Note: May cause exposure to false hope. You've been warned now.

***

Kurogane stops in his tracks.

Beyond him, on the path, a man with blonde hair stands before Fai's grave wearing a long, thick black jacket, warding off the light autumn rain. In his hand he holds a simple flower, on his face a reflective expression, and as Kurogane's feet stop, crunching on the gravel, he looks up.

He stops too, eyes staring widely in surprise.

'Kurogane?' Yuui says slowly, rust built over time held in his voice, not without an element of shock and uncertainty.

'…Yeah,' Kurogane responded, feeling uneasy speaking to him after so long.

So long he had no idea how Yuui would react…

He smiled, speechless, not sure how warmly to greet him. Instead he asked, 'Did you come to visit Fai? His grave?'

'Yeah…' Kurogane replied, equally speechless. Then decided to be the one to say it. 'It's been a while…'

'More than seven years,' Yuui said, voice as light as the wind. A strong and independent tone yet the message it carried was weak, desperately fragile…

'How have you been?' Kurogane decided to ask, walking towards him.

To have met around the same place they'd separated seemed an unlikely coincidence and yet, there Yuui stood, more solid than ever. A warm and welcoming look lying behind his eyes.

'I've been alright thanks,' he replied. He stares down towards the grave, the name 'Fai Flowright' embedded in stone. 'It's been very difficult ever since he died but I managed…' He stayed there, the silent mourning behind his voice remaining present for the time being, a sadly contemplative look gracing his face…

Kurogane didn't respond.

Yuui looks up, a heartfelt smile upon his lips, speaking with life and strength, 'How is Japan? Are you here visiting?'

Kurogane almost felt guilty at the lack of bitterness in that voice.

'Yeah, I'm visiting dad. He's moved but I decided to come here for the day,' Kurogane said standing in front of Yuui. He smiled simply, holding the flower in his hand out towards Kurogane. He took it and carefully laid it upon the grave, remaining on bent knee and staring sternly at the headstone for a while before finally sighing and standing up again. 'He was too young.'

Yuui looked towards the headstone, lips pressed into a difficult expression. Eventually he raised his head and looked towards Kurogane. 'Do you have anything else planned for today?'

Kurogane shook his head. 'No, I was just going to look about a bit.'

'I was thinking we could have a coffee and talk,' Yuui suggested without the immature shyness Kurogane was certain his voice would have carried at a younger age, 'I'm free today so I've got a lot of spare time.'

Kurogane broke into an unsteady smile. 'Sure, why not…'

***

Yuui took them to somewhere small and quiet, quite nearby. He seemed to be a regular there, the kind who would sit in the corner and read, breathing in the rich calm and aroma. Being a weekday, there was barely anyone there and they settled themselves into a warm corner, away from the biting chill. The small room filled with sofas and low wooden tables had a type of relaxing atmosphere that Kurogane hadn't experienced for a while in the bustling anxiety of the Tokyo metropolis, although these surroundings seemed to fit Yuui very naturally. Comfortable and laid-back, he purses his lips, thinking, almost shy, as he leans back into the seat, clasping his cup and smiling lightly towards Kurogane. It's in this soothed state of mind that they both find their tongues unravelling, spinning seven years' worth of events.

When Kurogane had first moved he'd started a desk-job at a government building, which he soon grew incredibly tired and frustrated with. He'd applied for a job in translation, having fluent English, and left after almost two years of being paid a pittance for what he considered to be dull and mostly pointless routine. Working part-time as a kendo teacher to children, he'd taken up a job in a gym, moving on to work as a lifeguard at the nearby pool. However he'd soon quit that too since the work reminded him too much of the past he was still trying to leave behind … he never mentioned that in his retelling to Yuui. Currently a job as a subway driver was keeping him financially afloat, in a position of agitated instability.

Yuui's position had been much different – for nearly all of the time they'd been apart he'd been in further education. He'd received his degree in Chemistry, one of the top students to graduate in the subject. He spent the following years after this either abroad or doing a teaching degree, having suddenly taken the fancy and growing to like the idea. Throughout that time he'd had several part-time jobs to support his studies and worked for the majority of the holidays with no family to return to, but other than that he had no real working experience. It was only recently that he'd started a job at a local secondary school. Currently they were in the October holidays.

