"Kya, are you ready? It's time to go!" Iroh ran a hand through his already fluffy hair worriedly
"You're messing your hair up! Yes, I'm ready!" I smiled and smoothed down his hair.
"Good luck you two!" Cha-li was standing at the back of the garden where we were waiting, holding Yuuchi, trying to quiet him down.
"Thanks Cha-li!" I pinched Yuuchi's cheek, "See ya later Sifu Yuuchi!"
I'll have to explain that nickname later.
"Kya!"
"Coming Uncle, don't have a cow hippo!"
I took the arm he was holding out and we walked down the narrow path, towards Sokka and Aang. Aang was performing the ceremony, being the Avatar and all.
I tried not to cry (tears of joy) as we reached the end of the path, and Iroh bowed to Sokka.
"Hello love," Sokka whispered
"Hey Sokky," I grabbed his hand quickly.
I honestly don't remember what happened next. It's there, but I can't see it. I was so happy and so nervous and so incredibly out of it that I can't remember the exact details.
I just remember an overwhelming feeling of happiness
"Sokka! Sokka!" I ran up to where he was working on some invention
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong! Katara had her baby! It's a girl! They named her Hikari. Look, they sent a drawing of her!" I held out the drawing excitedly and he took it with just as much excitement
"She's so cute! Wow! I can't believe this… I have a niece!" He turned to me, eyes wide and shining, "A niece!"
"Congrats Sok! Oh, we have to visit!"
A sudden screech split the air, and another messenger hawk landed on the ground. I bent to get the letter, confused at how soon it had arrived after the other one. Perhaps it was from Toph, who was in Ba Sing Se for a month.
"What is it?" Sokka put the drawing of Hikari down and turned to the new letter
"Dear Sokka and Kya
I hope you got my other letter. Please remember that wonderful news as you hear this sad news. It will be a much-needed spot of light.
Iroh is dead. Zuko found him in his chamber yesterday, when he didn't come down for breakfast. Apparently he died in his sleep.
I swear, Hikari is the only thing keeping us sane. Zuko especially. He realized his love for Iroh so few years ago… he thought he'd have more time.
We are worried about Ursa. She loved him, though they didn't really act upon it too much.
The funeral is in two weeks. If you can be here by then, that will be great.
So sorry to tell you like this. It happened so soon after the birth of Hikari that it's even more of a shock. To be reminded that life can be taken away just as quickly as it can be given… it's rather depressing.
Miss you! Glad I'll get to see you, despite the horrific circumstances.
Love, Katara."
"Oh Kya," Sokka let me fall into his arms, sobbing
I couldn't stop. As ecstatic as I had been five minutes ago, I was twice as sad now. Sokka just held me, rocking me slightly.
"I'm sorry! I can't… stop"
"Shhh, it's ok. It's a horrible thing," He hugged me closer.
"We have to go," I gasped.
"We'll leave right now."
"Hey cousin." I hugged Zuko tight, "How are you holding up?"
"I'm not," He sniffed, "I'm a wreck."
"I'm so sorry, Zuko." I rubbed a circle on his back, "It'll be alright. Let's go see that new heir of yours, shall we?"
He nodded, "Thanks Kya."
Sokka gave him a hearty slap on the back, the way men do.
"Hey buddy. Staying sane?"
Zuko nodded again, "Just barely!"
"Come on guys, I want to see the baby!" I grabbed their hands and tugged on them
"Ok, ok!" Sokka smiled at me, "Let's go see Hikari!"
"Oh Katara, she's adorable!" I held the precious baby in my arms, delighted.
"Thanks! She's our little light, truly."
Hikari smiled at me, a little turning up of the corners of her mouth. I almost died.
"She smiled at you!" Sokka had his hand on my shoulder and he was peering at the tiny bundle, "Aren't you just the cutest? Yes you are! Cute little baby!" He let her grab his finger, a giant smile filling his face.
"You two are the adorable ones. Gosh it's good to see you together!" Katara smiled wearily at us.
"Thanks Kat! How are you?"
"I'm alive! That is something to marvel at!" She laughed humorlessly, "And I'm somewhat sane."
"Good!"
"Hey, there is something I need your help with. Zuko said, and I agree, we need to introduce Hikari to Azula. I've visited her many times, but I need your strength to help me with this. I need to tell her about Iroh too."
I nodded, and held Hikari tighter, "I understand. I'll come with you."
"Thank you, Kya! I'm going tomorrow morning."
"Just come knock on the door, I'll be able to get ready quickly."
"Sounds good."
I woke up the next day at her first knock. Or, I assumed it was her first knock. It was the first one I heard…
"Good morning! Thanks again for doing this." She was holding a tightly wrapped Hikari, and she herself was dressed in rather plain clothes.
"No problem! Come on in, you can sit down while I get dressed."
Katara walked in and sat down on the chaise lounge at the foot of the bed.
Sokka groaned and put the pillow over his head
"Good morning to you too, Sokka!" She smiled and I laughed
I slipped into something simple like she had, and I splashed water on my face to fully wake me up. I pulled my hair into my standard loopies and then slipped into my boots.
"Ok, I'm ready!" I went over and gave Sokka a kiss, "Sorry to wake you, dear. See you later"
"It's ok," he mumbled, "Have fun. Love you."
"Yeah, fun… right. Love you too"
"Goodbye Sokka! Don't sleep too long, you'll be grumpy!" Katara patted his foot motherly, causing me to snort with laughter
"Ah, you two crack me up!"
Katara gave me a grin before heading out the door.
"Here we are. Have you seen Azula since she was put in here?" Katara picked Hikari out of her carrier.
"I visited her once, before I left. Right after the comet."
"Ah, quite a while ago. She's gotten better, but she's still mean and cynical, it's just tempered with odd giggling and childlike queries. Don't challenge her, she gets a bit wild, and don't reprimand her. It goes against your personality, I know, but it must be done."
"Ok."
"I'm going to introduce Hikari, tell the news about Iroh, drink some tea , and leave."
"Haha, nice one!"
"What? Oh, yes, sorry! Pardon the pun!" She smiled slightly
"Ok, so we get in, tell our news, socialize for a few minutes, and leave."
She nodded, "It will be hard to leave, I'll warn you, but again it must be done."
"Okeedoke!"
She nodded to the guard at the door and he unbolted the latch.
"Don't be surprised. When you see her I mean. Just follow my lead, ok?"
I nodded. I was getting a bit nervous now, as I followed Katara through the open door into the surprisingly warm room.
I was struck by the room before I could even think about looking for Azula. The walls were painted a deep, very Fire Nation red and the floor was plush carpet. There was a four poster bed in one corner and a mirror-less vanity in the other. The most amazing was the large window that filled the space in between the two. It was shielded by bars, but it was still obviously a rarity. I didn't see Azula until we walked past the doorway. She was sitting in a faded red chair in the corner across from the vanity, sipping a cup of tea. Her hair was just as ragged as it had been five years ago, but greasier, and her plain red dress and pants were singed and ripped. Her face had grown sharper; she had lost weight, and her arms were scratched up. As soon as she saw us she made a face and threw the teacup in our general direction.
"You're late!" She exclaimed angrily
Katara smiled genially, "I know, I'm so sorry about that! I got caught outside, talking. But I brought two new visitors! Perhaps you remember Kya?" She gestured to me
"Ah yes, that long lost cousin. Why didn't you visit?" Her expression suddenly turned pitiful
"I'm so sorry, er… cousin, I moved back to my homeland. It's very far away!"
