Well, We're Not Alone Now

by Aerial Arabella

Rhea, Aerial, circus performer, thought it was going to be another people watching night in the pub. After noticing Alex Turner brooding over his drinks, she heads his way, after all she had dreamt about this moment enough times, why not make it real? When Alex decides to accompany her home, they have yet to realise the affect it will have on both their different lives

21. Love's Not Time's Fool

-Love's Not Time's Fool-

"I let if it fall, my heart

And as it fell, you rose to claim it

It was dark, and I was over

Until you kissed my lips and you saved me"

-Set Fire To The Rain-Adele-

-27th February 2012-

Time is a funny thing. It drags when we want it to speed past and it passes when we least want it to. Over thousands of years many people have tried to come up with a straight answer to all the questions that it places before us, but many have failed. And you know what? Maybe that's the beauty of it, thats why people sometimes dedicate their whole lives to unwinding it's mysteries. They choose time as their partner, they have time to explore everything about it, about them. If only I also had that. Unfortunately time had other plans and the weeks had passed in a blink of an eye, filled with something new everyday. And now, sitting on the edge of his, our bed, my eyes tracing the lines that time had made in his bags, I felt detached from myself. From him. I had seen over the last few days, he had been distancing himself from me, I had felt it in the way he held me. He was readying himself to let me go, and in a way I was too. And yet, his way was to push me away, where as mine was to hold on to him, until the last minute. This had caused trouble and now as the minutes ticked closer to when we were to say goodbye, I felt like I was running out of time to do...something. I wasn't quite sure what. His bags were packed, as were mine, the flat empty. Last night we had made love until we'd fallen asleep from exhaustion, and yet, through the whole time, he wasn't there. He was already miles away from here, from me, carrying on his life without me. How the hell were we going to manage?

I scrubbed my fingers against my eyes in an attempt to rid them of tears that longed to burst forth. I had kept it together these last few days, a few more hours couldn't hurt. But it did, and as the sound of the shower stopped from the bathroom, my heart gave a heavy thump. I ran my hand down my neck, past the tangle of my hair, and into a clenched fist at my breast. Taking a breath, I stood and wandered once more towards my clothing that was neatly folded on the desk. I had yet to get dressed, having tried to make myself before, I just hadn't been able to. There was something about acknowledging the day by getting dressed, acknowledging that the day had started, and things had been pushed into motion. I picked at the first piece of clothing on the pile, and then let it slump back down with the rest. As I outlined a knick in the wood of the desk, the door to the bathroom was pushed open, and he padded into the room. I glanced over my shoulder, but looked away quickly, I didn't want to see him like this. Naked except for a towel around his waist, his hair wet hair hanging limply into his eyes, he watched me from across the room.

"You're still not dressed?"

I took a moment to reply, "No, I, er, got caught up in my own thoughts." Pulling myself up onto the side, I crossed my bare legs and watched him pick up some underwear from the side of the bed.

"You've been doing' that a lot lately." He said, his voice soft, eyes not quite meeting mine.

"You noticed." My voice was harder than I had intended it to be, and it made him look at me. At least I'd got his attention.

"Of course I noticed Rhea, 'ow could I not?" He frowned, and looked down at his hands.

"Oh I don't know. I just didn't think you had time to notice that sort of thing anymore."

He stopped what he was doing and started to walk towards me, "Rhea, I always 'ave time to notice stuff like that."

I stayed silent as he came closer, and leant back onto my hands that were flat against the hard, cold wood. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Not answering his question, I asked one myself, "Alex, will you kiss me?"

His mouth opened slightly, then shut again. His eyes seemed to cloud with confusion, but something flashed across them that I didn't quite catch. He came closer until his legs brushed against mine, and he was close enough to touch my bottom lip, gently pulling my face towards his. Lips touched mine, and I molded mine around them, searching for something that was missing. Nothing. I pulled away and turned my head to the side, looking out of the window at the cold early morning light, "You can't even kiss me properly anymore." A leaf spiraled past the glass, and out of sight, falling away from my memory, "Are you really so desperate to leave, you start days early?" I asked, my voice hard and sharp.

