She pulled a pillow over her head and tried to squeeze out the relentless banging but it reminded her of the sound her headboard had made as Justin made love to her the day she'd stayed home sick with the flu in St. Paul. Iris had tried to tell him no, but he'd refused to heed to her protestations, and crawled into bed with her. Her fever had run so hot that his bare skin felt like ice to her when he first pressed into her. And he'd let out a strange sigh when he'd gotten inside of her. Iris had never forgotten that sound. She could still smell his sweat as he made love to her, she was so hot he could barely touch her. It seemed more and more though, that Justin couldn't control himself, pressing her against the wall in the hallway, pulling her onto his lap as he read. That day she'd asked him to stop, but he'd kept going, pinning her down and continuing on, moving a hand to cover her mouth. And then he'd finished inside of her.
That was why she had to put an end to it. It had to stop she felt, or she would eventually lose herself. Justin was becoming increasingly aggressive, and when she'd walked in on him and Apollonia what had terrified her most, was that she could see herself there underneath him. She returned to the apartment in a daze, wondering if it was her fault for letting him be that way with her, for training him to think it was okay, and terrified that Justin wanted Iris that way, to destroy her, to take all of her for himself. To leave nothing behind. "I never meant for you to see." was all that Justin had said in defense of his behavior when he returned home to Iris that day. And guilt kept Iris silent, she had told Justin only months before they couldn't continue on. Iris hated herself for having thought, better her than me.
The banging stopped and Iris removed the pillow from over her head. She thought of the morning when she'd found Celeste naked and trembling with crazy next to Justin's bed. She knew all too well what had brought Celeste to that state, and it was a humble reminder to her desire, the danger of what Justin could do. It was dangerous to see your own depravity, much more dangerous than bearing witness to his. To be betrayed by your own body was enough to drive you mad. Iris wondered how far gone she was already, knowing that the only thing she could be certain of, was that she would never know how crazy he'd made her already. She wondered how much Jack could see.
She heard Justin at her door, fiddling with the locks and Iris sat straight up in the bed, ready for him when the door opened. Justin's jacket was gone and he stood before her in his undershirt and suspenders. He ran his thumbs through his suspenders breifly before shutting the door behind him. The room was cool and almost completely dark now that the window had been boarded shut. Justin moved his eyes over her body. "You're still wearing the same dress." he said, moving closer to her and taking a seat next to her on the bed. "You didn't bother to change clothes?" He looked at her sweetly, as though nothing out of the ordinary had taken place between them. Iris instinctively touched her face where it was swollen, and turned away from him to hide her black eye. Justin leaned across her and turned on her bedside lamp.
"I fell asleep in them," Iris half mumbled into her hand. "I didn't see the point of changing them when I woke up."
"Standards have to be maintained Iris." Justin said, his tone becoming more stern. He moved closer to her on the bed Justin leaned in and touched Iris's face where it was hurt, delicately resting his fingertips on her injuries and placing a soft kiss on her cheek, before letting his hand fall down to her shoulder. "Don't be this way Iris." he whispered into her ear, "It's for your own good."
Iris tried to pull away, "How is it for my own good?" she asked.
"Iris, he could never know you like I do." Justin said sliding his hand down to her breast, "How long do you think it could last before he'd find out about the things you've done?"
"Please Justin." Iris said her voice starting to break, "I just want to be happy."
"Don't I make you happy Iris?" Justin asked letting his hand slide down her dress and up under the skirt of it. "I'm the one that knows you inside and out." he said as his fingers found her naked sex. Iris tensed at the first sensation of his fingers against her. She could smell his sweat. A cold sweat broke out down her spine as his fingers found there way inside of her her. Justin let out a long sigh into Iris's ear. It was that sound again. Iris closed her eyes and gave into the feeling, like her whole body was on fire. She felt drunk. "Can't you feel that?" he whispered into her ear, "Your body knows who it is that loves her, who it is that understands all of her mysteries and loves them."
Iris breathed out sharply as the first tense wave of pleasure moved through her, then another. "Even all of your darkest places, Iris." Justin continued as he pushed her back on the bed. He pushed her skirt up and began to move down between her legs. Iris began to tremble and she tried to fight the feelings inside of her. She clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms, and silent tears slid down her cheeks with the pain. Justin grabbed both of her hands and held them over her stomach, forcing them open and kissing them. "Don't fight it Iris, you always fight so hard." he said before placing her hands back down at her sides and moving to kiss her thighs. He pushed her legs open and went to kiss along her inner thigh when he caught sight of the faint scratch there. It repelled him back like a bee sting.
