A/n: Yes, I'm back. So soon! Get me!

The Difference Between Us

"You're up early." Esme's voice called to me as she walked into the kitchen, joining me.

I nodded. "Edward woke me up when he left for his run." It was eight thirty in the morning and after my late night last night, I was onto my second cup of coffee.

She took a seat next to me, picking up one of the mugs I had sat out on the island and began to fill it full of coffee before adding milk. "Did Emmett and Rose leave late?"

"Pretty late. Must have been close to one this morning." I said, knocking back more of by black coffee.

"You should have stayed in bed. Tried to fall back asleep." I shook her off.

"No. I would much rather talk to you." I smiled to her.

"Am I in trouble?" She laughed.

"No. Of course not. I'm fed up with Edward. I need more friends." I joked.

"I can understand that one. It must be hard to spend all this time together. I know that you are happy to be together and you're in that first flush of love, but still... It must be pretty wearing."

"A little, at times." It was true. We coped well because I took time to stay away and study. "My work helps keep a little bit of a schedule." I sighed. "It's not so much seeing Edward all the time, it's not seeing my family at all."

"Now that is hard." She agreed. "I missed my boys so much when they lived with their father." She paused for a moment. "I'm sorry. I'm talking about him again. That's not fair to you."

I shook my head. "I don't have a problem with it. It's Edward who does."

"I'm use to sometimes speaking about him. Emmett never says anything, even though he doesn't really like it. He was ten years of my life. I can't pretend it never happened." She shrugged, sipping on her coffee. I nodded, understanding. I wished at times I could talk about my mom with Charlie, but I knew it caused him a lot of pain, so I didn't.

"Do you think you will get to go home soon?" she asked carefully.

"I don't know. I spoke to my dad last night and he said hopefully soon." Although I might get home, I couldn't seem to hide the fact I felt a little disappointed. I wanted home, so why did if make me feel so sick to leave here.

"And you look miserable at the though of leaving Edward, yes?" Clearly it was showing. I nodded. "He'll go back to the city. That's where he lives. He's only here because of you, to keep you safe. You won't be far from one another." I shrugged feeling my eyes well.

"I've got nothing to give him, Esme. Look at me. The only reason he looks at me is because I'm the only girl around him." I felt so pathetic, but really, what did I have to offer him.

"Isabella Swan. Never in my whole life have I wanted to shake someone as much as I do you, right now. You make him happy. You are there for him, like he has been there for you. It wasn't so long ago, that it was you telling me to give him the benefit of the doubt. What's changed?" She sighed, reaching for my hand.

What had changed? Nothing had. It was always the same gut feeling that he was going to leave me. I knew he had changed, like I had told Esme, but I also knew in my heart that he was one day going to vanish from my life. It wasn't because he was a bad person, it was because he couldn't feel what I felt.

Esme's hand rubbed gently at mine, trying to sooth me. "In the real world, this isn't going to be enough." I admitted.

"Enough for who? Because it seems like my son is pretty dedicated to you. Maybe it's you who isn't ready." What? I looked at her shocked.

"I love him." I painfully admitted.

"I know you do. And Edward loves you too." No he didn't. Not really. Not like how I loved him.

"I've told him I love him." I wanted the world to swallow me whole. Why did I have to get into this with Esme.

"I know you have. Edward told me. You know what he also told me, that he didn't say it back because he thought you deserved something better. He wants you but he's afraid that back in the city he won't be good enough for you." She grabbed my wrist, pulling it up between the two of us. "Why do you think he gave you this?" I looked at the antique bracelet that I wore. Edward had placed it there, not once, but twice. He was determined that I wear it. "He might not say it, but read between the lines, Bella." She let go of my hand, pulling on my sleeve. "Edwards clothes," She indicated to the hoodie and the sweats I wore that belonged to him. She couldn't tell that I wore his boxers too. "You wrap yourself up in his things, accept the gifts he gives you and all that he does for you, but you still don't think you're good enough for him. Bella, sweetie... you're the only thing in his world." Was I? It looked like he would be just fine if I wasn't here.