He sighed, "You're bein' ridiculous."

I snapped my head around at him, sitting up straight. He took a step back, "Don't tell me I'm being ridiculous."

He looked away, his mouth set in an unforgiving line, nothing left of those full lips I longed to kiss again. My hands turned into fists, nails digging into the palm of them, "If you've wanted me to leave, you could have just said. You don't have to keep pushing at me, until I take the hint and topple over the edge." I got down, making him move out of the way, and pulled off his sky blue lacoste which I had slept in. I had hope to keep it, but maybe not anymore. Snatching up my bra, I twisted it around my body, and began to clip it up. If this was what he wanted, then I sure as hell wasn't going to stop him. I didn't have the strength to stand and fight for him to stay, not now anyway.

"Stop it."

I carried on and pulled the bra on all the way, my back still to him.

"Rhea stop it. I know what you're doin', an' I want you to stop puttin' on that fookin' bra an' look at me." His voice was utterly serious, and I froze, my muscles tense. "Turn around."

Slowly, I turned my body to face him, looking hard at his eyes, my face set. "Fine, if you want me to kiss you properly, I fookin' will. You wanna know why I've been barely able to touch you in the last few days?" He took a step forwards, I could smell his skin and my tongue darted out to lick my lips." Well I'll tell you then. I'm worried that if I let myself get too attached I won't be able to step out that bloody door. You 'ave no idea 'ow 'ard it's been not to fookin' smother you. I'm afraid that if I let myself, I won't ever let you go, an' I'll scare you away. You won't be able to breath, an' neither will I."

My breath shuddered through my nose and into my lungs. I took a step towards him until we were chest to chest. More calmly than I felt, my hand came up and grasped his jaw, pulling it closer to me. I could feel energy tingle through my fingertips "You don't get to make those decisions for us."

His eyes darted, looking into each of mine, "Then who does?"

I shook my head gently, "We do."

There was that split second where everything slowed and warped around us, time stopping still just for us. Then like someone cracking a whip, the moment was split in two, and my body jolted as he roughly pushed me against the wall. His hand slammed down flat against the plaster above my head, and his teeth collided with mine as he roughly kissed me. I was being crushed between the wall and his body, but I revelled in it, wanting him to let go and take me. Take me away one last time until we saw each other again. He angrily pulled me closer, and I wrapped one leg around his waist. Skin slipped against skin, lips sliding against each other. All the words unsaid in the last few days were translated with each touch, and I moaned as he sucked at my neck. Slipping his hand behind my back, he yanked my bra off, the material cutting into my flesh, and let it drop to the floor, moving his mouth away and down. I dug my fingers into his hair, and silently cried his name, my mouth open and silent. He came back up to find my parted lips, and pulled me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. Slowly we stumbled to the bed, falling down in a muddle of hunger. He leant over me and buried his head in my chest, nuzzling and kissing me. I let him until I could take it no more. Breaking away from him, I pushed him down flat, leaning over him and bit my lip hard. He just looked so good, I wanted to devour every part of him, mind, body and soul. He was mine, and I was going to make damned sure he remembered me the whole time he was away. His breath caught in his throat as I lowered myself down onto him, taking him away once more, where all he could see was me.

_/\_/\/\_

The sharp beam of sunlight caught my eye, and I turned my head away from the window, back to the empty room. Lazy tornadoes of dust motes swam in the air before me, and I blew at them, making them twist into a frenzy. There was a quiet laugh from behind me, "Playin' imagine are we?"

I smiled slightly, and grasped my hair into a knot, sliding the stick through it, as it was held in the silver curve, "Well you've got to do it sometimes, or you might forget how."

"True." He came a little closer, and I walked over to him, meeting halfway through the room. "You ready?" he asked. I nodded, and leant forwards to put my face into his neck. He wrapped his arms around me, and held me for a minute, before I pulled away, "Come on, you're going to miss your plane."

