Hey everyone. I am so sorry for not updating sooner (and after I made the bold statement that it would never be more than 2 weeks!). My computer crashed and I don't currently have the finances to replace it. I was fortunate enough to use a friends' in the meantime, so I have the next chapter for you. Thank you to all of you who reviewed my latest chapter and especially to those of you who missed me and encouraged me to continue. I will finish it (although not in as timely a manner as I'd hoped).

"Elliot, I wanna sell my apartment." She blurted it out so fast he wasn't sure he'd heard her right. She shifted position on the couch until she was on her knees, facing him. She leaned back on her haunches, to get a better look at his face. "This is my home, El… Wherever you are—that's my home."

At first he was so shocked he couldn't speak, and then he was so choked up he couldn't. He drew her to him until their foreheads were touching… Moisture pooled in his eyes as a grin brightened his face.

She looked into his eyes, happy tears sparkling in her own. "After we sell it, let's find our own place together."

Chapter 21

Wednesday, December 12th

Eliot opened his eyes, slowly becoming conscious of the warm curves wrapped in his arms as he instinctively pressed his morning hard-on against her luscious backside.

"Mmmm… Don't tease me, El," she grumbled.

He chuckled softly, burying his face in her hair. "Sorry, baby, I wasn't really awake yet." He placed sweet kisses at her temple. "Go back to sleep, Liv," he whispered. "You need your rest. You're still pretty uncomfortable—you groaned every time you moved last night, baby." His voice was full of emotion as he thought about the pain Kundak had inflicted on her… He was determined to be as gentle with her as possible, and wait until her body was healed—no matter how badly he wanted… needed her. He pulled her closer. "When we make love I don't wanna hurt you, Olivia. Besides, I've got some errands to run. You okay with that?" he murmured softly.

She snuggled against him, and mumbled something unintelligible. Moments later he felt her body relax as she fell back into a deep slumber. He held her tenderly, remembering her fervent declaration last night. A smile crept from his heart lighting his face. They'd talked long into the night about their plans and made a laundry list of things they'd need to do. They'd agreed to wait until after the Holidays to list her apartment, and then wait until the sale had been finalized before they looked for a place together. He tried not to think about what this could mean but his mind wasn't going to cooperate: If she was ready to give up her apartment and fully commit to living together, how far off could it be before she'd agree to at least becoming his fiancé? He forced his mind away from the thought, and carefully extricated himself from her—hoping to not disturb her again. He quietly climbed out of bed and grabbed his clothes on his way to the bathroom.

Elliot stepped into the shower and under the hot flow, allowing the water to cascade over him. He picked up his soap and laved it over his body, intent on showering as quickly as possible. He had several errands to run that needed to be done without Olivia… Her birthday was tomorrow and he had a ton of plans to finalize. He grabbed the shampoo, pouring a small amount into his hand. He rubbed it vigorously into his scalp, wincing when his fingers connected with the injuries inflicted by Tonia. Shuddering, his mind flashed back to the moments on his knees, with the gun jammed to his head. Even thinking back on it now, it was his remembered concern for Olivia's safety that caused him to recoil… never his own. He shook his head as though to rid himself of the unwelcome thoughts.

After rinsing, he stepped out of the shower, drying himself thoroughly with a towel. He dressed hurriedly, foregoing a shave—he had too many things to do to dally. He'd grab a coffee on his way into the precinct.

"Look who's here, guys." Munch slowly sauntered over as Elliot made his way to Olivia's desk and set down the coffees and pastries he'd picked up at everyone's favorite deli. "You look better than when I last laid eyes on you, man." Munch placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder, giving an affectionate squeeze.

"Yeah… a good night's sleep in your own bed'll do that for ya," Elliot allowed, smiling appreciatively at his old friend.

The other member's of Olivia's team slowly made their way over. "How's Olivia, Elliot?" Munch's eyes were filled with concern.

