Disclaimer: All these characters belong to ABC and Mr. Marlowe

What they both wanted.

Those were the words he spoke the last time he saw her. Those were the words she also agreed with.

Yes, because going on a book tour; leaving her and ending them, it was what they both wanted.

Despite this, he couldn't help but feel consumed. The words weighing him down like concrete blocks strapped to his ankles as he fought to keep his head afloat. They completely suffocated him, blanketed any and all other thoughts he could possibly conjure. No matter what he found himself doing, they were always there. Accompanying him through the days since they were spoken and on constant repeat. Over and over and over again, almost as if he hoped the more he thought about it, the more he could convince himself that the words were true.

His success rate at the moment, however? Zero.

And now here he was, an hour into his book launch party, some up and coming music sticking through the background as he stood there and stared at a door- no, not stared- just gazed at for a lengthy period of time...

...Okay, fine. So maybe he was staring. But it wasn't to be creepy. It was all in the hope of catching the moment when she arrived. When Kate Beckett finally got there.

He had tried to wait patiently, engage in some small talk with fans, but he always found himself distracted, ducking and weaving his head around the figures of the crowd, his heart practically leaping at every new entrant and equally faltering when he realized it wasn't her. He just- wanted to see her.

He should have called her. As soon as he got home from that last date he should have picked up his phone and told her everything. What he thought, what he wanted to say...how he felt. Just got it out. Somehow. Although when it came time to trying to concoct what he was going to say to her and construct a reasonable sentence, he was stumped.

And yeah, it was frustrating as hell.

Clearing his head, Castle diverted his attention, tried to focus on some of the other sights in the room and not look like a completely entranced idiot. Either way, he took in the red carpet and dazzling lights, the way the flashes of the cameras momentarily lit up the space. There were also his life sized cardboard cut outs dispersed around him, not forgoing the table that held the new copies of Storm Clearing, undoubtedly the hero of the room.

Oh, and then there were also the varying groups of his 'number one fans' scattered amongst the crowd- breasts and markers included.

Quickly moving on, Rick continued his brief assessment before he finally spotted a welcoming sight sitting on her own at the bar, and he made his way towards her. "Hey, Sweetie," he spoke, approaching his daughter. "Having a good time?"

Letting out a sigh, Alexis leaned her elbow against the wood of the bench, her palm offering a support to her chin. "Having a good time watching countless women flirt and thrust themselves at my dad? I'm having a blast," she answered, her sarcasm accompanied by a flashing smile.

Castle stood next to her, leaning down to mirror her pose. "Come on. You know how these things are," he replied.

"Yes, but I think that some of them forget that you are actually human and not just a piece of meat with a credit card."

"Ahh, but what a fine piece of meat I would be..." Rick deliberately exhaled in reflection.

"Well I don't think a piece of meat could pull off a showing like this," she remarked, turning her body to face him. "I overheard Paula before. Critics are already raving and they're saying this is your best novel yet."

"Well that's not really all that hard."

Hearing her father, Alexis tightened her eyebrows. "Dad..." she sighed, dragging his eyes back to hers. Taking a moment to regain his attention, Alexis held her stare and smiled. "Congratulations," she sincerely spoke. "I'm really proud of you."

His features softening, Rick wrapped his arm around his daughter and leant over to place a gentle kiss against her temple. "Thanks, sweetie," he smiled, holding onto her for just a bit longer.

"That's what I'm here for," she replied, relaxing in his embrace. "Now," she began, releasing from her father's grasp and hopping off the stool. "I'm going to go and find Grams. Just to make sure she's not shamelessly flirting with all of the single middle aged men here."

"Oooh, good call," he cringed. "Just come find me if you need any help prying away her claws," he added to his retreating daughter.

As he watched Alexis disappear into the crowd, Rick looked around, once again alone. Despite his best intentions, he couldn't help but allow his eyes to briefly linger back to the entryway, and that God damn door. Again.