He sighed, and went to hold my hand, "If only." I didn't say anything, and in silence we descended the stairs, locking the door behind us, and getting into the waiting cab. The taxi was to take us both to Heathrow where I would say goodbye to him and the rest of the boys, then it would take me back to Sally's.

Over the past week, more signs had started to appear that he was leaving. On the 16th, he'd had an interview with Jo Whiley on Radio Two, then there had been the rising excitement of their fans online, and of course there had been the packing. I hated that the most. Watching what small, temporary home we'd made, just being taken away once more. I should be used to it by now, that toing and throwing from one place to another, god know's I'd done too much of it myself. However, this time it was different, like we'd made something permanent, something we both craved. Well, it wasn't there anymore.

R U Mine? was being released today, along with the little music video Focus Creeps had thrown together for them. It had been fun to film, and even Jade and I had, had a part to play, dressed up as cowgirls, and looking generally ace. Listening to their previous stuff on Suck It and See, I now realised that it was rather different to what they had been doing before. I had mentioned this to Al, and he'd simply shrugged his shoulders and said, "Summet of a new start right." He'd also been working on something else, I had only heard small bits here and there. He said it may be a B-side for R U Mine, when they released it on Vinyl on National Record Day. I was excited to hear it, as he had hinted it was another one based on me. I told Mam about it, as it had been long overdue that I had a good talk with her. She couldn't quite believe it at the start, but had soon got around to the idea, saying that I should watch out to not let my ego expand past the natural boundaries. I agreed with her wholeheartedly, Alex had simply laughed when I told him. Mam also asked when she was going to meet him, and had been frustrated to hear that she probably wouldn't meet him for a good few months. That brought me around full circle. Not only would she not see him, but neither would I. Looking at the cost of flights to see him, had been a blow to my heart. The cost was just insane, there was no way in hell I was going to be able to afford it, even if Seb had added an extra zero to what he paid me, the sneaky bugger.

"What're you thinkin' 'bout love?"

I looked away from the window of the cab and back at him, running my eyes across his face, memorising each line, "Everything."

"Even that bird that jus' flew in front of us?"

I smiled slightly, blinking and looking back out of the window, "Yes, even that small blue bird…" My voice barely carried, and I turned my head back to him, not sure if he heard me. My hand went to my neck where I knew a love bite marked my skin. He placed his hand on my leg, and gave it a small squeeze, "You alright?" I watched his fingers on me, and wondered whether I should lie, "Not really, but I'll manage." I always do anyway.

"Yes you will, an' that's one of the things I love 'bout you." He said this slowly, and it took a while for it to sink in. "One of the things?" I asked, my voice halting.

He nodded, and brought his hand to the side of my face, "Yes, one of the things." He whispered. I glanced towards the front of the car, at the back of the drivers head. I couldn't do this now, not here. "Don't make this harder Alex, don't say anything else." I leant over and wrested my head on his shoulder, and he put his on top of mine, "Ok." I swallowed and closed my eyes, the bumps of the road jolting every bone in my body. I felt like I could fall apart any minute, just the tiniest push, and I would shatter, falling down to the floor,scattering on his lap. Opening my eyes again, I watched the houses blur past in the light of the day. It would be Spring soon, new starts, the flowers budding. It was the time of year where I started to walk more, enjoying the crisp feeling of life against my red cheeks, going down to the duck pond to watch the baby swans take their first paddle. They were small things, but some of my most cherished memories happened around this time of year. The spirit of Spring slipped into your soul, reminding you that there is always new life just waiting to rise out from Winters death like grip. And even then, when the time came around again, you would welcome the chilly winds, and frost's masterpieces on your window. Because without everything, we have nothing.

We eventually arrived at the airport with plenty of time to stare out of the window, and wonder if we just stayed here, who would stop us? I pushed this thought away. Just off to the side of the doors into the huge building, I spied the others' minus their other halves. They were leaning up against the wall, enjoying a smoke before they embarked on their flight. My hand crept to my seat belt and I unclipped it, freeing myself, and opening the door. I heard Al do the same behind me, as I stepped out onto the concrete. I smiled and waved at the other's as they made their way over with their luggage piled on their trolleys. They were going to meet the rest of their entourage when they arrived in America, as the tour buses had been brought over days ago.