"I think he would survive just fine." I swallowed deep at that thought, knowing I would fall apart.

"If that's what you think. But he's put a lot of time and effort in with you. A lot of love – even if he hasn't actually said the words. His father left him, his bitch of an ex-girlfriend... He opened himself up to you when he was at his most vulnerable. If you walk away from him, maybe you're right. Maybe he would survive just fine. But he would still be heartbroken. Don't kid yourself on that it's only you who would lose out on this."

Her hand reached up to my face, soothing my cheek. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but you need to realize the truth." I nodded, accepting her words and furiously trying to blink away the tears that sat in my eyes. I wouldn't let them fall. She wasn't being horrible, she was being honest.

Her hand fell away and we both sipped on our coffees as Edward came crashing through the back door, kicking off his dirty shoes.

"Ah. Both ladies of my life are up." My brows shot up in amusement at his words, my eyes meeting with Esme who seemed to be as surprised by his use of words. "How are you both?" He asked as he walked up to us, kissing Esme on the cheek before coming up behind me, and placing a kiss on my cheek as he hugged me from behind. He was sweating, but I couldn't complain. I was saying nothing to make him pull away from me, even if I did find it slightly gross.

We both mumbled out a 'fine' as he pulled away from me, heading to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water before making his way back to me once again.

"So what is happening today?" Edward asked, like as if we had the options of plans.

Esme spoke up. "I was thinking of us going out to lunch. I know a little place in town that's good."

Edward looked at me. "You want to go?" Wait, we were just going to go out – after we had been hiding for what seemed like forever.

"Is it safe?" I asked a little worried.

"Should be. I don't imagine anyone will know who you are or that you are here." Esme shrugged as if it were so easy.

"She has a point." Edward shrugged. I nodded, accepting. "I'm off for a shower. I'll leave you pair to your gossiping." He broke away from me, heading to the door.

"Do you think that's what we do? Gossip?" Esme called and I could hear Edward laugh at her words, knowing he was right.

"Go after him." She ordered with a jut of the head. I looked at her and felt confused. "Speak to him if you're so worried. Get it out in the open. It's the only way."

I looked at her a little unsure of what to do and what to even start with saying. Edward, I'm a nervous wreck because you won't tell me that you love me. Edward, I have so little faith in you that as soon as the next girl walks by, I'm convinced I'm going to be out on my ass. Edward, I love you, why don't you say it back?

I knew how pathetic it sounded, but it didn't stop the fear in me.

"No," I shook my head. "I'll sound like an idiot."

"Who cares what you sound like. Let him know how you are feeling and I bet you he'll be more than willing to settle your nerves." She was so damn sure. The knowing look on her face. What if I upset him though. What if he got mad that I didn't trust him, that I thought so little of him. I didn't want to become one of those girls who needed constant reassurance, but here I was and that was exactly what I was asking.

She was right. This was such a strange situation to be in and after last night my emotions were all over the place. I knew Edward would be happy to take a moment to ease my mind.

I rushed up stairs and entered out bedroom, closing the door behind me. Edward stood with his back to me for a moment, finishing a text on his phone.

I stood with my back to the door afraid to move or to even begin to speak. I was sure I was right, that he would ease my fears, but standing here I was unsure of how to bring it up.

He turned to me, placing his phone down on the vanity table. He looked at me with raised brows, waiting for me to begin. But I didn't.

"Bella?" He asked, taking a step forward.

I shook my head, suddenly having a change of heart. "What is it?" He asked, knowing all to well something was up.

I shook my head again. "It doesn't matter." I lied. As I turned for the door handle, opening the door to leave.

Edward was quick though. He rushed up behind me, slamming the door closed and pressed himself up against my back.

His arms caged me in, with his hand leaning flat against the surface of the door. His breath came to me in hot waves and I felt seriously intimidated. I wasn't scared, but I was most definitely intimidated and I knew now that I wasn't going anywhere without talking about this.

