They had took Natalie out the back way, avoiding the people who had been waiting to take her picture. Even as they pulled away there were only a few waiting, giving Natalie the feeling everyone had expected her to be in the hospital longer.
Her mother had come to get her and they jumped into a cab, heading towards the place Natalie had once called home. The ride back was silent even though all she wanted to do was ask her mom what the doctors had said. They had pulled Veronica aside while Natalie was getting ready to leave and spoke with her quietly, only stopping when she walked up.
When they finally pulled up to the house, Natalie saw the cameras before her mother did but didn't care. Everyone seemed to want her to stay hidden away, like she was some dirty secret that needed to stay locked in the closet forever. She looked straight at the camera as they took a picture, her face looking lifeless as ever.
Her mother was the one who started screaming and yanked Natalie into the building and down the hall and to the apartment.
She stood planted at the door even, as her mother took her own shoes off and headed towards the kitchen. Natalie looked around at the place expecting it to be a mess with garbage and bottles everywhere. Her mother may have not been drunk at that moment but Natalie still had her doubts.
"Well come on sweetheart."
"Sweetheart?" Natalie couldn't help but scowl at her mother. Never in her life had the woman addressed her with such enduring words. She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh at the gesture of punch Veronica in the face. "Since when do you call me that?"
"Since I realized how much I took you and your brother for granted."
Her gut feeling was telling her something was off and Natalie didn't believe a word that her mother was saying. She didn't move from her spot still, staring at the woman who was still waiting for her to come in and make herself at home, like old times.
"I am going back to my apartment in a few days and getting my job back." It was only a half lie, Natalie was eager to get away from her brand new mother and from the apartment she stood in now so that she could be alone. Going back to the bank, however, was something she wasn't sure was ever going to happen, but she needed to test the waters with her mother, to figure out what was really happening.
Natalie knew her kindness was a cover for something else. It always was.
"Let's worry about that later. Your room is all set up the same as before and I brought some of your stuff over. Your landlord contacted me once you…" she looked away from Natalie, not finishing her sentence.
"Were with the Joker?" Natalie finished for her.
Veronica's body tensed and her eyes slightly widened. The two women, stood still, staring at each other for a minute until Natalie's mother cleared her throat and started to back away from her daughter slowly.
"I just need to get a few things done before Tim gets home." she didn't wait for Natalie's response, just took off down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door shut. Tim wouldn't be home for another few hours and Natalie expected she wouldn't see her mother until after then.
She took another look around before kicking her shoes off, leaving them in a pile in front of the door. Slowly, she walked through the living room and down the hallway, past her mother's room and then to where she use to sleep. Most of her stuff was in boxes on her dresser but besides that, everything in the room had been left the way she had it before. Natalie shut her door and locked it, before digging through the box of stuff, until she found what she was looking for.
It was at the bottom of the second box she looked into, packed neatly below all the other useless junk her mother had brought over. She pulled it out, holding it up like it was something to be worshiped and sat down on her bed, still holding it above her.
The familiar feeling of the black case against her fingers sent a shiver down Natalie's spine as she gently opened it up and let out a relieved sigh. Her razor blades were still there, kept as neatly as she left them before. She held one between her fingers remembering the feeling of the blade slicing her skin.
'I didn't want to be back here. I didn't want this.'
She quickly slipped off her pants and let one leg hang off the bed, the other crossed over it. She studied her scars, reliving each moment she created them, remembering the pain she had eased. The pain she held now however, seemed more unbearable than the rest. She had dreamt of her father's death and her own hands killing Nicki so many time, it didn't make her feel sick anymore. But the Joker's rejection made it all seem pointless now, like there was no reason to be breathing on this earth.
Sure she had Tim, but she could already see the change in him. He had grown up in the short time she was gone and was happy where he was. He didn't need her anymore like he used too, he was able to stand on his own two feet.
Another wave of relief ran through her , finally feeling unburdened, knowing her brother could handle himself. The feeling only stayed for a moment until something else starting rising to the surface. She felt like an empty shell, lost and wandering alone. Natalie had lived a life for everyone else and now, there was nothing left but the room, she had longed to escape her whole life, and a body full of scars.
Her mind traveled to the Joker again, the ghost of his fingers against her skin burned like he was truly there.
'He doesn't want you.' she reminded herself, with a heart that, ached harder.
"But I want him." she wept softly, longing to get back the small bit of freedom he had given her.
The razor blade didn't feel right in her hands or against the skin on her thigh. She didn't want to use the small blades anymore, she yearned for something else, something she could wrap her fingers around. Natalie's other hand traveled up to the healed wound where, his knife would sink into while they slept.
Everyone could see it now and truthfully, she wanted them too. She was sick of hiding her scars and hiding the truth about her past and what she wanted.
She moved the blade up to her wrist and held it in place for a moment before sinking it into her skin and slicing down. Natalie fell onto her back and turned her head to look at the blood running down from her outstretched arm.
Without even realizing it, Natalie opened her lips and let sounds of sick laughter as she watched the blood drip onto the clean bed sheets.
No one said a word as they ate supper together. He mother had prepared enough food to feed an army and yet Natalie could barely eat any of it, she didn't want this food or to be sitting here with these people.
Her brother shoved fork fulls of food into her mouth while Veronica stared at her daughter before finally speaking.
"Natalie aren't you cold?"
The question caught her a bit off guard and Natalie found herself looking down at her tank top and shorts before staring back at Veronica with a raised eyebrow. "No."
"I just thought maybe...you would want to put on a different shirt or a sweater? Maybe a pair of pants?"
