Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.

Author's Note: If you are reading, please let me know what you think. Thank you to MerDerSoInLove for your thoughtfulness, it really meant a lot to me!

Chapter 9 – A Thousand Years – Part 4 of 4

Derek and I sat in this nameless pit of a coffee shop together and it was all so domestic, it felt like a date, so freaking weird … even though all I secretly wanted was to tear his clothing off and have my way with him … right here … in public … and no, I'm not kidding.

We each had some coffee and Derek ordered an assortment of cupcakes, a dozen to be exact. He said that it seemed like a "dozen-cupcake-kind-of-day" when he came back to the table with his loot. We cut several of them into fourths and had a taste-testing of our own and I gotta say, Izzie, she knows her cupcakes because every single bite was perfection.

The place was nearly empty, dimly lit; a small jazz trio played some music in the far corner, which added a nighttime feel to what would otherwise be a plain and simple dive coffee shop. The furniture was worn and comfortable. Derek and I sat on a loveseat together towards the back interior of the shop and we had a decent view of the entire place from our vantage point. He draped his warm arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple. I looked up and smiled. This was the perfect end to an otherwise horrific day, I sighed.

"Meredith?" he said softly.

"Yeah," I said taking a small sip of coffee.

"Why was Alex hiding with you?" he asked.

"Oh, well, it was a long day," I stuttered.

I thought this might happen from time to time, if I got into a relationship with Derek, I was just unsure if telling him about Alex's concerns would break some kind of moral code or allegiance I have to Alex or any of my other intern-friends. I mean, Derek is our boss and he's my whatever he is and Alex is my friend, my peer, my confidant. How fair would it be for me to tell Derek about Alex's insecurities, would it make him see Alex differently, would it unfairly level the playing field or give me a home team advantage or something?

"Meredith, you don't have to tell me. I was just curious, he seemed pretty deflated earlier, for the guy with the only save of the day, I just presumed he would have been happier," he said.

"It's complicated," I offered.

"How so? I'm just worried about you, I'm just looking for clarity," he said with haste.

I decided I could divulge some of what went on, if only to get Derek's perspective on my advice to Alex. I sighed before I began.

"Alex, well he … he had a childhood a lot like mine, he was a damage case too," I said softly, remembering my friend's predicament. "And he, he feels really badly about delivering Melanie's baby into a broken home, one like … you know like I grew up in," I sighed heavily.

"Okay, okay, I get it," Derek said evenly. He squeezed my shoulders and I lay my head down on his collarbone. "What did you tell him?" he asked curiously, kissing the top of my head.

"I told him that he did what he should have done, both medically and ethically, that it seemed like Melanie was the family's nucleus and that one day, maybe the baby he saved will save them all … they're all so broken now, it's just pretty hard for Alex to see through that," I said softly.

"The thing is Derek, I had no idea what to say, I mean, I have no idea what it feels like to be someone like Melanie, loved unconditionally, the center of the family, um … you know important or needed," I said as evenly as I could, I really hated talking about my screwed up childhood. "I just assumed if people can love one person like that … well, then, they could certainly love another like that," I sighed, he squeezed me into him. "Well, you know what, all I really cared about was making Alex feel better, so it seemed like a valid stance to take, what do you think?" I said with haste attempting to deflect the attention away from me.

"That was … it was good advice, plausible, very likely," Derek rambled, pulling me closer to him.

"I told him that at least the baby will have a father, sure he's messed up now, but she'll have people Derek, which is a lot more than Alex had or I had … it's just a lot more than we had and he needs to remember that," I said with haste and I swore I felt Derek stifle a deep guttural sigh.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I am, I just …well, I never told you this," he said and an instant fear coursed through my body, secrets, I hated secrets now, I tried to still my heart before he spoke again, but it was no use, heat flushed my cheeks as I held on to him tightly to brace myself for what was to come.

"But, well, I guess I'm a damage case too in a way, I also grew up without a father," he confessed and I sat up and turned into his lap, surely with my mouth hung open in shock, his worried eyes scanned mine. I was speechless, stuck, stymied as I rewound his words in my mind and played them again.

