Hey there, guys. I have a new update for you. I hope you will like it. And thanks for reading and following this story. Enjoy.

T73.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I know I shouldn't be here, and I know I shouldn't be doing this but my inner demon gained the upper hand this time. My old soul needs a break and I need to silence those voice who blame me for my failing. I would do anything to change places with those victims, these poor people.
I may do this once or twice a year, but today the screams inside my head got too loud.
I wipe an angry tear from my cheek and press my lips to a thin line together. I didn't became a cop to watch people die. Hell, quite on the contrary. I became a cop to protect the innocent. But they protect me, is ... from doing the same mistake all the time. I down my drink and hit the glass three times on the surface of the bar counter.
I am anything but a hard drinker. But today, the voices in my head are too loud, and I want to banish them. I'm also not crazy. But the thing is, when you get to know a murder victim before he or she gets killed ... the soul of the victim shadows you. You feel responsible because you saw it coming but your hands are bound.
I feel the tears burning in my eyes and bury my face in my hands. I also just can wear a certain load on my shoulders.
I tense up when I feel a soft touch on my shoulder and drop my hands. I turn my head to the right and see her slight smile on her lips, but I can't return it.
She sees that I am about to break down and takes me at the elbow. "The same as before, twice." she says to the bartender and leads me to a booth.
I don't protest and follow her, I am clearly intoxicated. I stumble over an chair.
She braces me and frowns, "Do you want to tell me what is going on?"
I slump down on the bench and sigh heavily. "I am the one to blame."
Maura licks her lips and her frown deepens, "What?"
I point at my chest and laugh sarcastically. "I told Tanja to leave the street racer scene and now she's dead. It's my fault. Only mine. I am responsible."
"No, you're not." she replies, it's a little harsh. "She made those decisions. To get into the scene and to get out of it. You only gave her the advice. I know it sounds cold but ... but she made those decisions."
"Yeah, it don't sooth my conscience. How many am I willed to sacrifice, Maura? Already two are on me."
"Just stop," she whispers.
My heart tightens. I can't, echoes through my head and it reaches my brain. Stop? Me? Never.

When I had done something wrong, I'd always accept the bad feeling and the sideglances of the others. I never avoid the blame.
"You didn't kill that young woman, Jane." she continues. "They did. They killed her ice-cold. Tanja Stiller hadn't had the hint of a chance."
I let her words sink in and massage the bridge of my nose with both of my thumbs. A deep frown is on my forehead. I know that she is absolutely right, but I still feel responsible for Tanja's death. The feeling of guilt is deeply embedded in my brain and takes a little bit more than nice words and well meant touches. Actually, I just want to roll in in an dark corner and cry. I sigh and down my beer completely and want to throw the bottle at the mirror behind the counter, at the reflection that stares back at me, the monster that I've became. "You know, there is a saying: He who fights with monsters might take care lest thereby become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss gazes into you."
She licks her lips and sips her own beer, "It's from Friedrich Nietzsche. His work: Beyond Good and Evil."
I frown deeply and glance at her, "I already gazed for a very long time into this abyss, Maura."
"But you're not a monster, Jane." she replies and frowns, too.
"I'm not sure anymore," I say and down my scotch. "I looked into many dark souls. Maybe ... maybe ... maybe ..."
"Your self-hate will kill you one day, Jane." she says.
I laugh cynically and order the next round, "Irony of fate."
She furls her eyebrows, "Stop with this tripe." she says and my eyes snap to hers. "I want to spend many years of happiness, of fights and funny moments with you. But it can't happen when you become reckless and when you get yourself killed. I don't want to lose you, Jane."
I glance long at her and I know that my face shows all the pain I'm feeling.
She turns her whole body sideways on her chair. "Come here, honey."
