Note: Sorry it took so long to get this out, school's crazy right now. Also, sorry about the contest thing guys, I kind of forgot. So in honor of those who got guessed correctly, this chapter is dedicated to them, to: a.fall.from.grace, livinginanightmare, and Serene Twilight

Disclaimer: I've decided to connect my disclaimers to my chapter titles. So here's this one: My impulse would be to just tell you all to leave me alone and let me wallow in the absence of the fact that I do not own Twilight or any of its legal characters.

What Happened to Forever?

Chapter 21: Impulse

Edward Cullen

Aimless. The tires moved of their own accord, weaving agilely along small, deserted lanes, and wide, car-choked highways. Conscious thought had long ago become inactive, my mind shying away from the torment of thinking. The ever-present voices buzzed in my head, my only companion besides the silence; that horrifyingly dead silence.

I missed Bella…

Pain ripped through my body as it became familiarized with emotion again. Even after all she had done, I couldn't help thinking about her, loving her. My mind screamed one thing, but my heart shouted another.

Already I missed her soft touch, her chiming laugh, and her admirable selflessness. I was pathetically obsessed, beyond help... And I was okay with that.

The sensible part of my mind was telling me that she deserved whatever she got. It was saying that she hurt me, and therefore she earned whatever agony came her way. I was falling further under the influence of revenge, that sweet payback. A defense mechanism, if you will.

One of the downfalls of having a conscious was that I was acutely aware of the consequences of my actions. I knew that with revenge came a vicious circle, a never-ending ring of hatred and torment. You would have to understand though, that such a circle, that beautiful avengement, was result of my remaining human impulses. The same impulses that put people against the ones they loved, that were responsible for us never learning from our irreversible mistakes, and I had entertained them; something I never thought I would do. They've always said the ones you love are the ones you hurt the most. What a wise saying that is.

I didn't realize that I had pulled over the car and that it was now sitting on the shoulder of the highway while I clutched my head, hoping to force the unwanted thoughts out. But no matter how hard I tried, my sparring mind and body would not be reconciled.

I wanted to return to my emotionless, thoughtless state again. I wanted to see the mistakes, but not feel their effects. I wanted to vacate my aching body of its unrelenting torture. I found it to be utterly impossible.

That's how they found me at dawn. I was rocking back and forth, wishing to be able to will all the unwanted musings away. I couldn't bother enough to pay attention to what they were telling me in through their minds. It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now.

AN: Longer than the last chapter. Bit of a cliffhanger at the end. Tell me what you think, I'd like to know.