"Hey, bro."

Startled by the large hand suddenly resting on his shoulder, Castle turned to find Ryan and Esposito standing beside him.

"So, this is how the rich and famous live, huh?" Ryan assessed, stuffing his hands in his pants pockets and allowing his gaze to roam the room.

"Yeah," Castle mumbled, before turning his attention back to the door.

"Quit moping at the door, bro," Esposito mumbled, his mouth full of salmon canapé.

Ryan offered a decisive nod, agreeing with his partner. "Yeah, Castle. She'll turn up."

Castle returned his attention to the pair, a skeptical frown creased along his forehead. "What are you two, my conscious?"

Ryan shifted and considered him. "Depends, do we have to wear wings?" he tentatively asked.

"Well since you're both my conscious, then yes. I will make you wear wings."

Esposito shook his head and took another bite of his canapé. "That's, rough man," he replied, his disapproval evident.

Castle simply shrugged. "Sorry. Job requirement."

"Then no," Esposito sternly answered.

"But as your friends," Ryan interjected, his mood more positive, "we're telling you. It's not good for your health."

Esposito nodded, his eyes comically widened in agreement. "Yeah, I read a study once that moping can actually cause severe psychological issues. Completely messes with your head, bro."

"Hmm," Ryan concurred, joining his fellow detective in the insight. "Not to mention it's really unattractive."

Hearing him, both Castle and Esposito slowly turned their attention towards Ryan.

Ryan's eyes darted between both of them, confused, before he narrowed his eyes. "That was a bit weird wasn't it?"

Castle and Esposito nodded. "Yeah, just a little," Castle answered.

The trio stood there, engrossed in a moment of awkward silence, before Esposito's eyes suddenly widened, his eyes fixated on something over Castle's shoulder.

"Wow," the detective breathed. "Who would have thought Beckett could look like that?"

Noticing Esposito's sudden slack jawed expression, Castle wavered slightly before he turned, eyes searching, and doing a double take, he couldn't help the slow smile that swept across his lips as he finally spotted her. Her body effortlessly covered in a short, fitted, deep purple dress, he was unable to look away as Kate made her way down the small number of steps the adorned the entry. She was gorgeous. His chest tightened and his breath rapidly expelled from his lungs as she hesitantly walked into the function room, shying away from the bright camera flashes that met her as she entered.

He knew this wasn't her environment, wasn't one for the fame and overt glitz and glamour, but he was fascinated by how someone so confident in front of murderers had another side to her that was so unsure, so uneasy, but seeing her like this...it was utterly adorable and he couldn't remove the smile from his face even if he tried.

Clearing the array of press, she paused, took a moment to survey the room as she released what he could only assume was a reassuring breath. She hadn't even noticed him yet and already Castle's heart was a rushing, quivering mess, but there was just something hypnotizing about the image of her simply standing there as everyone socialized and moved around her, engaged in their own conversations. Suddenly shifting, Kate's posture changed as she seemed to spot Montgomery from across the room, and some of the tension slowly left her body.

"Sorry, boys, but would you excuse me..." Castle murmured, completely entranced as he watched her make her way towards her captain.

Hopelessly drawn to her, he took one step, maybe two, when his name was called out from the crowd behind him.

He turned, only to find Paula and an older man, maybe mid fifties, walking towards him. "Rick, this is David Swann. He's new to the board of Black Pawn."

Rick offered a handshake. "Hi, nice to meet you."

"You too, Rick," the man greeted, firmly grasping his palm. "I just wanted to introduce myself and congratulate you. Rumor has it that Storm Clearing is expected to reach number one in its first week."

"Ah, thank you."

David smiled. "No, it's no thanks to me. I hear it's your publicist here who deserves at least some of the credit. The buzz she's created about you has been phenomenal. Who would have thought that New York could get so enamored by a faux relationship?" he highlighted, acknowledging Paula and then focusing back on Rick. "Do you have a moment to chat for a bit?"