I don't hesitate and bury my face in the crook of her neck as I hug her tightly. I don't care that we are in the public or that she called me honey. For all I care now is that she is holding me, supporting mw. Suddenly my whole body is trembling and I stifle my sobs while my silent tears are soaking her jacket. All my internal dams have opened their floodgates and I can't control my outburst of emotions anymore. I'm normally a very reserved person when it comes to my feelings. I rather bottle them up. But now I'm just done. I'm so sick and tired of hiding my feelings. All my emotion and my pain floods over me. Everything I hid since years. And I think Maura knows but she doesn't say anything. She just holds me and supports me, and tries to give me new strength. And that makes me cry even harder and I can't stifle my sobs anymore. To hell what others may think of me. Maura holds me tighter and rubs my back.
"I'm so sorry," I say over and over against her neck. I'm not sure anymore for what I do apologize.
She cups my face with both hands and looks deeply into my eyes. "I think I know a way how you can let go. How you can take off your mind."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura looks up at me and caresses my bare shoulders and her hands wander to my back and she smiles reassuringly at me.
We'd came back to her place and drank even more. I know that we both will have a horrible hangover tomorrow, but I don't give a shit right now. Innocent kisses on the couch led to make out sessions and almost screwing. Damn alcohol.
I have no idea why Maura does own this item. And I don't know with whom she has used it already. And I don't give a shit about that, too. All that matters now is that she's underneath me and oh so ready.
I am not new to such things and I am anything but shy of using it. But it's been a while since I used a strap-on and that's why I'm a little unassertive. "You sure?" I whisper.
She swallows hard and nods slightly her head. "Yes."
I frown a little, "I don't want to hurt you."
She runs her hands over my back and tries to push my body down, "I'm not fragile, Jane. You're not going to hurt or break me."
Her try is in vain. I put up some resistance and refuse her what she wants.
She moans and drags her nails over my shoulders.
I I really would be a man ... this would make me come undone.
She glances at me and gives me a desperate look, "This is cruel." she whimpers.
I smirk mischievously, "I know." I whisper back.
Everyone thinks that a woman needs a artificial cock to fuck another woman. I really have nothing against rough sex. But when I am wearing a strap-on I see it as a opportunity as a great chance to say unsaid things. To reach my partner even deeper. To get a deeper connection. That's what some men do not understand. To get an deeper connection with their parents.
"Jane," Maura whimpers low. "please."
I intertwines my hands with hers, bury my head in the crook of her neck and slide the dildo carefully into her.
She arches her back and holds my hands tightly. She immediately wraps her legs around my thighs, offering more of her.
"Do you like this?" I whisper into her ear. "Me deep in you?"
She squeezes my hands and nods her head.
I slowly glide out of her again and she moans deeply from the back of her throat. "I like it, too." I whisper into her ear again. "You are mine."
I release her left hand and wrap hand and wrap with my right hand her leg around my waist as I enter her again, making her tighter.
She gasps and holds my left hand firmly.
I kiss her along her jawline and stop at her mouth as I set a slow rhythm. I moan as our tongues meet for the first time. It's a slow and sensitive kiss, like my movements. It's not a battle of dominance. It's a give and take. I am often overly motivated in real life, but I want to enjoy this now and I want Maura to enjoy it as well.
I sigh as I feel her skin on mine, hot and sweaty already. Especially when I drop my head on her shoulder and when she slides her hand over my neck, deeply moaning.
She cries out when I increase the rhythm for a moment.
I could let go all my anger down on her , that's what she offers to me. But I want to reach her ... Deeply. I thrust a little harder into her and she arches her back again. Her hands wanders down to the small of my back and I groan from the depth of my soul.
I let my left hand wander over her body and cup her breast.
Maura she moans again and turns her head to my own. She drags her eyes open as her leg drops from my waist, offering me even more of her.
I can see only love for me in her eyes and my heart explodes in my chest, "Jesus." I groan and bend her left leg while I thrust in and out of her, I will never get tired of that sight.
She meets me half way with her hips and arches her back again.
