Chap. 21: Tired

Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends;
Why do all good things come to an end?

Why do all Good Things Come to an End -Nelly Furtado

His tired, frustrated aura radiated around the room. I could feel it as he sat down and gazed at me, a smile forced upon his handsome features. I felt guilty. He was supposed to be outside, hanging out with his friends or studying for his entrance exams, not here wasting his time telling me the crap I would know -if I was healthy- that happened in school.

I was a burden. I hated that.

Despite my inability to talk, he would always guess my emotions correctly and effortlessly.

" Don't feel bad Liz, I'm fine."

No you aren't you dumbass, go out and enjoy the cool breeze. I sighed, if only I could talk.

" A lot happened. Tyson managed to make a clown in front of the whole school during recess again. It was embarrassing." He continued with his summary of the day as I lay there in my ward like some idiot.

I felt his hands touched my mine as I gripped it. It wasn't supposed to be like this, we were supposed to be outside now, getting detention helping the cleaners to rake away the dead golden leaves; we weren't supposed to be here like this, we were supposed snuggle in bed and enjoy the warmth and comfort of each other; he wasn't supposed to be here, suffering.

" Lizzie, you will get well." He soothed as tears rolled down my cheeks like how they did every so often now. He wiped them away, like how he would do whenever I cried. My heart ached, I felt sour and pain. I gripped his hand tightly and sobbed.

I know crying wasn't going to help my condition but worsen it, but I found myself unable to suck it up and say 'Hey, this is nothing compared to other people' or something like that. I couldn't.

I knew it, there was no hope for me. Someone like me didn't deserve to live, I was only dragging behind the people I loved. A worthless person like me should probably just leave.

My arm slowly rose to touch the IV drip wire that connected me to it. I gave it a weak pull before being stopped by firm, cold fingers.

" Don't be silly." He glared at me. I stared back, ignoring the tears staining my face and his sad expression. Before he could react, I pulled away the oxygen mask away from my face.

" LIZZIE OLENSKA!!" He shouted as he pressed it firmly against my face. I didn't care. I struggled on, fighting back his grip as I kicked the bed furiously. Using all the strength I could, I tugged the mask apart and tried miserably to scream. But all that came out was only a wheeze, something barely a pathetic whisper.

" NO!!" He yelled but I clung onto him, pulling him closer with all the strength I could muster, preventing him from leaving. As I cried in his arms, I heard him call for the doctor. Who the fuck cared if I couldn't live on now? I was nothing more than a parasite, a burden.

" FOR LOVE OF ALL MS. OLENSKA!!" I heard the nurse scream as she broke me and Tala apart. I fought back, my hands trying to reach out to him, to touch him, to feel him. I didn't want to be apart from him, I wanted to hug him again like how we always did. Why did he have to leave me? He retreated slowly, obviously repulsed by my ruthless actions and hideous face as the nurses pinned me down and connected me back to the oxygen tank. I sobbed for him, but he wasn't there. Instead, all I got was a lecture from the stupid nurses. I tuned it all out, my teary eyes staring at the door that was wide open.

He had disappeared.

I was alone, again.

-

I ignored the cautious stares I got the nurses as they shut the door. I closed my eyes, unused to the new feeling that the nurses had to strap my hands down in order to prevent me from doing something silly.

" I hope you don't do anything else silly." Ms. Connie glared at me, her eyes full of moist that were threatening to fall as he used a warm cloth to wipe my face that was full of tears.

" You are a good kid, don't let this get you down. Besides, you have your guy, don't you?"

He left me, I wanted to say.

" Now stay put while I go dump this basin o' water, okay?"

She sniffed before closing the door. I sighed.

What would Tala be doing now? Happy that I was now insane? He'd probably think 'Hah! I knew this would happen. Now that I'm free of her, I'll party till I die' or 'Man that Lizzie Olenska is such a pain in the ass, thank god she's gone now' or something like that. I didn't deserve him, I was worthless, a piece of ragged cloth whenever I stood beside him, who was the prized possession of the crowd, the gem of the social circle.

I sighed, tired.

Suddenly, Maxine came in. My eyes widened in surprise.

" Hello Lizzie," she greeted, coming closer.

She took out a syringe and pierced it through the IV drop. I stared at her.

" Everything's fine, I'm just obeying orders. The nurse told me to do this." She smiled. Somehow, the smile seemed so wrong.

In a few seconds, I felt my consciousness slipping away from me as my eyelids drooped.

" Sweet dreams, Olenska."

Mukuchi ni naruhodo suki yo yasashii sa doushitara mieru no (I love you so much I can't speak, so how will you see my kindness?)
Dakishimete motto tsuyoku atataka na mune wo shinjiru yo (Hold me tighter, I believe in your warm heart)
Sayonara solitia (Farewell, solitaire)
Ashita he (To tomorrow)

Sayonara Solitaire -Chiba Saeko

Don't own the songs.