A/N: so i got really drunk last night and wrote like three chapters bahahaha

like hemingway (might have) said, "write drunk, edit sober"

also at this point ben is like infinitely more powerful than rey and as they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely. it'll be clearer in the coming chapters. also enjoy ur smut u sluts

not sure why the chapter didn't post?

You have done very well, Ashla.

Ben was mediating outside, entering his fifth week of near constant connection with the Dark Side. Sometimes I would hear his thoughts, but they were still mostly a mystery. I was sitting the cockpit with his blanket and waiting for my final test—hedonism.

I swallowed hard. "Bendu, what happens if I fail this one?"

You will not proceed to Jedha to achieve realization. Bogan will overpower you, enslave you, and the universe itself will be plunged into darkness until you are reincarnated.

"…So, no pressure."

Bendu shivered with laughter. There is possibility for redemption. If you fail, but escape Bogan, you can still proceed to Jedha to meditate for seven days and seven nights for seven weeks, but you will be unprotected. He will be too powerful for most beings to combat.

If this final test involved what I thought, I would have a tough time passing it. I chewed on my nails and watched Ben's near-peaceful expression as he continued to align with the true Dark Side.

"How will he enslave me?" I asked.

Well… I'm sure I don't need to entirely spell it out for you. Bendu showed me the deep desires Ben had, and his natural inclination towards power and domination. He will try to break you, which will be impossible, as you are the Ashla, but you will suffer immensely. Resist him. Remember your ultimate purpose for the good of the galaxy and those you love.

"I love him." I sounded guilty.

I know. But you must realize the threat he poses to you and the universe itself. Bogan unchecked will unleash unmatched suffering. Succumbing to the desires of the flesh alone does not make you imperfect, Ashla, but you must redeem yourself to achieve detachment. Lives will be lost in the process.

I put my feet against the dashboard and folded my arms. "I should've gone to Jedha first."

The Dark must balance before the Light. Self-actualization must be achieved before enlightenment.

The fifth week passed, and the sixth came. I paced and prepared everything for our departure from Mustafar, and repaired Daybreak. The First Order lurked outside, desperate to figure out how to get to us, but there was no way. I washed the sheets in the ship and started sleeping in my own bed again.

Day seven of week six arrived. I opened my eyes, sensing a shift in the Force.

Bendu stirred. Rey. It's done.

Ben's mind was open to mine again, no longer shrouded in abyssal darkness. The torment was over. I had him back again, but he was… different, somehow. I stumbled out of bed and worked on getting dressed to meet him outside, when the door to my bedroom opened.

I glanced up, still half naked in just bindings, and met Ben's dark eyes. He was still in the gray robes and only slightly thinner than before. His Adam's apple bobbed and his mind tenderly brushed mine.

Hi, he said, as awkward as ever.

I shrieked in excitement and jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his robes. He staggered back, laughing, and returned the embrace. The Dark prickled forth into the Light like usual and though it felt less menacing, it was kind of ominous. I could feel the change in power Bendu had mentioned. Ben could overwhelm me if he wanted to.

"Ben!" I squealed. "You're back!" I kissed all along his face and pushed back his hair, elated. "You don't feel as torn anymore. Tell me how you feel—how was it?"

"Bizarre, surreal…" He kissed the side of my head. "Lonely. Also, surprised I'm not filthy."

I squirmed out of his grasp and led him through the ship to the cockpit. "I cleaned everything, and the ship is ready to fly. We go to Jedha, then I'll activate the beacon so we can find your mother, we'll find the splinter cells of the First Order, you'll teach me more Force stuff, and—"

"Rey, Rey." Ben tugged on my hand to stop me, laughing again. "Relax. Take a breath." He cupped my face between his hands and I felt the darkness surging over me. "I missed you. I thought of nothing but you. We'll never be apart again."

I touched his wrists, beaming when he kissed my forehead, basking in his presence. He was all I wanted.

"Well," I said, pulling him along towards the cockpit again, "don't forget that I have to meditate, too. It's kind of lonely but Bendu keeps you company."

"Does he?"

I nodded eagerly. "We talked about quite a bit, like the Dark Side not being evil, just an exercise in the self and strength, and the Light not being good, just an exercise in altruism and passiveness."

Ben stopped me again outside the cockpit, brushing back my hair and searching my eyes again. "Neither is better than the other—it's about what you want." He raised his eyebrows and stepped closer to me. "What do you want, Rey?"

What did I want? Him. But it didn't matter, because something bigger was happening. I shrugged and opened the door.

"It doesn't matter," I said.

Of course it does. Ben's mind was strong now, no longer trembling in sight of the Light. What you want matters more than a galaxy full of strangers. He picked through my thoughts like it was second nature, before I could even think of shutting him out, and smiled. Ah… The house on Chandrila… and children. I can give you both of those things.

I stepped back, hesitant. "Ben… We have work to do first."

It can wait for a while. The darkness probed my mind, whispering, and he touched my hand. You've suffered so much. You deserve respite. His fingertips drifted to my robe and he overwhelmed my thoughts with all the interrupted intimate moments we had. Even if it's just for the night.

"I… I have to go to Jedha."

Why don't we relax here? Just for tonight.

"But—"

Ben interrupted me with a kiss, slipping his tongue in my mouth, and wrapped his arms around me. I grasped his biceps and teetered back on my heels and he lifted me into his arms. He wasn't unsure or tentative this time and carried me into the captain's quarters, where he used one arm to lower me to the bed and tugged his shirt over his head.