"I'm fine."
Natalie noticed Tim had stopped eating to watched the two woman speak to each other, their mother wearing a forced smile and Natalie's eyes glaring towards her. She watched Veronica's eyes flick down to her arms and chest and then back up, holding her breath and not letting it go. It took a moment to understand what was going on.
"Do my scars bug you? You want me to cover them up?" Natalie's voice and eyes softened a bit, knowing her mother would be more truthful if she felt less attacked.
"It's hard to see them." her mouth cleared her throat before taking a sip of water. "But yes I would like them to stay covered."
Natalie paused for a moment feeling the rage build up. This is who she was, not some pretty princess like her mother expected of her. They didn't want her to be like this, beautiful broken and fucked up. But this was her true colors and there was no turning back from it now.
"That's too fucking bad."
Veronica choked back her drink and stared at her daughter, this time wide eyed. Her mouth opened and closed, searching for the words to respond but Natalie beat her too it, the frustration still rising, like it always seemed to do now.
"I am going to walk around, showing every single mark I can because that's what I want to do." she stood up, pulling up the leg of her shorts, showing her scars off, including the bottom of the J. Her mother was breathing heavy, trying to fight back something that Natalie wasn't sure of. She didn't care either.
"Natalie sit down." Veronica finally growled out. "Stop this right now."
"You going to make me?" Natalie felt a smirk gradually spread across her face at the thought of her mother forcing her to do anything. She knew what the Joker would do in this situation. He wouldn't back down from anything, only letting the truth hang free.
An even sicker thought crossed her mind suddenly and without hesitation, Natalie went with it. "What are you going to do if I don't? Call my daddy on me?"
Her mother stopped for a minute for a minute before looking over to Tim with, clenched teeth. "Go to your room."
"But mom…"
"Now Tim!" she shouted at him causing Tim to jump up and scurry away.
Veronica stood up, staring at her daughter intensely. Natalie thrived off of it, the fear radiating from her mother was driving her further and further to the edge of no return. She was done hiding things or shoving them to the side like before.
"Did you think I forgot mother?" Natalie chewed on the inside of her cheek, feeling her arms begin to shake.
"We should have sent you to Arkham." her mother continued to stare at her.
"Then why didn't you?" Natalie grabbed his shoulder and squeezed hard, digging her fingers into her mother's skin. "Why did you bring me back here?"
She could already tell the next words coming out of her mother's mouth would be a lie so instead Natalie let go of her and walked over to the cupboard, reaching back and wrapping her fingers around the bottle, she knew would be there.
"Old habits die hard?" she waved the bottle before setting it down on the counter and pulling out a glass. She cracked open the bottle and poured it almost up the rim of the cup while humming to herself. When she turned back, her mother was still in the same place but her eyes were locked on the drawer beside Natalie. She looked to Veronica and then back to the drawer before slowly opening it up and reaching it.
"Worried I might want to demonstrate how much I remember about you butchering my dad?" she held up a knife and leaned back against the counter, studying the blade that felt so right in her hand.
"Stop this." her mother's fear had reached an all time high and continued to climb the longer Natalie held the knife between her fingers. She wanted to feel more of that fear, see more of if in the eyes of the woman who had never care about her or protected her from harm. The selfish woman who paraded around, acting like she was the best mother in the world.
The smirk had left her face and was replaced by something entirely different. She could feel her tongue darting out of her mouth, searching for the scars that weren't there. It was like the Joker was in her head, egging her to go further and further with her madness.
"Avoiding the question won't make it go away mother. But we both know that right?" Natalie dropped the knife in the sink and picked up the bottle and glass, walking closer to Veronica. "So come on, just say it outloud. Say what you did to daddy dearest, just admit it."
She could see the hate, the anger and tension in her mother's eyes. "No, I won't say it."
Natalie slammed the bottle and glass down on the table, making the plates shake and not breaking eye contact once with her mother once. Slowly, the laughter in her mind began to get louder and louder until she Natalie realized she was laughing out loud like a maniac.
"I was going to end up like you. Wasting my life away, drinking, fucking random men, overdosing and being a shitty mother until the Joker took me. I feel more alive and free now than I ever had before. He saved me from being a murderous bitch like you." Natalie reached down and pushed the glass of booze closer to her mother, smacking her lips together. "Glug glug Veronica. Don't let it go to waste."
Natalie pushed herself away and heading towards her room, stopping only when she saw Tim's door slam shut. She stood in place for a minute, her old, caring self chiming in on what she should do.
'You're hurting Tim! Stop this craziness.'
The sound of her mother's sobs came from the kitchen, only stopping as she took a sip of her drink. Natalie let out a happy sigh and licked her lips, moving again to her room. She knew she should feel bad about hurting everyone around her but the truth was, she didn't care anymore.
She was free.
First off, big apology for not shouting out to everyone who reviewed before! I really hearing what everyone thinks so big thanks to spillmycanvas, JSblackWidow and gotmoreissuesthanvogue for reviewing the previous chapter AND also gotmoreissuesthanvogue (again! :D), Daydreamer003 and AllyKat15 for the reviews this past chapter. I'm really happy that I seem to be doing a good job at painting a realistic picture for everyone in regards to Natalie and the Joker and that everyone is enjoying it!
Also if you haven't checked it out yet, a link to the trailer for this story is on my profile (if you have trouble PM me and I can get it to you) and also there is a playlist that has every song for each chapter on it. This chapter title comes from the song 'Control' by Hasley, a song I have always associated with this story!
Happy reading :)