"Ahhh..."
Ren felt as if his inner darkness could be purged out at any moment.
But he didn't care if he would return to his previous foolish self anymore; those hotsprings were very relaxing and his week had been way too stressful.
The mist was just perfect at that atmosphere. It didn't even matter if Neo could possibly interfere. He was finally relaxing after being kidnapped and kidnapped for so long.
"How is it, gu-"
"Neo fainted!" Shouted Jaune. "And there is blood everywhere!"
Ren looked to the side. Beyond the mist, he could see that distinctive bi-colored hair floating in a rather red water.
'Meh, probably a nose-bleed. Nothing serious'.
"Helloooooo!" Said a new voice.
Wearing a kimono, the female clerk could be seen on the other side.
Jaune imediately blushed.
"Wh-what are you..."
"You see, it's pretty common for people to faint, so they normally send me should the detected life-signs fall beyond a certain treshold. I'll just be taking your friend here for a better recovery".
"I see... thanks, hmm... err... I haven't got your name?"
"Oh, that?" The clerk tied her orange hair in a ponytail. "It's Kurama" she aproached Neo and threw a towel over the area of blood. "See you later!"
The clerk carried Neo and went out.
"Man, tha chick" Cardin seemed suspicious. "The last time I saw someone named Kurama, things didn't go well".
Ren sighed.
"She isn't the nine-tailed fox, Cardin".
"You can never be sure, dude?"
"Well, whatever. Let's just relax for now... I really want to just relax before getting kidnapped again".
And Ren felt like relaxing, but Cardin and Jaine stared him in such a way that...
"What. Is. It. Guys?"
"Well..." Cardin scratched his cheek. "I have just been meaning to ask, but... how is it?"
"... I am going to regret it, but 'it' what?"
"You know, dude! Your relation with the girls!" Cardin aproached Ren and whispered: "you can't be dense like that guy, right?"
And he finished by pointong at Jaune. Ren sighed and said:
"It's simple, Cardin. By now, you must have noticed some girls just aren't normal, right?"
"Hum..."
Jaune laughed a little.
"Don't believe in everything, Cardin. Ren has just been really paranoid recently".
"Oh..."
However, Ren stared at Jaune and said:
"Do you really think that?" He then looked at Cardin. "Doors have eyes and walls have ears. I know Velvet is-"
"I BELIEVE IN YOU!" Shouted Cardin.
Ren smiled.
"Only one girl and you already like that. Well, Cardin, let me tell you: all of the girls in our school are like her. And 99% are after me right now".
"Really?" Cardin was surprised.
"I still find it hard to believe" said Jaune. "Ren, don't you think you are exaggerating a little?"
"Jaune, they aren't normal!" Said Ren. "Look, I thought they were pretty good girls, just being friendly or teasing me, but I was wrong. And do you remember what happened? A game to rescue me!"
"Oh yeah..."
Cardin laughed.
"Damn, that was awesome! Remember when I blew up those buildings after crashing in on a motorcycle?"
Cardin felt a deadly stare and stopped. Ren said:
"Yes. I do. It wasn't that fun. Now look, those girls are like abyssal fishes in the darkness; you only see their beautiful shine, that lure you to them... but their true selves are much more fearsome and deadly. Ready to release a carnage upon you at any time".
"Wow..."
"Ren, are you okay? Jaune was worried about him.
"The one who should ask that was me to you. You didn't even notice Pyrrha's love".
Jaune opened his eyes wide.
"Pyrrha loves someone?!"
Cardin had his mouth wide open and looked at Ren. The Maou said:
"You see?! Do you see what I have to put up with?! If it's not the landmine girls, it's guys like him!"
"Wait..." Jaune was worried. "Are you talking about the guy Pyrrha has a crush on?"
Cardin and Ren stared at Jaune.
"What?"
Ren sighed and...
"You know what?" ... sat back on the hot water. "I'm just gonna relax for now..."
Cardin also sat back.
"Yeah, last few days were really crazy..."
Jaune decided to relax too and worry later.
"Yeah, it's better to do that now. Imagine when the girls come? It would be so strange with mixed baths and-"
Suddenly, the entrance was opened.
Wearing towels, Weiss and Ruby entered that territory out of nowhere with so much skin exposed that Ren felt his life on the line.
"Ren, it's so good to see you!" Said Ruby.
"I-it'a not like we want t-to bath with you or anything" Weiss blushed.
BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP
"Screw you, Jaune!"
"Me?"
"We were finally having a good time and you had to challenge the universe!"
"Aaaaargh!"
Between Ren's and Jaune's arguments, Cardin shouted out loud.
