A/N Don't own, don't sue
A/N First off I want to thank SanzoLatino91 for pointing something out to me with Jude's hair color in the end of chapter 18. It is supposed to still be longer with the red roots showing. Seems it's a bad idea for me to watch the final season of IS while writing this lol. I do hope you all enjoy this chapter though!
ThinkPink14148: I know I left you comments on your story Between You and Me but I wanted to tell you here too so my other readers will know what a kick ass story you're working on! I was so amazed when you posted four updates yesterday!
Finally, I am glad you guys hate Tristan! That means I did my job as a writer! so, yay me! Okay I watch way too much Disney channel... Anyway thanks to all of my wonderful loyal readers and reviewers and to those who added me to their favorite author and/or story lists! I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter up, these next few should go up faster like normal, it just took me a long time to finish chapter twenty- two and when I post it you'll know why!
Chapter Twenty
They've been back home in Toronto for three weeks now as she is ending the first week of the eighth month of her pregnancy, and while she feels as large as a whale in actuality she's rather small for someone so far into their pregnancy. When they'd seen her doctor the previous day for a check up she'd discovered she'd only gained eighteen pounds so far and their baby girl made up five pounds of that already, the rest is just the amniotic fluid surrounding her. Their doctor assured both of them it was perfectly normal and she might not gain more than another pound or two between now and delivery, if that. She assured them that both Jude and the baby are perfectly healthy and despite all the stress from New Brunswick and the lives they lead daily it was causing no harm to either. She was set to continue right up until her water breaks, which of course caused Jude to tease Tommy about giving birth right in studio A of G-Major causing him to turn rather white.
Now after a normal long day in the studio they're lounging in bed idly watching a television show on DVD to relax and unwind, as this was a more comfortable location for the mommy-to-be. The series they'd started this week is The Tribe, something she'd caught a little of on cable a few months ago before the network stopped airing it and she'd gone to EBay to purchase the entire set to satisfy her curiosity and such Tommy into the story line. He had protested in the beginning but now as they near the end of the first season he's been sucked into the story as well, curios to see just what will happen next.
Except tonight, for some reason he can't keep his mind on the show or even his beautiful Girl. His mind is stuck on New Brunswick and his family there due to an irate call once again from his brother. Though this time his brother was calling to check in on him and see if he'd talked to Jude about issues that were brought up during the beginning of their visit, the things that resulted in the accident he was in. Thankfully the only thing he was still healing from was the trauma of the situation and some of the scraps and bruises he'd received, though even most of those had faded away, but he's been cast free for two days already.
He's so lost in his thoughts as he idly plays with Jude's hair he doesn't realize when she stops the show or speaks to him. It's not until she sits up and turns to face him that he realizes anything that's changed. He looks at her with a confused expression, "Why'd you stop it Girl?"
"We need to talk." She states so simply, she sees the fear creeping into his features and swirling in the depths of his eyes but she shakes her head before elaborating. "Something's bothering you, and you're so absorbed in whatever it is that you haven't noticed anything other than my hair for the last hour. So what's wrong Quincy?"
He sighs and scoots to a seated position beside her, his back resting against the headboard of the king size bed before lowering his head slightly. "Tristan called today."
She nods but stays silent waiting for him to continue, hoping when he does he'll look at her.
"He wanted to know how we were doing, how your pregnancy was, and whether or not I had talked to you. You know, about that first little incident between mom and I."
"You mean about your childhood, the stuff you've been avoiding discussing at all costs."
"It's not that Jude. Well okay it is because I have been. But you don't get it, I know your family is messed up now but it's not the same as what I grew up with, lived through up until I left for Boyz Attack."
"From what little Tristan was willing to tell me I get that, I understand that. What are you afraid of in telling me Tommy?" She reaches up now putting her fingertips under his chin and gently lifting it in her direction to gain eye contact.
He looks at her, taking her hand from under his chin into his own and brings her fingers to his lips. He kisses them softly and blinks trying to keep the moisture forming behind his eyes right where it is and takes a deep breath before trying to answer her. "Losing you mostly, but also if I tell you I have to relive all the things I've spent most of my life running from." He can feel his chest tighten with all the emotion he's trying to repress, and from the fear of her reaction to his words.
She pulls her hand gently from his grasp and places it against his cheek letting her thumb brush against his skin. "Just because you finally stop running from your past doesn't mean I'm going to run from you Tommy. Didn't we cover this before? But you do need to start facing this so it will stop eating you up inside." She shifts positions then moving to carefully straddle his lap, as close to his chest as her belly will allow. She loops her arms loosely around his neck as she feels his go around her waist. She rests her forehead against his, her fingers playing with the hair in the back of his head just above the nap of his neck.
"How can you be sure you won't want to? I start dealing with this and you're going to find out just how messed up I am, and I'm not even worthy of you as it is." His voice is barely above a whisper as his fingers find their way under the back of her shirt, pushing the shirt up enough he can rest his hands against her warm silken skin.
