A/N: The e-mail notifications for reviews don't seem to be working! I thought I didn't have any comments on the last chapter (which wouldn't be unusual; it happens to the best of us!) but come to find many of you had left word and I didn't get the e-mail! Must be a glitch in the system. But, I was delighted to read them all together and find how many of you are happy about little Beatrix.

XXX

As promised, Monday morning deposited Mary in the OBGYN's office at straight up nine o'clock, which meant she would be in the Sunshine Building about two and a half hours late. While she certainly didn't look forward to another examination, she was just grateful it was at the doctor's building rather than the hospital. She feared she would have some sort of PTSD-type reaction to being near the operating room again.

Mary was disgruntled to find she had to have her blood drawn to check something called a 'hormone level' but what really bothered her were the women in the waiting room. It was much fuller than it had been at her impromptu appointment on Thursday, and all of her companions seemed ready to pop within moments. Their bellies were packed and round, perfectly rotund; their babies sheltered within a safe little hub. She shied away as though of a different species, dreading for one of them to ask 'if this was her first.'

By the time the exam was over and done with, she was thoroughly uncomfortable and dying to leave but it appeared that Doctor Reese, whom she had been transferred to once again, had some kind of follow-up information.

"Everything looks good, Mary…" she declared, scanning the reports on a clipboard while Mary sat with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, clothes back on her frame. "No additional problems from what I can detect. Helen said the D and C went without incident."

"I suppose…" Mary voiced uncertainly, not sure how she was expected to take 'without incident.' "They didn't say anything went wrong; I got to go home like an hour after it was over."

"That's pretty routine," Doctor Reese replied, flipping her papers back over her clipboard. "Physically, have you been feeling normal? Have you had much pain?"

"Not really…" Mary said softly, glad she had targeted the word 'physically.' "I had some cramps the first few days, but nothing bad."

"Good-good…" Doctor Reese nodded, making a note. "Now…"

She suddenly turned more serious, clamping her pen down and fixing Mary with a rather penetrating stare. The other woman had no idea what this was about, and it suddenly made her nervous. She didn't know Doctor Reese that well, and this was proved by her next words.

"I know we haven't had the opportunity to get acquainted," she claimed, and Mary noticed her voice took a definite sympathetic turn. "But, I always want to ask my patients how they're feeling…" a pause. And then, "…How they're feeling emotionally after a miscarriage. Because, Mary…" she came closer, increasing the inspector's anxiety. "I have a few numbers of people you could call if you want to speak to someone."

Mary had a fleeting thought that Marshall or someone had put her up this, but knew it was impossible. As it was, she was horrified at the idea of talking to strangers about something she was so ill-at-ease about herself. She intended to make this known at once.

"No…" she shook her head. "No, I don't think I need to talk to anybody. I'm fine," she offered a convincing nod.

Doctor Reese smiled rather grimly, "Helen mentioned that you're a fan of toughing it out," she shared. "But really Mary, there's no shame in having a discussion about this; these people are professionals…"

"No," Mary interrupted, more firmly this time, hoping she didn't have to resort to rudeness. "Really. I'm okay. My partner's been very kind in giving me an ear, so…" she trailed, as though this explained it.

Apparently, she had confused her physician, however, because Doctor Reese slipped the clipboard under her elbow in order to cross her arms and frowned. Mary had no idea what this was about, until she elaborated.

"Your partner?" she questioned. "I wasn't aware that you…"

Mary suddenly understood. Doctor Reese thought she was referencing a romantic partner, one that hadn't been invited along to her very few OBGYN appointments.

"Oh, no…" she waved a pointless hand, as though to sweep the notion aside. "My partner – I'm a US Marshal. My partner at work," she clarified. "We work on cases together," she was so eager to clear things up that she was going to end up giving everything away. "That kind of partner. A man partner."

Why had she gone and tacked that on the end? She was hardly a homophobe.

But, Doctor Reese was smiling more naturally now, "Of course, sorry…" she grinned further at the redness seeping into Mary's cheeks. "I shouldn't have assumed."