Finally, his corpse sunk and blood was spreading where he once was.
'One down, this is bad!' Ren turned around.
Ruby and Weiss had already entered the water!
BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP
'Then, I can only trust Jaune... as long as I have an ally...'
"JAUNE!" A red blur was all that he saw.
Before Ren could react, out of nowhere Pyrrha had appeared, rushed through the waters and hugged Jaune tightly.
Armor pieces were scattered through the springs along with Pyrrha's weapons as she desperately took them off for such an opportunity.
Ren looked at her and back to the dangerous duo, then back to Pyrrha that was blushing while hugging Jaune in those waters, with her naked body conveniently clouded by the mist.
"How... I thought you were Nora's ally..."
"Heh!" Weiss smiled cockly. "A truce. We won't interfere with her and she won't interfere with us" Weiss aproached Ren slowly. "This is our sweet time alone, after all..."
Ruby hugged Weiss from behind.
"Yes, all three of us!"
'This is bad' it was one of the worst possible scenarios.
BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP
'This is...' He looked at the two towel clad girls coming for the kill. '... a threesome!'
"N-no!" He tried to backdown, but...
Weiss smiled at that scene...
"You look so cute!"
... and Ruby aproached:
"Don't be shy!"
Before he could run away, his last protection was snatched...
His towel...
However...
""Wh-what?!"" Both Ruby and Weiss were surprised.
'Hehehe... Hahaha... HAHAHAHA'
The Demon Lord resisted the urge to laugh at that situation.
'Pedestrian fools!' He stood on the springs, which should have exposed his naked body, but... 'as if I would go down so easily! As if... I would entrust my protection to a measily towel!'
Weiss and Ruby couldn't believe it.
On the other side..
"What?!"
They could hear Pyrrha having the same reaction with Jaune.
Only Ren knew what happened.
'This is the power of clichés!' The Demon Lord held back his smile. 'After suffering clichés for so long, I finally realized they could be used in my favor!'
'All this time I was relaxing and healing, I wasn't merely doing that! I was preparing myself, believing, pondering and calculating. And this is the result!'
"Mist... block..." muttered Weiss without believing.
Covering his private parts was the cloud of the hotsprings. An impossibly convenient phenomenon that only happened in mangas actually happened and protected him from his enemies.
"Weiss, lemme test something!"
"Ruby?!"
Before Weiss could protest, Ruby already snatched her towel.
"Noooo!"
But even though she blushed upon being exposed, she wasn't exposed at all: just like Ren, the mist conveniently covered her body.
"Knew it..." said Ruby. "It's an actual mist block... what's going on?"
'She is dangerous' thought Ren.
Right now, Weiss was starting to argue with Ruby due to that vulgar action, but he felt the real danger wasn't Weiss even though she was naked: it was Ruby.
That girl actually managed to make a calm judgement and realize the impossible occurence that was happening. She theorized it upon seeing Ren and put that theory to test with Weiss.
And if she had time, would she be able to bypass the Mist Block?
'I can't let that happen...' thought the Demon Lord.
Towel snatched, two girls. One tsundere and one loli. The odds were against him.
Worse than that, once a tsundere recomposed herself, dere mode would be activated, which would mutiply the difficulty.
'Which means... I need to defeat both of them now, before they actually regain their composure and defile me. It has to be now, before Weiss enters dere mode and before Ruby discovers how to defeat the Mist Block...'
'So... I will have to use the clichés again!'
Ren advanced and started to act like a harem protagonist:
"Girls, please! Give me back my tow- wahhh!" he tripped.
"Ren?!" Weiss was surprised.
'Next cliché...' Ren calculated his move. 'The accidental trip!'
'It's very dangerous... It may end up with kissing, with me groping her chest, with my face on her chest, or with my face between her legs, AKA the most dangerous situation, but!'
'If I shift this cliché to the Yuri manga clichés...'
"Oops!" Ren conveniently extended his arm.
'Calm down... focus... and push her into the yuri world!'
"R-Ren?!"
"Sorry!"
Ren 'accidentaly' pushed Weiss over Ruby.
"Waaaah!"
And the result...
*KISS*
It was the perfect scene.
The demon lord, for a split second, didn't hold back his sneer.
'Welcome to the lesbian world, my foolish enemies' he thought.
With Weiss over Ruby in that situation, all that was left was to act like a dense motherf*cker.
"Ohhh..." Ren stepped back and picked his towel. "You two were in THAT kind of relationship..."
Weiss tried to dispell the misunderstandings:
"No, we are not! We are strai-"
"Yeah, we are bisexual!" Said Ruby while blushing.