"She's lying, mother. Surely she's been back here! This is her homeland! The land of her ancestry, right? What about when Zuzu married the waterbender? She was here then, right? I think she's a liar." She tilted her head to the side as if she were listening to someone, then she stomped her foot like a two-year-old, "I don't care if she's related to me! I don't like her! I don't want to get along with her!"
I watched this exchange, horrified. What was happening? The last time I had been to see Azula, right after the comet, all she had done was sit in the corner of her padded cell and whimper. With the occasional angry, 'I hate you' outburst. This was much different, and somehow scarier.
"Fine, mother. I'll be civil." She turned to me with a glare, "Do have some tea, Kya." She said my name as if it was an insult, but I ignored it.
I noticed Katara was sitting down in the chair across from Azula and pouring herself tea. I followed her example nervously.
"What do you have in your hands?" Azula finally seemed to notice Hikari, "Is it a doll? You know I detest dolls!"
"It's not a doll, Azula, it's your new niece!" Katara kept her easy smile on as she unwrapped Hikari from her blanket and leaned towards Azula
"She's my… niece?" Azula looked up as if trying to figure it out, "You mean, she's Zuzu's daughter?"
"Zuko's and mine, yes," Katara didn't flinch as Azula touched the baby's face gently
"She's not Zuko's child. Her face is perfect. Zuzu's face is messed up." Azula crossed her arms as if she'd solved the world hunger problem.
"Azula…" Katara took a deep breath, "She is Zuko's child. What Zuko has is a scar. Scars aren't genetic! So Zuko's baby wouldn't have a scar. Do you understand?" She sounded like a mother talking to her little child, trying to make them understand that the cabbage wasn't poisoned, it was good for you.
"I guess so. It really is Zuzu's baby? Not that moustache man? The earthbender? You two seemed to –"
"No!" Katara interrupted her, but not before I understood what Azula was saying, "Haru and I never had anything, for goodness sake!"
I snickered, "Oh Azula, I think we are related!"
This prompted a smile from the former Fire Princess, "I have a little quiz! Zuzu calls it my 'are you related to Azula' quiz! He didn't pass, but that's because he's a wimp. He isn't like me. Do you want to take it?"
I shrugged, "Sure!"
"Ok, first question. Have you ever considered world domination?"
I nodded, "It's crossed my mind."
She grinned, "Ok, question two… do you have awesome hair?"
I nodded, "I like to think so. It's pretty amazing."
Her grin got bigger, "Ok… question three, are you a firebending prodigy?"
"I guess you could say I am. In a way."
"Question four! Have you ever manipulated someone to get what you want?"
"Yeah… more times than I'd like to admit," I grinned back
"Last question, Are you insane!" She giggled, "They say I am. Insane!" She giggled again
"You know what?" I patted her arm, "Sokka says I am too. Insane!" I giggled along with her. Katara just watched us, shaking her head slowly.
"You girls are two peas in a pod! Definitely related! Ha!"
"Katara! You're related too, right? But you're too nice. You wouldn't pass my quiz. I know it!" Azula shrugged, "Oh well. You can't win 'em all, right Kya?"
"Right!"
"Mother, you were right! I know you love it when I say that. My cousin is nice. I like her."
I shot a look at Katara, but she didn't see it. She was speaking to Azula
"Azula, this tea is very good! Did you make it?"
"Yes, I did! I'm glad you like it. They told me you were coming, so I made it for you! I wanted to poison it, but mother said that wouldn't be courteous. Uncle Iroh told the recipe to me. He is an odd man. I don't know if I hate him or love him!" She giggled again.
"Azula… I have something to tell you."
"Something to tell me? Oh, let me guess… Zuzu's realized he's too much of a wimp to rule, and he's giving me the throne! Or… the earth kingdom exploded! Or… I get to be Fire Lord and then I get to explode the Earth Kingdom!" She giggled yet again
"Er… no." Katara looked to me for support, and I suddenly saw the lines of weariness on her face.
"Azula," I took over, placing my warm hand over hers, "Uncle Iroh is dead. He died two weeks ago, in his sleep."
Her face contorted, first to a gleeful expression, then a sorrowful one, then finally an enraged one. She stood up and faced Katara,
"Two weeks? Two weeks? You're very late, waterbender!" She grabbed the teapot and threw it against the wall, where it shattered and spilt tea on the carpet.
"Can you clean that up, Katara? Bend tea? Iroh could. Iroh was a master tea bender. Tea was Iroh's life. How dare you drink it and pretend everything was ok when he was dead? You are a liar, Kya, you are! Oh mother… I was right!" She giggled, "Oh, don't look so stricken, cousin! I'm just kidding! I don't care about that fat old man! He didn't know me at all! He hated me, I know it! He only ever gave me tea recipes and dollies! And he gave Zuko a knife!" At this point she sat back down and started sniffing, "I wanted a knife. I really wanted a knife. But of course, Zuzu got the knife. Who cares about dollies and fashions? I want a knife," She pouted
"Yes, dear. I'm so sorry." Katara sipped her tea calmly.
"Can I hold the baby?"
"Her name is Hikari," Katara answered
"Can I hold Hikari?" Azula looked pleadingly at Katara.
"I suppose. Be gentle. There you go," Katara placed Hikari delicately in Azula's arms. I personally thought she was a very brave woman. I wouldn't trust my cup of tea with Azula, much less my newborn baby.
"She's so little! You could just crush her!"
"Mmhmm." Katara continued to sip her tea, unfazed.
"Can I keep her? I always wanted a baby!"
"No, dear, she's my baby. I have to keep her, sorry."
"Oh right, Zuzu's baby! I keep forgetting! Perhaps if she had a scar like Zuzu's I'd remember…" Azula twisted her mouth and pulled one hand up. I noticed Katara's eyes flick up from her teacup, alarmed. Finally, she was paying the necessary attention, but it was too late!
"Azula!" I interrupted, just as she was about to shoot poor Hikari's face.
"What?"
"I was just wondering if I could hold the baby. I… uh, she's my niece too! Sharing, you know." I smiled nervously
"Mother always tells me to share," Azula sighed, "I suppose you can have her."
"Thank you, cousin!" I took Hikari gratefully, almost collapsing with relief. As soon as the baby was safe in my arms Katara took her back.
"Thank you, Kya." She kissed Hikari's forehead and mumbled something to her.
"Ah, sorry about that, cousin. You know those waterbenders, always so jealous. Especially the peasants… which all of them are." Azula cackled, "Of course, they have every reason to be jealous! They are water tribe nothingness, and we are Fire Nation everything!"
I noticed Katara's eyes flash amidst her cooing to Hikari.
"Azula…" I frowned… this was not a subject I wanted to breach. Azula's elitism was ingrained, and it obviously was not going anywhere anytime soon.
"It's time to go." Katara smiled sympathetically at Azula, then urgently at me.
"Go?" Azula frowned petulantly
"Yes, I am so sorry, but Kya and I have lots of things to do. I'm afraid we could only come for a quick morning tea. I am very sorry dear."
"Leave?" Azula's expression was quickly turning stormy.
Katara was already halfway to the door, and I was trying to follow her, but Azula grabbed my arm.
"Don't leave me, cousin. Don't leave me Kya. Not with her. Don't leave me with her. She hates me. She's never loved me. She lies!" Azula was sobbing, but her hand was burning my arm.
"Azula," I lifted her hand from my arm, "I'm sorry."
"No!" Her eyes became as sharp as daggers as I ran after Katara, for safety.
She shot a blast of fire at me, just as I got into the doorway luckily enough.
"I hate you!" She screamed after us, "You left me with her!"
As I watched through the window in the door, she went to her bed and sat in the corner, sobbing and whimpering. This was the Azula I remembered.
I turned to Katara, horrified.
"What is wrong with her?"
