A/N: Another chapter? IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A WEEK! Haha. Oh yeah btw I changed my Tumblr URL to situsavais618 just so you guys know. Originally I was going to write out the whole "tough love" scene between JJ, Garcia, and Emily but it came off really bitchy and mean, so I cut it out. THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN SO I EXPECT REVIEWS UPON REVIEWS OKAYYYYYYYY? Lol im jk, but no seriously it is LONNNG. And very feel-y, dramatic, intense, SAD, HAPPY. So enjoy! LOL song lyrics are by Eminem song's called "You're Never Over"

If only I wasn't travellin down this road by my lonely
No one who knew me like you will ever know me
I don't think you understand how much you meant to me

Emily took a deep breath looking down at the cell phone in her hands. She'd gone out to dinner with JJ, Garcia, and Morgan after she'd tried calling Ian again and he'd again gave her the "fuck you, button".

Needless to say things had not been what she expected. Garcia had basically told her that while she respected her right to take a breather and grieve, it really wasn't fairto Declan, Lauren… or Ian. She'd been more than taken aback at Garcia's… brutal honesty. Morgan had valiantly defended her, saying she didn't have to go back to Ian, that she was mentally more stable here in DC with friends and family. JJ had pointed out from her mothering perspective that Morgan didn't have children and he wouldn't know how it felt to lose or leave a child behind. Emily had been stunned. She had hurriedly excused herself and gone out onto the restaurant balcony for air.

She'd been holding back tears now for long, agonizing minutes, trying not to fall apart at the seams in a public venue. Finally she felt a salty tear slide down her cheek. They were right, it wasn't fair. She'd run away just like she always did, as Clyde would tell her. Trying to justify it by saying it was for her to cope, to be able to function again as a mother, as a person.

She sighed, sending a text that she prayed, was not a mistake. "Can you bring me home?" it read.

Seconds later, she got a reply, "On my way. Meet me at Dulles 8:25 am."

She sighed once again, shoving the phone in her pocket. Ian was coming to get her. He knew her better than to just send her money, because how easily could she take it and then not come back? Of course she'd have to run for the rest of her life, because he would hunt her down and kill her, but still. He was bringing her back. Just when she was starting to think she'd never even get to speak to Declan or Lauren again, all she had to do was ask him, and he'd come save her.

She stopped at the door, pausing, thinking of all the times back in Europe he'd saved her life. It had to be in the dozens, she thought. He'd saved her from kidnappers, drug warlords, fellow weapons dealers who would try to take out the competition. And just when she thought she'd never get out of a situation, Ian and his men would show up kill every last person involved and Ian would pick her up and hold her close. He'd begged her to let him get her out of the business, but she'd refused. Not unless he got out with her. Of course, she'd had selfish reasons for wanting him to leave that lifestyle but still…

She walked back over to the table where JJ and Garcia were looking at her with worried expressions and Morgan had a grumpy look on his face like he already knew what she was about to tell them.

"Guys," she said with a small smile, "I'm going home."

Ian stepped off the airplane at 8:20 and looked around the terminal for Emily. He saw her standing by the window, watching as his plane had arrived. She looked… better than she had before. Her eyes weren't red or sunken, she was still much too thin for his liking but, that could be fixed over time. All things could be fixed in time, he supposed. He dropped his duffel bag, and opened his arms as she noticed him and came running into him.

He inhaled the smell of her hair, felt the softness of it. He finally admitted to himself how much he'd missed her. And from her tears and the way she had her arms death-gripped around his neck; he figured the feeling was mutual. He felt her shaking, and knew she was crying.

"Shh, Love," He whispered into her ear. "Everything's alright. Don't cry, Love."

"Ian I—" she said pulling away to look at him. She wiped at her eyes, "I'm so—"

"No, don't say that," he said firmly, cupping his hands around her face. "I'm the one who needs to apologize, Sweetheart."

She sniffled, "Why?"

"Because it wasn't fair. I shouldn't have made you feel guilty for needing to take some time to piece together your emotions. Your life was torn apart, I understand how that feels, believe me." He said smiling at her. She smiled back, through her tears.

"I love you." She said simply, looking at him with her big brown eyes that he loved so much.