"You alright?" Matt said as he neared me. I couldn't help myself and ran forward to give him a hug, which he gave back in full force, "I've been better." His smile was understanding, "I know, we all could be."

I turned to give the others hugs, though not as big as Matt's had been, they were definitely more full of something than they had been before. Especially Jamie's. I had been chatting to Katie quite a lot recently, and it seemed that it had rubbed off on him. Pulling my coat tighter around me, I crossed my arms and watched Alex, with a little bit of help from the others, load his luggage onto a trolley. I ducked my chin into my collar so that it obscured half my face, and turned full circle looking around. There were many people walking, and sometimes running, around us, flying away, coming home. I watched a family walk out of the doors, two children hung off the man as, what I presumed to be his partner, walked beside them smiling. They practically radiated joy, and I couldn't wait until that was me. Welcoming him home again. I turned back as I heard Nick call my name, "Rhea, we're jus' goin' over 'ere." I nodded and followed them to the sheltered place they had been before. Alex took out a cigarette, and lit it with his lighter, which had Suck It and See inscribed across the front. I watched his fingers and leant up against the wall next to him. He turned to me and smiled, letting a stream of smoke curl out of the corner of his mouth, the wind took it away, and it disappeared against the white sky. I reached out and took his hand in mine, "You'll phone me as soon as you can right?" I asked quietly, not wanting my question to carry to the other's ears. He tilted his head to the side, taking another drag, "Of course." We stayed like that until he had finished, and it was long over due that we part ways. Tactfully the other's bid me a last good bye, and started into the building, leaving us alone for what time we had left. I watched a shrub bend under the wind over his shoulder, while the silence stretched, what the hell were we meant to say?

"There's summet in your bag for you. It were your Valentines present, but I never got to give it to you, then I forgot 'bout it until last night."

I looked at him in surprise, "You got me something? I've never...done Valentines presents before. I just assumed we wouldn't do anything like that." I closed my eyes briefly, "I didn't got you anything. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's alright. One of them hasn't cost me anythin', an' the other I were goin' to get you anyway." He smiled as I widened my eyes, "You got me two?"

"You'll understand when you see them."

I shook my head, "You and your little presents. You know I'm going to start expecting one everytime you go on tour now."

He stepped closer, and brought me into his arms, "That's fine with me, as long as you're waitin' for me when I get back."

I breathed in his scent, and suddenly my throat seemed to close up. Tears started to pool in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly. Not now, just a little longer and then you can let it go. "I'll be waiting. I promise." I managed to get out. I swallowed again and wrapped my arms around his neck, "Now you really must go, you're going to miss your plane." I couldn't help myself, and a lonely tear rolled down my cheek, "Oh god Rhea.." He wiped it away, and pressed his mouth hard up against mine. I held onto him so tight, and he me, that I could hardly breath. We finally broke apart, and I looked into those eyes of his, "I…" I started, my tongue went to the roof of my mouth, ready to shape that letter L. But something stopped me and I just couldn't force it past my lips, "...I'll miss you." I whispered out. He didn't seem to suspect anything, and brushed his lips against mine once more, "An' I'll miss you." He stepped away, putting his hands to his trolley. Hesitating, he darted forwards, and gave me one last brief kiss that left me standing, frozen in place. As he walked away, I waved, then put my hand to my mouth, holding back the shout to tell him to wait. To stay. I watched until he was in the door, then turned away, walking back towards the taxi.

