Chapter 20: What freaking out is all about

Luke walked into his apartment at half-past six, the diner ready for customers and the first pot of coffee brewing downstairs.

The first thing he noticed was that the coffee table was misplaced. The second thing he noticed was that Annie was watching cartoons with the sound very low, on the sofa where Rory's purse rested.

"Morning, kid," Luke said, straightening the coffee table. "Your brother?"

"Shhh…They're sleeping in your room…" Annie said, pointing towards the door left ajar.

"Did you, uh, try to wake them?" Luke asked, trying to sound out this new territory.

"No. I don't like them today," Annie pointed out, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Why's that?" Luke asked, sitting next to Annie.

"They had a sleepover but they made ME go to bed."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"I'll talk to them when they wake up. You want some breakfast?"

"After cartoons."

- - - - - - -

"Rise and shi-i-ine!" Lorelai's voice rang out through the space between the door and the doorframe.

Jess, startled, fell off the bed with a thud.

The thud made Rory come out of her sleep.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are…" Lorelai insisted, knocking on the bedroom door.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" Rory asked, pulling the t-shirt/nightgown down to her knees. And to Jess: "What are you doing on the floor?"

"Making friends with the dust bunnies," Jess replied. "What's your mother doing here?"

"I'm coming in," Lorelai said, kicking the door open a-la-Kill Bill, pointing a digital camera at them.

"Mom!"

"Lorelai!"

Lorelai snapped a picture. "Ha! Now I have proof. If you don't want the town to run you out bearing torches you will give me free coffee, Jess Mariano."

"I'm in hell," Jess muttered, resting his forehead on the mattress.

"Your uncle wants a talk with you, spawn," Lorelai insisted. "You want to get some breakfast, babe?" she asked Rory.

Rory shook her head in disbelief. "Sure. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Bye…" Lorelai said, closing the door behind her.

"Your mother," Jess said, standing up from the floor and readjusting his boxers. He leaned in to kiss Rory's forehead.

"Don't remind me," Rory replied, burying her face in her hands.

- - - - -- - - -

"So…" Lorelai prodded.

Annie colored on the counter. Rory's eyes darted from her pancakes, to Annie's back. Since Jess and Luke were upstairs, she felt like it was her turn… responsibility… to keep an eye on her. "That was not cool, mom."

Lorelai's smile fell. Rory was serious. If she had pulled this antic with Dean, or Logan, Rory would have smirked at least. But now she was… serious. "I was only joking."

Rory looked up from her pancakes. "Things with him are complicated enough. If he feels you're scrutinizing him he'll…"

"Bolt?" Lorelai volunteered.

"Close off," Rory corrected. "He can't run now," she added, looking at Annie. "But he can still hide."

- - - - - - - -

"You need to have the talk," Luke stated, matter-of-factly.

"No, I don't," Jess said.

"Not with me, you dolt. You with Annie."

Jess's mouth formed a perfectly shaped O. "Isn't it a little early?"

"You don't need to go into details. But right now, that kid is angry because you and Rory had a sleepover that she wasn't invited to. So maybe it's time you explain to her about the sleepovers you and Rory are going to keep having so that she won't get angry EVERY time," Luke suggested.

Jess rested his forehead in his hands. "I'm an idiot."

Luke patted Jess's back. "You're a parent now. You notice how parents always turn into idiots? Well, it was your turn."

"Seeing as my parents weren't really around, don't have much of a reference," Jess pointed out. "I'm an ass. I have no fucking clue about what I'm doing, I think I'm making the right choices, but I'm probably not. Kirk probably knows more about how to raise a kid than I do," Jess said, directing his anger at the table by slamming his fist down. "I'm starting to understand Jimmy a little bit," he added, almost a sigh.

Luke's eyes widened, alarmed. "You're not…"

"No. NO. I would never cut and run. Ever. I can't run out on her. On them. Not again." Jess swore under his breath. He reached into his pocket for a cigarette he knew would not be there. "How do I do this? How do I take care of Annie? How do I not hurt her? And how do I not hurt Rory? I'm still the same fucking mess I was seven years ago."

"You are not the same mess," Luke countered. "You can't know how to do this. You just… learn along the way, I guess. Ask Lorelai. Ask Sookie. Hell, ask me," he added. "I didn't know a thing about kids. Then April came along and I had to learn, fast. Just… you have to keep your eyes open and your ears open and you have to not be afraid to ask for help."

"I've never been good at that," Jess said, shaking his head.

"You've gotten better at that. But you freak out a lot easier now. It sucks. You used to be cool," Luke added.

Jess could feel a flicker of a smile on his lips. "I did, didn't I? I used to be so cool."