I wrap my arm around her waist and hold her in place. I could just fuck her right now, but I don't want to, I don't need to. I slide out of her slowly and glide back into her in the same pace. Let her enjoy every second.
She digs her nails into my skin and we moan in the same time.
"Oh ..." she breathes. "Jane!"
I've never heard something like that, something sexier. And if I would be a man ... I could come hard right now.
She stills her movements and lifts her back as I slide back into her one last time, moaning deeply.
I try to still my hips as my very own crashes over me, in vain.
Maura traps me between her legs and turns us over.
Now, I'm lying on my back, still deep inside of her.
She intertwines our hands again and smiles down at me, "That wasn't nice of you."
I grin and lick my lips, "I am not a bit sorry."
She holds my gaze and lifts herself up, smiling. "I ..." she sits back down on the toy inside of her and moans from the back of her throat. "I know."
I free my right hand and it creeps up between her breasts. I can feel her heart thudding widely against my it.
She bites her lower lip as she pushes herself up again.
I can see how the slides in and out of her and a primitive growls rumbles from my chest.
Maura leans down and our lips brushes against each other.
I want to capture her lips but she backs away again. What the hell?
She places my hands on her breasts as she starts ridding me and I can't hold back another deep moan as I squeeze them a little harder.
I want to sit up but she pushes me back onto the mattress. "Maura ..." I growl and she cries out. My upper body shoots up immediately and I wrap my arms around her middle. I help her to sit up as I place my hands on her butt and back down so that she's completely filled.
She places her hands on my thighs as she arches her back, changing the angle of the dildo a little.
I see my opportunity and capture her rigid left nipple with my mouth , teasing it with my tongue. Sucking at it and easing it. Meanwhile, a hand find its way down between her legs and I circle her clit with my thumb.
That's the point where she doesn't keep her moans and sighs so quiet anymore. She's shamelessly rolling her hips and digs her nails into my thighs.
I open my eyes again while I suck and bite her nipple to look up at her.
Maura's eyes are shut tight and her mouth is widely open. She is breathing heavily and looks incredible sexy.
She forces her eyes open and looks down at me as she drags her nails over my bare skin.
I moan low and her whole body went rigid.
I push her one last time down on the dildo and press our torsos together as we come together.
I place my head between her breasts and close my eyes tightly.
A last deep moan escapes from her throat and she runs hands through my hair.
I hold her close to me and I feel save, "I love you."
"I love you too, but could you please stop moving your hips." she replies.
I haven't noticed that I started to move my hips again. I look up to her eyes and frown deeply. "Sorry."
She smiles sweetly and kisses me, "It's okay. It's just too much right now."
I furrow my eyebrows, "Too much?"
Maura rolls off of me and sighs, "Yes."
I wriggle out of the harshness. "Shoot."
She laughs. "I am sorry, Your Grace."
I pull her closer to me, "Whippersnapper!"
She laughs again, a sound of that I will never get tired of. She interlace her hand with mine, "Would it be wrong when I say that I've never met someone like you?"
I fiddle with her fingers, Only if you're driving at our different walks of life."
She turn her head to me, "What do you mean?"
I sigh heavily, "Well, you're a highly decorated academic and I am ... a cop."
"Is that how you see it," she asks and sits up. "How you see us?"
I really can understand her reaction, "That's how other people will see us, Maura. They don't see us like we are for real. They'll see that you are wealthy and that I am a blue-collar cop. You're educated and I am me. They say that you should never a book by its cover, but people do not think that way." I furl my eyebrows. "When they see a fully tattooed or pierced person. For heaven's sake, he or she is probably a member of a satanic cult. But in reality, he or she is an social committed person. They see a person in a tailored suit. This must be the most trustworthy soul in this world. In reality, these people are the tricksters. They steal or kill because of low motives."

She looks me right in the eye, "How much have you been through, Jane Rizzoli?"
