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WOW!!!! I had such an amazing response to that last chapter, you guys are amazing :D I am so sorry though you guys that it has taken me such a long time again to get this chapter up, I am trying though, but I wrote nearly a full chapter before deciding that I didn't like it and started all over again. You might be pleased to know though, that I seem to have been hit by the writing bug and hopefully the next few chapters will be up much quicker :D
Anyway without further ado a huge MASSIVE thanks to all you guys who have reviewed. I did try and reply to you all, so my apologies if I missed anyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to EllaJuneCullen9, Twilightgirl80, HyperAmii x2,Carrigan-R, Moonmist901 x2, xRosePetalx, TvHollywoodDiva, Fallen-from-grace4711, Rose12711, Motherduckatschool, Me, Eeyore16, Bandforever16, TeamEdwardTwilightFan, Dazzlepire, Me likey Jazzy, AnnieBeth242 and BethyBelle951 – you guys are amazing and I can't thank you enough :D :D :D :D
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Chapter 21
Bella's P.O.V
"Sorry for what"? A voice startled me from my thoughts.
In my fright I jumped from the rock I had been sitting on, spinning to face my intruder. My heart was pounding in my chest, the beating almost deafening me.
I knew with certainty though, it wasn't the fact they had crept up on me, it was what they had overheard. If I thought Edward knowing about my dreams was bad, this was infinitely worse. What exactly was I sorry for? I knew, but no-one else was meant to know. It was meant to stay secret, at the very least until I had left them.
"God, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that". I chuckled, trying in vain to guide us away from the subject of my apologies.
"Sorry, I thought for sure you had heard me coming".
"No, I was... thinking". I sat back down in my previous position. "I've always been kind of able to tune things out when I get deep in thought". I was babbling and I knew it.
"Sometimes it's needed in a house as full as ours".
"Yeah, I guess so". I agreed. "So is everyone up? I suppose we should be getting back for breakfast and to decide what we're doing today huh". I stood up and began heading back toward the path.
"Bella". A gentle hand wrapped around my wrist. "What were you apologizing for"?
I took in a deep breath, stepping back to sit back down. I knew I couldn't keep eye contact, I needed something to stare at, the men on the boat a perfect object, one that wouldn't give me away. Staring at the floor or a tree definitely would.
"Nothing... Everything". Even to my own ears that sounded complicated. "I don't know". I couldn't say it, I couldn't just blurt out everything. It wasn't fair to let them carry my burden.
More than anything I was ashamed. The Cullen's all thought I was this sweet, naïve young girl who had just lost her whole world. And though part of that was true, the parts they didn't know were the parts I was most ashamed of. I was ashamed by the fact I couldn't just own up to my mistakes, ashamed that I was letting them treat me so kind, when really they should be shunning me.
I think part of me didn't want them knowing the truth because it would hurt them. Hurt them to know they had given so much to someone who didn't deserve it, to know they had allowed such a monster into their home, and join their family.
This was all such a mess, and it was getting worse day by day. The longer I stayed, the more heartache I was causing. I had to get out, and so very soon.
"I miss him". I nodded toward the water. "He should be out there now, and he isn't". Tears filled my eyes just at the thought.
"It's ok to miss him Bella, it's actually right to". Two arms wrapped around me.
"I just feel so guilty, all of the time". The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
"You shouldn't. You have noting to feel guilty for". How wrong they were. "Your Dad wouldn't want you to be unhappy, he wanted everything in the world for you, and as hard as it is, you need to just take it one day at a time, and try to make your Dad proud". I was so relieved that the guilt I had been referring to hadn't been picked up on. "And we're all going to be here to help you, as much as we can. You aren't alone Bella, never".
"Thank you". I replied, not knowing what else I could possibly say.
"And we may get on your nerves from time to time, what with all the hovering we do, so if you need a time out, don't be afraid to ask for one. None of us have ever been through what you're going through, so we just don't know how to help you for the best".
