Chapter 21: Dangers of Love

They made camp when there wasn't enough light to continue on safely. The tents were small, even Fiyero and hers. Lookouts were stationed all over the camp and on the borders, ready to warn them should anyone come closer. The Birds roosted in the trees. Other Animals wandered the land, assisting in keeping watch.

"You could've been really hurt today," he told her when they were finally alone.

She was curled up beside him in the tight quarters of their tent, only a blanket beneath them and the rocky ground. "Fiyero, I've been willing to give my life to this for a long time. You knew that from the beginning."

"We weren't married then. You weren't a queen, then."

"You're the king. Your life is far more important than mine. If I die, you can remarry." Quietly she added, "Maybe you can marry someone trustworthy."

"That will come for us in time," he said.

She turned over and blew out the candle that lit the tent. "I will never stop telling you how sorry I am. I just wish you understood how much I love you."

"Elphaba, you had the chance to walk away. I gave you the option. You didn't take it. That tells me more than you know."

"I'm not a good person, Fiyero. I'm wicked. You deserve goodness." Elphaba hadn't turned back to him.

He pulled her against him, his around her waist and his chin resting on the top of her head. "Do you wish you'd never done what you did?"

"No. For several reasons. This war needed to happen. And on a more personal level, I probably never would've been forced to admit that there was something between us. I never would've realized I had the capability to love you."

"The wicked cannot love, Elphaba. You're not wicked."

"They can love, Fiyero. Everyone can. I bet even the Wizard could. I'm wicked, Fiyero. Even though our marriage is already a mess, there are moments when I don't care because I got what I originally wanted and the world is going to change. Yes, my personal life has taken a hit and the most important thing to me is hurt, but I've always been taught not to care about my own wants. The greater good is what matters. I'm just a single person. You're more important because of your status and because you, my sweet, truly are good. And so what I did to you was wrong. But…"

"Elphaba, stop. You're talking yourself in circles."

"I'm sorry. I've been a mess since this started. I just didn't show you."

"I wish you had. I know you couldn't, but I wish I could've helped you."

"If I had told you what I wanted early on, would you have done this?"

"We'll never know. Maybe. But I still would've wanted you."

"I might've wanted you, too, but I wouldn't have had reason to act on it. I've been alone all my life and I never thought that would change. I didn't want it to. Love is dangerous."

"Believe me, I've figured that out."

"Perhaps you're right. The wicked can love. Love itself is a wicked thing." She shivered. Though the weather during the day was warm, at night temperatures were low and the wind blew harshly.

He hugged her closer. "Then you've made me wicked, too."

Elphaba turned back towards him and pressed against him, holding onto his warmth. "Fiyero, you should hate me."

"I can't." He kissed her. "I love you too much."

She felt a tear begin to burn a trail down her cheek and she shook her head over and over. "No, Fiyero. I've done so much damage to us."

"Nothing we can't fix," he insisted.

"You're too good." Her voice broke.

"Elphaba, please don't do this to yourself," he kissed her again.

She kissed him back deeply, finding comfort in the feel of his body. For the first time since their wedding night, they made love, the heat of their bodies keeping them warm. When they finished, Elphaba listened to the noises of the night. "I love you, Fiyero."

"I know. You wouldn't be so upset by what you've done if you didn't."

"We should rest. Tomorrow is another long day."

"You're probably right. And you need to stop hating yourself. I realize neither of us can forget what has been done, but it's going to be easier for us to move past this if we let the anger fade."

"I'm trying, Yero my hero. But I've felt guilty for a long time, long before I told you."

"You called me your hero," he said.

"You saved me from becoming cold and heartless. I didn't see the point in my own life but to further the cause, not until I loved you, Yero."

He kissed her. "I asked you before if I got to call you something."

"My codename was Fae," she murmured.

"I like the way it sounds. I also like the idea of turning that name into something that is good, something for us, Fae-Fae."

She smiled. "I like that, too."

"We're going to be fine, you know. Yes, you may have hurt me. I may wonder if you're going to leave when this is over, but every day I wonder less."

"You didn't think that when I first told you two weeks ago."

"Things change. I needed time. And your behavior has told me enough. Elphaba, we're discussing this topic so much it's just going to make it worse. You said we should rest. Go to sleep."

For the first time, she slept in his arms without worry or guilt.

The next day, she and Glinda set out again. This time they did not encounter any trouble, which made Elphaba slightly nervous.

"Elphie, I'm sure we just missed whatever scouts they sent out. They can only be in so many places at once."

But she wasn't so certain. She was silent as they made their way back to camp, thinking about what they could do to preempt whatever was about to come their way. When they returned, she grabbed her book and began to study it even as they marched.

"Fae," Fiyero said softly, "you've been focused on that for hours."

They'd made camp an hour ago. Only their tent still had a candle lit. "I'm working on something."

A few moments later, a small Bird came flying in, alarming Fiyero so much that he pulled his sword.

"Fiyero! Relax."

"Elphaba, we're in the middle of a war. What do you want from me?" But he was laughing.

The Bird was not fazed. "Our troops will meet theirs in the next day or so, I would estimate."

"You're certain you weren't spotted?" She demanded.

"As certain as I can be."

"Good."

"What is this about, Fae?" Fiyero asked.

"I'll tell you in a moment." She turned back to the Bird. "What are their weapons?"

"They're much more advanced than ours. We don't have nearly so many guns and cannons as they."

"It happens when they refuse to share their technology with the rest of the world. That's not a good sign."

"Elphaba, damnit, I don't like not knowing what you're doing!" Fiyero was clearly getting frustrated.

"Calm down, my love." She waved the Bird away. "I think I have a plan."