CH 21 High on surgery, High on love

Derek was surprised by how confident Meredith looked when she stepped into the O.R.

Granted, he'd already witnessed enough of the demeanour of authority and control she was demonstrating since her return to know that the army had definitely changed her, made her more assertive. Her perfect handling of the crisis situation the day before spoke for itself.
But after her reluctance to work in with him that morning, he hadn't quite expected her to burst into the O.R. like she owned the room.

Especially considering that however much HE had insisted they work together, and however much he was looking forward to this, he was extremely nervous himself. He had been particularly shaken at the realisation moreover, that the O.R. they were operating in now was the same one as their last surgery before her transfer.

The surgery where he had informed her of his decision to stay with Addison, the wretched decision that he judged was responsible for ruining his happiness. So he was nervous. And expecting Meredith to be as well. But apparently, or so it seemed; she was absolutely fine. In total "kick-ass no nonsense military surgeon that is ready to rock any surgery" mode.

And that unnerved Derek a little.

First of all because on some egotistical level of his mind, he was rather hurt that working with him didn't seem to affect her as much as it did him. And also because, as well as all the personal crap between them, the last time he and Meredith had scrubbed in together, she had been the intern, and he had been the expert. But now, she was an attending.

It was a change he embraced; he wanted her to have a brilliant career, and he was thrilled at her success. But all the same, it was a bit daunting, all that had happened since then. She was his equal as a doctor now.

"Dr. Shepherd?" she said, her voice steady. "Are you ready?"

He smiled "Always Dr. Grey."

He was struck by the sparkle of excitement that shone in Meredith's eyes as she took her place on the other side of the patient's brain while the scrub nurse fitted her with loupes and a head set. He didn't think he had ever seen anything so breathtaking as Meredith's passion for surgery. If only she could look at him like that...

But now wasn't the time to think about that.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives everybody, lets have some furn. Dr. Grey, if you would do the honours?"

Meredith looked mildly surprise at his offer she make the first cut, but nodded curtly before extending her hand out to the assisting nurse.

"Ten blade."

As Meredith made the first cut, Derek felt his pulse quicken slightly. Here we go!

-

Two hours in to the surgery, and everything couldn't have been going better.
Derek shepherd was in complete and utter awe. He had heard how good Meredith was from his colleagues, but even he was stunned by just how extraordinarily skilled she was proving to be.

More than the stifling talent she had evidently inherited from her mother it was Meredith's personalised technique, the rapid fluid movements of the scalpel that seemed to dance in her hands that made her truly remarkable as a surgeon. Watching her work was absolutely amazing.

He remembered her statement, after their first surgery together, with Katie Bryce; that she didn't know why anyone did drugs, because surgery was such a high in itself. And watching her work, it was clear that that high was still there for her, that this wasn't just a job. Anyone could tell from looking at her operate that she was soaring, and it was a spectacular sight to behold (as well as quite a turn on if Derek was being honest). And Derek could tell from his surroundings that he wasn't that only one who felt it.

Interns, nurses and attendings alike watched in silent awe, the entire room and the gallery above spellbound by the pervading atmosphere of silent majesty enveloping them.

It seemed the entire hospital had gathered to watch this surgery. Doctors that had been unable to free their schedules before the start of the surgery stood uncomfortably in the Gallery above, not wanting to miss anything, even if it meant stiff backs and legs later for standing hours on end without moving.

Down in the O.R., place was scarce as well. The few interns that had been allowed to scrub in were slightly cowering under the glaring gazes of their colleagues above, jealous that they hadn't gotten a chance to observe the operation up close themselves.

All in all, there had been several reasons for the attraction. Word had quickly spread, through the ever gossipy rumour mill of the hospital, that Derek Shepherd, the well respected, renown Head of Neurosurgery was finally scrubbing in with the new transfer he had so violently slandered behind her back. Whispers had started to emerge, as well, about their previous relationship, when one of the old nurses had realised that the brilliant military transfer was none other than the poor fragile intern that had gotten caught up in Dr. Shepherd's messy marriage. And others were just in awe of watching these two brilliant surgeons operate together, the general admiration only increasing when it became clear how well they worked together.

The connection was staggering. Each seemed to read the other's thoughts on how to proceed rather than need words to express them, and the coordination of their skilful movements as they both worked on their patient's brain, made the whole thing look more like an art than a surgery.

The entire experience was so powerful however; that it was getting to the point of interfering with Derek's focus.