"I love you too, Emily." He said, leaning in to kiss her.

Within the hour they were on the road again, Ian had just filled up the gas tank and Emily felt herself smiling as they listened to the radio and Ian was catching her up on all the goings on at home. Declan had made the school soccer team and was dying to try out for basketball when winter came. Lauren was pretty much the same, toddling around, getting into everything. They'd planned on camping again last night, but Lauren was having none of it, so Declan had slept outside while Ian had been inside with Lauren. He'd had to call Misty to see if she could come over and stay with the kids, while he caught the redeye.

Emily laughed when he asked about Garcia and Kevin, and told him that Kevin had finally proposed and Garcia had said yes. She told him about JJ and Will, and how Henry was. She steered clear of the Morgan issue, because she was so happy to see Ian, she didn't want to bring up such a sensitive topic and have the mood ruined.

They stopped for lunch in St. Clairsville, Ohio which was about halfway home. Emily groaned as Ian ordered almost half the menu at the Outback Steakhouse they had stopped at.

"That had better be all for you," She said grumpily.

"Ha, very amusing Love," he said with a smartass smile. "Nope, that is 80% for you. You look like you could use a steak or two… or nine."

"I do not! I only lost thirty pounds I'll have you know and I was planning on losing 15 anyways, so I really only need to gain 15 back."

The look she got almost made her choke on her pop she was sipping.

"You're gaining the whole 30 if I have my way." He said very matter-of-factly. "Thirty pounds out of 120 is ninety and for a woman your height weighing ninety pounds is ridiculous. You might as well walk a bloody catwalk 'cause you look like one of those crazy supermodels in who eat one cracker a day."

Emily rolled her eyes at him in exasperation. The man was always the smartass.

An hour and a half later she'd ploughed through 6 out of the 9 plates that Ian had ordered just for her, before she finally felt like she would blow chunks with the next bite.

"Dessert?" he asked grinning.

She glared at him, taking another sip of her Coke Zero.

Soon they were back on the road. They had about 6 hours left if she were to guess, but the way Ian drove they'd probably shave off a good hour or so. She yawned, all the food she'd overstuffed herself with made her sleepy, like eating a big turkey dinner on thanksgiving.

She decided to take a nap and when she woke up she recognized the exit they were getting off on.

"Are we here?" She asked sleepily. The clock said it was 8:00; yup, he'd shaved off an hour alright.

"Almost, Love." She looked out the window and saw the familiar streets and places she'd grown accustomed to seeing. She started shaking when they approached the intersection where her accident had happened. She hadn't been back here since, hell, she hadn't even driven since right before she left for DC.

Ian held her hand and she gripped it, she felt like she was squeezing too tightly but, he didn't seem to mind. They sat at the red light for a few minutes and the light turned green. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I'm okay, I'm okay… she thought repeatedly. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until they passed through and she finally released it.

"You okay, Love?"

She nodded. She just wanted to get home, she was actually excited to see the kids; she'd missed them as much as she'd missed Ian.

She saw their house approaching, "Ian, honey you're gonna drive right past—" She watched as the house flashed by her window. "Ian? Where are you going?" She asked confusedly. The road ended four blocks down, and suddenly she looked at him.

"IAN! No!"She yelled. At the end of the dead end road was a little cemetery that belonged to the Catholic Church two blocks over.

"Yes, Emily. We're going to see our son. You haven't been here since—"

"Ian FUCKING DOYLE. Turn the car around NOW!" She growled. "I'm not ready to go see—"

"Well that's too bad because you're going to. I told you there would be some conditions to you coming home. This is the first one." He said brusquely. "You can't keep pretending it never happened."

"Conditions? Conditions require the other person to agree to them for them to count, and we didn't even fucking talk about them!" She yelled. "I'm not pretending! I'm fine!" She was starting to panic. The place looked almost abandoned and the sun was just starting to set, she didn't want to go. She looked around she would jump out of the fucking car if she had to. Of course it would be all gravel and concrete and Ian was still traveling at a high enough speed to make it not the safest idea. She bit her lip, deciding to try an appeal to his emotional side.

"You aren't fine! If you're so fine, then walk in there, and I'll walk in with you. We'll go together." He said looking at her.

