Let's get this trainwreck moving.
"I saw what you did." Rei asserted. "You're not the only one who can teleport."
They were alone in an empty classroom, cleaning before going home. The day was still relatively young, and both of them wanted to finish quickly; Shinji was confused that Rei would start a conversation, instead of help him work, but he stopped what he was doing.
"No, I'm not, but I am the only one who could have done what I did." Shinji replied.
He's confused by her scowl. "What's wrong? I would think you're happy that I can do something with my power besides fight."
"I am, but it worries me. You've shown that you can manipulate our physical actions, and healing Suzuhara's sister proves that you can affect our minds as well. What proof do we have that you won't do that to us? We all know what your plan for Ragnarok is."
The light filtered in, and he met her gaze without flinching.
"I may be my father's son..." His voice took on an edge, "but I will never be him. I don't need to manipulate people, that's too subtle for me. Anything you've thought or felt, I've had no part in it."
Asuka, Hikari and Touji were outside, Touji shooting a basketball and the girls talking to one another. The light came down at an angle, and a shadow fell across Shinji's face.
"Then tell me what's happening to me."
"You get me while we're alone, you talk about mental manipulation. I didn't think you would have had it in you to feel that way about anyone."
"You have no right to-"
I have every right." He interrupted her, smirking. "They call you a ghost because it didn't seem like you could feel. Every time I goad you, ever flash of anger, every smile, even your disappointment? It's proof that you're alive. It shows that those feelings are real."
"And what am I supposed to do about them?"
"You do what anything does: you act on your instincts. Talk to Asuka first, she deserves to know."
"You know how she feels?"
"I live with her. It's hard to screw that up."
"Then why do you never do anything?"
Shinji sighed.
"I want her to make a decision on her own. Whether she decides to compete with you, or that competition happens because her feelings are resolved, or she decides that she doesn't want to try to be with me after all, the choice is hers, and I won't force it."
"You haven't really become any different than you were before these battles started. You're still passive, you run away by staying behind."
"I would rather be left behind than hated, sometimes. Other times, I'd rather be hated than alone. I can't make up my mind about it."
"You're apathetic. The bloodlust...are you just hiding behind your anger?"
"No more than you or Asuka hide behind your own walls. Don't try to shame me for it."
They went through the rest of the cleaning in silence, until it was finished.
"One last thing, Rei."
She turned to face him as he closed the distance between them, and bent his head down. She closed her eyes as his lips touched her forehead, wincing slightly as the contact made her skin feel like fire.
"What did you do?" The burning sensation crawled through her body, and the urge to scratch left her unable to focus.
"I wanted you to show me your true nature." He replied. "Once that feeling wears off, you won't need to hold it back anymore. Talk to Asuka about your feelings, and the instinctive compulsion will go away."
Without another word, Shinji formed a gateway to the basketball court where their compatriots were, and left Rei behind.
"What you did to her was awful." Asuka said.
"But she told you, didn't she?" Shinji replied, sitting on the floor of Asuka's room in the apartment.
"...yes."
"Do you know why I did it?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you upset?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Asuka's face twisted in rage.
"You...you violated her!" She scrambled over to him, grabbing his shirt and balling her fists into it. "You forced her to do something she didn't want to do, you mocked her, you betrayed her, you-"
"No more." The words stopped Asuka mid-speech, but Shinji spoke once more before she could panic. "Now, tell me how you really feel."
Without hesitation, he kissed her on the lips. Once he'd pulled back from her, Asuka began to spill words again, but these weren't driven by anger.
"I'm worried." She admitted. "We're outnumbered and underpowered, none of the higher-ups are around much anymore, I care so much about you but you always end up making me so upset, you hurt both Rei and I even without meaning to. I'm scared that we'll all die at Ragnarok, that I'll die alone, that I'll have never been loved. I'm scared that Rei will get you first, because let's face it, you're my only chance just as much as you're hers, too. I've gone along with everything, followed behind everybody, but I don't want to fight, I don't want to die...I don't-"
She collapsed, beginning to cry, and Shinji held her.
"It's okay." He whispered. All the world disappeared, save for the feeling of his hands on her back as they clung to one another. "It's going to be okay."
He began to rub her back, gentle ministrations to ease the emotional wreck she contained herself inside.
"Let it out, it's alright." He told her, and the sobbing began anew.
She's so fragile. He thought. I never would have known if this hadn't happened.
In that moment, it made him appreciate the powers he had.