"God damn it!" Justin shouted before he could think. He moved from the bed toward the door, but instead of leaving he began a kind of frantic pacing, looking at her, then looking away, then looking at her again.
"I never meant for you to see." Iris said sitting up in the bed and moving her skirt back down.
"Don't!" Justin said walking up to her and grabbing her arms hard, shaking her, "Don't start that with me. The first thing I ever learned how to do was to please you Iris." Justin threw her back down so she was laying on the bed and he climbed on top of her, pinning her down. "Everything you told me to do, everything you said, I did. Everything. I did everything for you. You said I had a destiny." Iris was flinching and twisting underneath him, her black eye and swollen lip reminding Justin to keep his wits about him this time. Justin released her and stood back up, returning to his frantic pacing. "Well, I did it!" he yelled, stopping and opening his arms, indicating the small empire around them. "And now?" he lowered his voice again, approaching her, "And now, it's not good enough for you?"
Iris sat up and looked into her lap, shaking her head. "I never meant for it to happen." she murmured.
"Oh, we're back to this again." Justin said, dropping to his knees in front of her. "How long are you going to use St. Paul against me? I won't do it anymore Iris. You wanted it to happen." He said, standing back up. Iris's head shot up and she looked him straight in the eye, her face wet with tears.
"No, no I didn't. I never wanted it to happen." she whispered, shaking her head.
"C'mon Iris, let's not rewrite histopry my dear." Justin said, adopting a swagger as he moved close to her again. He sat down next to her and leaned in, whispering "You loved it. Didn't you?"
Iris's body shuddered as she gave into a fit of tears, shaking her head no.
"I gave you what you couldn't ask for. I was your prince." Justin continued. He lifted a hand to her face and Iris felt a strange tingling there, and then his hand moved down to her breast again, and he pushed her down on the bed again, climbing on top of her and kissing her neck. "I can heal you Iris, whatever's wrong I can fix now. There's nothing I can't do for you. No way I can't take care of you." he whispered into her ear. A flush went over Iris, her whole body felt electrified underneath him, and the most primitive part of her want him to take her right there. The part of her that recalled every time he'd ever moved inside of her, that remembered every wincing bite, every bruising clutch of her flesh. She relaxed beneath him and he began to hitch up her skirt. "Just admit to me that you wanted it, admit it to yourself, and this can all be over." he said as he unbuckled his pants and positioned himself between her legs.
Iris forced herself to remember the ache of his hand as he hit her, anything to fight the desire in her own body. She flipped through bible verses in her mind until she finally eeked out, "Do you know what the Bible says about men who make love to their sisters? Do you know what God does to men who damn their own flesh and blood?" Justin stopped and dropped he head into the crook of Iris's neck. "C'mon baby, don't be this way." he said. In all her life Justin had never once referred to her by anything more affectionate than Ira. Her whole body tensed underneath him.
"Get off of me." Iris said finding her resolve, "Your hands condemn me."
Justin pushed up off of her and he stood next to her on the bed. Iris rose up and stared at him defiantly. "Condemn you Ira, really." Justin said smiling, and for a moment Iris braced herself for another hit. "I'm the only person who ever gave a fuck about you." he said maintaining the chill in his voice. Iris couldnt' recall him ever cusssing at her before, the pendulum was swaying back and forth in him and she could see it. It didn't bode well for her, or the Alexei she had known in childhood. "Mother could have cared less, and father never came back for his little girl, did he?" Justin asked almost spitting in her face as he punctuated the words mother and father. Iris stared up at him, though tears were streaming down her face. "No Iris, I'm every moment that ever mattered in your life."
Justin turned to leave. "What is it that you're doing to me now then?" Iris called after him. Justin turned on his heel at the door.
"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago." he said looking are her full of derision. "I'm being the man, I'm taking care of things. I'm protecting what's mine." Justin nodded his head as though he was thinking to himself, "It was my fault for letting it go on this long. I should have locked you away a long, long time ago." Justin looked down at the floor, then across the room at his sister. "I loved you, I wanted you to be free. But I see now, you can't. Your like Lucifer, power hungry and jealous." Justin thought again before looking at Iris one last time, "So selfish." he said wrinkling his features as he opened the door and exited. Iris listened to the sound of the lock and dropped back onto the bed, leaning into her pillow and sobbing hard and loud. She didn't care anymore if he could hear her.
Justin leaned against the door listening to the choking, deep sobbing of his sister and he tapped his forehead agains the door ever so lightly a few times, in his own frustration, before walking down the hall toward the stairs. Justin told himself that he would try again when he brought her breakfast, to pull her close to him and hold her, to undo whatever spell Jack Teirnan had cast over her.