I swallowed and turned in his arms, facing him.

His left brow was cocked upwards and there was some concern in his eyes but when he took my face in, his features faltered into a worried expression.

"Bella, you're chalk white." His hands lifted away from me, and he eased back a step. I knew he was worried that he was to close, but what I really was worried about was that I had to find some way to explain how I was feeling without upsetting him.

"It's stupid." I tried to play it down, because quite frankly it was stupid.

He made no face, no move. He kept his eyes on me, waiting.

Damn it.

I walked past him and sat on the edge of the bed. "Okay, you don't get to be mad though." I ordered him and he nodded, taking a seat beside me on the mattress. "You know yesterday when I joked that I said "I love you too,", though you never actually said you... well, you know." I felt so stupid for assuming that he did. I was sure he did, but he would never say it. He nodded, waiting. I sighed. "Why won't you say it? I mean, am I too stupid to see that you don't actually care, or am I just a joke to you for saying it in the first place." There I said it – and unfortunately it never came out in a gentle way.

Edward's face dropped. He looked so visibly stunned. He took a moment to gain his composure. "Bella, that's brutal. What you just said to me... why would you say that? Is that how you really feel?" I nodded my head a little ashamed. "So everything I say and do... it's just invalid?" His brows rose and I felt myself shrink a little. I suppose I had never thought about it like that. "Last night, the past week – they mean nothing?" He asked. I was yet to answer any of his questions.

"I told you it was stupid." I tried to argue feeling panicked at what I had landed myself into.

"It's not stupid if it's how you feel, but you need to ask yourself if that is how you really do feel or if that because I'm not saying what you want to hear that you are ignoring everything that I am." He was actually looking genuinely hurt. And that pained me even more.

"It doesn't matter." I mumbled, trying to let it rest, standing up and taking a step away before I felt Edwards hand around my wrist, yanking me back and putting me in my spot on the bed.

"A few months ago I was in a relationship with a woman. We had been together for years. She walks out and leaves me and it made me feel truly shit that this person I had invested so much time with, could just walk away like that. The worst part of it though was that I didn't even really care. I spent years with her and I didn't even realize that I didn't love her any more. Part of me isn't even sure that I ever really did. Me and her, we weren't like me and you. You are nothing like her and I that makes me happy. I was in hospital and she walked out on a guy that she knew for years of her life. You come here and I've never had anyone care for me or touch me like you do – even when we were still practically strangers." He sighed. "I care about you a hell of a lot. If you can't see it with what I've done for you," He reached for my hand showing me the bracelet, "What I've given you... you need to open your eyes here. I told a woman for years I loved her and I don't even know if I meant it. Next time I do, I want to know that I'm saying it because I mean it and that I want to spend my life with that person."

Now I just felt ridiculous. I caught a tear that had escaped my eye and tried to be discreet. I knew I was crying, but I didn't want to seem like some emotional wreck.

"Now do you really think I don't care about you – a lot?" He asked with raised brows and a small smile on his face.

I shook my head.

"No?" He asked loudly.

"No. I mean, yes. I'm sorry." I brought my legs up to me, putting up a barrier between the two of us, wanting to escape from this whole situation and forget about it.

"Do you think I'm stupid for saying that I love you?" I asked genuinely interested.

"It's not up to me to say what you feel or how you should express it. You are your own person. If it makes you happy and you feel comfortable... well to be honest, I quite like hearing you say it. It makes me feel awkward because I can't say it, but it doesn't mean that I don't like to hear it. Because of that, I understand where you're coming from, but I'm not going to say and do things because other people want it. Not anymore." I nodded understanding.

"I guess because I was saying it that I thought eventually you would. Then when you didn't it made me question myself , if it's me you want. What would happen when we went back home? We will be together when we go back home, right? You won't leave me?"

