DISCLAIMER: I own nothing
*This chapter was posted then removed due to underlining problems AGAIN! Hope it didn't spoil any bodies enjoyment of it x (thanks Bored-Girl-84)
CHAPTER 21
Killing the engine of his car, Tommy Oliver closed his eyes and took some deep breaths, he longed for a sense of calmness to embrace his being and allow him some thinking space but all he found was sickening regret and panic.
Slamming his clenched fists down on the centre of the steering wheel he attempted to release some of the emotion that had been consuming him for well over a year.
Kimberly…
His parents…
The mess he'd made of things with Jason and Katherine…
Reaching across to the passenger seat he collected the brown paper bag and then threw open the door before exiting his car and heading into the heavy night air.
The forest he was cutting his way through was dense and you could easily find your self lost if you didn't know your way, but lucky for Tommy he'd been coming here for years and knew the track like the back of his hand.
After a few close encounters with tree roots Tommy found himself and his precious cargo in one piece and standing just where he needed to be… the small wood cabin where he had always come when he needed to find peace, and my God, he needed peace tonight.
Finding the key to the front door on his key chain wasn't an easy task in the darkness but he eventually found the one that fit and threw the door open, once inside he slammed it shut on the world before dropping his key chain and the paper bag onto the small sofa and dropping himself heavily onto the floor in front of it, hugging his knees to his chest.
His breathing was ragged as a thousand thoughts tore at his mind and sobs began heaving in his chest but he just hugged his legs tighter
"What have I done?" His words came out in small, short breaths as he lifted his head from its resting place and pushed his hair from his face angrily.
Catching sight of his cut knuckles, he gazed at his wounded hand with a morbid curiosity, the cuts were deep and it hurt to straighten out his fingers. Reaching behind him Tommy found the paper bag and pulled it onto his lap. Opening the top he pulled out it's contents- a bottle of whiskey and unscrewing the cap of it he took a swig before splashing some down on to his wounded hand and willing physical pain to relieve him of his emotional pain.
It worked too, for about 5 seconds as the alcohol seared his bloodied knuckles but as soon as the pain subsided it all came flooding back to him and he felt himself being dragged back under.
Taking another swig of whiskey, Tommy pushed his hair back from his face and cursed its inability to ever stay where he put it.
How had he ended up here… like this?
How had his life taken so many wrong turns in such a short period of time that he'd lost his grasp on everything…including himself. He didn't know who he was anymore, all he knew was that he wasn't who everyone else thought he was anymore.
Good old Tommy Oliver- you can always rely on him to do the right thing-WRONG
Tommy Oliver- always makes the right decisions- WRONG
Your parents must be so proud of you- Parents? What parents?!
Mistakes- both his and other peoples had proved the undoing of his solid character, they'd sent him into a spinning decline and he prayed that tonight he had hit rock bottom because if this wasn't it, he didn't know if he could withstand anymore.
Smoothing out his hair, Tommy felt an anger growing that was so familiar to himnow that it was beginning to feel like his only source of comfort. Pushing himself to his feet Tommy stomped from room to room, his soul blazing but with nothing and nobody to direct his anger at except himself.
Throwing open the door to the bedroom Tommy suddenly caught sight of himself in the wall mirror.
Walking slowly towards it he felt tears stinging, as he finally saw the consequences of every bodies actions behind his own eyes.
Every girl he had ever dated had told him that that his eyes were his best feature but tonight he would bet a hundred dollars that if any girl he had dated could see them now, they would run screaming from him.
It wasn't the fact that they were red and swollen from all the tears he was attempting to hold back, it was the haunted, emptiness of them. Usually they were chocolate pools of emotion but tonight the shine had gone from them, the brown was matt and they were void of all signs of life. Dead- like the eyes of a shark.
Suddenly the room seemed to be filled with light and Tommys spirit felt a hundred times lighter.
The most beautiful giggle he'd ever heard filled his ears as his mind was taken back through time. He remembered standing in this room, in front of this mirror as Kimberly sat on the bed laughing happily. It had been only a few hours since they had gained control of their ninja powers and they were both in high spirits, so much so that Tommy had allowed Kim to tie a little braid in the front of his hair. He'd stood in front of this very mirror admiring her handy work and she'd been so proud of it that he had even worn it to Bulk and Skulls graduation ceremony from the Junior Police Patrol- just to make her happy- even though he'd taken a pretty good ribbing from both of them after wards.
Just as suddenly as it had come, the light faded away and Tommy found himself standing alone in his uncles cabin. The loneliness that he'd walked with since receiving Kims letter now merging with what seemed like his eternal anger.
Raising a hand and touching his hair where the braid had once resided, he realised just how weighed down he felt by it, it was thick and dark and it felt heavy to him.
What had started off as an imitation of some of his favourite martial artists now seemed out of control it defined him! He was recognised by everyone for the length of his hair. It seemed almost as though his second name had been changed from Tommy Oliver to Tommy With The Long Hair.
Taking it in his hands he wondered if he could redefine himself by simply losing the feature that seemed to define him most. His lips curled into a sick smile as he imagined the dark curtain falling to the ground and revealing him to be a new man, one who wasn't weighed down by history…or hair!
The memory of small hands lovingly pulling, and tying his hair played again in his mind and he swung round and headed out of the room, away from memories that continued to tear at him.
Returning to the living room he was bombarded with images of him and Kimberly play fighting. He had eaten the last of the popcorn when Kim had taken a bathroom break and on her return she had feigned annoyance which had sparked the best play fight of his life!
Spinning backwards into the bedroom he slammed the door behind him and the tears that had been threatening to overcome him all night made their break for freedom. Wiping them away angrily Tommy suddenly dropped to his knees, small sobs escaping as he frantically hunted under the bed for something.
Wrapping his fingers around the cool metal, he knew he had found what he was looking for and knew that once he took this step he couldn't go back.
Was there anything to go back to?
Returning to his place before the mirror Tommy lifted the scissors to the left side of his parting and brought the blades together, over and over as his tears fell over and over…
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Sitting silently in his car staring at the white, stone building before him, Tommy wondered if this would turn out to be one more mistake to add to his list
He felt empty…hollow like there was nothing left that anyone would recognise as him and usually when he felt this hopeless he turned to the one person that would allow him to lose himself in her further…Katherine. She offered him comfort in a physical way and that seemed to be enough because Tommy had long ago lost hope of ever feeling comfort from his emotional torment.
Now was his last chance to turn back, but it seemed like tonight- there was no going back.
Pulling up the hood on the green, black and white hooded sweatshirt he had found discarded at his uncles cabin, Tommy wiped his eyes before exiting the stairs and heading up the steps.
Navigating the corridors he finally found what he was looking for- room 57
Taking the deepest breath he could he raised his un-bloodied hand and tapped gently
There was no sound at first and he suddenly wondered if she was back from Adams night out, Tapping again he was just about to turn and leave when he heard someone softly padding towards the door. His heartbeat quickened, knowing his appearance might startle her. He didn't know if he'd be able to bare it if she looked at him with disgust. He knew his eyes were red and swollen and then there was his hair… he self consciously pulled his hood up further, hoping he would get the chance to explain before she noticed it.
The sound of the door unlocking made him feel queasy with nerves, and as it opened he leaned against the frame, the affect of the alcohol suddenly causing him to feel dizzy.
A look of non-recognition was the first to register and then one of shock , followed his name being whispered shakily.
He opened his mouth to speak but it was suddenly more dry than a desert.
"Tommy is that you?" tears filled her eyes as she observed the state of the man she loved, causing his eyes to flood again
"Kimberly…you have to help me"