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The Diary Of A Broadway Star

Chapter Eighteen: Confessions

Dear Diary,

So there's been a lot going on since the last time I wrote you. I'll try not to make this entry a really long one, but please just hear me out. I had a show on Christmas Eve, which was phenomenal. That night was pretty nice; I went back to Troy's place and we had a good time, minus the fact that he tried having sex with me and I ended up faking that I was exhausted. But before we even fell asleep I was saved by the bell… well more like the phone. His mom called him when things were getting.. well.. hot and heavy. :P It wasn't all that bad though. I went and stood in the kitchen to gather my thoughts, and I could hear him talking to his mom in the other room. He was telling her how he felt about me… and it was all good things. :) So that, and the next morning started out as a pleasant Christmas. Once I went home to shower and get changed, that's when things starting going downhill.

I was looking at my calendar and realized that I didn't have one of those little numbers in the top right hand corner, which led to me taking a trip to the drug store. I came back with a bag full of pregnancy tests. Turns out that each one of them were positive. Turns out that I'm pregnant… and I'm pretty sure that Troy's the father. Next thing was going home to my parents and face another disaster of a holiday. Dad was drunk as usual and got me all upset in front of everybody. He made a stupid remark about Troy and if he had 'knocked me up' yet. I stormed out and my little cousin followed me. I ended up spilling everything to her. Everything from my dad being an alcoholic to the fact that I'm pregnant and Troy's gonna be a daddy. She was shocked… I mean why wouldn't she be? Oh yeah, and guess what? Mom is smoking again. She's been smoking again for a while now. Who woulda thought.

So the big picture is that I'm pregnant and sick with HIV. I guess you could say that right now my life should be crap. But I think that maybe I'll be okay… because I have Troy. I went to the doctor again and fessed up to Doctor Green that I'm pregnant. She seemed really supportive about it and she told me that she would help in any and every way that she can. Of course I believe her, she's my doctor. I really hope that she can get me through this like she says. She also advised me that I really need to tell Troy. She said that it will only make things worse if I keep it from him for too long. I mean that makes sense, right? She told me that if Troy loves me, he'll accept the fact that I'm pregnant and he'll do anything he can to help. I really hope that's the case.

So much for trying not to make this entry a really long one. :P Sorry about that. Love always…

Sharpay

Sharpay swallowed down the pill faster than she'd ever swallowed anything before. She opened up a cabinet and threw the pill bottle in the back behind a bag of cotton balls. She quietly closed the cabinet and ran to get the door. It was Troy.

"Hi!" she greeted Troy with a smile. He smiled back at her and walked a few steps closer. The next thing Sharpay knew she was being kissed by Troy, and not like a normal 'hello, nice to see you' kiss, but more like an 'I haven't seen you for months and you're the love of my life' kiss. First a little startled, Sharpay now closed her eyes and kissed Troy back. The kiss grew a little more passionate as Sharpay kicked the door closed with her foot and Troy walked forward, pushing her into the kitchen and against the counter. The two came up for a brief moment of air as Troy lifted Sharpay and set her on top of the counter. Troy's hands were on either side of Sharpay's waist, hers on the back of Troy's neck. Soon Sharpay found herself giggling against Troy's lips. She gently pulled away and opened her eyes, seeing Troy looking back at her, slightly out of breath.

"Wow…what was that about?" she asked, smiling wide.

"I dunno.." said Troy, leaning closer to her and smelling her perfume. Then he let his lips touch the skin on the side of her neck. He left soft kisses up and down Sharpay's neck, Sharpay now tilting her head to the side and giggling with pleasure.

Troy lifted his head, "I'm just in a really good mood." he whispered sweetly in Sharpay's ear, softly kissing it before making his way back down her neck.

Sharpay let out a moaning sigh. She sometimes didn't want to admit it, but she loved when Troy was in this good of a mood.

Troy wrapped Sharpay's legs around his waist and carried her off the counter. He held her close to him so she wouldn't fall and then he laid her down on the couch. When Sharpay was below Troy and could see him lifting off his shirt, she got a little worried. She gulped, trying to think the fastest she could before anything serious happened. Thoughts were running through her mind a mile a minute. Now Troy leaned over her and pleaded access into her mouth. Sharpay parted her lips because she couldn't help it, but when Troy started unbuttoning her shirt, she knew she had to take action.

"Troy," she said, muffled by his lips on hers, "D- yu haff pertishun?"

He pulled his lips from hers and lifted his head. "What?"

"Do you have protection?"

Troy stopped for a minute and looked at her, having completely forgotten to bring anything. He took a breath, "No."

Sharpay sat up and looked at him beside her. She lightly kissed him and then got up off the couch. She went into her bedroom, pretending to look for protection, which she was, but then she frantically collected any condoms she could find and threw them in the trash. Just then, Troy stepped in.

"Anything?" he asked.

Sharpay pretended to be frustrated, "Nope.." she opened up a drawer, and then another, as if she thought she might find some in there. She put her hands on her forehead and sat down on her bed. Troy came and sat next to her, enveloping her in a hug. When she turned her head to look at him, he lifted his head and kissed her gently. This kiss again grew into a longer, more passionate one. And when Troy put his hand in Sharpay's hair, slowly pushing her down so he was on top of her, she spoke up again.

"Troy, I can't."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because the more of this that happens, the more I'm going to want to get intimate with you. And I can't do that because we don't have any protection."

Troy looked at her a little disappointed, but acceptingly.

"I'm sorry." she said. Troy nodded, taking a breath.

"It's okay," he said, "It's important to be safe. I understand." Sharpay smiled at him. "—But it's just… we never get intimate with each other. I mean there was that one night, but we were both drunk! And yeah, it was a lot of fun but…" Troy sighed, "You're really special to me Shar. I… I love you and I want us to share something that's just as special as you are."

Sharpay felt as if she was about to cry. She smiled with glossy eyes and put a hand in the back of Troy's hair. "Do you really love me?" she leaned closer, "Or are you just trying to get into my pants?" she laughed a little.

Troy pressed his forehead against Sharpay's so they were nose to nose. He spoke softly, almost a whisper. "No… no Shar, that's not it." he sounded sincere, his emotions coming out with his words. "I mean, sure, our physical relationship is pretty strong… you're beautiful.."

Sharpay smiled, closing her eyes as she listened to his voice.

"..But the way you make me feel is incredible. You're smart, you keep me in line, I can talk to you and you understand me. You're fun… a little frisky…"

Sharpay giggled at this.

"…And I just want to spend every day with you." he said.

Sharpay opened her eyes again and let a single tear fall.

"Why are you crying?" Troy asked.

Sharpay looked him in the eye, "…I love you too."

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