'We went on to lead such different lives,' Yuui commented, sipping at his mocha, now nearly drained.

Kurogane nodded, feeling awkward sitting across from him. The old memories were reawakening and he could picture more vividly than in a long time Yuui's lips pressed to his own, his tongue and soft skin hovering uncovered above his own. If it had been meaningless then it simply would have been embarrassing but the problem was the fact that it had meant so much more to them both. Older, coming face to face with the other half of his adolescent love/hate relationship, he regretted ever having done it. A fragile, hormone-ridden body, he'd been lost in his own emotions at the time without any control over the situation.

It also felt strange somehow that Yuui wasn't angry with him in any way. Looking back, even Kurogane felt completely idiotic for leaving him, very nearly for good, at his brother's funeral. He bit back the guilt and extra doses of regret, holding it from his eyes as he told Yuui about his work as a kendo teacher. He taught to various ages, unlike Yuui who was a trainee teacher at a high school and taught science to teenagers.

Talking with him like this, Kurogane began to feel under the surface of his skin elements that were different and things that hadn't changed, not even after so long. For example, Yuui's calm yet confident demeanour was new to Kurogane – the way he would make small and precise motions, smoothly. Placing a cup down, crossing his legs, drizzling milk into his mug and the methodical, light tapping as he stirred with his spoon, listening attentively. The wise light behind his eyes and the sharper edge to his face gave him the appearance of being altogether more mature, leaving behind those clueless times almost completely. Still, Kurogane could easily pick out things that were warmly familiar to him, things it appeared would never change with time. His friendly laughter, the way he would look away as he thought, taking his time, his sense of humour… all these things rushed back to Kurogane in a flood of memories. He could barely catch a single drop in his hand; he became taken in and encompassed by those events that had passed. And yet for their warmth he welcomed them.

However there remained an element to Yuui that was both very similar to his old self and true to this new adult. Perhaps it was the most important element to consider: his smile. Every time he smiled towards Kurogane an unfamiliar sense of soft and tender sympathy and connection came over him. The part that was familiar could by felt by tracing the smile back to the root and finding that it had no real origin, detached from his emotions. Perhaps it even linked to that dark and empty place in him but the fact still stood that the smile was fake.

Although as their conversation wore on Kurogane began to wonder how much the new nature of this smile was affecting him. Slowly, steadily, feelings emerged both old and new. His friendliness, his wit, connected to their shared past, began to stir inside Kurogane's chest. And with this dull and uneven feeling came the sharp realisation that Yuui was beautiful now. More so than as a teenager, unsteady and uncertain. Now his confidence, his sharper eyes, face, his graceful motion and quiet warmth gave him an unsurpassed quality, a sense of divine beauty. In comparison Kurogane felt like he'd taken several steps backwards. Sure, he'd kept fit – exercise was a regular routine, a part of his life that he'd maintained since childhood – but in terms of progression, of attractiveness, Kurogane felt like a dulled metal placed against shining silver. And it wasn't as if this feeling had been growing, it was only here and now that he had noticed he had lost a certain amount of vitality. Before, he'd had no problems picking up women if he'd felt like it but now… he was unsure if he'd made a terrible mistake somewhere in his life.

Yuui's vibrant eyes, sparkling blue, took in the sight of him once more, face clutched in smooth and immaculate fingers, and his lips perked into a lovely smile. He closed his eyes, tidying mugs and spoons to the side of the table with a mind deep in thought.

He then turned to Kurogane. 'There's something I've been wanting to show you… something I thought you might want to see if you ever came back.'

***

His flat was also nearby, a comfortable walk from the café, chatting along the way. Opening the door, the room beyond was dark and Yuui sighed as he switched on the light, watching the dusk through window. Kurogane took his shoes off at the door, a force of habit.

Yuui padded about the flat naturally and gave a welcoming smile. The carpet was cream with lightly coloured walls, sparsely decorated but still in good taste. Everything was very neat, well kept. It was clear that Yuui, although not a cleaning freak, was a tidy person, trying to maintain a certain degree of order.

'Do you want a drink?' he asked pleasantly, moving into the kitchen. 'Another coffee?'

'No thanks, I- ,' Kurogane started.