Castle hesitated, briefly turning, his attention magnetized back to Kate.

Sensing his apprehension, Esposito spoke over his shoulder. "Don't worry, bro. I'll go," he nodded in understanding.

Watching as the detective made his way towards Kate, Castle turned back to David, a smile forced across his lips. "Yeah, sure."

Standing beside Montgomery as he reflected with some heavy hitters from his 'street cop days' as he called it, Kate tried to join in their conversation, but when they all started to reminisce on a time when Kate was barely even born, she allowed her eyes to divert and scan the large, flashy room. That's when she paused, her eyes suddenly fixed.

With Paula by his side, Castle was talking to some flashy businessman, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes at the growing group of women who took the opportunity to blatantly ogle and fawn over him from afar. She fought the urge to scoff out loud, and no- it wasn't jealousy, she just-

Kate released a breath. She wasn't this person. She used to see women like that all the time and simply ignore them, but now...

God. When did this all become such a big mess with doubts and lingering emotions and...feelings.

No. All she wanted to do was just go home. Yes, go home, take a nice long bath and just relax. Showing up tonight was part of their deal, always had been, and it was her last duty until this was all over. Until she could head home and begin to forget. So once her bit was done for the night and Paula was finally satisfied, she was out of there.

Somewhat content, Kate allowed her gaze to travel, when she spotted Esposito making his way towards her. "Hey, Espo," she smiled, a slight crease along her forehead. "Do you reckon you can fit anymore canapé in there or is that about it?" she teased as the man practically inhaled a tray of food.

"Hey. I'm hungry. And it's free," he defended with a slightly full mouth as he came to rest beside her. "So," he spoke after a moment. "Having a good time?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Esposito used the silence to his advantage. "How is all of this going to work exactly?"

"All of what?"

"Your break up with your boy over there," he mumbled around the food occupying his mouth, as he nodded in Castle's direction.

Kate felt her body suddenly tense. "Ah, I think Paula's going to announce our split in a couple of days. Release a statement to the press."

Esposito swallowed his food. "And so you're okay with that?"

Kate held eye contact with him as he waited her out, his questioning no longer all that innocent. "Espo, I- yes. Yes I'm okay with that."

"Right," he nodded, not believing her for a second. "Or you know there's always the other option."

"And what option's that?"

"Tell him how you feel."

She froze, her body remaining still, ever determined to hold her ground. However it wasn't long before she felt the fractures start to form in her tough exterior, their last date forcing its way to the forefront of her mind. "I already tried that," she exhaled softly. "And- he's not interested, okay."

"Are you kidding me? Look at him. He's been pouting and walking around like a zombie all night. And at his own party mind you. How do you explain that?" he pushed in disbelief.

"Javi, he's leaving the country for some whirlwind two month book tour in a few days. He's clearly made plans to move on with his life after we're done and I need to do the same," she strongly argued, maintaining some resolve. "So please, can we just drop it and get this night over with?'

"Oh, get it over with?" he sarcastically admonished. "Right, cause that's what you really want, isn't it?"

Kate regarded him as he continued to try to push her, before she narrowed her eyes. "Don't you have some single fan girls you should be chatting up or something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. That's later on. You can't unleash the dancing beast too early," he comically nodded, loosening his shoulders and stretching his arms.

Shaking her head at him, Kate released a soft laugh, before Esposito suddenly halted in his movements. "Ahh, actually now that you mention it, I guess it's never too early to hit the d-floor. Catch you later."

Confused, Kate watched as her colleague suddenly disappeared. "Espo, what-?"

"Hey."

Hearing the voice, Kate turned, curious to see who it was that Esposito so hurriedly left her with.

"Castle. Hi," she replied, his deep blue eyes catching hers, and her voice more breathy than she would have preferred.

Okay, admittedly he looked amazing up close, and totally kissable- but really, the whole point in tonight was to say goodbye and part ways, so those thoughts...they had to stop. Like yesterday.

