Alice and Robin take a flight to Zelena's wedding but the remnants of the curse still linger...
…
Robin was confused by how determined Alice was to fly to San Francisco to Zelena's wedding. It would be simpler to just take a portal or use a spell, but Alice just had to experience flying for herself. As Tilly she had been so enthralled by Margot's tales of her exotic journeys travelling the world.
Robin knew Margot had been exaggerating the thrill of flying to impress the girl she had rapidly and unashamedly fallen in love with.
Robin - just as madly in love – tried very hard to convince Alice flying was a bad idea.
Experiencing new places and exploring the world was wonderful… getting there was nearly always a pain in the arse.
…
Robin and Alice stood side by side as they queued to hand in their shared suitcase. They were the next customers but the whole thing was being held up by the large man at the desk losing his temper at the clerk. His bag was over the allowable weight and he wasn't buying it. He was barking in chipped angry tones, jabbing his finger on the desk as he spoke.
Robin could feel Alice growing tense beside her as the man lost his temper.
"Look you useless bastard… there is nothing wrong with it... it's your f-ing scales… I am not paying… You are money-grubbing thieving crooks…"
"Look sir, you need to calm down." said the desk clerk.
This just seemed to infuriate the man more and a string of expletives left his mouth, making everyone waiting shift uncomfortably at the outburst.
"Why is he being like that?" Alice asked, her hand reaching nervously for Robin's.
"Because some jerks think that when they are in the wrong becoming an either bigger jerk will somehow make their problem go away."
Robin spoke loud enough for the angry guy to hear her. He looked over and glowered. Robin fearlessly smiled sweetly back.
"Oh, of course I didn't mean you, sir… Your impeccable attitude is clearly not making this situation in any way worse or uncomfortable for everyone waiting here."
The man looked around at the queue as if noticing his audience for the first time. He swore again but still grumbling, the man at least stopped berating the steward and took back his case to repack his luggage.
He looked daggers at Robin though, as she and Alice stepped up with their case.
…
All these people…
Normally Alice would be in awe at the sea of faces crowding the busy terminal. But the part that was left of Tilly caused a ball of fear to knot in her stomach…
All these people…
Alice noticed her moods had changed after the curse.
Tilly seemed to have robbed her of her patience. Old Alice, from before the curse, could sit still and calm, years of waiting in the tower had taught her that.
Tilly had to be doing something, always; with her hands; on her feet. She couldn't be still. If she didn't have a distraction she would get swamped by her feelings and she didn't like it when she lost control or herself.
But she could find ways to keep herself tethered, with chess, with walking the block, with food, with art, with talking to strangers. Tilly had developed many coping mechanisms over the years and Alice had no choice but adapt them as her own.
The only still point in her life, it seemed, was Robin. Cool and kind and always there. Alice loved how Robin could keep her calm.
Perhaps it was the angry man at the counter that had shifted Alice's excitement or trepidation, but Alice was started to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. She could already feel her fingers twitching, hunting for a distraction to help push down the fear.
All these people…
…
As they waited in the flight lounge, Robin couldn't stop thinking about how they should have just used another magic bean.
She had hoped she could make this a fun adventure, but they booked too late for a window seat and barely got a chance to sit together the flight was so packed.
She could see Alice was getting nervous at the number of people filling the lobby. Robin realised as Alice she hadn't had much experience with large crowds and as Tilly, well she'd kept to the outskirts there too.
It was the Tilly side of Alice that had her plucking at the hem of her coat.
"Here." said Robin, "Why don't we find a window."
…
They found a line of benches overlooking the runway. The area was almost empty due as the burning sunshine that was pouring in, making the plastic of the chairs almost too hot to touch. But as Alice was clearly on edge, right now empty was good.
Alice knelt on her seat, leaning on the back of the chair while she watched the planes taxi to the terminal. Robin was still standing, shoving her sweater into her bag.
"It's funny," Alice said, pulling a face in Robin's direction. "I thought they'd flap their wings more."
"Planes don't…" began Robin. Then she stopped and pouted at Alice. "You did it again!"
Alice was clearly fighting her own anxiety with pulling a gag.
"I know." said Alice with a laugh, "It's funny you keep forgetting I know about all these things now."
Robin chuckled,
"I do. I also keep forgetting what a tease you are. I don't know why everyone thinks you're a sweetheart."
