A/N: Hey y'all- not sure when the next update will be for any of my stories, because I've got carpal tunnel or something and typing is, well, not very easy haha. Hopefully I'll kick it soon and be able to get more up! Despite the drama in this chapter, this story is almost over. Thanks for sticking it out.
When Jane woke up the next morning, it took her a few disoriented moments to place her surroundings. This was not home. This was not her bed. She screwed her eyes tightly shut and upon opening them again, realized she was in Maura's bedroom. Her heart pounded as she sat up and saw that she was in a tank top and a borrowed pair of pajama pants that Maura probably never wore—where was Maura? The imprint next to Jane clearly indicated someone had been lying there, but that wasn't what confirmed to her that Maura had in fact been there…
They had gotten back into Maura's car and driven speedily back to her house, where Maura offered Jane a beer and poured herself a glass of wine. It felt nearly routine as they drank silently, sitting opposite each other with their hands clasping over the table. What wasn't routine was when Jane left her can half full and pulled Maura into a kiss.
Her normal code of conduct did not apply. This was not a first date. She and Maura had been seeing each other emotionally for months. She could not believe how amazing this felt, how overwhelmingly right. No—that, she could believe. What she couldn't believe was that Maura wanted this as well, that Maura was the one gripping her tighter, bringing her closer, still instigating the action. When Jane would pull back for breath, Maura would be the one to bring her back in, using deceptively soft lips to keep Jane addicted, increasingly anxious. Jane was vaguely aware that Maura was walking her to the bedroom, occasionally allowing them to stop, for Jane to hold her against the wall, to let her hands wander down to Maura's waist as she kissed her neck.
Maura likewise felt as though she were in a daze. She couldn't have been more wrong in her initial, irrational fear that all female cops loved the same. Vivian felt the pressure of being in a man's field just as much as Jane did, and they both tried to overcompensate by being tough and hard-edged. But the thing was that while Vivian ultimately allowed that stone-cold persona to envelope her everyday life, with Jane it was only a façade. Oh yes, she could snarl and she could shoot straight and her bark was just as bad as her bite, but only if you had it coming to you. She could be sweet. She could be soft. She could be gentle and even nurturing in her own endearingly awkward way.
They were kissing, and enthusiastically at that, but it wasn't possessive or heated. There was no fight to have the upper hand, to exercise control. Jane's hands weren't trying to keep Maura in line, they were simply trying to touch as much of the woman as she could. Her fingers weren't hesitant, they were reverent. Adoring every moment of this. Maura had never been one to understand tacit communication very well, but all of this she could understand perfectly, without Jane uttering a single word besides Maura's name.
Somehow they had wound up in the bedroom, and Jane's blazer and shirt were on the floor, leaving her in a tank top and slacks. The fingers of one hand had clutched the zipper on Maura's dress and started tugging down.
"Bed?" Maura whispered, her breath breaking against Jane's lips.
Jane's hand stilled, and she tightened her grip on Maura, embracing her. She still wanted to do this right, to give Maura time, to make sure they didn't rush this. "Sleep," she said softly. Just to make sure Maura didn't think Jane was backing out or had made a mistake, she kissed the doctor one more time on the lips.
Maura went into the bathroom to change and brush her teeth, gesturing at a drawer that contained rarely-worn sleepwear Jane might be comfortable with. They had a good laugh over the pants she had chosen to replace her slacks—they were a few inches too short in the leg, but when Jane rolled them up to her knees anyway, it didn't matter.
Once the lights went off, Jane really had intended to go right to sleep, but she couldn't help herself when Maura slipped under the sheets next to her, smelling fresh and wearing silk. Lying on her side, Jane reached for her and pulled Maura into a slow, sensual kiss. She hadn't intended for it to last very long, but the choice was essentially taken out of her hands when Maura responded by wrapping an arm and a leg around her, hooking her leg behind Jane's knees and half-lying on top of her. Jane's hand drifted back to Maura's waist, and she stopped only when her fingers ghosted across Maura's thigh.
