9. I'm sick of feeling useless
A/N: YALL. life is up in the air, per usual, hence my lack of presence on this sacred trash hole of a website. BUT HERE I AMMMM. Sorry i suck. Here's some garbage fluff that we all know you're going to read on your phone while avoiding social interaction(s). errrthing is under #ficshit including the previous 8 prompts I'm too lazy to link xx
They'd only been dating for three months and living together for three weeks when Chloe's dad died. Friends for years before that, sure, but Beca was still testing the waters on the whole "girlfriend" aspect of their friendship and relationship. She didn't know what was and wasn't normal or what was and wasn't necessarily "allowed" when she was with Chloe. Cut the girl some slack, the only real relationship she'd had before this one was with Swanson.
Apparently they knew he was sick, he had been for a while, but things were looking up and he was getting better. That was until Chloe's mom drove out to Atlanta to their shared apartment to break the news.
Beca didn't really know what to do. She was never good with her own emotions let alone others. She tried to comfort Chloe and her mother best she could over the past few days, but she just felt awkward and she's pretty sure they could tell. They could totally sense her fear, so she saw herself out.
"Hey, Chlo. I'm just uh- I'm gonna run to the store real quick. Do you guys need anything? Say the word and it's yours. Just not a puppy because you know what happened last time."
Beca stood at the front door facing Chloe and her mother who were sitting on the couch, runny noses, puffy eyes, tissues. Chloe got up and walked over to Beca, hugged her, "Thanks babe, I think we're good." Beca kissed her forehead and turned to leave.
"Just gimme a ring if you think of anything," and she walked out the door.
Beca got in the car and called Aubrey back. The blonde had been blowing up her phone since she heard the news.
"How is she? Is her mom still there?"
"Yeah, she's still there." Beca let out a sigh while she put the car in reverse and backed out, "I don't know. I mean, they're obviously not good. I just wish there was more I could do. All I really do is sit there and let Chloe cry on me and then give her and her mom space to cry together and even when that doesn't feel like enough Chloe is usually up in the middle of the night crying so I just wake up with her and let her get it all out and fall back asleep after I make sure she has."
"Well you're doing everything you can, really. Chloe is usually pretty good at handling herself, her mom is the same way."
"Yeah I know, that's what Stacie said. I just feel bad."
"Just keep doing what you're doing. She'll be okay. Trust me."
"Yeah, alright. I just pulled into Walmart, I'll update you later."
She figured she could wander the aisles for about an hour to occupy herself enough until she had to go back home. She'd only been down three food aisles when her phone buzzed.
ChloBear 4.17PM: cookie dough pls
Becs 4:17PM: already had it in the cart ;)
ChloBear4.18PM: love u.
Becs 4:19PM you too, Chlo.
Their home life wasn't very different than how it had been when they all lived together in the Bella house back at Barden. Only now they shared a bed more frequently, and a room, and well.. everything else.
Beca liked it. They'd adjusted pretty well to living together just the two of them. She especially liked not having to wake up to Amy pounding on Chloe's door at 8am on a Saturday making grotesque sex noises to get the two of them out of bed.
It was nice.
She did her damage at Walmart and drove home to find Chloe's mom asleep on the couch and Chloe sitting in the kitchen on a stool drinking tea. She dropped the bags on the counter and kissed the top of Chloe's head on her way around to lean down to her level.
She stood on one side of the counter, Chloe sat on the other with a mug in her hands.
"How you feelin'?" stealing Chloe's tea and taking a sip.
"M'okay. Just hard seeing Mom like this, ya know? I can hold my own until I see her breaking down and then it's just a mess from there for like another hour."
Beca slid the mug back to her girlfriend and slipped her hands around the ones that were now wrapped around the mug. "I know. Anything I can get you? You good? A hug? Wanna go take a bath while she's asleep? I can give you a back rub." Beca was speaking soft and slow, caressing Chloe's hands, drawing circles on her fingers.
"A hug would be good. I think I'm gonna make dinner, though."
Chloe stood up and walked over to the sink while Beca followed wrapping her arms around her back to hug her from behind. "Here if you need anything, babe" silently counted to ten, "Love you." kissed her cheek and walked to their room to fold laundry that had been avoided.
two days later
Chloe's mom flew back to Florida that morning. Chloe had been crying on and off all day. Her and Beca had a lazy day after getting back from the airport and resorted to laying in bed with Netflix. Beca was sat up straight, back on the headboard, and Chloe between her legs in her lap.
"You good?"
"Yes, Beca. I'm good. I was good when you asked me if I was good five minutes ago."
"Just making sure."
"You don't have to hover, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."
"I know, I know. I just want to help."
Chloe passed out three episodes of Girlboss later while Beca played with her hair.
It was around three in the morning when they'd both woken up realizing they left the lights and the tv on and junk food all over their bed. Chloe tried to get up without waking Beca, failing miserably when she fell off the bed.
"Shit dude! You okay?" She sprang from bed to Chloe's side.
"Yeah. I'm fine." Chloe sounded kind of annoyed.
"You sure?"
"I said I'm fine, Becs." she stood up from the ground and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Shit.
Beca walked over to the bathroom door and knocked softly with her finger tips, "Look Chlo, I'm sorry. I just- just come back to bed, kay?"
"I'll be out in a minute. Just go back to sleep."
"I don't want to until you do, I'll just wait right here."
It would have been cute if it were just a random night with no tension in the air, but it wasn't and they both knew it.
"Beca just go to sleep. I'm fine."
Beca sighed, turned around and obeyed Chloe's orders. She had been laying under the covers staring at the ceiling until Chloe came out around twenty minutes later, she pretended to be asleep. Chloe got in and cuddled herself into Beca's side, their usual. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. Just in a mood." Chloe nearly whispered against Beca's neck, "I know you're just trying to help. I love you." and curled in closer, assuming Beca was asleep. Seconds later Beca wound her arms tighter around the redhead, "No you're right. I need to layoff. If you really needed me you'd ask."
Chloe sat up and leaned on her right elbow to look at Beca, "Beca… you're doing everything you can to make sure I'm okay. It's okay." she caressed her cheek.
"I guess. I don't know.. I'm just sick of feeling useless. You wake up crying in the middle of the night and it fucking kills me and all I can do is sit there and hum in your ear, or when you randomly leave a room to go cry or break down and I sit there and hear it through the walls? I want nothing more than to bust down the stupid wall and just hold you." It was Beca who was crying now. "It just hurts so fucking bad dude, to see the one person you love more than anything else in the entire world- it just hurts to see you hurt knowing I can't fix it."
Chloe swept away the tears on both of their cheeks with her thumbs before laying back down to face Beca, grabbing her cheeks in her palms.
"Beca Mitchell. Don't you dare think for one second that you're anything even close useless. I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna hurt. It's gonna happen a lot more, but Becs, I would be a complete and total mess without you."
*sniffle* "Yeah?"
she chucked through more tears, "yeah. Your little notes and texts and your hugs and your breakfasts in bed, just you being here right now holding me? Means the whole world."
"I just wish I could fix it, Chlo."
"Me too, babe. Me too. But we can't, so we go to bed and we wake up and we go about another day of binge watching tomorrow and then Monday we get back at it. Deal?"
"Deal." Beca leaned forward to kiss Chloe softly. "How did you end up being the one to console me?"
"Just lucky, I guess."