She remained, and seeing him for the first time since that date, since she was so close to spilling everything, a certain nervousness and vulnerability suddenly seemed to accompany her. "How are you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," he nodded, seemingly equally as cautious. "And yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm good too."

She released an inner sigh, idle chit chat not really being their thing- not that they really had a thing, but-

Ergh. Thank the lord Castle finally spoke. "So it seems like you've seen everyone already. Ryan, Esposito, Montgomery."

"Yeah. I must say, Castle, I'm quite impressed. I wasn't quite sure Montgomery would be so keen, but he seems to be having a good time. I reckon he might be a bit of a fan."

"Yeah well he knows quite a few people here, actually. Possibly even more than me."

Kate nodded and briefly turned to assess some of the crowd. "Hmm, seems like your mother does too."

Castle frowned in confusion. "My mother?"

Noticing his questioning face, Kate nodded her head to the side, motioning her attention towards the older woman.

"Ergh," Castle sighed as he finally spotted his mother, her arm linked with some grey-haired gentleman's. "So she's already found a new friend. Excellent."

"Oh," Kate frowned in realization. "He's a new friend, huh?"

"Yep," he slowly nodded, his lack of enthusiasm evident. "I think tonight might even be a new record."

Kate shrugged. "Well at least she's having fun, right?"

"When she's living in my home, her having fun is exactly what I'm worried about," he grimaced and then turned back to Kate. "You know, I used to always think that by this year she would've moved out and we would have flying cars and holiday houses on the moon," he sighed. "When in reality, she's still living with me and all we have are blankets with sleeves."

Kate let out a smile, couldn't help it, before she lowered her shaking head.

"So, Detective," Castle spoke after a moment as her soft laughter subsided. "Will you let me buy you a drink?"

"Isn't everything on tab here?"

"Yes, but- it's the thought that counts. So, what do you say?"

A beat passed as she considered, and- well, it was only a drink. "Sure."

After introducing her to a few people, they were standing off to the side of the room, their nearly empty champagne glasses still in their hands as they watched Esposito completely take over the dance floor, and no- it wasn't the prettiest of sights, but it sure was entertaining.

"Richard Castle. My, my, my." The voice broke her from her own thoughts as she noticed a glamorous, older woman, approach them. "Well, haven't you outdone yourself..." she spoke, giving Rick a kiss on the cheek before briefly eyeing Kate.

"Ah, Maria, this is Kate Beckett. Kate, this is Maria Jennings," Castle introduced. "Let's just say that Black Pawn wouldn't be the same without her," he smiled at the older woman.

"Oh, you're only saying that because I sign the pay checks."

Putting on his charming grin, Castle briefly shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe."

Maria took an added moment to shake her head at Castle, before she turned to Kate with excited eyes. "You know, Rick told me you were even more gorgeous in real life, but I never was truly able to comprehend exactly how right he was. Those pictures in the papers definitely don't do you justice."

Kate felt her cheeks suddenly heat as Castle kept his eyes on her. "Thank you," she managed.

"You've done well for yourself, Ricky."

Castle smiled at Kate, almost proudly. "Yes I have."

"Anyway, it was nice meeting you Kate, and Ricky, stay out of trouble would you?" Maria teased.

"I'll try my best."

Kate twisted her lips and curiously turned to Castle, her eyes slightly narrowed. "You've been talking about me?"

Castle's features softened. "Nothing but the truth," he easily answered.

Kate swallowed at the rawness of his words, briefly lowering her eyes to regain her composure, before returning back to him on an exhale. "Speaking of truths, that's a bit of a shiner you've got there," she noted as she observed the bruise on his cheek that had developed from their last date.

Castle's eyes suddenly lit up, the mood from their conversation shifted. "Ah, I was wondering how long it would be before you said something. Makes me look hardcore, right?"

Kate scrunched up her nose in disagreement, a certain playfulness returning.