"Maura…" she whispered.
Understanding, Maura shifted off slightly, keeping her arm across Jane's stomach, and whispering into the crook of her neck, "Good night, Jane."…
So where could Maura be now? Jane listened for the strains of a shower but heard nothing. Had Maura panicked? Changed her mind? Jane's first instinct was always to second-guess herself, and that proved especially true when she was groggy and alone. She got quickly out of bed and walked into the main part of the house, where she eventually saw Maura standing in the kitchen. It took her all of three seconds to realize Maura had just put the turkey in the oven—oh yeah, it's Thanksgiving morning—and when Maura turned and caught sight of Jane, her face broke into such a wide, beautiful smile that Jane could confidently feel last night was not a fluke or a mistake.
"Good morning, Jane," she said softly, happily, walking around the kitchen island to give Jane a swift kiss on the lips.
"Uh, good morning?" Jane mumbled back.
Maura raised an eyebrow. "Are you asking me or telling me?"
"I just…" Jane chuckled lightly and sat down wearily at the table. "Last night. We…" She looked up at Maura for help, but Maura just looked curiously back at her. "We, uh… did things."
"Yes, that's true. We did a great many things."
"I mean you and I did things. And I want to just—I dunno, make sure that… we're on the same page regarding those things."
Maura sat down next to Jane, taking one hand between her own. "Jane, I haven't experienced anything quite like last night in… I don't even know how long. I couldn't even approximate an estimate. It was so many things at once, so many things coming together. All of it felt perfect."
"Okay," Jane whispered with a light smile. "I just wanted to hear you say it. After all, it wasn't particularly encouraging when I woke up and you were gone!"
"I had to put the turkey in the oven!" Maura laughed. "We have quite a few people coming over, you know."
We. The word made Jane's grin widen. "Yeah, I do know," she said, leaning in to give Maura a quick kiss (and it was a mark of Maura's devotion that she did not turn away at the morning breath). "Maura, I just kind of can't believe this happened. If you had any idea…"
"And idea of what?"
"How long I've wanted this," Jane murmured, running her thumb along the back of Maura's fingers. "I really …I really want us to…" Be together. "To do this."
"Well then," Maura said, "rest assured we're on the same page."
Jane was too giddy to question things further. How long had Maura considered this relationship a possibility? How was she suddenly so open to being with a woman romantically when as far as Jane knew, she had never been with one before? Was this too easy?
None of those questions even occurred to her as Maura put on some '60s pop that they danced and prepped to. While Maura was counting out cups of yams, Jane wrapped her arms around her waist from behind, laughing and kissing her neck. She had no doubt that sex with Maura was going to be amazing whenever they wound up having it, but this right now was what she had been looking forward to the most: the simple freedom to kiss Maura whenever she wanted to, grab her and hold onto her whenever she wanted to, making her intentions known without having to worry about retribution. She let out a hoarse laugh when Maura flicked a spoonful of cream in her face, saying something about Jane breaking up her concentration.
Before Jane could retaliate, her mother appeared suddenly in the kitchen, looking vastly amused by the amount of fun the girls seemed to be having. She explained she had come in for a glass of juice before taking a shower, lest Maura think she was slacking off on her promise to make dessert. After her shower she would return to get started on the first of many pies. On her way back out to the guest house, she made a casual remark regarding her surprise that Maura had been able to convince Jane to get up and over so early to cook, of all things.
"Yes, I have you… what is the word?" Maura asked, turning to Jane once Angela had left. She held up a carton of cream and said, "Whipped!"
Jane granted her a laugh at the joke, then said, "Uh, Maura? Do we, uh…" She waved her hand in the general direction of the guest house. "How do you want to do this? Telling people, I mean."
"What exactly is it you want to tell them?" Maura asked. "That we're dating? Technically, you haven't taken me out yet, detective."
"Will you let me, after the holiday is over?" Jane asked, rolling her eyes.