"You … you did, did he leave you?" I asked.

"Nope, he died. When I was very young," he offered, suddenly stoic. I reached out and caressed the side of his rough face with my hand; he laced his fingers through mine and brought our hands to our laps.

"But you're so … normal … how?" I asked sounding a bit idiotic. He chuckled at my comment, I smiled encouragingly.

"The difference I guess is mothers, at least I can assume, I have a mother who paid attention to me, who didn't treat me with indifference… I was smothered by my sisters … I had people and I'm … I'm so sorry, Meredith," his voice cracked. "I'm so sorry you didn't," he said seriously, he looked broken-hearted.

I leaned forward and hugged him; his warm embrace sheltered me from all the ugly in my life, and for the first time I felt like Derek really "got me". I hugged him even tighter with that thought because we connected on an entirely different level, a new layer had been added to our history, both together and apart from each other … for Derek was fatherless and so was I.

"You had a terrible childhood," he said sadly.

"I did," I agreed.

"I'm sorry," he said, and he then kissed it better.

"Me too, I'm sorry about your dad," I said, and then I kissed it better.

We sat there for several minutes holding each other and I really wished we were alone. Not just for the obvious reasons, but because now more than ever, I craved intimacy with Derek. I wanted to get lost in him in triplicate: mind, body and spirit.

"So, do you think Alex will be okay?" Derek asked pulling me from my thoughts. "It can be tough, it's a tough job … you don't know that going in. Going in, it's all about the cutting, but it can be emotionally draining over time, I'm not gonna lie, it only gets tougher," he said reflectively.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll be fine eventually. I suggested he call Addison actually," I looked up to Derek with my mention of her name and he smiled. "I thought, maybe she would be proud of him and, I um, I don't know … what do you think?" I asked.

"I beat you to it," he smirked.

I moved out of his embrace and turned to face him, "You did? How?" I asked with a smirk of my own.

"I spoke to her earlier tonight and I mentioned the case to her, the circumstances, she worked hard on Karev, you know? She's gonna call him and now I'm glad I said something to her … it might help," he said casually, but my mind was racing ahead to the finish line and beyond. Derek smiled knowing I would want more information about their conversation.

"Anyway," he laughed. "She called me about some ancient futon sofa and one last thing before she signed the papers … the papers will be in the courts tomorrow," he said brightly and then I just smiled and so did he. "Come here," he ordered softly as he pulled me just close enough to kiss me, soft and quick.

When we pulled away, I swear he looked different. He looked like Derek. I mean, he always looked like Derek … but this Derek, this Derek I hadn't seen since the week I met him, this was my Derek … and he was back. I inched closer once more, his sparkling eyes scanned mine and I kissed him again because I couldn't help myself.

"What was that for?" he asked, his voice seemed to be stuck in his throat.

"Nothing," I said, my heart raced.

"I'll do nothing more often then I guess," he kidded. I reached over and took one last sip of my coffee and relaxed back into his arms, I could feel Derek's hot breath fan my skull when he exhaled. I rested my cheek on his chest and looked around the coffee shop again, feeling safe in his warm embrace. After today and then tonight, having him here with me, after testing the endurance of our chain, well … I wondered how I was ever going to be alone again and I smiled because I've been a loner all my life and now … not so much.

"Meredith, your advice was good, it was, but you were wrong about one thing," he said into my hair.

"I was?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Hmm, you … you are that important, to me you are," he said softly, his voice cracked around the edges.

"I am?" I turned to him, stunned my skin prickled with heat.

"You are," he smiled through his glassy eyes and I hugged him tight. He sighed, but I could tell there was more on his mind.

"I once told you … three days after I met you …that if anything happened to you …," he sighed slightly. "I told you that your mother would fly those cowboy surgeons in from Prague to do the job and now I know … I know," he rambled quickly, he was lost in his words. I pulled back from his embrace and I ran my fingers under his eyes to catch his waiting tears. I smiled through his emotion, encouraging him to continue. "Now I know she won't be able to do that, but Meredith … I would," he smiled and his tears fell upon my thumbs as I held his skull in my hands. "Believe me, I would, because you're just that important to me," he said quietly.