"Ian, please, can't we just go home? I REALLY wanna see Lauren and Dec, I missed them, more than you know!"

"We won't be long," Was all he said. She felt her heart start to race, she did not want to do this at all. She'd finally come to grips that she needed to see her kids again. But this? This was too much… too fast.

As he pulled into the wooded cemetery she looked around, many of the headstones were old, cracked, but some were newer, had flowers even. In the sunset she conceded that even this creepy place looked… serene, pretty even.

She was not getting out of this car. Ian looked angry, determined, and she was sure this was not going to end well.

Shortly, they arrived towards the back of the cemetery road, and Ian shut off the car.

"Come on, Love. He's been waiting for you." He said softly.

Her eyes filled with tears at the mention of Landen. She shook her head no. Ian sighed.

"Love, let's not do this the hard way, eh?" Ian said taking her hand. She yanked it away, glaring at him. She was NOT leaving this car, he'd have to—before she knew it he was out of the car and around to her side of the car with a vampire-like speed, pulling her out.

"Ian, Let GO!" She yelled trying to yank her arm away from him as he walked them through the cemetery. Damn him, he was strong though, she thought bitterly as his fingers gripped tight enough to bruise. He ignored her protests and through the trees and gravestones she could see where they were headed. She dug her heels into the ground, stopping, as he kept moving trying to catapult him off of her. It didn't work, he merely stopped on step ahead and pivoted to face her.

"Nice try, Love."

She tried not to cower at his glare, but coupled with the death grip he had on her arm, he looked downright murderous.

So she did what she was good at. She brought her other elbow to meet his jaw. He let go instantly, cursing loudly. She ran, trying to make it back to the car. She heard him coming behind her and she looked over her shoulder, causing her to trip over a plaque and fall. Hard. She felt the wind get knocked out of her as she struggled to get a breath, other than that she didn't feel anything broken. She knew she had to move though before—and before she could even attempt to sit up she felt two hands grab the back of her hair and pull. She started screaming and kicking as Ian dragged her backwards through the grass and graves. Her hands grabbed his and she clawed at his hands trying to get him to release his hold on her hair. She screamed louder and louder, and Ian just laughed evilly, saying, "Scream all you want, no one can hear you way back here, Love."

She felt like he'd been dragging her forever and she knew for certain her hair would be missing chunks, before they finally came to a stop in front of a little headstone. He roughly dropped her, before grabbing her face. She was crying now, in pain and sadness, she didn't want to look at the stone, see the name written on it.

"Emily. Open your eyes." He commanded.

She sobbed shaking her head no, keeping her eyes slammed shut. "Nn-no! I don't w-wanna look at h-him!" She cried.

"EMILY! You can't avoid it forever! You need to face it!" Ian yelled angrily, but through her sobs she heard the emotional desperation in his voice. She still shook her head no, still sobbing. She felt his hand slacken a little and she knew this was her chance. She punched him behind the knee, making him fall, and she bolted. This time she didn't look back, she just ran. She ran all the way home, bursting into the house she called desperately for Declan, for Lauren. She was out of breath, and her eyes felt like they had no tears left to cry, but when she saw Declan walk out from the kitchen holding Lauren, she burst into tears again.

"Mom?" Declan asked as she ran and grabbed them both squeezing them in a bear hug, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Mom, whats wrong?" Declan asked, still holding Lauren. Emily pulled back smiling. She grabbed Lauren from him and hugged her, stroking her blonde hair.

"Nothing's wrong Hon, I—I just realllllly missed you. I missed you so much," she whispered.

"Are you sure? Where's Dad?" Declan asked worriedly looking around her.

"Right here, son," Came a voice from the kitchen. Emily gasped, squeezing Lauren even tighter. Ian must've come in through the garage. He looked… tired. Weary. Not angry like she'd expected him to.

"Oh, hi Dad, Misty said she had to go home and do some application stuff for some job, but she said you called and you weren't far away so me and Lauren were just gonna watch some TV 'til you guys got here." Declan said.

"That's fine, Dec, you guys can hang out with your mother. I'm gonna go take a shower alright? Hold down fort will ya?" Ian said rubbing his forehead, brushing past Emily and Lauren. She sighed. Lauren squirmed getting fussy, "Sorry baby, I didn't mean to squeeze you that tight," she said quietly giving Lauren butterfly kisses.