- - - - - - - - - -

Rory and Jess sat on the coffee table, across from Annie, who was concentrated on the book in front of her. They'd discussed it before, pow-wowed, as Lorelai had put it, and Rory had decided to brave it along with Jess.

Annie looked up from her book to find them fidgeting and staring at her. "Why are you two looking at me funny?" she asked.

"Luke said you were mad at us," Jess started.

"True," Annie replied, bringing her book back up so that she wouldn't have to look at Jess and Rory.

Rory rolled her eyes and gave Jess a look that said, she is sooo your sister.

Jess shrugged and screwed his stern face on. "Kid. Book. Down. Now."

Rory watched as Annie tensed. Although Jess hadn't raised his voice, she could tell Annie knew he meant business. He probably didn't use that clipped tone often with her. It reminded Rory of… Luke.

She tried to hold in her smile.

Annie lowered the book. "What?"

"We just wanted to talk to you…" Jess started. "Explain."

"Nothing to explain. You left me out. You said I was your favorite girl," she reproached. No sniffles. No tears. Just flat out truth. Jess's heart stopped.

"You are," Jess said.

"Then why couldn't I be at the sleepover?" Annie asked.

Jess sighed, giving Rory his best help-me-out-here look. "Annie, I'm going to try to explain this as best I can, and I'm new at this, kid, so I need you to cut me some slack, ok?" Jess asked.

Annie nodded slowly, unsure of where this was going.

"Ok. You know that I like Rory, and we talked about how it's different from the way I like you, right."

Annie nodded.

"Well, sometimes when people like each other like Rory and I like each other, we like to be alone to-" Jess grasped for the word. He looked at Rory in panic.

"Kiss?" Rory volunteered.

"Yes, kiss," Jess agreed, relieved. "Kiss."

"Yech," Annie said, sticking out her tongue.

"You keep thinking like that," Jess said. Annie raised an eyebrow. Rory laughed. He continued. "The point is, sometimes Rory and I will sleep, or go out, together, without you, and it's not because we don't like you, or because I like you any less…"

"You just want to kiss," Annie completed, nodding in understanding.

"No. I mean, yes, but also talk and other things. I mean, how would you like it if I wanted to be there all the time when you're playing with Brian and Lee?"

"I'm not a baby. You don't need to be there ALL the time," Annie pointed out, defensively.

"It's the same, kiddo. But I love you to pieces, you know that, right?" Jess asked.

Annie nodded.

Jess nudged Rory, who'd held his hand the entire interaction, nervously digging her short fingernails into his skin. The way Jess had told Annie he loved her, without hesitation, left her breathless.

Rory recomposed herself, taking a deep breath and giving Annie a wide smile. "And you know that I like you, right, Annie? You're cool and we had fun when we had a sleepover and we can do that again. I'm not trying to take Jess away from you. But if you don't want me to hang out with you guys so much, or you want me to go away, you just have to say the word."

Annie shook her head. "I like you. You're cool, too."

"And we're cool?" Jess asked, pointing to Annie, then to himself.

"Maybe," Annie conceded.

"I'll take maybe," Jess said, smiling.

Rory smiled, too.

"Jess?" Annie asked, before returning to her book.

"What?"

"Did Mom and my dad have sleepovers like you and Rory did, back when she was happy?"

Her question was almost as if she were inquiring about a missing page in a fairy tale. Rory could tell that Jess had told her stories, some true, some made up, about a better time when TJ was alive and Liz was happy. These stories involved double beds, flowers, etch-a-sketches and a love so powerful that the absence of it broke Liz.

"Yes, they did," Jess said, his voice soft.

"When I'm older, if I find a boyfriend, can I have those sleepovers too?"

Rory choked a laugh, then tried to mask it by coughing.

Jess turned beet red and glared at Rory. "Ask me again when you're my age," Jess said, as coolly as he could manage.

And at that, Rory walked out to the hall to laugh, while Annie returned to her book.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Jess walked Rory to the bookstore, a short distance, but long enough. They had spent all day together again, and Jess couldn't help thinking he was happy. Her presence, the fact that she had decided to buy a toothbrush at Doose's instead of going home early, the way she hooked her fingers on his belt loop before apologizing for her mother's crazy antics…

He was in trouble. He knew this. And now, the night had fallen yet again and they were in front of her new bookstore.

"So," he started. Stopped.

"The verbal thing?" Rory asked. "Coming or going?"

"Gone," Jess countered, sighing.

"Huh."

Silence. Rory looked around her purse for the keys to the place. She wanted to have a second look around, come up with a game plan.

The keys dangled beneath her fingers but she pretended to keep looking, so she'd have something to do with her hands.

"It's complicated, isn't it?" she asked, her hands and eyes on the purse.