Mary had no good response for that, and it wouldn't have mattered if she did. Doctor Reese was still jabbering, and while pleasant enough, she wasn't the same as Helen, who definitely handled Mary in a very particular way. Doctor Reese was treating her like any other patient, which she didn't entirely appreciate.

"Well, if you change your mind Mary, don't hesitate to give me a call…" she instructed semi-sternly. "It can be very therapeutic to talk out your feelings."

"Well…" Mary was rather aggravated now that she was being dismissed, especially after yet another prodding appointment she hadn't wanted to come to in the first place. Fiddling with her shirt to make sure the hems were straight, "Most people would tell you I don't have feelings to talk out."

Part of her was fulfilled that she had shocked Doctor Reese into silence; it made her feel like her old self. On the other hand, it reminded her all too closely of her argument with Brandi, stowed away as it might have been. She also couldn't help imagining the look on Marshall's face if he'd heard her say that. He'd have been crushed.

"I didn't want to offend," Doctor Reese eventually managed, and she sounded definitely businesslike now. "I just prefer to become invested in my patients so they don't feel their situation has been released without a second thought, especially when it comes to miscarriage."

Somehow, hearing the word spoken by a near-stranger was unnerving to Mary. She fidgeted on the cot, suddenly wishing she'd been a bit more tactful. Judging a doctor the first few seconds though the door didn't do anybody any good.

"Sorry…" she mumbled a little half-heartedly, playing with her shirt again. "I just…" maybe some honesty couldn't hurt, although not of the emotional variety. "Coming here isn't my idea of a fun time, and I didn't enjoy that process Doctor Wolk used to take care of everything," referencing the D and C.

Mary could tell by the way Doctor Reese's eyes narrowed that she was dying to ask why this might be, but she was an MD, not a psychiatrist. Instead, she took the apology at face value and tried to bounce off of it.

"Many women find it difficult – seeing all the pregnant women in the waiting room…"

How had she guessed? Mary wondered wildly. She was more of a formulaic case than she'd thought.

"But…let's get back to your results…" she suggested, seeing Mary about to panic and snap again. She consulted her trusty clipboard, "Your HCG levels are looking well. I would estimate it will still be a few weeks until you're down to zero…"

Seizing the opportunity to talk about something scientific devoid of sentiment, Mary spoke up, "What is an HCG level? That's why I had to have my blood drawn," she reminded them both. "But, nobody really mentioned what it's for…"

"It stands for Human Chorionic Gonadotropin…" she began.

Marshall-speak, Mary registered at once.

"It's the pregnancy hormone," she detailed further. "It helps to detect the pregnancy after conception. I can send you home with some information if you're curious," she went rooting for a brochure-type pamphlet on the counter. "Explaining it is more complicated than what it actually is."

Mary took the paper through her fingers, thinking she didn't care enough to do research, and would have Marshall take a look if she became especially inquisitive.

"But, what might interest you most about the HCG levels is that when they drop low, we'll know you have a possibility of conceiving again."

Mary looked up from the pamphlet so fast she nearly got whiplash. She imagined she was giving Doctor Reese quite a roller coaster; first she was meek, then snippy, and now alarmed. The idea of trying to get pregnant a second time was cropping up again and again; first with Marshall, insisting she could have a child if she really wanted, and then with Brandi.

Somehow, through her stone face and widened eyes, she found her voice.

"Conceive again?" it came out in a whisper, as though she'd never heard of anything so otherworldly.

"Yes…" Doctor Reese tried to proceed as normally as possible, though it was clear she was having trouble with Mary's trance. "You won't go on your cycle again until your HCG levels are all the way down. You should be able to get pregnant again as soon as that happens."

Mary shook her head at the mention of the word 'cycle,' thinking she shouldn't be embarrassed, and that Marshall would've taken the whole thing in stride. With an odd jolt, she suddenly wished he were there, no matter how appalled she might be.

"How…how…?" her throat had gone very dry. "How long does that usually take?"

Why was she even asking? She had no one to get pregnant with. What sort of questions were these?

"It does vary," Doctor Reese informed her. "Probably four to six weeks, but it could be sooner. We'll just have to wait it out, but I see no reason you wouldn't be able to conceive again."