'An Irish one?' he said, picking out a bottle from a cupboard with a sly smile.

Kurogane smirked. 'Forget the coffee.'

They both shared a knowing smile before Yuui started moving about, picking out glasses. Once they were both sitting on his sofa, once the cat was fed, Kurogane asked him, 'What did you want to show me?'

Yuui paused, looking down before setting his glass down on the coffee table and leaving the room.

Kurogane was left alone in the living-room with the fluffy grey cat and the sights of a place he'd never been before. Nothing looked cheap but that didn't add up since Yuui had only just started working… settling down into the comfortable cream sofa, glass in hand, he put it down to either an excess of savings or a good eye for furniture.

When Yuui returned, he was carrying a red box made of wood and looking like it was about to fall apart. He placed it on the table, sat down next to Kurogane who was sitting upright once more, waiting, and lifted the lid. Inside was contained all manners of paper and junk.

'Fai started collecting a few things that were special to him in here before he died,' Yuui explained, pushing it towards Kurogane to pick through.

Rifling through the contents, he skimmed past notes, photos, musical pieces and lists of books and films as well as the odd object – a USB, a DVD… He picked it up and Yuui smiled towards him encouragingly, although Kurogane wasn't too sure what he was encouraging…

'He really liked it. He seemed really pleased once he'd seen it. Thanks for helping me make it,' he said, voice soft and reflective.

'No problem,' Kurogane responded, flicking back seven years, as if they were still young, pretending they'd never been apart.

The words were blocked passage, like a closed dam, the speech welled up behind, shut away, with no way to get out. Kurogane didn't understand what it was he needed to say to Yuui. So they sat there in silence.

A wisp of gold hair pushed away, light as air, eyes peering nostalgically, glittering, a sweet smile as a note is read. Kurogane finds himself staring more and more as they rake through the contents of this box, spying into the past in remembrance of a brother and a friend.

'His music teacher told him he could be professional if he continued to work hard,' Yuui reflected, tracing bars he couldn't understand with elegant fingers. Kurogane takes a breath in, feeling guilty, before turning away.

'Would he ever have considered it?' he asked.

Yuui stared forwards, thinking with a sorrowful expression and stroking the cat on his lap absent-mindedly. 'I think by the time he came to consider it, he knew that he wasn't going to live for that long. He enjoyed writing too, but I suppose I spoilt that for him…'

Kurogane had forgotten what he'd meant by that. He didn't bother asking and it was only several days later as he replayed their conversation in his head that he finally figured out what he'd meant. The English teacher.

'But he was always very passionate about music,' Yuui continued. 'It was his outlet.'

Kurogane nodded, moving on to more items, happy pictures of younger, care-free days. Half of them were dead.

'That's when we all went bowling, isn't it?' Yuui asked cheerily, pointing at the picture and laughing at the memories they both procured.

Although Kurogane felt strange looking at these pictures… now that he was dead, he seemed to realise very painfully how similar Fai and Yuui were. And yet as he stared towards Yuui he felt that same sense of individuality, the familiar throb of attraction within him that he'd never associated with Fai. What could have been… it was only an illusion that Yuui's future may have been shared with Fai.

By the time the lid was placed upon the box once more, Yuui's eyes had a strange look to them, glazed over. He propped his head in his hands, looking as if he wanted to cry but the tears had been lost years ago.

Finally he attempted a smile, picking up the two glasses and moving for the kitchen. Kurogane got up and followed him.

'You didn't have to come with me,' Yuui smiled, 'I was going to come back through.'

'I know…' Kurogane stated, leaning in the doorframe, staring towards Yuui, taking in his graceful and unimposing beauty.

Yuui stared at him for a moment, slightly confused, then resumed, deciding that it didn't matter where they were. He handed him another glass of whiskey, picked up his own and raised it slightly. 'To Fai, wherever he may be,' he said solemnly. And after a moment's thought, 'And Hayley, who's keeping him company.'

Kurogane nodded, clinking his glass lightly against Yuui's, tipping back. He stood there contemplatively. Not wanting to interrupt, Yuui leaned against the worktop for a while, sipping and staring, a delicate and considerate frown upon his face. Finally, having drained his glass, he set it down and made to move past Kurogane.