Elliot acknowledged the group as they gathered around, indicating they should help themselves to the goodies and coffee he'd brought. He turned to address Munch's question. "She's doing okay…" He felt himself well with emotion and quickly ducked his head. When he raised it again, there was a smile on his face and moisture in his eyes. "Better than okay… she's gonna be fine. Thanks to you guys..." His voice broke, and he looked at each of Olivia's teammates. "You know what you probably saved her from…" He lowered his eyes, unwilling to articulate the horror of what probably would've happened had it not been for them.

At that moment, much to Elliot's relief, Captain Cragen came barreling out of his office having noticed the crowd gathered around Olivia's desk… Assuming she'd ignored his orders to take some time off, he'd come out fully prepared to scold her and send her home. He stopped short when he realized she wasn't there. "Elliot…?" His eyes betrayed his concern before he was able to voice it. "Is she…"

"She's fine. She's great, Cap…. She's gonna be okay." Elliot stepped forward, and the two men embraced. "Thank you, Don," he whispered. He pulled away. "She's sleepin' in so I figured I'd grab the chance to finish planning her party… It's tomorrow, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Cragen smiled but wasn't quite ready to leave the topic of the well-being of the two people who'd become family to him. He gave Elliot an assessing look. "How 'bout you, son… How're you doing?"

"I'm good, Cap. As long as she's okay, I'm good… You know that." He smiled, his eyes twinkling, and there was no doubt in Don Cragen's mind as to the truth of that statement. Elliot turned to address the group that still surrounded Olivia's desk, eating pastries, drinking coffee, and shooting the breeze—just catching up after the harrowing days they'd just been through together. "Hey, I need you guys to help me make a decision about Liv's party. You still all coming…?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Fin drawled, as an affectionate smirk curled his lips. His friendship with Olivia had survived his attraction to her and had become the stronger for it. He still struggled with the magnitude of his feelings for her from time to time, but recently he'd been heartened to find that someone else had caught his eye and he had renewed hope for moving on. In the meantime he and Elliot had adopted a truce and found a grudging respect slowly developing between them.

"How 'bout you, Amaro… you gonna make it?"

"I'll be there."

"You sure she's gonna be up for this, Elliot?" The question came from Rollins.

"She wasn't up for it before this whole FBI sting, Amanda. She's still gonna shoot him," Munch snickered.

Elliot chuckled nervously as the group had a quiet laugh. He knew Munch was probably right. But it was her forty-fifth birthday, and the first one they'd celebrate together… as a couple. Besides, in all the years he'd known her, he knew no one else had ever bothered to celebrate it right. He doubted that Serena had ever spent much time celebrating it when she was a child, either. He'd be damned if he wasn't going to make this special for her, and let her friends celebrate with her: It was about time she learned how much she was loved.

"What's your question, man?" This from Amaro who was getting anxious to get on with his day.

"I got a call from John Lamb…"

"Wait… The 'Crestview' John Lamb who was all tied up in the FBI thing…?" Munch asked, intrigued by the possibility. "…the same John Lamb with the underground hideout free from the prying eyes of big brother?" Lamb had clearly become John Munch's new hero.

Elliot looked in his direction, his eyebrows quirked in amusement. "One and the same, Munch. You done…? Can I continue?"

"Oh, by all means. What did he want?"

"He's offered the private use of the Country Club for Olivia's party. Frank happened to mention we were celebrating her birthday… I invited Frank, by the way," Elliot interjected, pausing and scanning the group quickly to see if anyone objected. "We'd have full access to the club dining hall, with all the amenities of the kitchen and bar… and live music. They'd cater the whole thing—free of charge."

"What the hell! Someone's sufferin' from a guilty conscience. So what's the problem, Stabler? It's not like you've had a chance to really pull anything else together… I mean, have you actually made any other arrangements yet?"

"No, Fin… That's just it—I'm so far behind the eight-ball on this because of the last few weeks, and this would sure solve a lotta problems for me. It's all decorated for the Holidays… and it's better'n anything I could afford to do for her. Lamb was genuinely impressed with her—and he doesn't impress easy. But I think you're right..." He turned his focus on Fin. "I think he's feeling a bit guilty that things got so far out of hand, and she came so close…"

Fin interrupted, saving Elliot the awkwardness of continuing. "So whaddya want from us, Stabler…? Sounds like you got it all worked out."

