AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hello, people! I know you loved the last chapter (LOL) but things will still get a little worse as I've already told many of you. The twist is just starting… Poor Shizuru. But trust me and I'll make things better! ;) Have a nice reading!

Chapter XX: Her Misery

One day, that was how long Shizuru stayed home after we got back from my parent's house, I supposed she had traveled because she didn't come back for two weeks, during which I seemed to grow unbelievably closer to my friend, Takeda. We went out together almost every night and, by the end of the first week, I received a proposal I had never even dreamed of receiving…

"Takeda, I…" he looked so hopeful sitting there as we celebrated the New Year. I had no idea what to say. "Well, this was quite… unexpected."

"You can think about it for as long as you need, of course." He was so red he could have started burning on his own.

"I think I'll need at least a week because this really caught me off guard."

"I know… I just… I have always…" I had to control myself not to laugh at him, not that I was mean or anything, but because he looked like child. We should've been too old for that innocent and inexperienced kind of love. "Loved you. Since high school."

"Really? For so long?" at least I understood why Shizuru liked to make other people blush, though I was having a lot more fun with that then I should. It may have been that small amount of fun which drove me to commit the mistake I did one week later. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do and I was too excited to consider anyone else's feelings so I messed it up all over again.

I got home late that day and found her sitting comfortably in her favorite armchair, she had a book in her hands and a tired look but still, when I entered, she lifted her wine colored eyes to mine and forced a smile to her lips.

"Hello, Natsuki."

"Shizuru! I'm glad you're back home."

"Does that mean you missed me?" she was teasing again, and I felt relieved she was back to her normal self but that also meant, in the state of mind that I was in then, that I could tell her the great news. I would still discover how heartless I could be before it was too late.

"Of course I missed you!" I jumped on the sofa across from her. "And I have something to tell you."

"You do?" she shifted on her sit obviously interested.

"Yeah! I'm engaged!"

"Engaged?" by the smile she gave me I knew she wasn't sure whether she should believe me or not.

"An old friend and co-worker." A new light shone in her eyes then as she sprung to her feet.

"Then that was why? How long have you been with him?" I had never heard so much rage in her voice.

"Shizuru, calm down." I let out a nervous sort of laugh. "He confessed his feelings to me only a week ago."

"And for how long have you reciprocated?" her tone was still enraged and I knew she was too determined to let the matter drop.

"Reciprocated? I never said I reciprocated!" that was one of my many following mistakes… I did not love him and I never would, even though, back then, I believed otherwise.

"But you're engaged to him!"

"Yes, and so what? One doesn't need to be in love to get married."

"You're only making up excuses and running away from the truth." With her tone back to normal, despite the unusual coldness, she approached me.

"What truth?"

"You belong to me, Natsuki, and you know it!" now I could see something akin to madness in her eyes, and I braced myself for whatever she would do next. "Have you even taken a second to think about what marriage means?"

"I know what marriage means."

"Maybe you do but that doesn't change the fact that you're committing a terrible mistake." God, if only I had heard her. "Another terrible mistake." She completed, I had no idea how much our talk on the plane tormented her.

"That's enough!" I was back on my feet and running, or almost, towards the door. "If you insist on giving your opinion about my life I think I'd rather leave."

"Natsuki," turning back for a second I could see she had tears in her eyes. "I may not be what you want for your life but he certainly isn't either."

I stared at her one moment longer, I wanted to run back to her, take her in my arms and kiss her senseless only so that she'd stop crying. I didn't want to see her like that for I knew it was my entire fault. How could I have expected it all to have no pain? No tears? My selfishness, my need to run from 'the truth' were making me unaware not only of other's feelings but my own.

That night, as I laid sleepless on my bed, I planned my life from that moment on, it seemed the perfect plan and only now I realized what it was lacking… Love. It was all too damn logical. I would marry Takeda, work my way to the top of the company, have one or two children and retire with plenty of money to live comfortably for the rest of my days. What I would later learn was that my future husband's plans were incredibly different…

"Natsuki?" I heard a knock on my door, it was almost morning already.

"Come in." my heart started beating faster at the sound of her voice but I sat up and waited for her to enter.

"I need to apologize for what happened yesterday."

"So do I." we exchanged friendly yet uncomfortable smiles. "I shouldn't have broken the news like that."

"No, it's okay." She sat on the edge of my bed. "I shouldn't have said such horrible things."

"Shizuru, I…" her hand was resting beside me on the mattress and I took it in my own. "I'm sorry."

She stared at our hands as if she couldn't understand that gesture; there was so much pain in her eyes, so much sadness and regret. For a second I thought she would cry again but all she did was pull her hand back and stand, turning around to face me.

"So, if you need anything for the wedding…"

"Oh! That remind me…" I smiled up at her. "I'd like you to be my maid of honor if that's okay."

"I… Well…" she looked stunned. "I don't think I can, Natsuki. Not that. Not when I…" a deep and tired sigh. "I just can't."

"I think I understand." Staring at my hands I still completed. "But if you change your mind…"

"Right." She interrupted me, and I knew I shouldn't count on it. "I have to go now."

"Yeah, I'll see you later."

A sad smile was the last thing I saw of her for the next four or five days, I knew she was avoiding me at all costs but I couldn't really blame her. Now, in retrospect, even Mary seemed to be acting differently around me, of course she'd never admit it but she cared a lot about Shizuru and knowing that I was the reason she was sad… Even I hated me for that, the difference being that I could make my friend happy once again and even so I turned into yet another spectator of her misery.