"She's insane," Katara sighed, "Completely insane. She sees and hears her mother, just for starters."
"But doesn't she know her mother's alive?"
"Ursa tried to visit her a couple of times, but all Azula would do was scream and shoot fire. So Ursa stopped. She still comes and watches through the door sometimes. It's all very tragic. She's very volatile too, she only lets me or Zuko come see her. She let your mother come a few times, I think, and Iroh. But she won't let the attendants wash her hair or change her clothes. She just sits in there and firebends at the walls, and scratches herself up. Sometimes she'll call for the attendant and a bath, or new clothes, but unless she calls for it they don't even try. A few of them were killed before they learned that lesson."
"She's pitiful and frightening at the same time," I half shuddered
"Yeah. I'm afraid I underestimate her too much. Normally she's fine. She's exactly like a three-year-old child. They look so cute and innocent, but they can harm your most precious belongings." Kat hugged Hikari close
"I am sorry about that." I patted Hikari's hand, which was sticking out of the blanket.
"None of it was your fault. You saved the poor baby."
"I am definitely looking forward to lunch!" I attempted to focus on more positive things
Katara smiled, "You truly are the perfect girl for Sokka!"
I smiled back, "I try."
The next day was the funeral. It was a beautiful ceremony, though sad. Zuko spoke, my mother spoke, and Toph spoke. It was poignant and funny at parts, exactly as he would have wanted. His body was lying on a pyre, and as soon as the speaking was done Zuko and my mom stepped up to light it. Sokka and I had what I thought was the hardest task: we sang Lu Ten's lullaby as Zuko and Mom lit the pyre. It was so hard to get through, I didn't think I could make it without breaking down, but Sokka's firm hand in mine helped.
Ursa came up after the ceremony and gave us both hugs.
"Thank you for singing that. It was incredible. I know there wasn't a person in the plaza that wasn't crying. It meant a lot, to everyone."
I nodded and sniffed slightly; "It meant a lot to us too. Iroh helped the two of us so many times, but one of them was with that song. It is one memory the three of us shared, one that is especially precious."
Sokka nodded and slipped an arm around my waist to comfort me, something I was incredibly grateful for.
"I'm so glad. Iroh made such an impression on us all," she wiped her eyes and smiled slightly, "I'm so sorry! I just can't stop crying… I can't believe he's gone."
I set my hand gently on her shoulder, "Don't apologize, Aunt Ursa. It's something worth tears!" I wiped a few of my own away, "You have gone through so much trouble; you are definitely allowed to cry!"
Sokka nodded, "You are a strong woman, but no-one is perfect. And the great thing is you don't have to be!"
She thanked us and walked away toward Zuko, who was leaning heavily on Katara, talking to Fong.
"We should take the children," I nodded toward Yuuchi and Hikari, whose mothers looked completely exhausted.
"What a great idea!" He smiled at me and we went over to offer our childcare services.
Once we had the children in hand he turned to me with a skeptical look.
"What now?"
I grinned, "Now we become the fun aunt and uncle."
"Why do I have the feeling this will be barely legal, despite the children?"
"Oh, you have no faith!" I rolled my eyes, laughing all the while.
"The carnival?" Sokka had to almost yell over all the noise.
I still was grinning, "You bet!"
"But they are too young to really enjoy it!" He pointed to Yuuchi, who was staring around with giant eyes, then Hikari, who was asleep.
I shrugged, "But we aren't!"
He shook his head, but he was smiling, "Oh, Kya"
"Come on, I really want to go on the Ferris Wheel!" I took off in the general direction of the giant wheel.
I heard him laugh out loud, and then he was following me, sense of adventure and fun thoroughly inflamed.
It was the perfect thing to distract us from Iroh… or the lack there-of.
"Kya?"
I turned from where I was watching the moon, "Hmm?"
"Do you want to go back to Nuuk?" Sokka was sitting on the bed, and the scroll he had been reading lay beside him.
"I… yes, I do."
"Are you sure? Every day here you seem to come out of your shell more. You have a purpose here, you have stuff to do."
"But… well…" I was speechless. Everything he said was true, I just hadn't realized it.
"You said you wanted to learn firebending, but after the war you just forgot about it. We could stay, Ky. You could enter the Academy."
"What about you? You were getting along great in Nuuk. Everyone loved you! They'll make you chief, Sokka, you know they will! And what about Lil and Kona? They need us, don't you think? We can't stay, it's just not feasible!" I sat down on the window seat
"I am just as happy here as I was in Nuuk. My family is here, my friends. I have friends in Nuuk too, but either way people who love me surround me. I could…" He bit his lip, "I could take the ambassador job."
"I thought your dad was doing that?" I frowned
"He is, but he wants to retire, he wants to go back to the South Pole."
"I see." I sighed and put my hands in my hair, "Do I have to decide now?"
"No, not now! You can take all the time you need."
"How about a month"
"A month sounds great," he came over and hugged me, "Whatever you want, Kya."
It happened when we were eating dinner.
It was Sokka's and my first real fight. Serious one anyway.
Honestly, I don't understand how we made it this long. Almost a year, us, the people who couldn't decide what to eat for dinner without almost coming to blows before. I guess we changed, or something.
Anyway, Hitomi was telling us what was happening that night. She was going for her final test as a firebender. She was telling us about how it was really dangerous, but she'd be fine because she'd been practicing. All of a sudden Sokka said,
"This is why I'm glad Kya decided not to pursue firebending. She might have died or something!"
Everyone kind of froze. I had spoken with Toph and Hitomi about the possibility of us staying, so they knew the meaning this statement had.
"Excuse me?" I turned to Sokka angrily
"Just saying! I wouldn't know what to do if you died, or even got hurt!"
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" I stood up angrily, "Maybe I will pursue firebending! I never answered you!"
"I…" He realized his mistake, "Look, Ky, sorry! I just… I…"
"Yeah, exactly. You messed up! Am I not allowed to do anything dangerous? Don't you think I'd be good enough to not die? Or do you think I'd be horrible? Is that what you think?"
"No!" He stood up too, "It was supposed to be a compliment! I love you! I don't want you to get hurt!"
"So you're just going to keep me in a little bubble, and hope that works? Did you mean anything you said about staying? Do you even really want to? You were lying, making me think you cared."
"I wasn't lying!" He gaped at me. I held my glass of water in my hand; I hadn't let it go when I stood up. Now, without thinking for a second, I splashed it in his face.
"Kya!" This was Katara, who gave me a look of extreme disbelief
Sokka was coughing, from the water that had gotten in his mouth, and staring at me incredulously
"Ok, break it up!" Toph bent the floor up into a wall between us, "Settle down!"
"I have to leave, I'm so sorry!" Hitomi stood up and kissed Fong and Yuuchi and hugged the rest of us. When she hugged me she yelped, "Kya, you burnt me!"
"Oh, Tomi, I'm so sorry! I'm still angry, I guess." I sighed, "I'm sorry."
"It's ok," She brushed her arm where the angry red spot was already fading; "It was just a little sting." She smiled and walked calmly out of the room, waving.
"Sorry," I whispered again. Much to my dismay I felt a tear slip out of my eye, "I have to go too," this was also a whisper, and as soon as it was out I turned and ran away from all the accusing eyes. I was glad I couldn't see Sokka through Toph's wall.
I ran to my room where I cried for a bit. The world was not right.
I stared out the giant window in my room, unsure if I was feeling excitement or fear. Perhaps both. Outside the window a giant storm was roiling along. One of those fairly sudden summer storms with lightning that blinds you and thunder that shakes your whole body. The one where the rain is fairly light, because somewhere there is some law that everything can't be at its worst at one time. Or at least, that's what I like to think.