"RUBY!" Shouted Weiss.
Ren covered himself with his towel and...
"Yeah, right, sure. Anyway, sorry for interrupting you. I'm gonna leave now, letting you two be alone. Together. Just. The. Two. Of. You".
And he ran.
Leaving Weiss trying to clear misunderstandings and Ruby trying to call him back.
"Ah..." He finally sighed while walkong in the wooden corridor.
The Maou had laughed a lot after leaving them and picking up a kimono to wear.
And...
"Hahahaha! I never expected Ruby to say 'we are bisexual'! Hahaha! Now it's so much easier to deal with them. Acting dense without a reason lime Jaune is bad, but when you receive a reason like that... hahaha!"
Ren opened the entrance to his room and...
"Don't worry, Cardin" Tama was already there. "Tama-chan is gonna dress you up properly... now, for the pants..."
Cardin was in the wooden ground only in underwear and Tama was holding his pants while blushing.
Ren instinctively prayed for a fallen ally.
He didn't notice Tama had invaded the springs to take Cardin when he fainted. And that was the result.
Who could know how many things she did to Cardin when he was away?
"Ah... Ren! You are back!" The clerk threw his pants away and went on Ren's direction. "Did you like the hotsprings. People here are proud of their healing properties. I mean, look at your arm!"
Ren moved it. Not broken anymore. But...
"You noticed?"
"Weren't you wearing a sling?"
'I was? Well, doesn't matter' Ren looked around.
"Do you know where are my clothes? I kinda want to go kill some monsters now".
"Wow..." Tama's eyes were shining. "Like a true hero!"
Ren decided to let her think what she wanted. In truth, he wasnted to test out a few theories and perhaps get better equipment.
'Like a second sword... or a magic scarf... or a cape o invisibility'.
"By the way" said Tama. "We prepared new clothes for you. Well, the old ones are still there, but in the replays you were wearing green clothes like the ones of the hero of the legend!"
"The Hero of the Legend?"
"Yeah!" Said Tama with a smile. "Most people don't know, but our world, Remnant, used to be much different in the past before constant wars ravaged it over and over and was rebuilt. In the past..."
And Tama told him the story of the world...
According to legends, in a battle to get a mystical golden triangle, the evil Gardanloff or something like that starting to do evil stuff.
But a hero dressed in green, with a flute capable of time travel went on and stopped him.
Nobody knew that hero's name, but he was seemingly mute and very corageous.
After he defeated the bad guy, the princess (whose name became of that legend instead of the hero's) sent him back on time to have his childhood or something.
Which split the timeline.
Anyway, the world of the adult hero was left WITHOUT a hero and Gordonoff freed himself with time.
The people prayed, but a hero didn't come, since the idiot princess that took the legend's name foolish sent the only guy that could defeat evil back in time.
So, the gods chose good people for a new world, told them to take refuge on high places and flooded their world.
Which led to problems with a Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass or something.
And later the water was drained. Greendostof was defeated and his evil gave birth to the dark creatures of the Grimm.
The people started to war against each other, which led the world to be ravaged over and over, until they forgot about the past, even of The Hero of Time.
And the new name for the rebuilt world was Remnant.
"And you want to go on an adventure right now!" Said Tama happily.
"I... just want to kill monsters? And maybe find a cave or a shrine in the forest?"
"And you want powerful items left by the Minish!"
"I'm sorry, I really am confused right now..."
'Okay' Ren tried to get his thoughts in order. 'So, our world was always like a freaking game? Does that mean I can get money by breaking pots and cutting grass or something?'
He shook his head. Better to focus on getting equipment.
"Yeah, I'm going for something like that".
"Please let me go with you!"
Ren backed a bit. Tama was a girl, but after Cardin. However, if his harem saw him with a new girl...
"Tama, there is a chance a few girls get jealous of such a beautiful girl like you, going to battle while they relax..."
Tama spread her orange hair and adjusted her glasses. She blushed for some reason and...
"But I am a guy..."
.
..
...
PROCESSING PROCESSING PROCESSING
SYSTEM DOWN
ANALYZING.
CUTE FACE... CONFIRMED
MEGANE... CONFIRMED
LONG FLOWING ORANGE HAIR... CONFIRMED
CHEERFUL PERSONALITY... CONFIRMED
BREASTS... FAILURE
.
..
...
Ren felt like shouting:
'TAMA-CHAN IS A GUY?!'
Heretic Notes:
: O
Holy shi-
Hahahaha, this chapter has everything!
Ren fighting his harem head on, Zelda, traps.
Hahahaha, since april fools I felt like trolling the readers really hard!