"Yeah… I know. There's only one thing I'm concerned about though: I know Hempstead isn't one of her favorite destinations right now, although there was nothing bad or traumatizing that happened at the club… Not like Crestview. D'ya think she'd be okay with it?" Elliot glanced at the faces around him, hoping someone would give him a sense one way or the other. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable.

"I don't know, Elliot…" Munch pushed his glasses halfway down his nose peering over them. "I think you're the only one that can answer that question. But it isn't gonna make any difference anyway. She's gonna shoot you regardless of where you have it," teased Munch.

"Lot a help you are," Elliot groused. He looked up at the group then shook his head, wondering about his own sanity. "Munch's probably right… She's gonna kill me no matter where we have it: Might as well go big… I'll call John and tell him to plan for a party of twelve."

Elliot stepped away long enough to make the call to Lamb. By the time he finished his call the group had dispersed and gone back about their business, but Cragen still lingered outside his office. "Do you have a few minutes Elliot," he asked looking hopeful.

"Yeah... Yeah. I wanna run a few things by you anyway, Cap."

The two men entered Cragen's office and Elliot plunked down in the nearest chair while the older man settled himself behind his desk.

Elliot leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "So Cap, I've decided to have a much smaller group for Liv's party than I'd originally planned… For one thing it's too late to spring this on folks, but after the last few weeks I just want her to be surrounded with people who really care about her—people she's comfortable being around. It'll be you and the team: Munch and Fin—Rollins and Amaro. Huang is coming, and Alex. Frank, of course… Oh, and I've invited Melinda. But that's it unless you can think of anyone I should add to the list."

Cragen looked pensive for a moment before responding. "No, I think you've about covered it, Elliot."

My kid's are plannin' their own family party for her when the twins and Kathleen get home for the Holiday break. The girls have absolutely insisted on it, and Eli is beside himself with excitement." He shook his head, a fond grin on his face. "He's nearly let the cat-out-of-the-bag a few times."

Cragen smiled, his eyes dancing with delight at the obvious good relationship that Olivia shared with Elliot's children—knowing how much she loved them. "Sounds like they're pretty fond of her?"

"Oh, yeah! How could they not love her? She adores them… spoils every one of 'em."

"That's good… It's about time she had the opportunity…" He didn't finish the thought but gave Elliot a look that wasn't lost on him. Neither of the men pursued it and Cragen shifted the topic of conversation. "So… What are you getting her for her birthday?" He continued, before Elliot could respond, his eyes twinkling. "Something that glitters…?"

Elliot shifted uncomfortably, a self-conscious grin on his face. "If she'd let me, I'd have already put a ring on her finger… Hell, I'd've married her by now! Goddamn, she's stubborn," he groused, shaking his head.

Cragen gave a look of surprise. "What's she waitin' for. She's so obviously head over heels in love with you, I hardly know her some days… I've never seen her so happy, Elliot."

"Really…?" His grin widened until he was beaming. "I mean… I know she loves me—I have no doubts about that. But she's been reluctant to allow us to move it forward—she wants to take it slow. She's so independent and so used to being on her own… She has been her whole life. She's scared to death of this commitment, Cap."

Cragen leaned forward on his desk, his look suddenly tender… his voice soft when he responded. "She's afraid she'll lose it all, Elliot. The woman's lost almost everything she's ever loved her whole life. She's taking it slow… making sure it's gonna last."

"Yeah… I know that, Cap," he admitted, scrubbing a hand over the stubble on his jaw. Suddenly his face broke into a grin. "But we're makin' progress… She told me she's ready to sell her apartment—wants us to buy one together after hers sells."

Cragen shared in his obvious jubilation, congratulating him hardily. "See—she'll get there… You just keep treatin' her right."

Elliot looked down at his hands for a minute before raising his head again, the look in his eyes solemn, as he focused on his former boss and dear friend. He made no attempt to hide his emotion when he spoke. "Cap, I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you did… You saved her…" His voice broke. "…maybe even her life." He lowered his eyes allowing a moment to compose himself before continuing. "You must be in a world of trouble with IAB."