I was watching this storm with fear because, though I was a bit old to be scared by thunderstorms, this one was frightening. I knew all the customs here, and the custom that went along with the first summer storm was a grisly one. All the young firebenders in the royal academy that were deemed 'ready' went out and attempted to call lightning to them, then redirect it. It was the final step before becoming a master. Tonight, Hitomi was out there. I was excited for her opportunity, but scared for her life.
I wasn't thinking about Sokka or anything else down that avenue.
"Siku? You ok?"
"Toph! You startled me!" I turned from where I had landed after her voice had sent me jumping and sighed, "I'm holding up alright, I guess. I'm just worried."
"We all are. You should see Fong! He's a head case. Pretty soon he'll be joining Azula!" She laughed, and I joined in.
"Now that is an interesting mental picture!"
She patted my shoulder roughly, "Don't worry about Hitomi. She'll do great! She's been practicing the redirecting move for practically four years. Ever since she applied to the academy! She'll be fine."
"Thanks Toph. I'm really glad you came. I was just starting to get morose." I smiled at her, though she couldn't see it.
"Yeah, well, Sokka was almost as bad as Fong. He really wanted to come check on you, but after that outburst earlier he wasn't sure he was the one you wanted to see."
"Oh, Toph." I sank down onto the chair that was conveniently behind me.
"Don't beat yourself up over it! Just apologize, he will too, and then you'll be good. Don't assume or presume anything. Just say what you need to say and let him take care of the rest."
"When did you become such a good advice giver? Have you been studying psychology?"
"Naw, I learned that from…" She sighed, "Iroh."
"Oh, Toph," I said again, but this time was completely different
"Hey, it's ok. It's been almost a month since the funeral. We're living our lives and getting along alright."
"Really, did you ever think of becoming a therapist?"
"Not on your life!" She grinned, "Now come on; let's go talk to that husband of yours, shall we?"
I smiled, "You are amazing, Toph!"
She laughed, "I try!"
"Sokka, I… I'm so sorry," I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears which had suddenly threatened to appear.
"Oh Kya. You have no reason to apologize… except maybe for splashing water on me…" he grinned, "It was my fault, I spoke stupidly. As usual," he sighed
"I still love you," I smiled, "I'll always love you."
"As will I," He pulled me into his arms, to a chorus of 'awws' from everyone except Toph, who made a sound as if she were throwing up.
"Sappiness, ugh." She rolled her eyes
"I'm glad you don't like sappiness, Toph. It makes this a lot easier." Teo rolled over to her
"What are you talking about? I swear, if you're showing me something…" She puffed out air that ruffled her bangs, and crossed her arms
"I'm not," he took her hand, "I'm telling you something. You're going to marry me." He slid a ring onto her finger.
She stood there with an open mouth for about five minutes, until Katara squealed.
"Toph, say something!"
"You really want to marry me?" Toph's disbelief was blatantly evident, causing us all to laugh.
"Of course I do Toph! You're amazing! I love you!"
"I… this… you're…" She opened and closed her mouth like a fish.
"Toph, say yes! Say you'll marry him!" I tugged excited on Sokka's hand and he smiled at me.
"Yes, I'll marry you! I'll marry you! I really will!" She giggled, "Guys, I'm getting married!"
"Congratulations!" Zuko smiled at Katara in much the same way that Sokka had smiled at me, and Yuuchi clapped his hands; obviously he could tell that something exciting was happening.
Just then Hitomi ran in, "I did it! I really did it! I redirected lightning! I'm a master!" She was soaking wet and dripping on the floor, but none of us cared. We ran up and hugged her, and Fong, of course, kissed her. She picked up Yuuchi, who smiled and said, 'mama!'
"Hitomi, guess what?" Toph giggled again, "I'm getting married! I'm really getting married!"
Hitomi gasped, "Toph! That's incredible! Completely incredible! Congrats!"
I pulled Sokka into a quiet corner as they ordered more piiju and leechi nuts to celebrate.
"Sokka, I want to stay. But I don't have to study firebending if you really don't want me to."
"No, Ky, I want you to. You are a firebender, it's just who you are. I shouldn't be so pigheaded as to stop you from following your destiny."
I smiled, "You're my destiny, denigii, nothing else but you matters."
"Aww, that's so sweet!" He mock gagged and I laughed, "But really, go to the Academy! You'll be an amazing firebender, there won't be any danger. Except to anyone who stands in your way, of course."
I laughed slightly, "Thanks, love. That really means a lot."
"Anytime. Love you, Kya."
"Love you too, Sokka."
"Ewwww, they're kissing!" Toph made more faux barfing sounds, and everyone else laughed.
Not so bad a day after all!
"Aang?" I put my hand on the boy's shoulder, "Are you alright?"
He didn't turn around from where he was staring at the sea, just nodded.
"No, you're not. Sit down and face me!"
As always, the direct approach worked.
"I'm fine, Kya!" He stole another glance at the setting sun, but I wasn't fooled.
"Aang, it's ok if you're not perfect, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know," He squirmed under my gaze.
"Aang, it's also ok if you're sad you lost Toph." I bit my lip, hoping I didn't go too far.
"I didn't lose her! I never had her! I never wanted her!" He stood up and glared at me.
"Oh dear. I was hoping I was wrong." I sighed, "You just proved me right."
"You are wrong! I don't like Toph! I mean, I like her as a friend, but nothing more!" He crossed his arms and continued to glare. I stood up to meet his gaze
"Aang, don't lie to me. You have to confide in someone, and I'm willing to be that someone. Please, don't bottle it up."
"I'm not a kid anymore, Kya. I'm seventeen! I can control my own emotions!"
"No, you can't! Your age has nothing to do with it; it's your personality! You just bottle up your emotions, keep them locked up inside, until you implode! That isn't healthy, Aang! You have to tell someone!"
"Fine," He sighed and sat back down, "Fine."
"Thank you; you don't know how much this relieves me." I sat down again also.
"You shouldn't worry about me so much. I can take care of myself."
"Oh, please!" I rolled my eyes, with a smile to show I was teasing.
"Ok, ok!" He grinned back, but the grin soon faded, "You want to know how I feel?"
"That would be nice," I said dryly
"I feel like a failure. Oh, sure, the world is getting on all right, but my personal life is a failure. I lost the first girl I loved, and in my grief over that I lost the second. I don't even see what the purpose of the third is, because I already know the outcome. I just can't help it." He sighed, "And now I'm just depressing you. These are my burdens, I'll carry them."
"Oh, Aang. You're so young." I gave him a small, sad smile, "So very young."
"Don't patronize me!" He clenched his hands into fists and a warm breeze suddenly blew across my face. With an agonized look he released his fists and put his head in his hands, "I get angry at the slightest things. I don't know why. I have so much power, it hurts."
"You…" I shook my head, "You'll be fine."
"No, I won't. I'll never be fine"
"Aang, snap out of it!"
"I can feel whatever the heck I want to feel!" He got up, snapped open his glider, and flew away.
I stared after him angrily. What right did he have to yell at me like that! I was just trying to help!
When Sokka came up an hour later he found me sobbing.
"Kya, what's wrong!" He ran up and held me close
"He's hurting, Sok, he's hurting so much, but nothing can help him. He needs to leave; he needs to not have our happiness flashing in his face. I don't think we can help him anymore, Sokka."
"Oh, Kya," Sokka sighed and rested his head in my hair.
"He's going to fall apart. He's lost his hope."
"Don't worry about him anymore, Kya. Let him find it. He will."
We sat and watched the moon until we fell asleep.
"Dear Liluye.
That's so amazing! It's baby season I guess! Hitomi just had her second, a girl named Rani. She's so cute! And Toph is about to have her first!