"I'll be with you. I promise." And in those few words I knew exactly what he was saying and what he meant. I had to read between the lines. It was my decision to get into a relationship with a man that had been through so much, I couldn't just pretend it was going to be plain sailing and that we would have our fairytale ending.

"Now, without words, is there anyway I can prove this too you?" I looked up him and smiled giving a small nod before throwing myself at him and wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing his lips.

I woke up some time later to find myself naked in bed and very much alone. The room was empty and the bathroom was empty also.

Bleary eyed, I reached for the clothes I had been wearing earlier and quickly dressed, noticing that the clock showed it was a little after twelve noon.

I made my way down the stairs silently while trying to waken up. My nap had left me tired and my mind running a little slow.

I headed for the kitchen first, trying to find Edward. He wasn't there so I headed to the lounge to find that was empty also. Esme didn't appear to be around either.

Opening the study, I found him sitting at my laptop. He smiled over to me as my feet shuffled across the carpet, making their way to him.

"I thought I was alone." My words mumbled onto his chest as I took a seat on his lap and rested my head against him.

"Of course not. My mom did leave though. She said she would see you another time and that you were to quit worrying." I looked up at his face, a small smile playing on his lips letting me know that Esme had told all to him, or at least the brunt of it. I let my head rest against him again and I felt his lips kiss my head.

"Shame. I was looking to escape here and go out." I said thinking about the plans we had made to go out for lunch.

"We still can. I'm googling this place right now. Mom said we should go out and enjoy ourselves and I think she's right." I smiled at his words, ready for him to let us out into the world. Though we had been out, it had only ever been for valid reasons or to places we knew we would be safe from view.

"Really?" I asked double checking, looking up at him in surprise.

He nodded with a smile. "She's right. Who is going to know us here?"

I never answered him. Instead I jumped to my feet. "I need to go for a shower."

Edwards hand closed down the laptop lid and he stood too. "Good, because so do I."

He grabbed my hand and we both rushed up the stairs, stripping as we entered the bed room. It wasn't long till we were in the shower, but it was a while before we emerged back out.

It was mid December when the first snow fell. The cold air had grown and looking outside it was like something out of a Christmas card. The snow covered hills and the white on the ever green made it look like we has been transported to another place. Gone was the grey, damp skies.

Gone was a lot of things. Edward and I had spend a lot of time alone once more. The snow on the ground made it difficult to get out and about many places. Forks was fine. Travelling for over an hour in the snow was quite another. We never complained that it was only each other – and actually, we quite enjoyed it. We made the most of it.

I loved my time with Edward and I was happy to say that to him. I never questioned myself or him again. It wasn't fair too. Edward really did try and it was more than what I could ask for after all he had been through.

Suddenly there was a whack to the back of my head and the cold from it mingled into my hair.

"You little shit. I'm going to get you for that." I cried turning around, looking between the trees to find Edward. He had escaped my sight all too quickly and in our snowball fight, I was losing.

His figure moved through the trees quickly and I could barely focus on him before he vanished into more shrubbery.

The snowball in my hand lay dormant as I looked around for him again. My fingers tingling from the cold and how long it had been held there for.

Another smack and I let out a screech at him managing to get snow in my ear this time. It was over. I wasn't playing any more. Edward wasn't taking it easy on me at all. I could feel the pout on my lips realizing that I hoped that he would have. I forgot that this was Edward though. It was all about competition.

"That's it, Cullen. I've had enough. I'm going back in. You got snow in my ear." I huffed and stood up, wiping the snow off of the bottom of my jeans.

"Aww come on." He moaned, his voice from the shrubs.

"No. I'm freezing and I need a hot shower if I'm to survive this." I could hear him laugh, his hands up in the air and then his face being revealed as he stood up.

"I'll join you, gorgeous." the smug look on his face knowing that I couldn't say no.

"Yeah, yeah." I huffed and began my trek back down the hill and towards the house. Edward was only a step behind me and hurried up, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my cheek.

