My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"What the hell is this bullshit?" The room was pretty quiet so most of the people in it were giving them funny looks. Shikamaru gripped Hidan's arm and led him to the side, away from most people.

"Don't be so loud."

"But there's fuck all happening. Why are we here?" This was definitely a bad idea. Why do I do this to myself?

"It's a museum, there's a lot of interesting things here." That was probably not the kind of argument that could persuade Hidan.

"Interesting my ass."

Damn… I suck at this kind of thing. Shikamaru had thought it would be a good idea, it just seemed he'd picked the wrong kind of location. As Hidan kept going on about Shikamaru needing to be more active in their relationship for a change, he'd thought he should try and do something. Despite the fact that he'd known Hidan for a pretty long time, he still knew very little. The only things he knew the boy definitely liked were ribs, Shikamaru himself, and bondage. The idea of combining the three of them wasn't very appealing so he decided to try something seen in more normal relationships. The problem was that Shikamaru had never been very good at organising dates.

In the five minutes since they'd arrived, they'd seen a few random sculptures and some stuffed animals in natural looking scenery. Hidan was so easily bored he was already annoyed despite the fact that they'd only seen two rooms. A child would be easier to deal with. In fact, all the children he'd seen so far had been better behaved than his boyfriend.

"Do you really enjoy this dusty crap?"

"Well yes…" He'd always liked school trips to museums. Not only were they free, he could always find plenty of places to skive off from doing actual work. Thinking back this was probably not the kind of place you should take someone like Hidan for a date.

"Well if you like this crap I guess I'll put up with it."

"Thanks." Well that's just great. Shikamaru had wanted to treat Hidan today but it seemed he was failing miserably.

There's got to be something in here that he'd-. His thoughts were diverted when he saw a display showing the exhibits. One in particular caught his eye. Well… I guess that does suit him.

"Hidan?" The older boy looked over. It seemed while Shikamaru was distracted he'd been attempting to put the squirrels into assorted sexual positions. "What are you doing?"

"It's supposed to show them doing something realistic. And animals are always screwing."

"I see your point but you should stop before you get us thrown out."

"But there's fuck all else to do around here."

"…Just follow me. I have something to show you."

"Is it your di-?"

"No." One of the staff members was looking at them in an odd way and so he thought it was better for them to move on before Hidan's rearranging was noticed.

"Does it involve an all you can eat buffet?"

"No." I doubt we could ever go to one of those places again. He grabbed the older boy's hand and pulled him along. I suppose this looks kind of like a couple. Aside from the fact that I'm basically dragging him along like a toddler. Hidan didn't seem too bothered by this though.

"Where's the interesting shit then?"

"I think it's in that green room over there." That was what the sign had said anyway. The older boy looked unimpressed but his eyes soon lit up when he saw what was just in the doorway.

"Is that an iron maiden?"

"I guess so." Then Hidan noticed some of the other assorted displays in the exhibition on old torture methods and he was off.

At least he seems happy… Even though this is a pretty creepy thing to be enjoying. And I don't think I like those looks he's giving me.

Every time he saw a new torture rack or something similar he kept glancing at Shikamaru with a strange glint in his eye. It wasn't hard to guess what he was imagining.

If he thinks anything like that is happening he has another think coming. Shikamaru was just content to sit in the corner and watch. This was definitely going a lot better than any other date he'd ever been on. Some previous date locations had included: the library (The girl got angry that she was being ignored and left early), the beach (he hadn't noticed her 'cute' new bikini so she'd stormed off in a huff), and the cinema (he'd fallen asleep and she'd left).

…I think I can see some kind of pattern here. This was the first thing resembling a date where he didn't feel like the person would just leave halfway through. Although he definitely wouldn't fall asleep in front of Hidan. Not only was the boy too troublesome to leave to his own devices in public, something humiliating or irritating was bound to happen if he did.

"Shika!" As this was practically shouted into his ear, he almost fell off the bench.

"What?!" He'd been zoning out a little and hadn't noticed Hidan appearing next to him.

"Aren't you gonna look?"

"No, this isn't really my kind of thing." It creeps me out…

"Why'd we go here then?" Why do I need to explain? Surely he should know.

"Because I thought you'd like it." Even saying something minor like this was embarrassing to Shikamaru.

"Eh? Thanks I guess. If I didn't like something I wouldn't do it."

"I've noticed." At least he was honest about being a bit of an asshole. "Do you want to have a look at anything else?"

"No. This is all I need." He seemed satisfied which to Shikamaru which was worrying.

"Oh."

"Yeah, it makes me want to take you home and-."

"You can stop there." Why do I have such weird taste? "So let's go."

"Home?"

"Not yet. It's not over yet."

"What's not?"

"Err…" Although this was obviously a date, Hidan was known for being dense at times. "The day."

"The day." He sounded sceptical.

"Yes. Now move." Why am I so awkward?

-Page Break-

"You sure about this?" Hidan was looking suspicious. It was understandable. Shikamaru hated spending large amounts of money on 'overpriced crap' as he called it. Today however, he was going to put up with it. Although Hidan was unaware of it, this was a day out for him so anything he wanted would be done.

"Just have anything you like."

"…Even fillet steak?" He would choose the most expensive thing.