"Oh come on, not even a little?"

Kate shook her head. "Sorry, Castle, but one bruised cheek doesn't make you Rambo."

"No, I guess you're right," he agreed somberly, before lifting his head to display a playful curve of his lips. "It does, however, help to fully complete this bad-assed package," he confidently informed, caught up in his own words as he swept his arms down in front of him to display his chest.

"Bad-assed package?" she almost squealed skeptically. "Is this the part where you tell me that you didn't choose the bad assed life, the bad assed life chose you?" she teased.

Shifting, Castle straightened. "Hey, I can be a badass."

"You sure?" Kate challenged, dragging out the anticipation as Castle eagerly awaited her response. "I mean, you can definitely be a wiseass..."

Castle immediately frowned. "Okay, I see where you're going with this, and I don't think I like it-"

"...And a smartass. Sometimes even a jackass," she was quick to continue. "But badass?"

"No. I can definitely be badass. You know, sometimes, I don't even wait twenty minutes after eating before I go swimming."

"Really?"

"Yep. That's me. Just eat my burger and dive right in. Complete badassness," he confidently nodded, before drawing his eyebrows together. "Wait, is that even a word? Maybe badassedness? Ergh, either way, there are remote tribal communities that worship my..." he paused, narrowed his eyes in thought. "Badass tendencies..."

Kate shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to slot an eye roll in there somewhere, but her smiling features couldn't quite pull it off. "You think you're so clever, don't you?"

Encasing his hands in his pockets, Castle offered a boyish grin. "If it makes you feel any better, you can just wrap me up in a bow and call me gifted."

Kate offered a nonchalant shrug. "Yeah, well if that bow is going across your mouth, then sure, why not?" she teasingly shot back.

"Ahh," Castle sarcastically sighed. "You see, it's exactly those types of responses that make us work so well."

Holding her grin, Kate replied. "Hmm, I guess we make a good team then."

Castle took a moment to consider her, his eyes softening. "Yeah, I guess we do," he responded, his tone more serious for their conversation.

Their joking nature subsided, and all they were left with were the lingering curves of their lips, the reality of the situation finally beginning to settle.

Walking up to them, a young women holding an iPad interrupted. "Rick, Paula wants you to make a speech in five."

"Thanks, Ashley."

As the other woman left, Castle slowly turned back to face Kate as she let out a breath, the muscles in her neck constricting and exposing her deep swallow. "So," she began, cutting through the silence, her features tight. "I guess this is it then."

Castle remained still, his mouth refusing to close, his words however struggling to break free. "Well it doesn't have to be," he eventually spoke. "I mean, you don't have to leave yet. There's still the presentation, speeches-"

Kate shook her head. No point in delaying the inevitable. "Thanks, but it's been a long day," she nodded, attempting to reassure herself almost as much as him. "Should probably head home."

As the words left her mouth, there was no denying the sudden uneasiness that spread across his face. "Right," he nodded, something that could have been mistaken as regret entwined in his tone. "No, of course."

They remained still. The air thick, almost suffocating with the words they wanted to share, both however equally unable to muster the courage to do so.

A moment passed, the soft echo of music and conversations encompassing them, before Kate finally offered her hand, an assuring smile shaping her lips."Well, it was nice meeting you, Castle."

His eyes dropped to her open palm, hesitating slightly, before lifting his hand and wrapping his fingers around hers. "Yeah, you too," he replied, eyes soft.

Kate reaffirmed her grip, heat spreading through her limbs. "And good luck with your book tour," she offered, her face a calm facade. "I know you'll do Derrick Storm proud."

"Thanks."

Like an old friend, silence once again welcomed them.

Lowering her gaze, Kate's eyes locked onto their still clasped hands, undeniably contradicting the farewelling words just shared, unwilling to let go.

The sheer multitude of unsaid feelings was almost overwhelming, emphasized by their connected palms, and raising her eyes, Kate remained unmoving as she noticed she wasn't alone, with Castle's gaze firmly locked on the grip of their hands.