Cragen's eyes revealed the depth of his own feelings on the subject of Olivia's close call, and it was a moment before he could respond. When he did, his voice was steady. "No, surprisingly we're not." He chuckled, leaning back in his chair, an amused smirk on his face. "I suspect John Lamb might have had a little talk with Tucker. We really only got a slap on the wrist. Course it helped that Putnam initially called us in on it… even if it was 'information only' she was seeking." He leaned forward, the expression on his face leaving no question as to how much this meant to him. He lowered his voice and held Elliot's eyes as he uttered his next words. "Wouldn't have mattered anyway… You guys are family. Not one of Olivia's co-worker's flinched at going in—and they knew what they were putting on the line."

Elliot was too emotional to respond and both men sat quietly, allowing the enormity of the moment to pass. "Hmmph…" He cleared his throat before attempting to speak. "I talked with Frank. Seems Lamb and Putnam didn't fare quite as well… although it could've been worse. Putnam received a censure, but Lamb may be in more serious trouble with the brass. There'll be a hearing due to Tonia's death—and to determine the extent of his infractions… He may be cleared in the end. I'll certainly go to bat for him."

Before Cragen could respond, Elliot's cell phone rang, startling both men. He quickly retrieved it from his pocket, and glanced at it, noting it was Olivia. Before he caught himself, a besotted smile crossed his face. "It's Liv… I gotta take it," he grinned sheepishly.

Cragen stood, waving his acceptance and rolled his eyes affectionately. "Go, go… I've got things to tend to here… I'll catch up with you later."

"Hey, Liv… What's up?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm at the precinct. Just wanted to pass some information on to Cragen… I talked with Frank earlier." Elliot danced around the question, trying to cover his tracks and keep the 'surprise party' a surprise.

"Oh…? Anything I need to know?"

"No. Nothing important... Just information I figured he'd be interested in... Nothing you even need to think about. How're you feelin' this morning, baby?"

"A little achy… But better—much better." Her voice got soft. "I just miss you… I was looking forward to waking up with you this morning."

Elliot understood it was a statement, and not accusatory… That wasn't the way she operated. He marveled once again at the phenomenon that was Olivia Benson, and thought how lucky he was. "I'm sorry, baby… but if I'd stayed in bed any longer, I'm pretty sure I couldn't have kept from ravishing you," he growled, getting hard just thinking about her sexy curves and big brown eyes.

She gave a throaty laugh. "Why do you think I'm missing you?" she teased.

"Ooh, I'd say someone's feelin' a lot better. Think you can hold that thought for a while longer, baby? I've got a bunch of errands to run."

"Oh yeah… I don't see this condition changin' any time soon," she chortled. "Besides, I'm going out, too." She hesitated for just a beat before continuing. "Dean Porter called me," she said quietly. "He wants to meet for coffee. Wants to clear the air between us…"

Elliot didn't speak, stalling for time—intent on not overreacting to her news.

"I promised him we'd talk after this was over," she hurried to say, when she received no response from him.

He cleared his throat. "Why, Olivia? Why would you put yourself through this… especially right now?"

"Elliot… This isn't just for him. This is something I need to do, too." She softened her voice, knowing how difficult this was for him to accept. "We were wrong about him, El… We didn't exactly make this easy on him."

"Do you remember what a jackass he was at the beginning, Liv? And have you forgotten Rojas?" He tried to keep his frustration from coming through… failing miserably.

"Elliot, I'm not asking for your permission…"

"Believe me, I know that," he retorted, unable to mask the sarcasm. Before she could respond, he apologized. "I'm sorry, Liv… You wouldn't be the woman I love if you were…" he managed to chuckle. "I just worry about you… You've been through a lot, Olivia."

"I'm fine, El… I wouldn't meet him if I didn't feel up to it… I just want to get it over with and put it behind me."

"Okay… But, Liv…? I swear to god, if he tries to kiss you I'll hunt him down."