"Of course." Maura smirked and got back to her onions. "Since this is something you and I have clearly both been anticipating for some time now, I strongly believe we are going to make something out of it now. I like to tell my friends when I am in the process of seeing somebody, and I believe you and I are beginning the process of seeing each other. However, I understand if you would like to keep it under wraps for the time being." She frowned for a moment. "Well actually, I'm not sure if I would understand, but I would not be offended."
"Let's just take it as it goes then, all right?" Jane suggested. "I mean, if it comes up…" She couldn't really foresee any conversation that would bring it up, but still. "Let's not broadcast it right away." She pulled Maura into a brief kiss. "At least not to everyone. If you don't feel weird about it, you should tell who you like. I only, well, want you and I want this to myself for just a little bit. Except…"
"Except what?"
"Well…I dunno, I kind of want to tell Booth," Jane said, worrying that it might sound weird. "Just 'cause…" Without his encouragement, I might never have said anything. He was the first person to know how I feel about you. He helped me get here, in your kitchen, with you in my arms. "He's my best friend, and I feel like he should know." Maura nodded but looked a tad troubled, and Jane correctly guessed what was bothering her: "Booth's my best friend, Maura. You're my best everything."
And Maura was satisfied.
About a half an hour later, Angela rejoined them in the kitchen, and they were surprised that she had even succeeded in dragging Tommy along with her. Frankie arrived a couple of hours later, and it wasn't until 1:00 that Korsak and Frost arrived in a cab they had split. For better or for worse, Jane was just so happy about Maura and so glad to be sharing the holiday with so many people that she loved that she had practically forgotten about Alicia Howard and the case. Maybe compartmentalizing really did have its place.
Booth and Brennan were the last to arrive. Booth had slept in much later than usual, and indeed woke up only when Brennan had started knocking on his door in the late morning. She was kind enough to postulate about the reasons why he might have overslept for only two minutes before allowing Booth to change the topic.
"Do you know where Hodgins is?" he asked, looking around in vain for his roommate.
"Angela said they were heading out early to help her father procure a turkey."
"On Thanksgiving morning? Is that possible?"
(Neither of them realized Billy's plan was to shoot a wild one with Hodgins' help while Angela would be on hand to make sketches of the event, with the ultimate goal being to paint a manly, Remington-esque portrait of them holding their prize, the painting to be hung over a mantelpiece. Unfortunately, their poorly-planned turkey hunt was unsuccessful, but it was all right because Billy's friend and his wife were already in the process of making a turducken.)
"How was Alicia Howard's memorial service last night?" Brennan asked, sitting on the edge of Hodgins' bed.
Booth started making a cup of coffee. "Nice, you know? It was really nice. Very respectful, and her friend Eden had some really nice things to say."
"Hm. Did you find out anything? Anything that might help with the case?"
"Possibly," Booth said, ripping a sugar packet open with his teeth. "Talked to a lady who said she was uh, president of the uh… the woman's society thing in their church—I forget what Maura said it was called—but anyway, she talked to Alicia a lot when she was in Boston, not in school. She said what she always found the most impressive about this kid was that she had mastered the concept of turning the other cheek. Metaphorically," he added, preempting Brennan's next question.
"I've always found that concept a tad strange. It would be in one's best self-preserving interest to knock an opponent on the cheek instead of offering the other back to him."
Booth took his coffee and sat on his bed, facing Brennan. "Well, that just goes back to what Maura was saying about what they believe, those people. The natural man's instinct would be to fight back, but religion exists to help people repress that urge. All those kinds of urges."
"Quaint, but faintly ridiculous," Brennan assessed. "Natural impulses are natural for a reason. Self-preservation isn't a crime."
"I agree, Bones. I don't think the natural man always needs to be repressed."
"Nor do I."
"Ah, except when it counts though," Booth countered with a wicked grin. "Your natural man wants to be with me. And you're repressing that."
Brennan frowned and considered this. "It's possible that my natural woman wants to sleep with you, but that is not what I am repressing. The natural woman does not and can not engage in the type of full-on relationship that you find necessary to survive."