"You guys wanna watch some TV or play a game?" Emily asked, smiling.

"Can we play Black Ops?" Declan asked excitedly.

"I don't think Lauren would really enjoy that, do you?" Emily said with a mock frown.

"Sure she does, she likes the zombies. She giggles every time one of them explodes or gets blown off their asses!"

"Declan!" Emily said, now really frowning. She leaves for barely two weeks and the kid's already cussing. "You'd better not let your dad catch you saying stuff like that, 'cause you know he's gonna say you learned that from me!" She chastised him.

"Nuh-uh, I learned it at school. All the kids say stuff like that…" Declan protested.

"Still, you're Dad's old fashioned. I'm telling you, don't do it here at home or you're gonna get grounded. Got me?" She said giving him a stern look.

"Fine… can we play Black Ops now?"

Emily sighed, rolling her eyes. "Fine, but only for an hour, then it's off to bed, kay?"

"Okay!"

She sat with Lauren on her lap as Declan handed her a controller, together they played Zombies they made it 9 rounds before she finally called it quits. Lauren had fallen asleep amidst her occasional giggle or squeal. Ian had never returned downstairs so she assumed he'd just gone to sleep.

She changed a half asleep Lauren into PJs and laid her down in her toddler bed. Her room was a mess, she'd need to clean up in here tomorrow; she made a mental note.

Walking down the hall she rubbed the back of her head that was still sore. She paused at the door to her room. She prayed Ian was asleep already so she wouldn't have to talk to him. She didn't know whether to be furious at him or what. She brushed her hair and her teeth and changed into some flannel pajama pants and a camisole. She tiptoed back into the bedroom, trying not to wake Ian. She was pulling back the sheets when she noticed the room was brighter than she remembered it being at night. She looked over at the window, where an electric candlelight sat.

He left the light on, she thought, biting her lip. It was things like this that made her remember the pieces of this man that she loved.

She crawled slowly into bed, pulling the sheets up over her.

3 hours later she was still awake. The memories from earlier still flooding her mind, she couldn't sleep. He's been waiting for you… he's been waiting for you… he's been waiting for you…

That kept replaying in her mind, like a broken record, making her eyes water. Had he really? Been waiting on her? She looked over at Ian… He looked like he was still asleep. He wasn't facing her, but his quiet snoring seemed to answer her silent question.

Sitting up, she swung her legs off the side of the bed. She sat there for a moment, working herself up.

Finally she stood, grabbing a zip up hoodie from the settee' at the foot of the bed. She tiptoed silently from the room, creeping down the squeaky stairs. She felt like a teenager sneaking out of her parents' house. Though, this activity would be far less fun than partying all night with some horny teen guys.

She walked out of the house, looking around to make sure there were no lunatics out and about. The dark street looked empty and she found herself walking the four blocks to the entrance of the cemetery. She stood, shaking, she almost went back, but she forced herself to walk in. She had to.

When she made it to Landen's grave, she bit her lip as she sat Indian-style in front of it. The stone read

"Landen Jacen Doyle"

-You're Never Over-

She was surprised she'd made it here, let alone sat down. She was even more surprised when she found herself talking out loud.

"Hi buddy," she whispered, tear falling down her cheek.

So God just help me out while I fight through this grievin process
Tryin to process this loss is makin me nauseous
But this depression ain't takin me hostage
I've been patiently watchin this game pacin these hallways
You had faith in me always

Ian rolled over in the bed. "Emily?" he called out. No answer, she wasn't in the bed or in the bathroom. He sat up anxiously. He looked around. Nothing seemed to be missing. Except her.

He swore, pulling on a leather jacket and his jeans. He looked at hook by the door, both sets of car keys were still hung up, and her shoes were still there. Her purse was still in the Mercedes where she'd left it earlier. Wherever she'd gone, she'd gone on foot. Barefoot, by the look of it. Suddenly, he looked up and he had an idea of where she'd gone.

He crept silently through the graveyard, and he paused behind a tree a couple yards away from Landen's grave. Emily sat on the ground, and began talking. He listened intently, interested to hear what she'd say.