Olivia grinned and rolled her eyes as she ended the conversation with Elliot. She wasn't looking forward to her conversation with Dean, but she did want to get it over with. He'd called before she'd had her morning coffee, and if he'd not been so insistent she'd have scheduled their talk for a week or two later.

As she hurried through her morning routine, she reflected on how surreal it felt: She no longer needed to be conscious of her every move as she tried to out-maneuver a camera lens—worrying about someone intent on doing her grievous harm. She shuddered, not wanting to think about the last few weeks.

She tried to rush through her shower, but forced herself to take it slow, appreciating the comfort of the moist heat on her still-stiff muscles. When she finished she stepped out and quickly dried herself, the bruising on her body reminding her once again of her ordeal. Looking in the mirror, she realized she'd need to cover the discoloration on her face. There were shadows under her eyes, but not full-blown shiners… A little skillfully applied make-up hid them quite well. The bruise on her cheek was another story, and no amount of makeup was going to completely cover it. She finally sighed and gave up, hoping no one would think she was being battered. She put on a turtle-neck shirt with long sleeves under her sweater to cover the other marks on her body, thankful it was winter. She was finally ready to leave the house.

A short time later she entered the café where she'd agreed to meet Porter. She looked around spotting him almost immediately, and made her way to the table where he was seated. He stood and pulled out her chair… He was back to being the consummate gentleman, she noted. "Thank you," she mumbled, sitting down and placing her purse on the floor beneath her chair.

"Thank you for agreeing to see me, Liv."

"I promised we'd talk when this was over… That's the only reason I'm here, Dean," she informed him, picking up the menu.

"And I appreciate it… So, thank you." He looked her over appraisingly. "You did a great job covering the bruises," he said softly. "I expected they'd be a lot more noticeable." He kept his eyes on her face and before she could reply, he continued. "You look lovely, as always, Olivia."

"Please don't, Dean… or I'll leave now."

He held up his hand. "I'm sorry, Liv… Please—stay." He picked up his own menu and looked it over. "You gonna get something to eat…?"

"No, I'm having tea… I'm just checking to see if they have any green decaffeinated."

When she looked up, his smile was bordering on a smirk. "Those tree-huggers really got to you, didn't they…?" She chose to ignore his remark, laying down the menu as the waitress approached the table.

The young woman looked as though her day had started early and the expression on her face mirrored her boredom and peevishness at needing to service customers. Porter smiled charmingly at her, refusing to be put off by her attitude. "What selections do you have for decaffeinated green tea?"

She gave him an appraising look, and returned a smile of her own, revealing a pretty face that would have missed the mark without it. "I didn't figure you for a tea-drinker," she scoffed.

"Porter rolled his eyes, flirting back, and inclined his head toward Olivia. It's for the lady."

Olivia watched with amusement, as the waitress turned her attention her way… minus the smile. She looked her over, clearly taking in the bruising on her face, but making no comment about it. "She your girlfriend?" she asked, her tone surly and dismissive.

"Only in my dreams," Porter intoned, careful to avoid Olivia's scowl—returning the smile to the waitress's face.

She turned her attention back to Olivia. "We have Lemon-Zinger and Raspberry," she stated, her voice a monotone.

"I'll have the lemon, please—with a slice of lemon on the side. Thank you." She handed her menu over and the waitress turned her attention back to Porter.

"And what can I get for you?" Her animation had returned and she smiled brightly, her pencil posed over her order pad.

"Just coffee, please. Cream and sugar."

Okay, I'll have that for you before you can miss me," she smirked. "Oh… It'll take a while for yours," she informed Olivia snidely. "They'll have to boil the water."

Porter grinned over at her, and Olivia just shook her head. "She clearly has no idea who she's dealing with, does she, Detective?" he commented.

"I'd say she's pretty clueless all the way around," Olivia deadpanned. "So, what do you want to talk about, Dean?" she asked, all levity gone from her tone.

His face changed, the grin replaced by a rueful smile. "I guess I wanna start with an apology, Oliva. My behavior when you came on board a few weeks ago was unconscionable… I didn't mean to add to the stress of the situation, and I certainly didn't mean for you to be afraid of me, Liv."