"No matter what happened to you, what you've been through, it won't make me love you any less Quincy, and you're worth so much more than you realize because of what you went endured. Talking to me might let you make peace with it and realize that finally. At the very least it might at least allow you to let it go and stop it from haunting you. We share a bed Tommy, so it's not like I don't know."
"Tristan said he told you that I was an accident, a mistake and that things got bad after dad left. I've told you before she's not a pleasant drunk but it was worse than I've admitted previously Jude…" He closes his eyes, sighing as his forehead remains resting on hers, his voice hardly more than a whisper. "You've heard how she talks to me now, but that's actually pleasant by comparison. I think I would have been okay with one or the other, the physical or the verbal…" He continues on into the darker details of his childhood, desperately trying to tell himself it silently that some of it was deserved, that they're right and he doesn't know how to be a father or a husband; as proved by his brief marriage to Portia.
His words finally slow for a moment, coming to a conclusion as he takes a deep breath still fighting the tears that had swarmed behind his navy blue eyes during the beginning of his story. "Both is what made things even more unbearable, and the fact that by the time I left at twelve I'd heard it long enough I figured she had to be right. So I tried to make myself better, but then with Boyz Attack came the groupies, the parties, the drinking. So I ended up proving them right instead of wrong. When I started producing and really came up in the world in that part of the business, I thought I was finally changing things. Then came all of the drama surrounding you, all the lectures from Darius, he didn't want me with you beyond the professional aspect from the moment he brought Shay to the studio. Not that he wanted Shay with you either, but that had more to do with trying to keep him single in general to create more fans and more money. No matter how hard I tried or how wrong it was or is, or what anybody's said; staying away from you is the one thing I seem incapable of above all else. But then I guess you know that. But there it is Girl, the naked truth. If you wanted to end it I'll understand, I'll play by whatever rules you decide on and I'll make sure you're both fin-"
Jude knows where his sentence is going and stops him the quickest way possible. She captures his lips with her own in a kiss so full of love, fire, and passion it's a wonder nothing burns. When she breaks the kiss she places two of her fingers on his lips to keep him from talking before she can. "I'm sorry Tommy, for everything she put you through. It was wrong of her, and she is so very wrong about you. You are so much more than you realize. Your marriage to Portia has no reflection on your abilities as a boyfriend or a husband now. You made a mistake, but you learned from it, maybe too much. It made you so careful you're afraid to hold on to what you want." She removes her fingers from his lips now, kissing him again though this time it's only for a moment before she's talking again. "I don't have a clue how to be a mom any more than you know how to be a dad, so we get to figure it out together. That's how it's supposed to be. Most people have no idea what in the world they're doing the first time they have a kid. So we'll figure it out as we go, as a team. You know we make a hell of a team Quincy, no matter what we're doing. We're unstoppable together musically, and we'll be the same in everything else. Just have faith in us and in yourself, like I do."
"But… up until a few weeks ago you didn't have faith in me, to be able to stick around in a relationship Jude."
"I was scared you'd refuse to listen to me as you have in the past and run because of it. If you trust me Tommy and hold on to me instead of running from me we'll be okay. But I never stopped having faith in you or believing in you. I never will."
This time he's the one to initiate the kiss, capturing her lips with his own, and his tears spilling down his cheeks and touching the corners of both their mouths as he deepens the kiss. He whispers 'I love you' repeatedly into the kiss, feeling her say the words back to him as he slides his hands further up her shirt, silently asking permission to remove it. When it's given the break the kiss long enough to remove her shirt before resuming for a moment only to pull apart again to remove his. Once she's tossed it aside his hands grasp her hips and he looks into her ocean blue eyes asking, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, please." She captures his lips again even as they carefully untangle their bodies to get out of bed and clumsily remove the rest of their clothing.
When their clothing is nothing but a scattered mess on the floor he lifts her up from the floor, her legs wrapping around his waist as he crawls back onto the bed with her. He lies her down onto it, lying beside her for a moment taking in just how beautiful she looks like this, watching the crimson blush paint itself upon her cheeks as she starts getting self conscious due to the pregnancy. He reaches out and rubs his hand softly over the swell of her stomach, touching every inch with a feather light touch. He props himself up and leaning over he kisses her stomach before maneuvering her onto her side with nothing more than gentle physical instruction so that her back is against his chest. He slides on arm under her neck, curling it to allow him to play with the red tainted platinum silken waves of her hair while his other arm helps their bodies to find their place. Once he's inside his arm curls protectively, lovingly, around her belly as movement begins. He kisses her neck, whispering to her, "I love you Jude Harrison, with everything that I am, could be, and will be." He continues on, whispering and telling her just how absolutely beautiful she is, has always been, and always will be to him. This is the beginning of something they haven't done since that day in the rehearsal space almost nine months ago, and unlike that time, they continue until long after the sun comes up and their alarm goes off with White Lines playing on the radio telling them their day is to begin.