He crept on top of me and I squirmed back into the pillows, trembling with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. Ben placed his hands on either side of my head and smiled.

We already have a home, he murmured, intentions twisting around his mind, so what's next?

I blinked owlishly. "…Jobs?"

He laughed and shook his head. I missed your naivety. Again he breezed into my mind and I could hardly resist. The tables had turned. Let me show you.

"Ben—"

"Rey—fuck!"

I'm on top of Ben, and I almost draw out of the fantasy when I realize he's inside me. But he holds me there, making me absorb the scene before us. I squirm uncomfortably when I heard my voice moaning and watch Ben arch up, pushing deeper into my body. We both want it as he finishes and his dark eyes roll back and he bites his lower lip.

It shifts. Now he's lying across my front and his breath is in my ear. I'm pinned underneath him, whimpering and balling gray sheets in my fists. Ben is moving slow and steady and I can feel each tantalizing shift as he rocks in and out of me. I'm nervous but he whispers encouragingly in my ear and refuses to let me up. I whimper. Now I'm unsure.

"Good girl," he croons. "Stay quiet, or they'll hear you."

"Please… please…"

It's the fantasy from a few nights ago. Ben is circling me in his black garb and I'm kneeling on the floor with my wrists bound behind me back. He touches my chin, drawing my teary eyes up to his.

"I'll do anything," I sob. "Don't… don't hurt them."

Ben tilts his head. "Anything?"

I nod, lower lip trembling. He seizes my jaw roughly in one gloved hand.

"All this from some scavenger." He shoves me onto the floor. "Strip."

It wavers and returns to him draped over my back. I'm half-conscious, too exhausted and in too much pain to keep crying or fighting. Ben grunts in my ear. He's already taken me three times.

Fingers curl around my throat. "You're mine."

I violently drew back from the intrusion. Ben was already kissing my neck, rolling his hips into mine, and I had to take a few gaping breaths before I could even speak to him.

"Ben!" I gasped, clutching the hem of his pants.

"Shh. Relax, my love." He pressed his forehead to mine and flexed between my legs, drawing a whimper from me. That's how we'll make our family.

"Please, I don't—"

His tongue swept through my mouth again and he worked on pulling down my pants before his. There wasn't much there, since I was almost naked already, and I presently felt hard heat grinding between my thighs. He was moving faster than before, desperate and hungry.

Shhh. Ben's fingers crept up to the strips holding my breasts in place and tore through them with no pretense. Why don't you tell me which scenario you liked the most?

"I mean… I…"

I'll look for you.

Ben probed deeper inside my mind, pushing aside my resistances with little effort. I mewled like a pained kitten as he forced himself into my deepest desires and the Light couldn't hold him back anymore. He thumbed through things I wasn't even aware of and drew them to the forefront of my mind like their privacy didn't matter.

Ah… he mused. He injected a disparate thought; the awakening I had when we first met on the Supremacy. The Dark swirled over me. That's what you want.

Ben's fingers locked around my wrists like manacles and he widened in my thoughts, making me gasp and writhe underneath him. The darkness filled up my vision and I was vaguely aware of both reality—Ben rubbing himself against me—and fantasy.

"It's just us now."

I'm on my back, restrained to the table. Kylo Ren has already tried to interrogate me and I'm beading sweat, terrified and confused. He unclips his cape and it drifts to the floor with a quiet flutter. I swallowed hard and yank on the restraints, desperate to escape.

"Get away from me!" I hiss.

"I don't think that's what you want."

The table moves back and he runs a hand through his black hair, eyeing me smugly. Tears roll down my cheeks and I fight to yank my sweaty hands from the cuffs.

"I'm warning you!" I shake my head, eyes widening when he idly closes the door with the Force. "I don't want to hurt you, but—"

He slams his hands on either side of my head, raising his eyebrows. "Or what, scavenger? Hm?" Fabric shifts and he steps closer and his dark eyes mesmerize me. "What exactly will you do?"

Kylo Ren, before I knew him. He climbs on top of me and has his way with me and I can't do a thing. It's the easiest way for me to reconcile my attraction to him with what's right. If he forces himself on me, I won't be blamed for what happens. It's out of my hands. All I can do is lie there and twist my wrists and cry and moan as he engorges within me and snaps insults in my ear.

The thought ended. I trembled underneath Ben and he laughed, like my memory was hilarious. He was still moving against me and his long fingers brushed my breasts. It wasn't the time. I had to…

"It's okay," he purred. "What else do you want?"

"Nothing!" I squirmed and clenched the sheets, fighting the Dark pressure. "Ben… Jedha!"

That's right. Beg me for what you want.

I was close to giving in. Ben tugged on his pants and prowled around in my mind when a powerful jolt suddenly interrupted him.

We broke apart and stared at one another in surprise. There was a disturbance in the Force. Something horrible had happened, and I had a feeling I knew what.

"Leia," I whispered.

The lust in Ben vanished in an instant and he flew out of the room to the cockpit. I scrambled after him, heart racing. Gashes like that only happened when a very powerful Force-sensitive was injured or…

Daybreak was already humming to life when I came in the cockpit. I belted in next to Ben, reeling from our encounter. The Dark was spinning like a hurricane.

You must proceed to Jedha. Bendu, warning me again. You have passed the final test, Ashla. If Bogan abandons your purpose, he may overwhelm you.

I don't care! I snapped. That's his mother!

Ashla, this is another test—

Enough tests. I glanced at Ben and focused on the horizon, frowning. I have to do what I want.