Reaching the back door, we kicked off our wet boots and tried not to slide on the flooring n our haste. We both knew where this was heading.

Edwards iphone began to ring out from his pocket and he slowed to look at who was calling him.

He stopped in his path causing me to stop with the joining of our hands.

"It's your dad." He said, his face confused. Charlie had yet to call us up for anything. It was me who had called him some time ago. That was the last I had spoken with him.

This was it. I knew it was. Time had ran out and I was being told to go home.

I swallowed, nodding at Edward telling him to answer the phone.

"Chief," He called out, looking me deep in the eyes as he did so. His face flinched, but I didn't interrupt their conversation. I was prepared for this. In all honesty I wasn't ready to leave here, to go back home and to go back to normal, but as soon as Edward had said it was my father calling, I knew it was time for me to head home.

Edwards head nodded and gave my father a few yes and no's. The the conversation was over.

"What did he say?" I asked, desperately needing to know.

"It wasn't your dad. It was his deputy – Stevens." I nodded, knowing who he was talking about. "Your dad... he was shot." At his words all sound cut off. All vision was blurred and it was myself, caged in with the harrowing fact.

I fell to the spot on the floor and a felt like all air had left me.

Charlie.

It was a moment later that I let out a scream.

I was lost. I couldn't see Edward, I couldn't even hear his voice. All I could hear was myself screaming.

I felt myself shake hard. My body violently convulsing. And a smack across my face that made me flinch in surprise.

I stopped screaming.

Edwards weight crushed me as I felt his arms wrap around me and lift me from the floor. His countless apologies poured from his lips. I didn't know what he was sorry for. Charlie or for him hitting me. I was sure it was both though.

His hand grasped my cheek and I felt his lips cool the sting out from the burn from below the surface, his lips still ice cold from outside. "Bella, love. I'm so sorry. I had to do it." I knew he did. He had to get me thinking. And to be honest, there was nothing in it. Not the force like his father strike, anyway.

His hand pulled at my jaw, directing my eyes to his. "You need to leave as soon as you can. He's in surgery."

He was okay?

"He's okay?" I asked shocked.

"I don't know. Nobody does. His deputy knew to contact you in case of an emergency. You have to go to Seattle." I nodded, knowing.

"I'll call Riley and by the time you get your things together he should be here." Riley was going to take an hour and it was going to take about another three to reach Seattle. Why did this have to be happening.

Edward helped me to my feet and kissed my cheek once again, profusely apologizing while the guilt and hatred ate him up.

He pulled on my hand, directing me up the flight of stairs and into our bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed still to stunned to do much. Edward was of course already packing for us.

He sat a change of warm dry clothes on the bed beside me. "Do you want a shower?" He asked, a little unsure. I shook my head, telling him no.

I sat there watching, but not really. Blurred images moved in my peripheral, but it was all I could manage to focus. Words came from Edward to me, to Riley. Then he was back to packing.

I felt Edwards hands at the button of my jeans, opening them up and pulling me to my feet. "You need to get changed." I nodded in his arms. The warmth and strength of him too much for me to pull away.

"What happened?" I finally asked, focusing my eyes on Edwards as I still stood in his arms, my jeans barely over my backside.

"Your dad?" He clarified and I nodded. "He was out on a call. It's all I know." He bent down to his knees, stripping me of the cold wet denim. I was so cold but I couldn't tell if it was from the snow or if it was the shock.

"I'm really cold, Edward." He reached back up to me, nodding and pulling at my jacket and sweater.

"Will you take a shower? You have time." I glanced at the clock. Edward had spoken to Riley a little under ten minutes ago. I did have time, but my legs felt like lead. "I'll tie your hair up," He smiled as he started on binding my hair up into a bun. I nodded.

"Will you come in with me. I don't think I could stand up for so long on my own.

In the shower, he was methodical. Making sure my hair stayed dry and making sure I warmed up. He held me close through out and it gave my mind a little time to catch up with what was going on. He wrapped my bathrobe around me and I continued out to the bedroom, leaving him to dry off his hair.