It was Alice's turn to pout at the playful insult, but Robin sweetened it by planting a kiss on her brow. As Robin took a seat Alice turned around and leaned into her side. Robin's arm automatically dropped around her shoulder.
She would use Robin as her distraction for now. Letting her closeness help uncoil the tension that had tightened around her heart.
Alice took Robin's hand and admired the engagement ring upon it. It had been such a surprise when Robin proposed that she hadn't been prepared so she gave one of Tilly's rings in return – a silver ring with a skull and crossbones.
Alice knew she should get her something prettier, but Robin had refused. Like the goof she was, she insisted it just made her feel like part of her future pirate family.
Alice got lost contemplating Robin's ring and her own in comparison… lost in the though of what it meant for their future…
"Oh no." Alice heard Robin mutter, breaking her out of her daze, "Mr Luggage Jerk is on our flight…"
…
"It's not as big as I expected." said Alice as they squeezed single file down the aisle of the plane. "It's more like a bus."
"Yeah, a bus with no windows." said Robin, "I did try to warn you. Luckily it only an hour's fight… Come on we're 43 B and C."
Robin was regretting booking on a cheap internal flight. It was a small plane, with just two rows of three seats running down it's length.
Robin put her palm on Alice's back to guide her forward through the crowds of people shuffling into their seats. She could feel the tension in Alice's shoulders under her hand and hoped once they were seated it would ease.
They got to row 43 and there in the window seat sat the luggage jerk. Things were not going their way.
…
Alice recognised the angry man from before and she noticed the recognition in his eyes when he saw Robin as well. In her mind she had no choice but to protect her girl, she dived into the vacant seat before Robin could stop her. The idea of sitting next to this man freaked her out a little, well the Tilly side of her. Alice always looked on the bright side, maybe she could cheer him up and make him nicer.
She turned and gave him a smile.
"Hello I'm Alice."
"Do you think I give a god damn about who you are?! Just shut up and leave me alone."
Alice opened and shut her mouth at begin so bluntly shut down. She turned to look at Robin who was stowing their bags before taking her seat.
"Don't mind him." Robin said quietly, leaning in and kissing Alice on the cheek.
The man harrumphed loudly before muttering,
"Perfect, I'm sitting next to a couple of lesbos, could my day get any better…"
Robin gave him a hard stare but when he met her gaze she gave him a sweet smile.
"We're making each other's day it seems, cause you're a catch."
The man scowled again before plugging in his headphones and sinking in his seat.
"Robin." said Alice, tugging her sleeve, "Don't antagonise him."
"It's okay," said Robin, settling better in her seat. "I doubt he'll meet our eyes for the rest of the flight. Us gays are scary."
The plane started to move and Alice grabbed Robin's hand. The noise from the engines startling her.
"It's loud."
"It gets louder when we take off." confessed Robin.
Robin showed Alice how her seatbelt worked. Alice fastened and unfastened it a few times to relieve the nervous tick as the plane moved.
The flight attendant came forward and began the safety demonstration. Alice watched diligently but then slowly realised no one else was paying attention not even Robin.
Alice nudged her.
"Nobody's watching… You're not watching. What if we crash? You won't know what to do?" Alice felt the edge of panic in her voice.
Robin clearly did too.
"It's okay…" said Robin giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's not technically my first flight. Margot's flown loads of times and has never needed a life jacket or an oxygen mask and she's been on some pretty crappy planes."
"And Robin?"
"True Robin has never flown. I could never leave Storybrooke remember." Robin's finger caressed Alice's engagement ring, "Something about waiting for my destiny…"
Alice smiled her worries temporary forgotten at the contact and lent into her side. But the calm was short lived. The noise grew as the plane sped up along the runway and pushed her back into her seat. There was a lurch in her stomach as they left the ground. It was not a pleasant feeling and it took Alice a while to remember to breathe and let go of Robin's arm.
…
It had been building as soon as she had taken her seat, the anxiety pressing in around her. The angry man had stopped her speaking and Robin was radiating worry the quieter Alice got.
"How about a crossword?" Robin asked, getting a puzzle book out of her bag and then hunting for a pen.
