Love are Lies

~Rachael Wang :)

Chapter 21: To be Loved

After that night, I felt something spark in my head.

It was almost Damian's birthday… the day he turns 20. The doctor told him that he couldn't live beyond 20 or 21. Will he die and leave?

What would that feel like if there was no Damian in this world?

I couldn't remember my "wonderful" memories with him before the memory loss. Does this mean I will never know the truth to my previous life?

I sat down and sighed. Everything was running through my mind too fast.

"Gah. What would happen if Damian died?" I placed my forehead on the cold wall. "Why is he dying?" I whispered. "Why?"

Jaden walked in suddenly, "His birthday's coming up, huh? That Damian guy…"

"How'd you k-know?" I said right away, surprised by his walk-in.

"You said he's going to die soon. That means he's turning 20 soon, am I right?"

"M-Maybe…" I hesitated as his eyes looked into mine, "Yes…" I gave in.

"Don't think about it so much."

"Why not?" I asked, worried still.

"Time passes on and the things in it will pass on too. He'll live a better life somewhere up there…"

"Yeah."

"Or down there," he continued.

"Jaden!"

"Calm down," he smiled, "I'm just joking."

"I can't. When a friend passes away… it's really hard to forget."

"He'll be watching you. Don't feel so down."

"I have to feel down." I said, "When my family died in that fire, I went through so much pain… they were the ones I loved."

The awkward silence shattered my thoughts and I could only feel the pain aching in my heart increasing badly.

"I will always… always and forever be with you. No matter how much you have on your mind or how much pain you're grieving, I will be there to go through it with you. I don't want you to feel upset and leave your smile. You're the most important thing to me… ever." Jaden looked away innocently with his eyes gentle, facing the floor.

I looked at him like he was an angel sent from above to protect me. I always felt his presence when I needed help… but Damian was there too.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, killing the peaceful moment.

I jumped, "I'll get it," I said.

Jaden followed behind me. I opened the door and looked out, with cool wind blasting through my hair.

"Hey Lucy. Hey Jaden." Jonathon walked in, "My father wanted to see you."

Jonathon's father came in a minute later, greeting us with a homely smile. He shook hands with Jaden and nodded at me.

Jonathon walked me to another room as Jaden glared behind his shoulder, being moved away by Jonathon's father. I turned my attention back to Jonathon.

"Hey Lucy. Long time no see… sort of." He smiled brightly, with his glowing white teeth shining at me. "What's with the gloomy face?"

"Nothing much…" I gently closed the door and walked to the living room.

"Love problems right? It comes along in many lives; but don't worry. I'm sure it'll pass by soon. True love will always come together in some way."

"How did-" I paused.

"Oh right, I think you missed one little detail about me. Actually, I'm gay."

My mouth dropped open in surprise. I didn't want to look rude, so stayed quiet.

"Because I'm gay… I actually understand girls a lot. They're weaknesses and problems; what's going on in their mind." He sighed, "But I'm also a guy, so I know about guys too. Don't be too shocked," he grinned.

"Sorry…" I gulped, "I really didn't expect you to be- you know."

"Anyway, let's cut this unnecessary information. So let me guess, this love thing include some other guy or guys AND Jaden."

"Yeah, are you a match maker or something. You're a genius."

"Maybe," he laughed, "So what's up?"

"There's this guy… named Damian. Actually, I've lost my memory some time ago and I'm not sure if he was actually my boyfriend or not. When I woke up, I was really confused; but he never left my side even though I didn't confirm our relationship. He was too kind. However, I stayed in the same hospital room as Jaden… and I guess our friendship just- increased a lot."

"Go on."

"Damian," I continued, "Is going to die soon."

His eyes widened in pity and the room became very mundane and empty. I looked away to avoid the pain in which I knew it will be coming. His death tears me apart.

"I see. So you love him."

"No… I mean, he's there for me- but Jaden is too. It's so hard to choose when you have such kind people who are in love with you. It's impossible to decide!"

"I know it is. Sometimes, you have to make a decision. Although I would say that since Damian is passing away, you may want to choose Jaden. However, if you really find that you're intensified with love for Damian… it will be hard. You should spend his remaining life with him if you love him."

If I love him… I will want to spend his remaining life with him. But wouldn't it be heartbreaking to see him pass away? Why does everyone die around me? Why does this world curse me with losing my loved ones?

"But I don't understand if I do."

"Well I can't help you there," he laughed, "I may have a mind of a girl's but not a mind that replicates yours. I could only say… follow whatever feels right."

He stepped out of the living room and walked up the stairs, probably joining Jaden and the fathers.

"Who do I love?" I asked myself. At times like this… I think a daughter would need her mother's help. So how do you get help when she's not here?

I decided to sneak out to the park and see if Damian was there again. Maybe if I see him again, I will know.

Quietly, I walked out of the house, closing the door gently behind me. At the park, near the fountain… he still sat there, with that lonely expression I saw many years ago in this same place.

"Damian…" I walked over.

Shocked, he turned around to see me. "Hey Lucy." His weak expression fought against something hard. I could feel he wasn't well.

"You're turning 20 soon." How stupid of me to be straightforward like this… but it was the only thing running through my mind.

"You're right." He smiled, "I won't be here anymore… maybe. Of course, unless a miracle happened-" he paused, "Nah. That's not possible"

"Are you in pain?"

He looked away. "Lucy… I wish I could stay alive to live the life I wanted to. And to be with the one I love."

"Who's that?"

His face blushed, and his eyes shifted away from mine.

"An old friend."

"Who? Name, specifically."

"Why do you ask such questions?" he smiled again.

"I don't know. Something's just up with me these day. I'm restless if I don't know."

He sighed, "Before I die. I want to tell you Lucy… that I love you."

I lost some balance and my heart rushed as fast as the memories did. Damian loves me.