"More than you bargained for?" he asked back, his hand dropped from her waist. He stuck it in his pocket.

Rory stopped looking through her purse. She gripped the keys tightly in her hand. "There are just so many things I haven't even thought about you and me that could… no, that will affect Annie."

"Same here," Jess volunteered.

"What I mean is, are you sure? Are you sure you want me in your lives? I feel like I'm going to screw things up. And then, what if I go back to work?"

"If?" Jess asked.

"When."

"Then you'll go. You'll say goodbye then, and she'll wave back. It's a bridge we'll cross when we get to it, don't you think?"

"Just like that?"

"Probably a lot more complicated than that."

Rory took her hands out of her purse and faced Jess in the doorway of the bookstore. "Are you sure you want me around? Are you sure it'll be good for her?" she asked.

Jess took his hands out of his pockets and rested them on her hips. Middle of town, right next to the town square, in the darkness of the street dimly lit by gaslight. He was getting used to feeling watched. "Yes. And yes."

Rory raised an eyebrow, unsure.

"The verbal thing comes and goes, but that, that's true. I want you around and I think having you around Annie is a good thing. It helps her to see that, you know, all women are not like Liz."

"I'm no one's role model," Rory countered, looking at the floor.

"Look at me, Rory," Jess demanded, his finger raising her chin. "You were the only person who believed in me, back when there wasn't much of me to believe in. You said it yourself, yesterday. We all need someone on our side. Role model is a strong word. But cheerleader, yeah. You can be her cheerleader."

Rory broke into a smile at the analogy. "You just want to see me in uniform."

"That too," Jess conceded. "Although if I could choose, I'd go for the Chilton uniform."

"If you keep insisting I might just have to dig it up," Rory countered, looking up into his eyes through thick eyelashes.

"Stick around," he asked of her. It took all his strength to ask this of her.

She nodded, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Ok."

"Ok."

"I have to figure out this bookstore business the next few days," she said, apologetically.

"I have to figure out some school stuff for the kid. Have to get started on the house, Tom told Luke he'd give us a hand."

"So we might not see much of each other this week," Rory completed.

"Might not."

"I'm sticking around, though," she explained.

Jess nodded. "We can make some time."

"I can do breakfasts at Luke's."

"I can call. Drop by the bookstore."

"Are we regressing to taking things slow?" Rory asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Guess so," Jess replied.

"We are so weird."

"We are."

Rory smiled. "Come in for half a second," she ordered, bringing the key out and opening the door.

"I have to go back."

"Just a second," she insisted.

They both stepped inside, the darkness of the store shielding them from the onlookers that had moments before stared at them.

In the darkness, Rory reached for his hands, and twined her fingers with his. "One step closer," she whispered.

He stepped one closer. She smiled. In the darkness he could almost see her, but not quite. Little spillover from the streetlights. "What's this about?" Jess asked, whispering as well.

"Proper goodnight," Rory replied. "You know, one for the road."

"For the week," Jess countered.

"Jess… quiet."

"You keep stealing my lines," Jess quipped.

Rory shook her head. "Jess… say goodnight," she said, inching closer.

In the darkness he leaned in, bumping noses. She gave a little chuckle. He could feel her breath on his skin. He dipped closer, taking her lips with his. She allowed her mouth to open, deepening the kiss. His tongue stroked hers and she sunk into the feeling of his kiss. She let go of his hands to hold him closer, he did the same.

She clung to him, and his hands rested on her hips.

It was more than either of them had expected. How was it that after going as far as they had gone together, something as simple as kissing in a dark bookstore felt impossibly new?

Emerging for air a little later, they held hands once more. They breathed each other's air, smiling and sensing each other's smiles in the dark. Among the shadows, Jess reached behind him for the doorknob. He opened the door, allowing for some of the light that the blinds obscured to filter in. He took a couple of steps back. In the play of light and shadows, he could see the smile on Rory's face that the darkness had hid.

He smiled at the purse at her feet, at her goofy grin, at her reddened lips. "Goodnight, Rory."

And he walked back out into the summer night.

TBC…

- - - - - - - - - - -

Author's note: Of course, this was really part B of the last chapter I published, but let's not up the confusion level by adding letters to numbers and getting all algebraic.

Anyhow, yes, I will be going into Rory's experiences, though maybe not in the following two chapters, as I have a bit of a tangent to go on before.

On the next chapter, Jess runs into… well… the stars hollow public school system. Gotta love it.

Oh, right. I just wrote and published a one-shot called The Kicker, a humorous angst fic. I don't know if that even exists, but there you go. A lit fic with a special appearance from Paris, because we all love her. Stop by and tell me what you thunk!

Toodles!