"Cannot, ever? I thought you said you didn't believe in absolutes," Booth said, smirking at Brennan over his Styrofoam cup of coffee.
"What does this have to do with the case?" Brennan asked, sounding and looking vaguely annoyed.
Booth sighed, but figured he was lucky to have gotten in everything he'd been able to. "This lady mentioned that Alicia was quite friendly to people who had wronged her in the past, like even Dave Wilson's son."
"Wilson—Senator Howard's opponent?"
"Yup. Apparently their kids went to the same prep school, and Wilson's boys were basically brought up to hate the Howards' guts. Wasn't very nice to Alicia, but she grew to be nice to him, even though he showed no signs of being nicer to her."
"Would he have any motive for wanting her dead?" Brennan asked.
Booth shrugged. "Hated the religion she converted to." He sighed and gulped down the rest of the coffee. "Granted it's not a solid motive, but prejudice exists in all forms. Could be something. Anyway, that's the only thing I heard about her having any problems with people. Everyone was going on and on about how much everybody loved Alicia."
"Well, people are incline to become maudlin at events like funerals and memorial services," Brennan stated logically. "Unless you had run into somebody as forthcoming as I am, it's very unlikely that anyone would have approached a person they believed to be Alicia's religious leader and said anything against her character."
"That's where you start reading between the lines," Booth said. "Lots of people said she was a go-getter, and a really thorough one. Would track down and investigate everything she could down to the last detail. I think that's how she came to find out about her uncle's secret love nest and why she went to check it out. Now all we have to figure out is how she found out about it, and who told her. Maybe she put her nose somewhere it didn't belong, and someone got upset about it."
"Perhaps."
A brief silence passed between them before Booth said, "The human experience."
"What?"
He looked up at her. "The human experience. That's what Alicia was interested in studying. What sets us apart from the other species inhabiting earth?"
"Well, there are a great many biological and—"
"Bones," Booth sighed, lying back. "Ever consider the possibility that you think too much?"
"Only when you bring it up. And even then, I only consider it until something more intellectually stimulating shows up, which usually doesn't take very long."
By 1:30, the intrepid duo had arrived at Maura's extravagant home just in time for drinks and appetizers. When Jane opened the door to admit them, she pulled Booth into such a tight hug that for a few moments, he lost the ability to breathe.
"Whoa, there! Jane, what's the occasion?" he laughed.
"Thanksgiving, man! God I love you, you know that?"
"How close have you been getting to the cooking sherry?" Booth asked.
Jane pulled away and gave him a light punch on the shoulder. "C'mon, don't be mean. I'm just happy is all."
Booth raised an eyebrow and grinned as Maura engaged Brennan instantly in conversation. "How happy?" he whispered.
Nodding outside, Jane led Booth to the yard, where a somewhat ineffective football game was going on, pitting the Rizzoli brothers against Korsak and Frost. Korsak held up surprisingly well for his age, particularly impressive in his tackling abilities, wherein he would simply throw all his weight at whichever brother was attempting to score a touchdown.
"Four man football," Jane said, sitting on the porch steps and indicating that Booth should do the same. "Kinda sad, huh?"
"Gotta make do with what you have, I guess," Booth remarked, joining her. "So?" He grinned and elbowed Jane. "What happened last night after you two left?"
"I did it," Jane said, looking quietly triumphant. "I figured you were right, Booth. Enough's enough. If she didn't feel the same way, I really needed to hear that and be able to move the freak on, you know? So I told her, and she…" Jane let out a little laugh and turned to look Booth in the eye, smiling like an idiot. "She kissed me."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. And then I uh…I spent the night."
"Dude! Are you serious?"
"We didn't sleep together," Jane hurried to explain. "I mean we slept together, but we didn't like, do anything. If you know what I mean." A sound that could only be described as a dreamy sigh came out of her, and she rubbed her neck as she watched Frost make a perfect catch. "It was fantastic. It just felt right, you know? I've got the gut instinct—I think you and I both have it, where we just know right away when something is the way it's supposed to be. I fell asleep with her in my arms, Booth. And it was amazing. Man, it was just…" She shrugged, and for lack of a better word, said, "Perfect."