I run a hand over her cheek, it's a gentle touch, "Enough to fill entire novels."
She leans her head down and kisses me gently on my lips. It's a sweet kiss, one full of love. One to comfort me.
I moan and pull her closer. Suddenly a idea starts to form in my head. I sit up again. "Come with me."
She frowns deeply, "What? Where are you going, Jane? It's in the middle of the night!"
I get out of the bed and start to get dressed as I look at her, "The time is perfect. Come with me, I want to show you something."
Maura makes an annoyed face, "Jane, we're not showered and we just had sex. I'm tired."
I pull my tank top over my head, no bothering to put on my bra. "We're not going to a night club. Come on, Maura."
She sighs dramatically and gets out of her bed.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We're sitting in CJ's BMW and I drive us through the empty streets of Boston. Gosh, I haven't been at this place for ages. The last time I have been there is three years ago with Melanie. But that's not the right time to think about her now. Now it's time to make new memories with Maura. I take a deep breath and turn up the radio a little when I hear the first riffs of one of my favorite songs of Russell Allen and Jørn Lande. It's called Come Alive.

Maura turns the volume down again.
I glare at her, "Hey!"
"Jane, thus volume can cause a serious hearing damage," she says and I still glare at her. She turns my head laughing back to the road. "Focus your eyes back on the street."
I make a pouty face and turn the volume up again. I hear a frustrated sigh and smile proudly.
"Who are the musicians?" she asks.
I glance briefly at her, "Russell Allen and Jørn Lande. You like them?"
"This ist not necessarily the music genre that I usually listen to."
Of course.
I decide to take her for a ride.
I step with the rhythm of the music on the break so she starts headbanging.
She chuckles and punches lightly my arm.
I laugh as well and stop my actions. "I can pray everyday and all night just to hear you say the words that make my world slow round, "I sing with those guys. I know that I sing as good as a cat under the shower, but I don't care. "The words that make me live. I can pray everyday and all night just to see you smile." I glance at her and she actually smiles at me with this cute little dimple on her cheek that is popping out. "A smile that makes my heart and soul come alive."

She runs an hand over my nape, "I think I like these guys."
I smirk broadly, "All of a sudden. Dr. Isles, you are very erratic."
She chuckles heartily, "Where are we going, Jane?"
I glare at her with big eyes, "Really?"
She huffed and pinches my shoulder.
I open my mouth dramatically, "Ouch."
"Don't be pathetic," she replies.
I furrow my eyebrows, "That hurt." No, it didn't.
"I make it up to you later." Maura says with a smile.
I smirk and hit the left blinker before I turn on a forest path.
She gasps loudly, "Jane, we're not allowed to drive here."
I grunt amused, "Call the police."
She huffs once more.
Right now I am an internal jig.
"Don't look so pleased," she says.
I scoff, "What?"
"I can see that you are happy because you can tease me."
I shake my head with a broad smile, "No." Yes.
"You're like one of those teenage boys in school who tease their crush so they catch their attention." she replies.
I don't look at her. I have to focus on the small path that leads up the hill. "Does it work?"
I bring the BMW on a forest glade to an halt from where we can overlook the skyline of Boston. It's a secluded forest glade, hardly people go astray here. Even not when it's daylight.
Maura gasps when she sees the view. "Yes, it works."
I grin like a Cheshire cat and open my car door. "Come on."
She opens her door as well and gets out of the BMW. She makes a few steps away from the ride, "Oh my ... It's beautiful up here, Jane."
I stand behind her, wrap my arms around her middle and place my chin on her right shoulder. "Only the best for you."
She turns her head to me and smiles broadly. "You are hopelessly romantic."
I kiss her neck, "Don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to keep."
"Your secret is safe with me," she replies and places her hands on mine. "I'd rather be with no one else here than with you."
I smile softly, "Me neither."
She turns her head again, "I love you, Jane."
I tighten my hold a little. "I love you too. So much."