When I got in, I instructed the driver on where to go, then pulled my bag towards me. This time I couldn't wait until I got home. This time, he wasn't just away for four days. While the cab moved away from the airport, I triumphantly pulled out a package that had been placed right at the bottom of my bag. How the hell had he gotten it in there, while I didn't notice? Dismissing the question from my mind, I ripped the silver paper off it. I gasped, and let out a small laugh, putting my hand to my mouth. He remembered. In front of me, sitting in the seat of my lap, was a polaroid camera. There was a few bits and bobs like ink for it, and also a folded piece of paper. Picking it up, I unfolded it to find there were in fact two pieces, one that looked like a note and the other that looked like a song or something. Frowning I read the note first,

Rhea, by the time you read this I will probably be on a plane, flying further and further away from you. The thought of this saddens me more than I care to admit. Hopefully I have kissed and held you long enough that you know that I can't wait to be back with you.

I know I have been quite distant in the last few days, and I apologize, we all have our ways of coping with things, and this is mine, to push you away. And I am sorry I'm like this. I see that it hurts you, and I wish I could bare to comfort you, but I'm so afraid I won't be able to let go. You have no idea how many times I have thought of just abducting you away form here. Away to some distant place where no one can find us. No tours, no shows, no Circus Space, no gig's, nothing. Only you and I. But then I would remind myself that all those things are part of who we are, part of our life, as much as we are now part of each other's lives. And that is how it must stay. That is why I have left you these. I was supposed to give you them on Valentine's day, but that kind of got overrode by other things, things that were more important. So I give them to you now. The camera is to remind you of our time in Paris, those two nights with you were the best I'd had in a long time, and walking down that street with you telling me about how much you wanted to have a polaroid again, well, I just couldn't help myself.

The poem is unfortunately not by me, but by somebody who changed my life. I first heard it one mind numbing school day when my English teacher at the time, decided to read it to us. It was like nothing I've ever heard before. It made me look at everything so differently, see things from so many different angles. Just like you. I wish I had time to read it to you myself, but time is short, so you will have to do with my handwritten copy. Thank you for the past weeks, they've opened up so much more to me. You've opened up so many knew things for me.

I'll miss you, Alex xxx

I looked back out of the window, and held back a small sob. A couple of warm tears dropped onto my wrist, I watched them trickle off and slide onto the seat next to me. The bastard. The fucking heart breaking, selfish bastard. He knew he had me in the palm of his hand, and now to write me a letter like this, then give it to me on the day he was to leave me for months. Well, all I wanted to do now was curl into a ball and hide. My gut twisted, and my hands clenched into fists. I was so fucking done. Blinking rapidly, and pursing my lips together, I reached for the second piece of paper that had the poem on. The title made me gasp. I knew exactly what this poem was. Moving my eyes down to his writing, I began to read again.

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner

breathing in your dust

I wanna be your Ford Cortina

I will never rust

If you like your coffee hot

let me be your coffee pot

You call the shots

I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat

for those frequent rainy days

I wanna be your dreamboat

when you want to sail away

Let me be your teddy bear

take me with you anywhere

I don't care

I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter

I will not run out

I wanna be the electric heater

you'll get cold without

I wanna be your setting lotion

hold your hair in deep devotion

Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean

that's how deep is my devotion

With shaking hands I laid it down on my lap, and closed my eyes. Rubbing my thumb against the paper, my mind flashed back to the first moment I'd met him. All those new things I had noticed about him, they way they'd captured my attention like nothing else. I wonder, if I had known back then what the future held, would I still have walked over to him? If I had known how hard and fast I would fall for him, would I have still brought him home, letting him talk me away into his imagination? Back then that was the sort of thing I avoided the most, I didn't want to let my walls down. As typical as it sounds, I'd believed that feeling that way for someone made me weaker, less able to stand and live. Who could blame me really? And now? Well all I know is that he's made me say and do things that never would have crossed my mind before. Things that make me strong, and more of who I am. This may not last long, it may be a fiery few months where we take up everything of each other, but god know's I wanted to find out. I wanted to find out if we would be able to last just a little longer than Summer. Our relationship had been born in the middle of Winter, when we are the coldest, and most alone, un-wanting. If that didn't say something about us, then I didn't know anything anymore.

"Seperated

There I face it

Love like thunder

Love like falling snow"

-Electricity-Arctic Monkeys-

Thanks for the views and comment, Sav x