have her lightsaber anymore."
Lumara sat still in shock. She had known about the laws for that sort of thing. In certain circumstances it was necessary… surely? Everything she'd been taught about what was best for a child was screaming at her, but she didn't care.
Pamive continued sadly, "When he got back, Qui Gon was furious- no, furious is an understatement; I've never seen him so angry. He couldn't do anything, of course. He couldn't go against the Order on something that seemed so clear cut. Illa would have been angry at him if he got himself in trouble for her anyway. He had a Padawan to look after as well as everything else at that stage. Illa was gone before he even returned. She came to me once before she left Coruscant for good. Gave me a contact number in case something happened. I spoke to her little over the years, and then when the Republic fell I asked her if she wanted to participate in the Rebellion. She agreed on the condition she didn't have to deal with any Jedi."
Lumara looked down, "She must have hated me…"
"What? No! I knew Illa; she wouldn't have blamed you. I think it was more the Masters she was reluctant to work with. She knew that someone like you would have a problem with what happened."
"Yes but… That's… I'm sorry; I need to think for a while." Lumara rose and hurried from the room.
Pamive bit his lip, hoping that he'd done the right thing by telling the young Padawan the truth.
Lumara headed for her private retreat again. She thought this time to lock the door, and sat down on another crate. Her mind was empty for a time as she simply gazed into space, regarding a box stamped, 'Blasters' with dull interest. She memorised the black lettering, carefully tracing every angle with her mind. Eight letters: two vowels and six consonants. Eleven separate blocks of jet black ink.
She was knocked out of her blissful reverie as she remembered last night's earlier incident. 'Why did this have to… to come all at once? It's mad! Why couldn't things have stayed buried, just for a while longer…?' She felt like crying again, but fiercely fought back the tears, You won't… you won't. You'll control your stupid emotions like a good little Jedi. You'll sit there and take it.'
Suddenly a new voice filled her head, an alien version of herself that confused and angered her. It was like someone else was inside her head… she'd been through that torture before, but no, this was herself. Just a part of her she'd never felt before. And it wouldn't stop questioning!
'But what do you think, Lumara? What are your feelings? Does it make you feel angry that they did that? Does it make you scared? How do you think Justo feels right now; and why? How do you think he feels about you? And what about Dariinj? How does that make you feel?' She clamped her hands over her head, her eyes filling with tears now.
"Stop it!" she muttered. The hands over her ears did nothing to quench the questions coursing through her head. She felt that she would go insane!
Aw!! Poor Lumara! She's going through a rather tough time right now… :( It's not good! She needs your reviews… :D
Thank you dearly for reading; the fact that people actually follow and (hopefully) like this gives me the strength to get through the day; the eternal optimism and bubbly attitude I have is created by YOU! Self-esteem boost!! ;)