"It's fine. I don't know what I need or want most of the time either". I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood slightly, and as far away from my feeling guilty, as possible. "Thanks Jasper".
"Any time Bells, any time". He gave me a gentle squeeze. "So ok, you ready to head on back to start breakfast, Emmett's probably whining that he's hungry and trust me when I say you do not want him cooking your breakfast".
I nodded and stood along with Jasper. We walked back up the hill, his arm remaining wrapped around my shoulders. Of all the people I had expected to come after me this morning, Jasper wasn't the one. Sure we got on, and he was probably the one I could trust with my most darkest secrets, and he seemed to be able to read what people were feeling rather well, but he was also a stand off to the side kind of guy, never getting involved unless he felt the need. No I had expected Edward, Alice, Rosalie or even Emmett, but Jasper was definitely the last one. It was nice though. He was easy to be around.
When we got back, Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere to be found. Alice was digging through the cool bags, and Edward was stood looking toward us tensely. As we got closer, Jasper gave my shoulders one last squeeze before he headed over to Alice and began digging out food for breakfast.
"Are you ok"? Edward stepped toward me as I headed back to him. "I was a little worried when I woke up and you weren't there".
"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry. I just needed a few minutes to myself".
"Bella, don't apologize for needed some space".
"Sorry". I apologized again automatically, then chuckled, as he rolled his eyes.
A few minutes later Rosalie emerged from her tent carrying her toiletry bag. I quickly excused myself from Edward and went to grab my things and headed to the bathrooms with her. I felt at ease with Rose, she never asked questions, almost as though she knew I would talk when I was good and ready. I loved Alice dearly, but she was so unlike Rose. Both equally as caring, but in completely different ways.
After getting washed and dressed, and breakfast, we sat around trying to decide what to do. Apparently we would be heading home tomorrow lunchtime, so this was our only full day. I can't say I was too disappointed in the fact we were heading back to civilisation, I still felt a little on edge about the snake, and I could tell from both Emmett and Alice's behaviour they hadn't simply forgotten either.
It was decided we would hike up the hill to where Jasper explained there was a small lake that was fed from a small stream at the very top of the hill. Apparently there was an activity centre not far from there, where they all felt sure we could find an activity to partake in. I wasn't so sure, I had never been the adventurist type, hell I wasn't sure how I was even going to make it all that way on the hike without causing some serious bodily harm to either myself or one of the others.
As if sensing my displeasure, Edward pulled me back into his chest, whispering in my ear that he would help me and keep me safe. I just hoped he wouldn't live to regret his words.
So after packing a bag with a little food and bottles of water, off we set. Rose and Emmett, Jasper and Alice setting the pace holding hands as they walked steadily up the forever climbing path. Edward as promised helped me as I tripped over thin air and my own feet, keeping our fingers linked together. He never once rushed me, or showed any impatience at my slow speed.
When the path seemed to get steeper, he took my mind off it by telling me stories of all the times they had been camping before. I have to say my favourite was one of Alice's first times camping further up the hill. The bathrooms up there, were just pure basic toilet, basin and shower. She had thrown a hissy fit at not having any electricity to dry and style her hair, until Carlisle eventually gave in and drove her twenty minutes down the hill to use the more luxurious bathrooms and then drive her back. Apparently the reason why we were camping where we were was because that was as far up the hill we could go without losing electricity in the bathrooms.
Some of the pranks they had played on each other were hilarious, some cruel. Even poor Esme had suffered the consequences of them. One of which had turned out badly, causing Edward to cringe as he retold it.