She obviously thought this news would cheer Mary up slightly; that she was suddenly becoming nosy because she'd been worried about her abilities to have a child. But, the inspector did not believe blindly in anything, and she noticed something Doctor Reese seemed to have conveniently left out.

"But, I'm…" something in her wanted to sound the expert, but there was no other word for it. "I'm old. I can't get pregnant. I'm too old. Right?"

Mary had no clue why she was looking for confirmation. It terrified her to hear that it might be true; that she was past her prime. That there was yet another thing she could not control; a piece of herself she was losing without her consent.

Doctor Reese glanced briefly at her notes to make sure, but she didn't seem overly pessimistic.

"You're thirty-nine," she stated clerically. "I won't lie to you; it is harder after the age of thirty-five, but it's hardly impossible," she assured her.

Mary suddenly had a burning desire to ask if her dinosaur-like-eminence in the mothering community had been the reason she'd lost the baby, but she put a damper on it. Deep down, she didn't want to know.

"You'd be higher risk after you became pregnant, should that happen," the physician was still speaking. "But, there are plenty of steps you can take to ensure the health of yourself and your baby. We can cross that bridge when we come to it."

There was a silence as Mary tried to digest all this. She was being told about everything very matter-of-factly, as though it all depended on perseverance and science, but it seemed so much harder than that. It seemed so much more unattainable. She still had the sinking feeling that her time was up. Even if she could surpass the age barrier, she had no man with whom to create a baby.

And she didn't want a baby, she reminded herself compellingly. She hadn't earned one. She was no mother. She was a WITSEC inspector with a soft-spoken, bad-ass boss, a loyal partner, and a new kitten that had already scuffed up her floors. Her mother and sister lingered in the wings, perfectly poised to move on with their lives. Mary was stuck and always would be.

"Mary, I know it can be tough to reconcile and take in right away," Doctor Reese conceded after awhile. "But, don't give up hope. There are many opportunities for you to be able to hold your very own baby in your arms."

A sudden vision flashed through Mary's subconscious. She saw a baby boy, a little over two, gabbling and pointing a single word. 'Mama.'

It was Jamie. She'd dreamt of him again the night before. He'd been building a block tower in her living room, and it had crashed over and over again to his continued gales of delight. He'd wanted to show her his masterpiece time after time while that man – daddy – hovered at the edges, watching.

This, perhaps, was why she'd been so distracted the entire appointment. The apparition hadn't come back in full until she'd allowed it to invade just now.

"Was there any way to tell the sex of the baby?" she blurted out without thinking, wondering if Doctor Reese wasn't going to order an examination of her head if she didn't start acting coherent soon. "Or was sixteen weeks too soon?" she'd forgotten she'd likely only been fourteen.

The other woman's eyes suddenly turned rather solemn, but Mary could tell even in the graveness of her features that she knew something. She'd been reading people long enough to be able to spot discomfort because of a mistake, or because the circumstances were simply awkward. This was definitely the latter, and Mary felt an impulsive pitch of fear.

What if her gut instinct had been wrong? Did she wish to find out how non-maternal she really was?

"Testing was performed after your D and C and yes, the gender was marked in your file," Doctor Reese responded slowly. "Would you like to know?"

Mary chewed hard on her lip, making a promise to herself that whatever she heard, she would not fall apart. She had given Doctor Reese enough to be concerned with for one day. She did not need some sobbing, harebrained basket case taking up space in her exam room.

She suddenly felt as though this would be a lot easier, once again, if Marshall was around, but she had to rely on herself now. She'd been doing it since she was seven.

A sober nod, "Yeah."

Doctor Reese gave only a quick glance to the chart to confirm, but she was sure.

"A boy."

And with a persistent sense of both terrible sadness and alleviating peace, Mary tried to content herself with the fact that, baby or not, at least she'd been intuitive enough to know her own son.

Her Jamie.

XXX

A/N: This is probably one of the shortest chapters in the story, but I felt like it was important. Also, I hope my explanation of the HCG level is correct – it was rather complicated when I read about it, but underneath it actually seems fairly simple. Additionally, I tried to find out if one can tell the sex of a baby after miscarriage, and it seems to vary. Again, me and my creative license... ;)