As I was sitting on the floor I drew circles, mumbling how Howky definitely didn´t like me as such. "Would you shut your pie hole, you are depressing, didn't Shanks want to date you, that shows you are desirable," said Roger in my mind. `Shanks would hump whatever looked remotely female.` I told him. "Why are you so against the idea of men fancying you?" asked Roger. I sighed, `It´s not that I am against it, it´s just that I am sure they can find a better and prettier woman than me, I am no one and I can´t offer them anything, It´s better for me to be alone.` Roger groaned, "Why do you put your self down that much, seriously what happened to make you so against it when someone compliments you?" I looked depressed, `It´s not that I think of myself as really ugly, that's not what I think, just every person here, in this world are amazing they deserve someone who is amazing too,´ I said. `Even tho I was supposed to be born here as you say, I am still an outsider, being born and raised somewhere totally different.` I continued on, `I felt out of place in my world and I feel out of place in this world, an outsider like me would only cause problems, it´s better for me to do stuff in the sidelines.` I smiled a little, `I thought I would help as much as I could, so people don´t lose so many people they treasure.` There was a small pause till Roger answered, "That was not what I asked, but do you mean to say that everyone in this world deserve to be happy but not you?" I replied, `Hmm...That´s about right I guess.` My head was quiet for a while until an angry roar was heard, "ARE YOU AN IDIOT, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOO, AS I HAVE SEEN THIS YOU HAVE NEVER REALLY BEEN HAPPY, IT IS HIGH TIME TO BE FINALLY HAPPY!" I was starting to become angry too, `I was happy at some point, I made a few friends, but as I was happy all those I considered my first friends or people I could talk to, they started ta kill themselves, in half a year time ten people committed suicide one by one, and that was not all, I can see ghosts, for at least two weeks they stayed near me after theyr death, I could feel their anguish, anger, and sadness as it was my one,` I had tears in my eyes, `It went on untill my body and mind could not take the mental and pysical torture, my body and mind shut my feelings off, for almost a half a year I was emotionless like a zombie, I existed but I could not feel emotions or pain, ` I looked down to my fingers, `Tho I was woken up, and I have slowly regained my feelings and sense of tuch. I don´t want to experience that again, so it´s better for me to be unhappy, then at least others would be happy.` I sighed, `In a way, I am afraid to get hurt again.` Roger took all I said in and seemed to be thinking, "I am sorry you had to experience that, but also you shouldn't let the past affect your future, because if you let it affect you so much then you´ll always be hurt and sad. Don´t push people away, you are losing any chance you have to get out of your past. You are still stuck there, it´s time you let go of your past or there won't be a future for you." I pounder about his words, I know he is right, but it just seems so hard, letting go of all those years. I know I had to do it, but I do not know if I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. I hope I am strong enough to do it. I also knew that there are people with worst experiences and lives than my own, I know I should be happy about the things I have.
As I had the dreaded talk with Roger, I had totally forgotten the two individuals that were also present in the room. Soft murmurs are heard thro the room, "That girl seems to be mentally ill." stated one voice. "Yes, she seems to be delusional or hearing voices inside her head. Definitely a mental problem." said another voice. "I´m not mentally stunted, I am simply talking to a person thro a mental link, he can hear my thoughts and I can hear his," I said angrily. "Before you make any smart comments, its part of my devil fruit power." I huffed. Kureha looked at me skeptically, "Devil Fruit power you say, if what you say is correct, you have too many powers for a devil fruit user. It´s not possible to be able to use more then one devil fruit power." I sighed, "Normally that would be the case, but in my case it's different, my devil fruit is Kokoro ni Kaku Nomi, basically I can do whatever I imagine." I stated, I saw no harm in telling them. Their eyes bugged out and Choppers mouth dropped to the floor. "That would make you almost like a god," said Kureha. I chuckled uncomfortably, "Yes, in a way I am."