Alice turned to look, but she couldn't stop her hands rubbing through her hair as if pulling at her curls could be enough of a tether. She knew Robin was the thing to calm her, but her fingers still tugged at her hair and the anxiety still built in her stomach. She wanted to kick her legs but there was no room. She wanted to stretch her arms but they were pinned to her sides by the chair. She needed to break free and move because something inside her was fracturing and she couldn't let that happen. She was feeling trapped and she didn't like it.
"Okay here's the one we were doing yesterday." said Robin flicking through the pages of her puzzle book, keeping her tone light to try and draw out Alice. She bit the end of her pen, "Three down. A fish eating mammal; five letters; second letter 't'. So not dolphin or manatee…"
Alice wasn't really listening. She was trying so very hard not to panic. To make it worse, she could feel it happen, recognise it for what it was. She knew she didn't always feel like this. Alice used to have more control.
Robin was persistent, trying to draw her out of her funk.
"Come on genius… fish eating mammal five letters."
"Otter." said Alice in a quiet voice.
"Of course otter." said Robin quickly filling on the answer but she couldn't help but notice that her distraction wasn't working. Alice was tugging more at her hair and her eyes were glazing over. Robin did have one secret weapon though. She reached into her bag and pulled out a bag of peanut M&Ms. Alice loved any kind of colourful candy.
"Here." said Robin handing over the sweets and trying to keep her voice bright. "They may be a little melted in the middle from sitting in the sun, but I think you can use the diversion. Am I right?"
Alice's brow furrowed.
"I'm not hungry."
That's when Robin realised it really was going to be a bad day.
…
Alice could now feel the tension build so much that her body was almost vibrating… she felt tears pricking the corner of her eyes as the panic grew… There was suddenly no air; it was like her lungs stopped working… She couldn't control this… She couldn't do this…
"I need to leave!" she exclaimed, kicking out at the chair in front and pushing into the chair back in a sudden spasm, trying to make more room. "I can't do this… I can't breath…"
The guy beside her swore loudly as her swinging arm struck him but Robin's reaction was instantaneous. She unfastened first her own seatbelt and then Alice's before leaping to her feet giving her space, on one side a least.
Alice just scrambled after her to fall into the aisle trying to catch her breath. She stretched out on the carpet and clung to the floor. Robin crouched down behind her and touched her leg.
"Alice?"
Alice, face down on the carpet didn't move. The pile was rough and gritty against her cheek but she had room for her arms and legs. She wasn't confined and right now that's all she knew; that and the blind panic still roaring in her ears.
Alice was vaguely aware of Robin clambering over her to sit down by her head.
"Alice…" she whispered again.
"That's not me." said Alice in quiet voice. "She's not me anymore."
"Yes it is!" said Robin firmly. "Yes it is Alice. You're my Tower Girl. You are not Tilly. Not anymore. This is only what the curse left behind."
"Nobin I…"
"I'm here."
"I can't do this."
"Yes you can. You've defeated monsters. Your unstoppable. A little pinch of claustrophobia isn't going to change how fearless I know you are."
Alice wanted to believe her but her heart was thrumming in her chest like a frightened rabbit.
"I hate this."
"I hate it too… but I'll always be here. Just tell me what you need."
"I need to get out of here." sobbed Alice in a tiny voice. "but I know I can't."
Robin didn't speak after that. Instead her fingers began to stroke through Alice's hair, feather-light comforting touches.
A piece of Alice realised this was what she'd been trying to recreate tugging at her hair earlier.
She was pushing all her focus on the feeling of the carpet on her cheek and Robin's light touch. She could feel the plane move too if she focused. The faint vibration of the engines, the faint swoop in her stomach as they dropped and turned. Everything else melted into the background. Focus on the freedom of flying not the paralysing fear of being trapped.
…
Robin sat crossed-legged by Alice's head, stroking her hair but not daring to touch her more when she so clearly needed space.
She was well-aware of the whole plane watching her.
A flight-attendant was walking up the aisle towards them and Robin tensed for an argument over Alice taking her seat.
Clearly flight crew was better trained than that.
"Is everything alright?" he asked.
"She just needs a minute. It's all been a bit much." said Robin, hoping she was right.
"You're fine for the moment but she will need to retake her seat for landing…"
"I know. But right now she needs space."
The attendant nodded.
"Would a window seat help?" This came from an old man a row behind the flight attendant. "We can move… That way she can have a row of seats just for her."