Booth put an am around her and pulled her close for a sideways hug. "Damn, Rizzoli. Way to go."
"I just already want so badly for it to go right, you know? I kind of still can't believe I'm not dreaming. Like is this real? Will you pinch me?" Before Booth could do so, Jane received a football to the head. "OW! Who threw that?"
"You guys gonna join the game or not?" Tommy shouted.
Maura, Angela and Brennan watched from inside as Jane went to join her co-workers and Booth became an honorary Rizzoli brother. After deliberating for a moment, the ladies decided to bring out their drinks and finger food to better enjoy the game. A few times, Jane would look up to see Maura practically glowing, smiling at the perfect view of Jane's incredible athleticism at work. And Jane would grin back, relieved that she no longer had to hide how she felt, that she could hold Maura's gaze as long as she wanted to without worrying about Maura's reaction. These looks did not go unnoticed by Angela, and probably wouldn't have gone unnoticed by Brennan if the woman hadn't been distracted by so closely watching one Seeley Booth.
The game ended when Angela decided everyone involved would need time to clean up a bit before dinner, which itself was a feast that might have fed twenty-five people—which worked out about right, since Frost and the Rizzoli brothers could each eat enough for three. Jane realized she had been drinking more than usual lately, but today she wanted to drink for an entirely different reason: before it had been because she was depressed about her love life and disgusted with the way she had acted so unfairly towards Angela. Now she wanted to drink because of how much giddier it could make her feel. She remembered beer could be fun. Even Maura indulged a bit more than usual, getting into the spirit of things.
"I hope you all saved enough room for dessert," Angela eventually said, only after everybody had stuffed themselves beyond capacity. This didn't stop them from enthusiastically assuring Angela that by the time the day was over, all the dessert would be gone.
"Boy, I dunno, I might need to take a walk around the block first or something," Jane groaned. "Walk off some of this dinner!"
Brennan felt obligated to point out, "Detective Rizzoli—given the amount of food you have just consumed and the relatively short distance that the block encompasses, it would be impossible for you to simply 'walk off' that dinner."
"Aha, see, the key word was 'some of,'" Jane snickered.
"Well, that would be key words, actually," Maura said.
"Maura, don't be a nitpicker. Are you gonna come with me? I mean, are you gonna come walk with me?"
"Oh, all right," Maura laughed.
She was slightly less happy when Jane invited Booth and Brennan to come along, too—she had wanted to be alone with Jane. But Jane, in her tipsy state of happy giddiness, just wanted to be around her best friend. Once they all four of them had gotten their shoes and coats back on, Jane loudly proclaimed her love for everyone remaining in the house before turning and following her party out the front door. If Booth hadn't been a bit tipsy himself, he might have recommended that it would be a classier move for Jane to walk ahead with Maura, instead of leading the way with her arm companionably around his shoulder as Maura and Brennan brought up the rear.
"Dr. Brennan," Maura sighed, as she watched Jane laugh with Booth. "How much store do you put in words, in language?"
"I should say a great deal, Dr. Isles. Words and concrete reason are what one of the few things which separates us from a great deal of other species." Words and reason. Not emotion. "Why do you ask?"
"It's just…" Maura sighed and rubbed her head. She hadn't drank that much, but she had drunk just enough to make her feel an oncoming bout of crippling self-doubt. "What is the difference between saying you love someone and saying you are in love with someone?"
After a short pause, Brennan said, "That is an excellent question, Dr. Isles. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you know, the English language has almost too many uses for the word 'love.' One might use that word to describe how they feel about a family member and also use it to describe his or her sentiments towards a favorite brand of pretzel. I admit, it is a limitation of our language, and I do think that is why the phrase 'in love' has entered our lexicon—to differentiate it from all the other uses. Unless you were possessed of a worrisome mental condition, you would not say you were in love with your favorite pretzel brand, or even a family member, really."
"You would only use it…for a lover?" Maura asked.