Before she could reply, the waitress set coffee, cream and sugar in front of him and he smiled appreciatively, earning a wiggle of her hips for his efforts, as she walked away from the table.

Olivia didn't miss a beat. "You were a jerk, Dean," she said quietly. She wasn't letting him off the hook. "But I understand what you were trying to do… And I appreciate that you took this on because you were concerned about me." She looked down for a moment but quickly raised her eyes to his again, and this time they were spitting fire. "But that doesn't excuse what you did when Rojas was holding me at gunpoint… It was because of you he took me hostage." Her voice was bitter, and once again she dropped her eyes from his face. "And then you just walked away."

"Yeah. I'm all kinds of an ass, Olivia… And believe me—I've paid for it…. Dearly." Olivia found herself dreading his next words as she observed the solemn look in his eyes. "If I could take back every move I've made with you since Oregon, and do it over—I'd do it all differently: I'd have pursued something with you, Olivia… I'd have changed my life to accommodate a relationship with you."

Olivia was stunned into silence. She finally found her voice. "Wow. Dean, why are you telling me all this now?"

He gave a bitter laugh. "Hindsight's a bitch." He looked over at her. "But it wouldn't have mattered. You've always belonged to him—Stabler…" He said the name as though it were a bad taste in his mouth. "From the time I've known you." She cringed at the bitterness in his voice. "And the pity of it is neither of you even realized it… not back then." He moved closer, leaning across the table, looking into her eyes—his look wistful and his voice soft. "And if I'd just made a move, I might have been able to make you forget him." When she didn't respond, he pulled back, slouching into his chair. The bitterness had returned to his voice. "You're too good for him."

He looked intently at her, but she had no words for the revelation he'd just made. He leaned toward her again, this time with pleading in his eyes. "Tell me you didn't feel something, Olivia… Tell me there was never any spark between us." When she didn't respond, he continued. "See, you can't deny it," he said triumphantly. "There was something there… Maybe it started as a physical attraction, but it became more than that… Or it could've been—if your asshole partner had stayed out of it."

Those words roused her and her eyes narrowed. "This had nothing to do with Elliot Stabler. You're the one that fucked this up, Dean… You're the one that put my life in jeopardy, and then told me our feelings didn't matter. Don't you dare blame this on him! I know he can be an ass… Believe me, I know better than most. But this was on you." She started to rise, but he reached his hand to her, entreating her to stay.

"Please, Olivia. I'm sorry… I'm sorry. You're right, and I got way off-track here. I know there's nothing that will change what happened between us. And I know you'll never be able to understand what I did, because I'm not at liberty to tell you what was at stake. I promise you I would never have let you be hurt that day, and I'd like to think you can forgive me." He looked beseechingly at her. "I would never do anything to hurt you or put you in harm's way, Olivia."

"What do you want from me, Dean?"

"I can't have what I want, Liv," he said sadly. "But it seems our paths are likely to cross, and I'd like to think we can be friends. I'd like to not be forced to act like a complete jerk again if we end up working on the same case somewhere down the road." He grinned over at her trying to lighten the mood, and she softened toward him and settled back into her chair waiting for him to continue.

"I promise I'll conduct myself appropriately, Olivia… around you and Stabler. I know you're in a committed relationship. He's obviously crazy about you," he admitted grudgingly. "And it appears he makes you happy—treats you well." He lifted an eyebrow as though hopeful she would deny his observations.

Olivia raised her head and looked him steadfastly in the eye. "I've never been so happy, Dean… I had doubted anyone could make me as happy as he does. I love him very much." A flash of pain crossed his face and he broke eye contact with her, focusing instead on his hands wrapped around his coffee cup. She continued quietly. "If you're serious about a friendship with me, he and I are a package deal. I know he can be a jackass where you're concerned, and I'll talk to him. But if you can't be civil to him… we can't be friends."

Porter slowly lifted his eyes to hers once more. "I will take—and value—your friendship on any terms, Olivia."

TBC

Thank you for reading. I'll upload Chapter 22 as soon as I have access to a computer again.