…
It was organised around them as Robin sat, her finger's lacing through Alice's hair as she sobbed into the carpet. The elderly couple gave up their seats. Their bags were moved, a young man leaping up from his seat to help. The tension and annoyance from the other passengers that Robin had felt when Alice first collapsed seemed to have been overtaken with a slightly more generous murmur of sympathy. It almost felt like they were in wrong realm, everyone was being so kind.
Alice was slowly coming out of herself, growing more aware of her surroundings. She shakily picked herself up from the floor and moved to collapse against Robin instead. Robin didn't return the embrace, her fingers instead still stroking through her curls.
Robin knew better than to trap Alice in her arms right now and Alice loved her for that.
"Will you take a pill." Robin asked softly.
Alice nodded.
Robin pulled the pot of blue pills from her pocket, but then frowned, their water was still in her bag.
A woman on her right, leant into her own bag and handed Robin a bottle of water.
"Here."
"Thanks." said Robin, once more surprised by the kindness.
Alice took a swig of water and swallowed her pill without comment.
They sat like that for ten minutes waiting for the pill to help dull Alice's heightened emotions.
"Do you think you can move?" Robin asked finally. She had her arms wrapped around Alice in earnest now, and she seemed comfortable in their embrace. "We have a window seat now. You might feel better being able to see the view."
A part of Alice's mind was wondering how a window was going to help. Her tower had a window, but she was still trapped.
Robin stood up and then held out a hand for Alice. Alice' resigned sigh rattled in her chest, and taking Robin's hand, she clambered nervously to her feet.
…
Alice's whole body recoiled at the thought of being trapped back in those narrow seats. The red plastic padding on the chairs looked like the maul of a monster waiting to devour her. But Robin calmly coaxed her onwards. Nudging her toward the tiny square of window and the wonder of the view.
As she got closer Alice noticed how the thick glass distorted the sky and the white clouds. Nervous, but curious too, Alice half kneeled on the seat; put her nose cautiously to the glass and looked down.
The glass was cold on her skin and vibrated alarmingly but the view… the view took her breath away. They were so high up; up above the clouds. The world unfurled below like a quilt or one of Papa's maps. There were roads and houses and rivers and trees… a person was just a dot to her thousands of feet below.
"It's beautiful," Alice gasped. She spun around to grab Robin's hand to pull her in close to share the view. "Look… it's so magnificent… we're flying!"
Robin couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes we are. We are definitely flying."
Robin took a moment to enjoy the view as well.
"This is the only good thing about flying." said Robin kissing the back of Alice's head.
Alice sighed at the contact.
"Do you feel better now?"
Alice closed her eyes; the pill was working and dampening her jumbled thoughts. The walls still felt close but Robin felt closer.
"If I just think about the view." she said quietly. "I think I can cope."
Robin planted a second kiss on Alice's neck, well-aware that the rest of the plane was half watching them, but not giving a damn.
"You have this view for the rest of this flight, you don't have to think about anything else."
Alice reached up and pulled Robin's arm tight around her waist.
"I'm sorry if I…"
"Hey, you did nothing wrong." Insisted Robin. "Now just enjoy the view and remember to breathe and everything will be fine."
…
Alice turned back to the window and as her fiancé lost herself in the scenery once more, Robin stepped back to give Alice her space.
The flight-attendant returned a short while later. He was looking reassured by the transformation in Alice, from a nervous wreck to the bubble of calm she had now become.
"It will be another twenty minutes before landing. We can ask for priority if you need." He said.
"I think we're better now. Thanks… Thanks" she added louder for the whole plane to hear. "Thank you for your patience. We both appreciate it."
"Of course." said the attendant. "Let me know if there is anything else you need."
Alice chose that moment to call out eagerly.
"Robin… Robin look. We're over mountains now. They look so blue… and a lake… That's so much water… You can see boats on it… They look so tiny…"
Robin smiled at the flight-attendant,
"I think we're good for now."
Robin let Alice's blow by blow narration of the scenery wash over her as she gratefully took her seat. Alice was hypnotised by the everchanging landscape, so Robin opened their bag of M&Ms and stole a mouthful of candy and hoped for the best.
…
The last twenty minutes passed in relative tranquillity. Alice was a bit jumpy about putting her seat-belt back on and she gripped Robin's hand purple when the plane roared and thumped into land.
There was still the battle to disembark, a suitcase to retrieve and an airport to negotiate but they had just about survived Alice's first flight.
Robin swore never again.