Brennan nodded curtly. "I should think that would be correct, yes. For example, I do think it would be a fair assessment to say that I love Booth. He is my partner, exceedingly good at what he does, and a very dear friend who I love to spend time with. However, I do not think I would go so far as to say that I am in love with him." …would I?
"Have you ever kissed?"
"Yes, we have."
If Brennan would have elaborated somewhat, she may have put Maura's not-quite-sober mind a bit more at ease. As it was, Maura frowned and tried to figure out exactly what Jane's sentiments towards her were. They had kissed after Jane had said she loved her. But today alone she had also professed love for Booth, Frost, Korsak, and even Bass. How much did that word mean to her? Had she meant to say she was in love with Maura? Had she forgotten that Dr. Isles needed things to be clear-cut and literal in order to properly process and interpret them? Why wasn't she walking with her now? Why had she said they ought to keep quiet about what had happened between them?
It had finally dawned on Booth that "You should be back there with Maura, Jane."
"You're right, I should," she chuckled. "Man, just looking at her puts butterflies in my stomach, you know? Feel like I'm seventeen again, talking to the prettiest girl in school! Only this time, that girl actually wants to talk back—hell, she wants to kiss me back!"
"Yeah, man, you're awesome," Booth laughed, clapping Jane on the back. "I can't believe it took you so long to say something!"
"Hey, man, I'm just glad I finally did! I still can't believe it—I can't believe Maura was so open to the idea of kissing another woman, even! I…" She trailed off when she caught sight of Booth's expression. He had gone from jovial and upbeat to suddenly tight-lipped and contemplative. They stopped walking, and Jane stared him down. Even with an alcohol-tinged mind, Jane could read an expression better than she could read some books, and Booth seemed to be saying an awful lot without opening his mouth. Maura and Brennan had since caught up, but before Maura could say anything, Jane loudly asked, "Was I not the first woman you've ever kissed?"
Booth took Brennan by the elbow and walked ahead. "C'mon, pal."
"What's going on with them?" Brennan asked, her eyebrows raised.
"They, er, it's complicated."
"Well judging by Detective Rizzoli's question, they have already crossed a line you seemed to think they would never reach."
"Yeah, well, they've hit a snag," Booth said, reaching for his phone when he felt it vibrating. It was a text from Angela Montenegro: Hey, Booth – Jane's not answering her phone. Do you know if it'd still be cool if Hodgins, dad and I swung by? Picking up his pace, Booth sighed and responded, I don't think that'd be a good idea.
Meanwhile Maura, trapped by her inability to lie believably, had been coerced into telling Jane most of the truth, and Jane was not happy about it: "How come you never told me you'd been with another woman before?"
Maura got defensive, feeling hurt by Jane's accusatory (if not totally inconceivable) tone: "Well, for the same reason we haven't discussed all the people I've ever been with!" I never told you about Ian because of how he broke my heart. How could I tell you about Vivian, who nearly broke me entirely?
"Wait, all of them?" Jane asked, misunderstanding the point. "How many women have you been with?"
Starting to get annoyed, Maura asked, "Well what do you want me to say, Jane? By societal standards of face symmetry and hip-to-waist ratio, I am considered rather attractive! I'm a doctor at the top of my field. I'm wealthy. Colloquially speaking, I am quite a catch."
Jane waved her arms around in faux deference: "Oh, well! Colloquially speaking, look at me! I'm Dr. Maura Isles! I graduated from med school when I was ten years old! My face looks like an angel carved it and my shampoo smells like heaven and my lips taste like peaches even when I first wake up! I can make anyone fall in love with me! Men! Women! Jane! Unicorns!"
The logical part of Maura vaguely knew they were both getting way too dramatic, but she could only concentrate completely on one thing Jane had said. In a trembling voice, she asked, "You're in love with me?"
A/N disclaimer: So yeah, that entire last bit is taken from a brilliant comic by Heather Hogan on afterellen dot com. Not mine, just as these characters are not mine. If you're still reading, please review!