I hope you can come over soon. I miss you! Having fun here though.
Say hello to Kona and everyone else!
Love,
Kya"
It was one of the most amazing days of my life. Certainly one of the most interesting.
I didn't expect it to be an interesting or amazing day! All I had planned was some simple sparring. Nothing special. Li was going to teach me some of her hand-to-hand tricks.
I got there on time, as did Li, and we had been practicing for about an hour, when Aang showed up.
"Hey, Aang!" I smiled at him, hoping he was in a better mood than the last time I'd seen him, a couple years ago, when he'd flown off and not come back.
"Hello Kya."
No such luck. His greeting was cordial, but nothing more. Contrary to the greeting he gave Li.
"Aang!" She ran to him and gave him a giant hug, which he returned
"Hi Li! How are you? Have you married Cha-li yet?" He smiled, but I could see the pain in his eyes
"Not yet!" She laughed, "Crazy kid just won't propose! How are you?"
"Oh, I'm alive!" He laughed bitterly, "Barely!"
"So what brings you back to the Fire Nation?"
"I wanted to see you."
"Oh…" She had an odd look on her face, and I could tell she didn't know how to take this.
"You're one of my good friends, Li! Aren't friends allowed to come see friends?"
"Of course!" She laughed nervously, "It is good to see you, Aang!"
"So, what are you doing right now? Did I interrupt anything?"
"Kya and I were just practicing some moves, but you came at an ok time! We were just about to take a break!"
I nodded to confirm her words, but he paid me no attention.
"Can you show me some of your airbending moves?" She had another odd look on her face, and he looked rather surprised, but he nodded.
He showed her a few moves and she copied them.
"Good job! You move like an airbender." He smiled
"I do? I see." She had a look on her face like she was figuring something out.
"What's up? You look like something's wrong!"
"Oh, nothing's wrong." She grinned, "In fact, I think something is really right!"
"Ok, what is going on?" He frowned
"Just watch!" She laughed, and he frowned deeper. I leaned in, confused.
She went through all the moves he had taught her. At the point where he had jumped ten feet, she jumped ten feet. My mouth dropped open and I heard him gasp. At the end of the little routine, where he had shot a wall of air out, she shot a wall of air out. It wasn't just a breeze either; it knocked me off of my bench.
"Oh my goodness." I stared at her, "Li, you're… you're…"
"You're an airbender!" Aang did a flip, "You're really an airbender!"
"I am! I really am!" She laughed again, loud and long, and I couldn't help but join her. Soon all three of us were rolling on the floor, laughing out loud.
"This is the best day of my life!" Aang did another flip.
"I can't wait to tell everyone!" Li did a flip just like him, almost as good too.
"Wow," was all I could say.
I was calmly cleaning my room the next day, putting Sokka's clothes away and such, when Li walked in.
"Hey Li! How are you?"
"Aang's asked me to go with him, to travel, to help him keep the peace."
"Really?"
"He said he'll teach me airbending. Help me master it." Li laughed drily, "Imagine, all this time I was an airbender, and I had no idea!"
"It's amazing, Li! And so exciting!" I smiled, and then remembered what she had said before, "So, are you going to go with him?"
"Kya, I can't! I just can't! I love Cha-Li… I'm sure he'll propose any day now! I can't leave him!" Li frowned and flopped down onto my bed.
"Li…" I didn't know what to say. "Do you want me to convince you to go, or do you want me to validate your choice?"
"I honestly don't know!"
"Perhaps you should list the pros and cons? Or something like that?"
"I've already done all of that. I've made my choice Ky, and it's not the one you think. I can't leave Cha-li, but I have to. If I don't go with Aang, if I don't marry him, I'll be killing a race, essentially. Sure, there may be other airbenders out there, but how long will it take to find them? Aang loves me; he'll treat me just fine. I have to go with him."
I stared at her, shocked.
"You… you mean…"
"I'm going with him. We're leaving tomorrow. I… I wanted to see what you would say."
"Oh, Li. It's… it's… well, there is no right choice here, I suppose." I sighed.
"I know. But this is the one that must be made. I can't face Cha-li, I just can't do it. Can you give this to him?" She handed me a letter.
"Of course. Good luck. Write me, please."
"I'll try." She smiled, "Thank you, Kya, thank you."
"Anytime!" I gave her a hug, "Be careful. Stay smart."
"Will do. See ya."
"'Bye."
She scampered out of the room, leaving a breeze that ruffled my hair.
"Oh, Toph, she's so cute! What's her name?"
"Teyla. Is she adorable? I've never really missed my sight until now. I wish I could just see her face, just once." Toph sighed
"I'm sorry uyarak! But you can feel her, and that's more important!" I gave the earthbender a hug.
"Thanks Kya!"
"Sure! Oh, Teo's back! I'll give you guys a minute."
"Thanks Kya," Teo gave me a smile
"No problem," I slipped out and smiled at everyone in the outer chamber, "Oh, she's so adorable! And Toph's doing great!"
"This is so exciting! I never thought Toph would have a daughter! It's crazy!" Katara laughed.
"It is weird!" Hitomi smiled, "And very incredible!"
"Dear Liluye,
Our sixth anniversary is almost here. You're coming down for the party, right? It's so crazy to realize how long it's been. Insane. This means it's been a decade since the comet… a DECADE!
I'm doing fine, thanks for asking. I'm glad Kia is too. The drawing you sent was very cute! I hope I get to see her in real life soon.
Don't feel bad. I'm not going to be embittered by your happiness. Like I said, I'm doing fine.
Love,
Kya"
Everywhere I turned there was a baby or a pregnant woman. I just didn't understand.
Even Azula got onto me. When I went to visit, she hit me with,
"Don't you have any children? My mother had Zuko just a year after she married my father! You're running a little late, aren't you?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Azula."
"Oh mother, the perfect cousin is angry! What would happen if I talked about it? Do you want to see, mother?" She cackled, "Oh, alright, I'll behave."
It struck me especially hard one day. Everyone was in town for Sokka's and my sixth anniversary party, and one night we told them we'd babysit all their kids and let them go see a show and stay the night on Ember Island. After promises that we really did want to do this, and we'd be ok, they went.
Sokka and I had a great time with all six children. We had Yuuchi, who was almost six, Hikari, who was four, Rani, who was three, Teyla, who was also three, Kia, who was two, and Iroh, who was about eight months. It was an interesting and very fun group. We played games, ate dinner, and went to bed.
At about three O'candle (in the morning) a tiny little knock woke me up, along with some sniffling. I sat up to see Hikari standing in the doorway, nose running and eyes red from crying.
"Oh, sweetie, what's wrong? C'mere." I lifted her onto the bed and wiped her nose
She sniffed, "I had a bad dream. Mama calls those 'ny mares'."
"Yeah, ny mares." I smiled despite her obvious distress, "Well, don't worry dear. You can stay with us tonight, ok? That way if you have another nightmare I'll be right here. Is that ok?"
She nodded, snuggled under the covers, and was asleep almost instantly. I smiled and tried to follow suit, but it was hard. I couldn't help but wonder if I was ever going to be able to do this with my own children. Was I ever going to be able to tell someone my own stories, and snuggle with them, and teach them about 'ny mares'? Would I ever have that privilege? To my horror I started to sob quietly. I didn't want to cry!
I felt Sokka's warm hand on my shoulder and his calm voice whispered, "Did you have a ny mare?"
I smiled, "Thanks Sokka."
"I love you."
"I love you too." Now I was able to sleep.
I thought I had lost it that night, but the next morning was worse.