Looking around I was met with all my things. Edward had been furious in his quest to get me packed. I hadn't realized he had managed so much. Gazing around the room I noticed it was only all my things. The things that lay out of Edwards were things that had been left lying for the past few days.

He joined me in the bedroom and I turned to look at him. "Where are your things?" I asked feeling totally confused.

"I need a few days. I have some things I need to sort out. I'll be in the city in a few day." What? He was leaving me to go it alone – after everything?

"You're leaving me alone?" My mind had felt so completely empty when Edward had told me about my dad, but now it was in overdrive. A huge hollow formed in my gut at his words.

"A few days." He emphasised. "I'll be with you as soon as I can." I looked at him, his eyes reflecting into mine. He was open. Honest. Least, I really hoped he was.

"But you said..." He said so many time that I was never going to be alone. I didn't even need to finish my sentence.

He sighed. "I know. But I need to make sure the house is properly sealed up and that everything is turned off." I looked at him with a raised brow. "I need to see Emmett." He added quickly. "You will be fine in the city. Riley will be under strict orders to take you to the university hospital. You'll be met with Stevens and you will be kept safe. He's organizing security for you. Your dad will need you. I'll just be an inconvenience to both of you."

How could he say that. He would never be an inconvenience. "But you could keep me safe." I argued.

He shook his head. "I'm not Seattle police department."

"It hasn't stopped you up until now – when you were sleeping with me." I quipped to him instantly.

"That's not what I mean and you know it. They are much better equipped for being in the city and for you being visible. We're not going to be hiding out in Forks anymore."

"We'll I'm not..." I mumbled.

"Bella, please. Stop. You need to go see your dad. Make sure he is all right. I'm not your concern. The police will keep you safer. I'll be there in a few days once things calm down and your dad is up on his feet." He argued.

"And if anything goes wrong, I'm going to be all alone." I cried, tears escaping my eyes.

"He is going to be fine-"

"You don't know that." I shouted, interrupting him.

"A few day's Bella. I'm not asking – I'm telling you." he snapped.

"Whatever, Edward. You know what? You sounded a lot like your dad there." With that, I grabbed my clothes and marched past him to the bathroom to change.

Edward and I silently packed up my things, never actually talking. He told me where he had packed up some items, but I shrugged him off, ignoring him. It wasn't until Riley had arrived and that Edward had packed the car up that he tried any real conversation. I was to pissed to care and I still was, but it was the last we were going to see of one another for a few days so he was trying. But I wasn't.

He pulled on my hand, resting it on his chest telling me that he would see me soon. I tried to look anywhere else but at him because I was sure I was going to burst into tears. They loomed on the surface waiting to fall. I at least wanted to be away from him for that.

"A few days, Bella." He whispered in my ear before he moved to kiss me. A deep kiss that relaxed my tense body into his arms and let my arms wrap around his neck.

I wasn't sure what I was walking into, going to Seattle, but I knew it would be easier with Edward by my side. But I guess that just wasn't meant to be.

When he broke away his lips, he pulled me into him, his arms almost crushing me. His lips graced the top of my head before he reached behind him, breaking my grip on him, because he knew that I would never be able to let go myself.

With that I turned for my three hour drive to the city. Edward had gave strict instructions to Riley and had even wrote them down for him. I was taken to a safe section of the staff car park where two patrol cars waited. I met with Stevens and two other officers who walked with me, taking me to meet Charlie.

It wasn't until I saw Charlie in his bed, knocked out and a plethora of wires and tubes sticking out that I broke down. The tears came running down my cheeks like a river and I was all alone with the exception of an unconscious Charlie and three of Seattle's police officers outside the room.

A/n: Ugh! What's your thoughts on what's next?

Sorry for not getting to you lovely folk who reviewed, I have had a very busy and crazy week and I also managed to type this out at the same time.