"If that's what you want." He could always borrow some food from Choji later if he got desperate. They weren't exactly in an expensive restaurant but it was still overpriced. This was what Hidan had picked however when asked where he'd like to go so he was going along with it. His boyfriend put his hand on Shikamaru's forehead and scowled at him. "What are you doing now?"

"You must have a fever or something because you never do this shit normally."

"So I can't be nice without you suspecting me of something?" He hadn't been that different from usual but he was definitely being more lenient with any weirdness today. That and the fact that Hidan hadn't had people be nice to him very often before (with the exception of Shikamaru who wasn't the warmest person around) probably added to him being suspicious.

"You sure you're definitely Shika and not someone in a mask fucking with me?" He looked like he was contemplating something.

"If you even think about pulling on my face to check if it's a mask I will kill you." He was making an effort but he wasn't nice enough to ignore that.

"Nope, definitely Shika." He still looked a little cautious though.

It's kind of sad he doesn't trust people. Admittedly Shikamaru himself usually thought people were trying to get something out of him but that was because a lot of his friends were often dicks. From the sound of things Hidan had barely ever had people being nice with no underlying motive before.

"The food hasn't been secretly poisoned so either you stop poking it and eat the damn thing or I will make you pay me back." Hidan still looked unconvinced but started eating. In some way it was kind of adorable. As adorable as someone as obviously mad as Hidan could be.

"Anything else you want to do?"

"Why?" Why is he so suspicious? The troublesome fool.

"I'm just asking you. If you can't think of anything we can just go home." Shikamaru started to amble back towards their house.

"Skinny dipping!" This was practically shouted down the street.

"Don't shout that kind of thing."

"It's what I want to do." He folded his arms and gave him a look as if daring him to complain. Normally Shikamaru would be adamantly against it.

"…Fine." Hidan looked like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"You… don't have any problems with that?"

"Do you want me to?"

"No."

"Then let's go."

"Shika?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you're ok? You're weirding me out." Considering that this was coming from Hidan of all people this was kind of insulting.

"I'm fine." Why is he being so difficult? Can't he see I'm trying to be nice?

"This feels like when people are taking their dogs to be put down so they take them on a nice day out first."

"You're not a dog."

"You know what I mean! What do you want?" He looked annoyed but also worried.

"…You are an absolute moron."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Didn't you say the other day that you wanted me to make more of an effort?"

"Eh?" He seemed taken aback by this.

"You told me to try harder so I thought I'd take you on a date you fool! If I'm being nice just accept it because I'm not like this for everyone."

"Wait… You're doing this for nothing?"

"If by nothing you mean to make you happy, then yes."

"Oh."

"I'll even go bloody skinny dipping." He'd kind of shouted this part which he realised when a few passers-by started snickering at him. Oh damn.

Hidan for once was speechless. He almost said something but kept stopping at the last minute and scowling. It made a nice change.

"Just come on." He grabbed Hidan's hand and started heading to the beach. It was annoying but if it had to be done. Although the older boy wasn't really saying much he did grip Shikamaru's hand.

"You don't mind?"

"The public nudity?"

"No. The doing something couple like in public."

"Oh." It was true they didn't really hold hands or anything like that normally. "Not really… don't expect anything more than that though." He hated the almost public dry humping some people did.

"I know."

-Page Break-

"Never again."

"It wasn't that ba-."

"Never." Shikamaru wasn't sure if he was more embarrassed or annoyed.

"At least no one else saw."

"You did and that's bad enough."

He had actually tried. He hadn't even worn boxers and he'd even gotten into the freezing cold water. Hidan hadn't cared at all and had been splashing around and enjoying himself in spite of the fact that anyone could have come past at any one time. All Shikamaru had done was stand in one place completely submerged so he wasn't noticed by anyone.

The problem was he hadn't noticed the tide going in and soon noticed that his clothes were about to be washed away. Hidan had liked the idea of them having to walk home naked but Shikamaru had tried to run over. Sadly he'd missed the rock and ended up face planting in the sand. It was doubtful that he'd managed to wash it all off. And his clothes were now soaked. It was the same for Hidan but he was enjoying himself.

"I wish your trousers were white cause then I could see your-."

"Shut up."

"You're cute in a weird way when you're embarrassed."

"I can't believe I've just been called weird by you of all people." Hidan seemed to take this as some kind of compliment as he practically jumped on him.

"Stop that! I'm already wet."

"Oh are you?"

"Just no." Of course Ino noticed as they walked in the house.

"What have you two been doing?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Obviously we've been screwing in the sea."

"Knew it."

"Don't encourage her, she'll be using it in her fantasies."

"Speaking of…" Hidan started walking off.

"Did you want to shower first?"

"Of course not."

"But you should if we've just been in the sea."

"I need to have a wank first."

"…"

"Wow, you're open." Ino seemed to admire him for this whilst Shikamaru just wanted to knock the memory out of his head.

"Well I need to do it while that image of you naked in the sea is still fresh." He bounded up the stairs whilst Shikamaru groaned and gripped his hair.

"Naked in the sea eh?" Ino was sashaying over and smiling.

"…Why am I surrounded by perverts?"

"Clearly it's your fault, you attract us."

"You can just shut up as well."