I woke up before everyone else and went out to make breakfast but was distracted by the sunrise. I sat and watched for a while, then remembered the events of the night before. I thought of all I might have lost, and why on earth I had lost it. Why? Why would I never have children? Why was it taking so long?
That was when I really fell apart. I cried for what I might never have. I cried and cried and cried and cried, until my face was red and blotchy and my head ached, and still I cried. I was still crying when Sokka woke up and found me, staring out at the risen sun and sobbing.
"Oh ky," He sighed and came and held me.
"I can't stop!" I continued to sob, though he was rocking me
"I know, I know. It's ok, sweetie, it's ok to cry. But you can't give up hope, you hear me?"
I nodded slightly
"You can never give up hope, because if you give up hope you give up your will to live. Remember you always have me, and you always have your nieces and nephews."
"It's not the same," I managed through the sobs
"I know it's not, but it is something. I love you; I'll always love you no matter what, ok?"
"I know, but…" I sniffed and managed to hold back a few sobs, "What if that's not enough."
His gaze got fierce, "That's always enough. Always"
I nodded, "I'm sorry"
"Don't apologize, Ky. You don't need to."
"I love you," I sighed and rested my head against his chest
"Stay sane, ok? I can't have two Azulas, it's too much." He grinned and I laughed slightly
"Ok. I'll try."
"Hey Kya?"
"Yes, Toph?"
"Can I come with you to see Azula today?"
"What?" I stopped in the middle of a dancing dragon pose and turned to look at the not-so-little earthbender, "You hate Azula!"
"I know!" She smiled, I think she thought it was sweetly, "That's why I want to come!"
"You know you can't harm her in any way…" I frowned
"Yes, yes, I know! I just want to come. As a matter of fact, why don't we invite Sokka too! He hasn't seen Azula in a while, has he?"
My frown deepened, "Toph, what are you planning?"
She sighed and was about to speak when Teyla ran up,
"Mommy, can we take Iroh to the duck pond?"
"Iroh? No! He's just a baby!"
"But Yuuchi said he was a big kid, so he could take care of even a baby!"
"Tey, if Yuuchi said that he could earthbend, would you believe him?"
The little girl scrunched up her face, as if she was trying to figure this out… "Yuuchi can't earthbend, mommy!"
Toph smiled slightly, "Yes, I know… well, Yuuchi isn't big enough to take care of a baby. So no, you may not take Iroh to the duck pond. You aren't even supposed to go to the duck pond without an adult!"
Teyla made a face, "Alright. Can we go to the courtyard?"
"That's fine"
"'Bye mommy!" Teyla skipped off, ponytail bouncing.
Toph frowned, "I wish I could see your face."
"Me? Why?" I had gone innocently back to my dancing dragon forms.
"No reason!" She shrugged, "So, about Azula…"
"Fine, you can come! You can try to convince Sokka to come too, if you want. Be at our door at Ten O'Candle tomorrow morning." I gave up on the dancing dragon forms and poured myself a cup of tea
"Thanks!" Toph took the cup of tea out of my hands and headed off down the hall
I had no choice but to sigh and shake my head
"Ok, Toph, no provoking her, ok? We go in, we chat, and when she starts to get antsy we leave, ok?"
Toph nodded, "But why are you singling me out? Snoozles will be just as tempted to smack her!"
I sighed, "Because, though he doesn't have a lot, he has more restraint than you."
"You're biased!"
"Perhaps. But that doesn't matter! Let's go!"
Sokka snickered slightly and opened the door for us 'ladies.'
"Well, if it isn't my perfect cousin. Oh, look mother, she brought friends! It's that blind earthbender and the wimpy warrior Ty Lee liked." Azula gave a mock curtsey, "Hello guests!"
"Hello Azula!" I smiled pleasantly and sank down in a chair, "How are you?"
Toph and Sokka exchanged an incredulous look. (This still amazes me – Toph's ability to exchange looks. She's blind, how does she know where to 'look'? But she does it!)
"Not like you care!" Azula rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the chair across from me. Toph and Sokka tiptoed around us and sat in other chairs, farther away.
"I care, Azula! I very much care! You are one of my favorite cousins!"
She chuckled, "Don't tell Zuko that!"
"Right!" I smiled slightly, "So, really, how are you?"
She was still on her tirade, "Nobody ever really cared. Mother hated me. Father just liked my firebending abilities. Zuko wants to care, but he can't. Mai and Ty Lee came close… but then they just betrayed me." Suddenly she cast a sharp glance at me, "Where are Mai and Ty Lee, exactly?"
I sighed, "I'm not sure, exactly. Still in prison would be my best guess. I would think Zuko would have thought of them, liberated them. They might have gone to the Earth Kingdom, or something like that."
"Oh." She ran a hand through her hair, a surprisingly human gesture. But of course, she had to ruin it, by pointing to Toph and Sokka; "Why are they here? Nobody likes them!"
Toph snorted slightly and I shrugged,
"Honestly, I don't know. They wanted to come."
"Hmph," Azula set her eyes to roving across the room, looking for something else to criticize. When her gaze came to rest on my midsection she smiled slightly, "So, still no children? I suppose you are being disowned by the first few clubs and societies now. Truly a shameful thing, being so childless so long. It isn't natural. Eventually you will be an outcast, forced to live in the side streets and alleys. It's just how it's done in the Fire Nation, though I know you don't know much about us and our customs. You're a disgrace, in our world."
Sokka grabbed my hand and Toph stood up.
The triumphant grin on her face scared me.
"Oh Azula, you are so wrong!"
"Excuse me?" I think Azula and I said this in unison. It was a confusing time, let me tell you!
"Kya is not childless! She is not a disgrace!"
"Look, girl, I know you think you're so smart, but you're blind! You can't tell if someone is pregnant or not!"
"Toph, don't tease her," or me I thought.
"I'm not teasing! Look, Azula, I know you think you're so smart, but I can feel heartbeats! I can tell if there is an extra one in Kya!"
"Toph, what are you saying?" Sokka's voice was level, but his hand was crushing mine
"I'm saying prepare for the hardest time in your life: you're about to be a parent! Kya is pregnant!"
I think I fainted, just for a few minutes. When I came to Toph was cackling, Azula was frowning, and Sokka was sitting back in his chair, seemingly stunned.
"Sokka? You ok?"
He blinked a few times, "Yup, never better! I'm great! Just a little, uh, happy!"
I grinned, "Yeah… me too!"
Azula stared at us angrily, "Why are you so happy? Why? Why am I not happy? It's not fair!" I felt the blue sparks before I saw them… the air was alive and sparking. Toph shook her head slightly and Sokka jumped up
"Guys! Don't worry, just get in that doorway, ok? I know how to deal with this"
Toph complied immediately, but Sokka frowned,
"No, don't get in danger! I mean…" He bit his lip
"Hey, don't worry, I'm fine!" I kissed him slightly and then pushed him towards the doorway.
Azula watched all this with an ugly scowl on her face. As soon as I kissed Sokka she began to really gather lightning.
"Azula, dear, you don't have to attack me." Last ditch attempts sometimes work!
"It's not fair!" She dragged the lightning across the room like a whip until it reached me. I redirected it into a chair. She hissed and shot fire at me. Her fire was weak and easy to block. I let my instincts rule when fighting her – she was one of those deceptively easy opponents.
"Zula, really, you'll just wear yourself out."
"No I won't!" She grinned manically, "I have a surprise! I've been practicing!"
She put her arms up towards the ceiling and her fingertips began to spark. She kept them up there until she had giant orbs of lightning flowing around her fingers. As soon as the lightning became big enough that the light it gave off was blinding, she cackled and sent it towards me.