"Hi buddy," she whispered. Before clearing her throat, and speaking a little louder.

"I didn't want you to think I forgot about you," she said, picking at the grass. "It's just, when I woke up, you were gone. A-and I couldn't remember anything. Everything in one minute, just d-disappeared… But, I think it was just easier for me to forget. Because remembering, baby, it just hurt too much." She sobbed. "I know, I—I've failed you Bud, you and your brother and sister. But… you left me here without you." She cried. "I ran away, because, well because that's what I'm good at… compartmentalizing. You know, where you bury things in boxes and stuff?" she sniffled, and Ian could tell she was smiling sadly. "No… you probably don't know what I mean, but… I'm trying. I'm trying to start over. It's just so hard, you know?" She pulled more grass out of the Earthy ground.

Ian looked down at the ground. This is all he'd wanted for her for so long… And now it was finally happening, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

He looked up again at the mention of himself.

"If you're up there… Don't, don't hold any of this stuff against your Dad, okay?" She said looking up at the sky. Ian could see the wetness of her face in the moonlight. "He's been through a lot, you know. He thought he lost Declan once, well he did… for seven years. But, he's done a lot better this time, I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have this happen twice." She muttered. "Just… don't watch the bad stuff okay? Your Dad loved you so much, we both did. H—he loves all of you. Just promise me, you'll remember that. Your dad and I… we fight sometimes, but we still love each other… and we'll always love you."

She wiped her nose with her sleeve. "I—I yelled at you. The last thing you heard was me. Yelling at you. I'm so sorry." She croaked out. "I felt so shitty, sorry, I felt so bad that I guess I just tried to forget anything ever happened. But,I promise… I promise I won't fo-forget anymore." She stuttered. "I love you… so much," she whispered.

Ian un-crossed his arms, deciding it was time.

"He knows, Love." He said quietly, walking up behind her.

She jumped about a foot in the air.

"I-Ian?" She asked. "How did you know where I was?"

He knelt down next to her, "Because, this is where I come every day. I used to come here every night while you were in the hospital while the kids were asleep."

"Oh…" She bit at her fingernails. He reached and took her hand gently. "What… What did you hear?" She asked nervously.

He smiled. "Just bits and pieces," he lied. He wanted her to have the illusion of serenity and privacy.

"Oh, good… I probably sound like a lunatic…" She sniffled, smiling sadly.

"No, not even close." He said taking his thumb and brushing a tear off her cheek.

"Ian… About today… I'm sorry."

Ian was taken aback. That was what he was going to say… "What do you have to be sorry about?" He asked.

"You… you were trying to help. In your own way, I guess. You knew it would help, didn't you? I guess… I guess I should have listened."

"Did it?"

"Did it what?"

"Did it help?" He asked, still holding her hand. She paused, looking up at the moon.

"I think so. I feel like… Like a weight is off of my chest. I feel like it's literally easier to breathe in and out."

"I thought so," he said smiling at her.

"You knew didn't you? You knew I'd come out of this if I could just do it?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I suppose I did," he said now looking down at the ground.

"How?"

"Well, it's not the first time for me, but… I'm a different man than I was then… or at least I'm trying to be. Anyways, it seemed like the only time I was at peace was when I would go to the church and light the candles for Declan. Coming and talking to Landen here, worked the same way. I just figured if it worked for someone as fucked up—sorry, son," he said quickly looking up at the sky, just like her. "Someone as messed up as me, it would work for you too." He said quietly.

"Ian…"

"What, Love?"

"I think… I think I still love you." She whispered, looking him dead in the eyes. He returned her gaze.

"I think, Emily Prentiss… that I will always love you." He said leaning in to kiss her.

And there they sat, under the moonlight at the grave of their son, and things finally felt at peace. The world seemed to disappear.

He took her hand, and together they said goodnight to Landen and promised to come back later. And in middle of the night they walked home, hand in hand through the cemetery and back to the place they called now home.

Not many are lucky enough to have a guardian angel like you
Lord I'm so thankful, please don't think that I don't feel grateful, I do
Just grant me the strength that I need for one more day to get through
So homie this is your song I dedicate this to you