"You'll need to be strong, Asuka." He said. "Until this is over, keep going. If you're hurt, I'll heal you. If you're in danger, I'll protect you. I promise."
"Do you mean it?" Her voice was shaky and hoarse, and even Shinji's unnatural hearing could barely make out her words.
"Absolutely." He pushed her off of himself, looking into her eyes. "You don't have to worry."
When they kiss for a second time, Asuka is the initiator, knocking Shinji to the floor. The pain doesn't even register to him, but he uses the ground as a springboard to change their positions and have her underneath him.
"You'll never be alone."
"Do you hate me?" Shinji asked, staring up at the waning moon. With every night, they had less time remaining until the end.
"You made your decision." Rei shot back, her luminescent eyes still glowing in the moonlight. "Besides, it's natural that you'd choose her."
"I did no such thing." He said, almost offended. "I told her to show me her true feelings, and then I said I would protect her. I didn't say anything about feelings."
"Even though you know that's what she'll assume?"
"A bridge I haven't burned yet." He admitted.
"You're a bad man." She said.
"We live in a bad world. There's not much that the environment can do to encourage kindness."
"A bad man who makes poor excuses for his actions." Rei laughed.
The moon was nearly full, and she prayed that it drained slowly. Farther apart in the sky, stars twinkled, but the light pollution in the city kept her from seeing as many as she would have liked. The night sky was calming, a reminder that in an infinitesimal universe, she was no more than one small piece; no matter how powerful she might become, or even if she died at Ragnarok, she would always remain that small in the scheme of things. She found comfort in existentialism, in the idea that she was still insignificant to the nature of life.
She would never shed her tears for the lives they had taken, or those they would kill in the future, but the weight of her actions was heavy on her head.
"What should I do, then? What would you do in my place?"
"You need to take responsibility for your actions." Rei said. "Their effects on her, and on me, and on others. You can't hide from your feelings forever."
"I'm not trying to. The mask...it's part of me now." Shinji swept one of his hands out in a broad gesture. "Did you ever learn about the Great Wall of China? It took years to complete, and brick by brick, its builders slowly completed it. During the building, over a million workers died. Their bodies were left inside of it, and other people continued to build around the corpses. The constructors became part of their creation, and I'm the same way. Whether the mask is part of me, or I'm part of it, I'm not hiding behind anything."
His honest words came with a small smile, and as he looked up to the sky again, he pretended not to notice when Rei teleported away.
In the death-land, Shinji knew that something was inherently wrong. He could feel the corruption in the ground, in the air...the grass had died here, the trees were blackened and twisted. This was a place where no god would tread, he was certain of it.
No good could ever be found here, but he continued walking; he was drawn to something...or by something. A being that even his power as the King of Life could not refuse. That thought terrified him.
Suddenly, his body stopped moving. He'd come to a clearing in the woods, and that was when he understood the fear he'd made gods and men feel alike.
Inside a bracken pool, broken bodies lay mutilated, piled atop one another. The hill rose, flesh warped to a sickening throne, upon which sat none other than Gendo Ikari.
"Congratulations for finding this place, Son of the White Moon." The face was that of his father, but the voice, he couldn't place. "Congratulations on allowing yourself to be led here."
"What are you?"
"...I thought that using a face you knew well would be enough to welcome you, but this is not the waking world, nor is it the world of dreams. Very well." Suddenly, this being, for there was no other word Shinji had to describe its nature, was cloaked and hooded, its shroud a murky gold accented with ebony and silver.
"This is the land of what was, and what will be. I am one of the former, an adversary of the one that Hel calls 'the Angel.' I am the King in Yellow."
"Then one king stands before another."
"You call yourself a king, Ōkami-musuko? You believe that you can rule, not merely command? Humanity is made of rebellious rabble. All life is born wild and free, they will not be bound to one lord. Each strives to be their own master, just as all the races before you did. My masters were born to rule, and were consumed by that drive. If you follow down that path, you will be no different...but I didn't call you here to speak idly. I summoned you with purpose."
"I won't bow to someone's servant!" Shinji roared, and Chaos looked upon a creature that had fallen far from the grace of man.
"Then you and your brethren will die by Kaworu's hand. Only I know how to stop him."
Time seemed to freeze for Shinji, tension thick in the air. His eyes narrowed as he considered simply leaving, and finding his own way of killing the Angel. Voice full of distrust, he spoke with compulsion, even though he knew it wouldn't work.
"Speak."