This all happened in a second. It was the fastest gathering of lightning I had ever seen. I froze for a split second trying to figure out what to do. I couldn't redirect it, because the two orbs were slowly spreading into one giant wall, and there was no point at which I could grab it. I couldn't block it, because lightning goes through fire and electrifies water. After five milliseconds I knew what I had to do. I went through the move I'd been taught in my head before doing it for real. I focused, and shot my fingertips out.
When I opened my eyes Azula was staring at me. The side of her hair was singed, but other than that she was unharmed. As opposed to the wall beside her; this had a giant burnt splat in it.
"What did I do, exactly?" I sank down onto my knees, weak from whatever it was.
"You… you made this… something, I've never seen anything like it. It was a jet of lightning and fire and water… like lightning and lava…" Azula rubbed her singed hair, "It was crazy!"
Sokka touched me on the shoulder, and I accepted his helping hand up.
"It was just like she said – a horizontal column of lava and lightning, twisted around each other. Powerful weapon you have there!" He smiled and picked me up
"Oh, you don't have to –"
"No, no, I insist. You've probably exhausted yourself, doing that, you don't need to walk!"
Over his shoulder I saw Toph gag and Azula wave.
It was a fairly comedic sight; you can't blame me for giggling.
Perhaps I was exhausted.
"Dear Liluye,
I'm going home. Sokka and I agree; we want the baby to be born and raised there in Nuuk. I've progressed far enough in my firebending that I can keep at it and teach myself the rest. It's just a matter of practicing. And Sokka arranged for a new ambassador also.
I'm both excited and nervous about going home. What if everyone has changed? What if they hate me for leaving multiple times?
I don't know. I do enjoy my life here in the Fire Nation, but Sokka and I are both Water Tribe, despite our travels. We feel most at home in the Water Tribe. We want our child to be raised Water Tribe, not confused by the Fire Nation customs.
Am I doing the right thing?
Ah, well. Hopefully we'll have time to come visit you before the baby is born. It's only three sections of the candle, by boat.
Love,
Kya"
It felt good, being back home. Toph and Teo decided to come with us, just to visit and help us settle in, and so far they hadn't left, which was ok. As far as I'd heard, Hitomi and Fong were planning to come out to help me after the birth, and I was sure that Katara would attempt to make it, though Zuko probably couldn't because of his responsibilities. I laughed at the thought that I would be alone here. Truly, that was what had made me think twice about moving back, so far from my friends. They had all managed to arrange it so that they lived in the Fire Nation… why couldn't I? I thought about this for a while, but as soon as I was back on Nuuk I ceased regretting my decision. It was wonderful.
Now I only had a month left of my pregnancy. Toph and Sokka were helping me around the house, making me stop doing things like cleaning. I wasn't complaining! I was nice and relaxed, but my anxiety grew as the month passed. I could feel that things weren't going to stay this perfect. Something was going to happen.
I just wish I had been wrong.
"Hey Kya, you got a letter from Li!" Sokka came in waving the letter around like a madman
"Oh, wonderful!" I started to get up from the chair I was reclined in, but he stopped me with a shout
"No! Don't get up! I'll bring it to you!"
"I'm not an invalid," I huffed, "I'm perfectly capable of walking two steps!"
"The baby could come at any time now! You need to relax!"
I rolled my eyes as I snatched the letter from his hands.
"Can you read it out loud?" He settled into the chair next to me and looked over my shoulder as I broke the seal on the letter
"Dear Kya," I began to read, "I'm sorry I haven't written you much. We've been on the go, always flying around… mainly around the Earth Kingdom; Aang's been helping the Earth King. I haven't been able to send any letters… or write any. Everytime I start I end up scratching it out and crumpling it up. Nothing of importance has happened. Well, that's not true. We have a child, he's almost two. Gyatso is his name. I am just bad at writing letters I suppose.
Enough stalling. I'm afraid I have rather bad news. Aang found out that I only married him because I felt obligated. I tried to tell him that it didn't matter: We've been together for about four years, and we have a child, but he wouldn't listen. He felt betrayed, I suppose. All these years we've been together, he's never really spoken to me, never tried to be what I thought couples were supposed to be: confidants. The only time I ever saw real joy in him was when Gyatso was born, even that only lasted a few days. It's like, when the novelty wears off, he doesn't care anymore. He still has the attention span of a fly.
I want to stay with him. I want to have more children, to further propagate the race. But I couldn't lie to him… I couldn't tell him I wanted to stay because I love him. Honestly, I don't love him. I can't help it. I tried, and I tried, but I just can't. I still love Cha-li, though I know that is over and done with.
I don't know why I'm saying this all in a letter. Perhaps this is why I never wrote: I feel like everything I needed to say should be said in person. But this was too important. I am making myself send this letter because you need to know.
I have gotten all your letters, so I know you're back on Nuuk. I'm coming there. I'm sorry to burden you, but you and Hitomi are the only ones who know my predicament. I haven't spoken to anyone else… I'm not close enough to anyone else. I don't want to go back to the Fire Nation… I can't.
Aang left, in the middle of the night, and didn't tell me where he was going. He left a note, but it simply said 'I'm gone for good. Don't try to find me.'
I'm sorry.
-Li"
"Oh dear," Sokka sat back in his chair and rubbed his head, "This is a problem."
"Uh Sokka?" I turned to him, "I think I'm in labor."
I kinda zoned out then. He freaked out, went to go get someone, all those kind of things. I was simply caught up in the fact that I was about to have my child. My child.
Sokka paced the floor. It seemed stereotypical, but it came naturally. He had been expelled from the birthing room for the time being, only after the midwife had promised to call him when the baby was really coming out. For now all he could do was pace and worry. Teo and Fong were playing pai sho at the table and Toph was entertaining the children in the corner.
"She's going to be fine!" This was Fong
"I know, but I can't help but worry!" Sokka ran his hand through his hair, which had come loose from his wolf's tail
"I understand, man. It's nerve-wracking!" Teo shot Sokka a grin
"Hey, you can have some pride Snoozles! You're not nearly as bad as Teo was! I thought he was going to tear the place down!" Toph smiled teasingly at her husband
"Thanks guys," Sokka sat down and stared at the door, "So, how do you think she's doing?"
Fong and Teo exchanged a smirk and Toph shook her head. A screech from Hawky made them all jump.
"Why don't you read that message, Sokka?" Toph raised her eyebrows in a not-so-subtle hint.
"Fine, fine!" Sokka went over to the bird and took the message from the arm pouch. He recognized Aang's handwriting immediately, and went over to the corner to have a bit of privacy.
"Dear Sokka and Kya,
I don't know why I'm sending this to you. I think Li said something about going there. Maybe that's why.
Katara always used to tell me that I'd lost my sense of humor, my 'goofy' side. She said I'd lost my hope. I don't know what I had to be hopeful about. I essentially killed my own race, twice. The first time by running away before the Fire Nation attack and the second time by running away from Li. It seems like that is all I know how to do: run away.
I am the worst Avatar that has ever lived. Sure I defeated Ozai, but I couldn't even kill him, couldn't even finish the job. Suki died because of me. Any and all of you are more worthy of the title than I am.
The next Avatar will be better, so why prolong his or her coming? Why force this pitiful world to put up with me any longer? I don't know. I don't know why this has taken me so long… but I'm telling you now…
My life is worthless, useless. I am going to end it, end the pain. End the suffering.
I'm sorry.
Aang"
Sokka didn't know what to say. He ran into the birthing room and the midwife grinned,
"Great timing!"
He heard a cry, saw the baby's head, and saw Kya take it gently, a serene smile on her face. How could he break that beautiful picture?
"What should we name her?" his thoughts were broken by Kya's weary voice.