"You really love me," I said more as a statement of fact than a question.

"Meredith," he chuckled. "Yes," he said and I hugged him tight, for I never wanted to let go. He smoothed down my wild hair with his hands and pulled my skull back and kissed me fully on my lips and all the while my mind was reeling, I'm important, I'm needed, I'm wanted.

When he pulled away from our kiss, he smiled so genuinely, so bright and so shiny, that it could have sparked a thousand candles to life. Instantly, I saw relief and security cover him like a hand-woven blanket and my only thought was to snuggle closer and allow that blanket cover me as well.

***

Hours later I found myself at home in the peaceful quiet of my room … alone. Derek promised to call me when he got out to the trailer. I should have asked him to stay the night, for I missed him already. My heart soared at the thought of spending every night together, the divorce is nearly finalized and our dream would become a reality … it was a matter of days … every night together.

I sat in my lounge chair and tried to tie up all that had happened today, tried my best to tie it all together and compartmentalize it in my mind. I had done that my entire life and it seemed the logical thing to do. A lot had happened today, a lot that was painful and a lot that was wonderful. It felt an awful lot like the axis of evil, or something. But even with everything tied up and accounted for, I still felt like I was missing something, something big. I mean, I was missing something so big that my life depended on it … but I couldn't grasp it, I couldn't pull it from the deep recesses of my crowded brain.

With acute exhaustion on the horizon I simply had to give up and trust the puzzle piece to come to me soon. So I grabbed my cell phone and climbed into the cool sheets of my bed. Derek would be calling soon; he should be almost home by now. I put the phone on vibrate and held it tightly in my hand and waited to hear his voice again. I rolled over and my cheek was assaulted by the cool pillow case. I looked outside my window and let sleep come for me. I was truly exhausted, the day was finally over.

But without warning, it hit me – the something big – and I felt a tsunami of uneasy energy fill me completely and my blood simultaneously ran cold.

I stood up immediately and went to my small desk in the corner of my room. I rifled through my mess of a filing system and found what I was looking for – a copy of my medical power of attorney – I ran my fingers over the name I had scribbled with haste on the form the day before my internship started – Dr. Ellis Grey. I let my fingers roll across her name again, back and forth, back and forth – Dr. Ellis Grey.

Small tears formed in my eyes and as they thickened, her name became fuzzy around the edges like an old photo, much like her mind was becoming from her disease ... soon she would cease to exist.

Of course I knew at the time she would be no use for me in this capacity. But I had her secret on my conscience and it had been just the two of us for so long, so with without thinking, I wrote her name in the blank space provided. I sighed and found myself shaking inside because right at this moment I realized it wasn't about just me anymore. And soon, very soon, I would have to do something about the name on this paper … soon it would have to be changed because for once in my life … I'm important, I'm needed, and I'm wanted.

I smoothed the paper out and lay it down on the dresser. I grabbed my cell phone and slipped into my cool sheets again. I closed my eyes before my head hit the pillow and was immediately struck with Derek, my beautiful love and his happy endless blue eyes – I drifted further into the far off place and I felt like I was floating, hovering – my nerve endings snapped and the tension from the day was relieved as I absorbed all that his calming presence had to offer. I felt the cell phone vibrate in my hand and reflexively, I pressed the send button, for sleep already came for me.

"I'm here," he said and his voice filled my mind.I sighed with relief, so overcome by exhaustion; I could offer no more than that. "I'll see you tomorrow, sleep well and stay warm," he said softly. "I love you Meredith," he said barely above a whisper, the line disconnected and I relaxed my grip on the phone.

And for once, I believed him without question, he loved me, and that was enough for now. In time I would feel safe enough to speak those same words to him … but only time would tell when I would be ready. One thing I knew for certain was that this second chance thing was making me whole, in a bunch of ways I never thought possible for someone like me. And when the timing was right for me and for Derek … I would know it and I would feel it in my heart and soul and everything in between. For I knew if I waited and was patient with myself for just a little bit longer, I would love him for a lifetime and never look back.

Yeah, only time would tell ... just a little bit longer now.

Chapter 10 to follow.