"Carlisle was meant to be watching Emmett, Alice and I, as we played by the lake, but had fallen asleep. We all had our floaties and knew not to swim any further than chest height out into the lake. Alice had been playing with her mermaid Barbie while Emmett and I had been climbing trees or something. Anyway we decided to play a prank on Alice, though I can't remember what the prank was. So anyway Alice had taken her floaties off her arms and left them by the side of the lake, and came running after us". Edward frowned as he remembered the event. "So we pulled the prank on Alice, it was probably something like telling her there was a spider on her back or something equally as lame, and she let out this scream. The next thing I know I could hear my Mom screaming for my Dad. I will to this day never forget the fear that we heard in her voice. We all high tailed it back to the lake, knowing there was something very wrong. When we got there, Dad was in the lake, going under the surface and back up over and over, Mom was on the lake side hysterical. At first I thought my Dad was drowning, almost ready to swim out there after him, it was then we spotted one of Alice's floaties not far from where Dad was diving under".
"Oh my God, he thought Alice had drowned". I gasped in horror.
"Yeah. The floatie must have been taken out onto the lake by the current. It was horrible, seeing the panic in them both. After a few seconds we all ran over to Esme, I don't think I could ever see as much relief in anyone's face even if I lived to be a hundred".
"Aww Dude, you're not telling her about the time Mom and Dad thought Alice had drowned are you". Emmett suddenly whined.
I had been that engrossed in Edward telling me what happened, I hadn't realized we had caught up to the others. Edward nodded, smiling slightly, as though he knew what was coming next.
"I swear, that was the only time I thought Dad was gonna murder me". Emmett stated.
"The only time Em, really"? Alice cocked a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him.
"Ok, but not many other times have come close. I for sure thought we were dead with how Dad came storming out of the water to us".
"So what did he do"? I asked curiously.
"All three of us stood there after we'd finally got Dad's attention, he came storming out of the water, looking as though he was going to drown us himself, only to drop down in front of us all, hug us close and I swear he was in pieces". Edward told me.
"Yeah he probably decided against the drowning us idea half way out of the water, after realizing Mom would probably drown him for having fallen asleep while watching us". Emmett laughed.
Having been engrossed in Edward's stories, I hadn't realized how far we had walked until Edward told me we were nearly there. For the next few minutes, both Edward, Alice and Emmett regaled us with some of their favourite memories of camping, though admittedly, any of Alice's were all from when she was a small child. It seemed the older she got, the less she wanted to camp.
Even though I hadn't noticed the hike as much, by the time I reached the top, I was truly exhausted. It was all forgotten though the moment that we walked through a few trees leaving us standing on the hillside overlooking the lake. It was a breathtaking view. You could see for mile on end. It was almost as though we had jumped straight into the image of a postcard or something.
"It really is something isn't it"? Edward whispered in my ear.
"Definitely, it makes the whole perilous hike up here almost worth it". I laughed softly.
"Ah c'mon, it wasn't nearly as bad as you think. You tripped what 3 maybe 4 times the whole way up"?
"That was because you kept me distracted from what I was doing".
"Glad to be of service". He gave me a cheesy grin.
I couldn't help but smile back at him. It was so hard not to be in a light mood around them all. They made me feel like one of them, like I was normal, if only for a few minutes.
Edward tugged on my hand and we began following the others. Emmett's voice began getting louder and louder with excitement, the closer we got to our destination.
"YES! They still have it". I heard him yell in jubilation.
I was just beginning to wonder what it was they still had when I followed Edward around the bend of trees to find a small suspension bridge swinging between two cliff edges. On the far side was looked like an upmarket tree house complete with stairs taking you up into the trees where the main building was.
I immediately felt fear creeping up in me. Did they seriously expect me to walk across that flimsy excuse for a bridge. Though it wasn't exactly a rope bridge, it was made of steel cables, I couldn't imagine it was very safe. Edward sensing my falter in step, spun to face me, immediately frowning.
"We seriously aren't gonna have to cross that thing are we"? I whispered.
"Not if you really don't want to, but we have to if you wanna zip line back to the bottom of the cliff". He told me, stepping closer.
"Do what now"? I asked incredulously. "You want me, to slid down a great big mountain on a wire"?