"I don't know..." He smiled and came to sit beside her.
"Look, she's so fierce!" Suddenly Kya smiled brightly, "How about Shila?"
"Perfect," Sokka held his precious family in his arms.
He wasn't thinking of Aang in the slightest.
Somewhere, Aang knew this. He could practically feel Sokka open the letter, feel his anxiety.
Shouldn't he be happy, thought Aang, shouldn't he be overjoyed to receive a letter from me?
Sometime, nobody knew when, Aang had slipped. Perhaps it was when the Fire Lord had killed Suki. Maybe that had only started the descent. Perhaps it was when Katara had married Zuko. Or when Toph married Teo.
Nobody knew.
All they knew was that he wasn't the same. He had lost some of his sanity. They didn't know the full extent. They didn't know that he was as insane as Azula, perhaps more. They didn't know that every night he lay down and thought of how much they hated him. Thought about how the whole world blamed him for the war, for the thousands of people who had died because of it, for his failure. For that's what it was, he'd decided, plain failure.
He went through the same tirade that night. His rational mind, the tiny bit left, warred with his irrational mind.
'It's not your fault; you couldn't have stopped Sozin even if you didn't run away! Roku couldn't,' said the rational part
'Of course it's your fault! You ran away! You practically killed them yourself,' said the irrational part.
He stood on the edge of the cliff. He had thought about this many times, but the rational part had always ended up winning.
Tonight was different.
He was overtaken with a vision. He saw Sokka, saw him reading the note.
Aang knew what he had to do. He knew it would hurt, but pain no longer mattered. The whole world hated him, and he couldn't change that. Despite all the work he had done to save the world from the Fire Nation, it was still a giant mass of writhing chaos.
Li had told him he needed to have hope. Everyone had told him he needed to have hope.
But hope was something he had lost long ago. He had been taught that hope was a distraction; that teaching stuck with him.
And without hope, what was the world?
He stared down the cliff. The Great Divide… they wouldn't soon find him here. He was fine with that too… he didn't deserve a proper burial. Closing his eyes, he plunged the knife into his chest. He felt himself fall off the cliff, and then nothing.
It should have been the happiest time of our lives, but instead it was dark.
Sokka told me the contents of Aang's letter the day after Shila's birth. I didn't know what to think, what to say. Was this my fault? This was all our faults, wasn't it? We could have stopped this.
Li arrived a few days later. She had new lines on her face and an adorable child in tow, but she still had the same strong spirit and sweet laugh. You just heard it less. I didn't want to tell her about Aang, but Sokka insisted. He said she needed to know.
"This is all my fault." She stared at the ocean, tears streaming.
"No, it's not. You couldn't have foreseen this. You didn't do anything, it was his choice."
She shook her head and held Gyatso tight, "It's my fault."
I didn't know how to help her, but I could see she would get better. Every day was a new step for her, a step out of shame and guilt.
The one thing I didn't think of in Aang's death was the inevitable new Avatar. Somewhere in the Water Tribe a new Avatar had been born, but I wasn't really concerned with finding him or her. I was concerned with finding Aang, or whatever was left of him. Zuko sent out many patrols, as did Arnook, but nothing came up. I was worried we'd never find him, worried he wouldn't get a burial.
Turns out I should have been worried about far more relevant things. Like, the new Avatar.
A group of men came to our house one day, a patrol from the North Pole. This wasn't so unusual: patrols were constantly stopping by to give us something from Lil or something Arnook needed our opinions on. The difference was that these men asked if I had a baby in the house.
"A baby?" I frowned, "Yes. Why?"
"When was your baby born?"
"About nine months ago. Why?"
"We're going to need to do a little test on your baby." The pushed in past me
"Excuse me! Why –oh…" I realized what test they would have to do, "Look, guys, she can't be… I mean… that would be weird. She's not… you don't have to worry about it. Save yourselves some time."
The men frowned, "I'm afraid we can't do that. Sorry."
I sighed and went to go get Shila. She had been taking a nap, but the men's voices had awakened her.
"Here she is. Her name is Shila." I set her on the floor in front of the men and they proceeded to dump the basket they were holding. Toys flew all over the floor, hundreds of them. She yawned, looked at the toys, and crawled over to one. It was a little wooden turtle. One of the men made a note on a scroll and then took it away from her. She fussed for a while, and then crawled over to another one. It was another wooden animal, a wolf. The man made another note.
"So?" I picked her up and she continued to play with the wolf.
"The two toys she chose are Avatar relics. They are the only ones here. Out of these hundreds of toys, she picked those two."
"It's probably just a coincidence."
"I doubt it." The second man spoke, "No other baby, and we've tested dozens, has picked those toys. Additionally, she was born closer to Avatar Aang's estimated death than anyone else. You have the new Avatar in your hands, Ma'm."
"It can't be possible! I knew Aang… it would be odd for me to be the mother of the new Avatar! Shouldn't it be someone random, some waterbender in the North Pole?"
"No ma'm," This was the first man again; "it's not odd. Avatar Aang's spirit found something familiar. It is a coincidence that your daughter was born so close to his death, but it isn't a coincidence that the Avatar spirit reincarnated in her."
"Are you certain about this?" Shila was still playing with the wolf
"Fairly. We will know more definitely as she grows up, and we will be monitoring her. Nothing absurd, you know, just a visit every other year or so."
"I understand." I nodded to the men, who picked up their toys and left without another word.
As soon as I shut the door after them I turned to Shila.
"It's impossible."
A sudden breeze blew my hair into her face. I smelled Leechi nuts. I turned to close the window and saw Momo.
I gasped, "Momo!"
He made a chirping sound and then scampered off the window ledge, to the outside.
I opened the door and went outside to find him, but instead of his tiny face I was confronted with Appa's large one.
"Appa! You're here too!"
Momo appeared, on Appa's back. He chirped again, and cocked his head to the side. It seemed like he wanted to show me something.
I climbed up on Appa, still holding Shila. I climbed into the saddle and was faced with one of the most horrible sites in my life.
Aang was laying there, a knife sticking out of his chest. He was obviously in the final stages of decomposing, but it was him. I covered my mouth with my hand and turned away. I tried to think of better, happier things, but I kept seeing his skull.
In my distracted state I let Shila wiggle out of my arms. When I realized I was no longer holding her I turned and saw her about to touch Aang. I shouted, but she didn't stop. With her tiny baby hands she pulled the knife out, and then touched the spot where it had been. Aang disappeared. She sat back on her bottom and stared at me, then yawned.
I was speechless.
I scooped her up and ran back inside. I let her play, while I thought about what I had seen.
Perhaps it wasn't so impossible?
It wasn't impossible. I was the mother of the new avatar. The signs only got clearer as she grew up.
She is now eight.
Sokka told me I should write this memoir of Sozin's Comet, of Aang's defeat of Ozai. He said it would be important, that Shila would want to know. I don't know if that's true, but it was therapeutic. Now I'm done, but I still have things left to say.
Li married Cha-li. It is another long story that I won't go into, but basically he found out that she was no longer with Aang, heard the whole story, and told her he still loved her, and Gyatso too. So that ended up well.
Otherwise everything is much the same.
Azula's still insane. Nothing is changing there, nor do I think it ever will
Zuko and Katara have three children, Hikari, Iroh, and Kanna
Hitomi and Fong have two, Yuuchi and Rani
Liluye and Kona have three, Kia, Arnook, and Sikku
Toph and Teo have one, Teyla
Everyone is still at their respective political positions.
Time goes on, and drags us with it.
Fin
For a lot of sap and plain facts - i-amawriterDOTblogspotDOTcom/2010/06/shila-epilouge-pianikpok-aka-reallyDOThtml