Slowly, Castle looked up. "Kate, I-" he began, his struggle however evident as his words appeared to fail him.

"Rick, five minutes is almost up," Ashley spoke from the distance.

"Ah, yeah, just..." he assured, taking another searching look at Kate.

"Looks like you're being summoned," she noted. She was dying to say more, was almost about to explode with it, but keeping her gaze stern, she saved her heart. "Well. Good bye, Castle," she nodded.

Then offering him one last smile, she loosened her grip, let go of his hand and walked away.

"Rick!" Ashley interrupted. "Now, when you get up there, just remember to talk up your book, thank people where it's due and be your usual and charming self."

Rick however stood there for seconds, minutes, hours, he couldn't quite tell. Just like that, before he could even begin to process the situation, it was all over. He was completely dumbstruck and unable to move as his eyes once again remained firmly fixed on the door. The door Kate walked in through. Now the door she just walked out of.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll, ah- I'll be there in a minute."

This was their ending. Their story was written, and so this whole time he was preparing. Reminding himself that at the end of all of this, he was going to have to say goodbye. He was going to have to let her go. But now, now that the moment had finally arrived and this was it, it wasn't like anything he could have anticipated. He couldn't believe it.

Listening to her say goodbye, his mind was a complete and utter mess and it wasn't until she was gone, that his brain finally decided it was appropriate to function again. He was suddenly consumed by a dizzying myriad of thoughts as he tried to catch up with the reality that she just left. He silently tried to calm his insides, but like an explosion of heat, a gushing breeze of clarity, it hit him and the gravity of the situation practically slapped him in the face.

She was gone.

She was gone and he just let her walk away.

The sudden realization knocked him in the gut, almost forced the air to expel from his lungs, and it would have knocked him off his feet if he wasn't frozen on the spot. He couldn't ignore the sudden heaviness that settled within, or the way his body ached, physically ached, all the way through to the fibers in his muscle, the depths of his bones, as he simply stood there, almost drowning in all his words left unsaid. Been too afraid to speak and too stupid to realize until now.

I don't think we ever realize how lucky we are to have something until it's gone.

He could hear the faint sound of his name, a calling over the microphone, pulling him to the stage, but he could do nothing but stand there, wide eyed, Jim Beckett's previous words running through his ears and wrapping around his soul. Almost as if he wasn't able to comprehend what he was going to lose, until now.

It was clichéd, even for him, but he had ever been such a firm believer of the words until now, and-

He just let her go.

No. This couldn't be it. This wasn't how it was meant to go...he- he didn't even really get to say goodbye, or...God. He was an idiot. Like a well constructed puzzle, everything slotted into place. He knew what he had to do, where he had to be, and it wasn't there. Not Paula. The press. His fans. It was with her.

Because saying goodbye was the absolute last thing he wanted to do.

Coming to his side, Martha turned to him. "Darling, they need you on stage."

"She's gone."

"Pardon?"

"She's gone. That's it. I mean, I always knew this was going to happen. But it's like I was never willing to accept it, that this moment was going to be real, and now, watching her walk away, letting her walk away...I can't let her go."

He was never going to see her again. Not unless he did something about it.

Right on cue, his mother turned to him and chirped out a response. "So what are you going to do?"

The heat of his heart was almost burning through his chest, and he was dizzy as his want, need for her and everything that he has kept so tight and in control, rushed to the surface- and why exactly was he still standing there?

"I'm going after her."

"Oh my- it's about damn time."

"Mother, can you watch out for Alexis, and please make sure she-"

"Darling, don't worry. I'll hold the fort here," she reassured. Grabbing his hand and clasping it in between her own, she drew his eyes to her. "Go."

So I know I'm a terrible, terrible person for leaving it there, but alas I have good news: I'm on the verge of a 4 week holiday, which equals more time to write. So...next chapter anyone?

BareWriter