"It's perfectly safe Bella, I promise".
I looked at him skeptically. I trusted him, God did I trust him, but right now I wished I didn't. How could he possibly think sliding all the way down the hill on a cable was 'perfectly safe'? He was mad. He needed professional help. I really didn't want to do it, but part of my brain was telling me if I didn't, I'd have to walk back down the hill, and I was under no doubt that one of them if not all of them would walk back with me, yet again I would be spoiling their fun.
"C'mon Baby Bell". Emmett yelled as he walked closer to the bridge.
"Bella, I swear it is safe, but if you don't want to do it, there's no pressure". Edward's hands cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. His eyes were full of sincerity. How could I not believe him.
"Do I have to go down alone"? I asked in a whispered sigh.
"No not at all. You can be linked to one of the instructors or anyone of us. If you don't like it after the first line, we can just walk the rest of the way".
"Come on then". I nodded, taking his offered hand.
We joined the others, Emmett was practically bouncing with excitement, as was Alice. Jasper stood watching them both only slightly amused whilst Rose was looking at the bridge in what I can only describe as apprehension. She looked about as pleased with this idea as I did.
From the small amount of time I had known Rosalie, I knew she hated showing any weakness, so she like me, quite possibly wasn't wanting to do this, but didn't want to show her fear or let anyone else down.
"Right let's get this over with". Rose stated.
"Oh this'll be so much fun". Alice sang.
"C'mon Babe, lets have at it". Emmett turned to Rose.
"No way am I following you Em, you'll make it bounce too much". Rose shook her head.
At this point thinking about it bouncing under the weight of the person in front of you made my stomach flip. Good Lord what was possessing me to do this I will never know.
After a quick discussion Alice offered to walk behind Emmett, Jasper would follow her and Rose would follow him so that he could keep his eye on both Alice and his sister. I would follow Rose and Edward would be right behind me. Just watching Emmett then Alice begin to cross made me want to make a mad dash for the trees before anyone could make me cross. Rose looked as though she was contemplating the same thing.
"Rose I promise this thing is safe". Jasper told his sister. "C'mon I'll cross with you". He offered her his hand which she gratefully took then slowly began their crossing.
"You don't have to do this you know, we can always just walk back, it's fine". Edward told me.
I knew he was offering me an out, genuinely concerned by my fear, and I was so very tempted to take him up on his offer. But it meant him missing out on something he clearly thought was fun. Yet again I would be holding him back. Surely spending no more than an hour scared out of my wits was a sacrifice I could make. Taking a deep breath, I linked my fingers through his, knowing there was no way I could or would be able to cross this alone.
"C'mon, let's just get over this thing before I back out completely". I forced a smile and lead him to the bridge.
I stepped on it first, knowing if I was behind him, I could just as easily turn around. Rose was literally 5 steps in front of me, and Edward was right behind me. I could heard Jasper telling Rose not to look down, to focus directly in front of her. I tried following his advice, but all I could think about was the slight bounce I could feel. My grip on Edwards hand tightened even more as I began taking deep breaths.
"You're doing fantastic Baby. Just keep focusing on Jasper".
We were about a quarter of the way across, I was within touching distance of Rosalie, had I been brave enough to let go of the rail, I probably would have grabbed hold of her hand too, but as it was, both hands were occupied. One holding as tight as I could to the rail, the other squeezing Edward's hand. I was quite possibly hurting him, but no matter how I tried I couldn't loosen up, and he wasn't complaining, he just kept giving me a tiny squeeze every so often.
Without warning the bridge suddenly started bouncing and swinging. I froze in terror, Rose started screaming, and I was dying to join her, but I was quite literally frozen. My eyes were squeezed tightly shut, almost waiting for the bridge to snap and for us to go plummeting to our deaths.
"Emmett you dick". Edward yelled fiercely.
"Fuck, I'm sorry, I tripped". Even through my fear I could hear the honesty in his voice.