He grabbed his wrist.

Yuui whipped his head around, surprised. He looked towards Kurogane in confusion. He merely closed his eyes, breathed outwards, set his glass on the nearby table. When his eyes were open once more, he stared towards Yuui with a strange, hard focus, which was returned curiously. Something about it seemed apologetic, as if there was something that needed to be done, no protests or queries. Kurogane took Yuui's shoulders and pulled them closer to him, leaning forward to kiss him.

To begin with, Yuui seized up, shocked at the suddenness, but as this abated, his heart fluttered, he began to melt and he felt himself kissing back, hands slipping around Kurogane's neck.

Different from when they were young, the experience had drained of its excitement, replaced by something softer, keener. The pleasure remained though, both of them realising that they were still deeply attracted to one another. Not only that - that the bond between them had remained unbroken over time.

Kurogane pulled away, taking Yuui's shoulders once more, frowning, staring away…

'What's wrong?' Yuui asked, lifting a hand and placing his fingers lightly against Kurogane's face.

His frown deepened. 'I shouldn't have done that.'

Yuui stared towards him softly and sympathetically, smiling and running his finger down the side of his face. 'There was nothing wrong with that,' he reassured the grimacing man before him.

'Yes there was!' Kurogane snapped, grabbing his arm and throwing it away, ripping them apart.

'Well you must have wanted to do it,' Yuui argued, trying not to raise his voice, annoyed and confused.

Kurogane glared at him then marched through to the other room, sitting heavily on the sofa.

Yuui moved to follow him and stopped himself. After a few seconds given to compose themselves, he slipped through into the other room, sitting silently down beside Kurogane. 'There's nothing that needs to happen,' he said, voice hovering in frustration, 'but I'd thought you'd always felt that way.'

'We were young then,' Kurogane stated bitterly.

Yuui flinched, accused of something. A long-standing dream dismissed as nothing more than childish fantasy. His eyes narrowed.

'There's someone else. I'd have carried on but it wouldn't have been right,' Kurogane admitted solemnly.

Yuui stared towards him, the statement sinking into his skin uneasily. Tensed up, he was silent for a while. 'I understand,' he finally said with an imitated warmth, eyes looking strained and damp, not even trying to hide the fact that he was heartbroken, Kurogane noted almost guiltily.

'I'm sorry for messing you around like that,' he replied, standing up.

'Are you leaving?' Yuui asked unsteadily.

'I'd better…' Kurogane said quietly, moving to pick up his jacket. Yuui followed. 'And thanks for today,' he said to him, frightened to look in his eyes.

The other did the smiled softly and faintly, only making himself seem even more upset in the process. His stare reflected something that held a timeless quality within him; a dream turned into a nightmare, he decided to preserve all that was good in their time together.

Yuui opened the door for him to leave.

'Take care,' he said with a small smile.

Kurogane nodded as he left. 'You too.'

The door shut. And Yuui stood on the other side staring at it for a long time.

***

Walking to the train station, the way he'd reached Fai's grave, remembering the town so well, Kurogane shuddered.

Having moved on, he'd found himself back where he'd left his old life. Even now he hadn't been able to resist his feelings for Yuui. It nearly made him feel sick – uneasy at the way he hadn't felt like himself. Of course Yuui was a wonderful person, smart, kind and beautiful, but Kurogane thought that he'd buried that attraction a long time ago, that he'd left it in the past.

As it slowly rose to the surface again, Kurogane trudged through wet leaves, wanting to escape, to have some form of control over his life once more. At the very least he had that in Japan.

***

Yuui flopped on to his bed, head lying partially buried in sheets and staring towards the ceiling from time to time. He could feel tears pricking in his eyes and that dark hole within him slowly eroding his soul, expanding beneath his skin. Desperately, he tried to scatter those tears, drive away his sorrow.

In the end, he succumbed, snatching the remains of the bottle and returning to his bedroom, sobbing into his bed. An opportunity longed for, hoped for, arrived after seven years. Lost. Slipping through his fingers like water, leaving only a slight commemorative dampness.

He falls asleep, reaching for shards of shattered dreams, too far apart to pick them up.

***

Note: Told you.

I just can't be kind to them, can I? But if I've not told you already then I promise a happy ending =)