With my eyes closed, my senses seemed to go into overdrive, the bridge was slowly steadying itself, I could hear the footsteps on the wooden planks, and took it as though Emmett and Alice were trying to make it off the bridge as soon as possible. I could hear Rosalie's panicked voice telling I presumed Jasper she was going to throw up, mixed in with a few expletives. Edward still had hold of my hand, but his other arm had wrapped around my waist pulling me back into his chest.
"I gotcha Baby, I promise I won't let anything happen to you". He began repeatedly whispering in my ear.
"Are you guys ok? Do you want me to come back across"? Emmett yelled.
"Don't you dare step another foot on this fucking bridge Emmett Benjamin Cullen or I will personally make sure you cannot procreate, EVER". Rosalie screamed.
In any other situation I probably would have laughed, but right now, nothing was funny to me. I just needed and wanted off this damn bridge.
"Just give us a second Em". Edward shouted back calmly. "Ok Baby, just take a few deep breaths and slowly start walking again". Edward soothed.
"Are you ok Bells"? I heard Rose ask. She turned her head as far as she could to look at me, though her body remained facing forwards.
"Ask me again if I manage to get across this thing". I managed to tell her.
"C'mon, we'll do it together". She reached a free hand back to me, her other hand still holding onto Jasper.
Without thinking I took my hand off the rail and reached forward took her hand. With Jasper leading the way we slowly began walking again. Though I felt a little less safe not holding the rails, the comfort I felt from both Edward and Rose outweighed the security the rail gave.
The far side of the bridge never felt as far away as it did right now, it felt as though for every step forward I took, the bridge was lengthening by two steps.
"How much further Jazz"? Rose asked him.
"About 10 more steps Rosie". He told her.
Finally we got off the bridge, practically falling onto the solid ground with pure relief. I felt as though I had run a marathon. With shaky legs I followed Rosalie to some rocks and sat down next to her, continuing to take deep, calming breaths. Edward crouched beside me rubbing my lower back soothingly.
"Are you ok"? Edward asked quietly.
"Yeah". I sighed. "Thank you not letting go of me on there". I told him gratefully.
"I told you I would always be there for you, whenever you needed me". He whispered in my ear, before kissing me softly on my cheek.
Alice squeezed herself between me and Rose, offering us both a bottle of water. I started taking gently sips, before my thirst took over and I began chugging a few mouthfuls.
"My gosh, that was so much fun". Alice announced mid chug. She was practically vibrating with enthusiasm.
Having nearly choked on my water at her statement, I quickly recovered as both myself and Rose glared at her, whilst Emmett, Jasper and Edward looked at her in amazement. I passed the bottle to Edward for him to have a drink, whilst Alice started vibrating again in excitement of what was to come next.
With a sigh, I climbed to my feet, dreading the next part, though unsure whether it would be better or worse than the rope bridge. Either way I wouldn't have a choice, because there was no-way I was crossing back over that thing. Again Edward took my hand as we followed his siblings up the wooden steps to the main building. My apprehension was building with each step, I was surprised Edward hadn't felt me shaking as I was sure I was. Rose again had gone extremely quiet whilst Emmett and Alice practically dragged her and Jasper along.
"There is absolutely no pressure baby". Edward whispered to me, giving my hand a squeeze, as we stepped up to the door of the building.
Pressure or no pressure, we were doing this. He clearly wanted to, as did Em, Ali and Jazz. There was only Rose who looked as unsure as me, but I was under no doubt that she too didn't want to have to experience the bridge again, and the fact that none of the guys would allow just the two of us to walk back alone.
I gently tugged Edward through the door, unable to verbally respond in case my voice betrayed my true thoughts on the idea. Here goes nothing.
Ohhh so do you think Bella and Rose will go through with it. Hmmm we shall see. Anyways thanks for reading, please please please leave me a review. Constructive criticism is always very welcome. :)