If he was honest with himself, he had no idea how he had made it this far. Standing at such a close proximity to her for the first time in so long, close enough to breathe in the overwhelming lavender of the conditioner in her hair, to feel her breath tickle his skin, was leaving Derek anything but unaffected. Feeling the familiar tension rising in the muscles of his thighs, Derek was suddenly very happy that the lower half of his body was concealed by the operating table. He could feel the sweat slowly gathering at his temples and down his neck, as an intense heat started to engulf him despite the rather cool sterile air of the room.

No, this couldn't go on. Derek shook himself slightly and tried once again to focus on the organ before him, instead of the bewitching presence at his side, but not to much avail.
It seemed his hands were struggling not to shake, his pulse throbbed loudly in his ear, and he struggled to keep his breathing in check.

He was so in hell right now. But, oh how sweet hell seemed from where he was standing...

Dr. Shepherd was completely unaware however, of similar concerns arising in his colleague's head only a few inches away.

The truth was, despite her calm, professional demeanour, Meredith had never felt such a confusing sensation of drugging thrill and raging lust as she did now, under the combined influence of her surgery high, and the presence of Derek Shepherd at her side.

She had definitely been right in foreseeing that their connection would be even stronger than during her internship. She had never felt this amazing in her entire life as she did in this moment, and that realisation scared her to death. And now, because of it, she was definitely having trouble concentrating.

As always when he was near her, her heartbeat was rapid, and her cheeks flushed. The hairs at the back of her neck stood on end, constantly alert. A warm heat enveloped her, and she wanted to do nothing more right now than to melt on the spot. Preferably in Derek Shepherd's arms.
Suddenly, acting on instinct her gaze shifted; chancing a glance at him.

Oh crap.

That was a mistake. BIG Mistake. Stupidest thing she had ever done.

Because as their eyes crossed, she was immediately struck by the depth of his bewitching gaze, digging relentlessly into her soul. And his eyes, always a deep sapphire blue, had at this moment a slightly darker shade in them, the same shade they had used to take when he was aroused. And it definitely didn't help with her concentration.

Derek gulped at the flash of desire he thought he had seen in Meredith's eyes. But it couldn't be. As he tightened his grip on his scalpel, forcing his concentration on what his hands were doing he reasoned to himself. It couldn't be. He was imagining things, caught up in his own whirlpool of lust. She was pissed at him, quite rightly so, not looking at him with desire.

He sighed quietly to himself. He was gonna need a cold shower after this.
His breath hitched as he caught another gush of Meredith's scent.

Make that several.
-

Up in the gallery, a concerned George O'Malley turned to Christina Yang, and whispered quietly to her, so as to avoid being overheard "how long do you think Mer and Shepherd are gonna have eye sex over their patient's brain before one of them snaps and jumps the other?"

Christina snorted.

"I don't know Bambi. But it's getting a little preoccupying." She paused smirking slightly. "Though I must admit, I didn't think she had it in her, eye sex over a patient's brain. Hot. Just when I think she's boring, she rises."

George scoffed at Christina's comment. "I hardly think it's intentional, Chris. Look at her face, she's completely flustered."

Christina frowned thoughtfully, playful mockery gone taking in, like her friend, the slight flush that garnered her person's face. To the unknowing eye, it would have appeared inconsequential, but they were her family, they knew who she really was under her protective shell.

"In all seriousness though, we have to watch out for her O'Malley. We can't let McAss screw her up again."

George turned to her again, as if hesitating to say something.

"What?"

"I just...I may have threatened him to watch his back." he admitted reluctantly, as if expecting her reaction.

Christina fought the urge to laugh but her face gave away her hilarity. George O'Malley threatening Derek Shepherd? This she wished she could have seen.
"What d'you say?" she asked, interested, and still vaguely amused.

"Told him if he ran Mer out of the country again, we'd kill him."

"Good." said Christina curtly, serious again.

George hesitated. "Though, you know Christina..."

"What?"

"Do you think...Do you think he really loved her? Shepherd? Or do you think he was playing her?"

Christina looked thoughtful for a minute as if unsure to answer honestly or how she wanted to, which was by bashing Derek. "I don't know O'Malley. But what I do know is he hurt Mer bad. And her life wasn't a freakin' walk in the park to begin with. I don't think I can ever forgive him for that whatever his intentions were."

"But do you think, ...do you think there's a chance he could make her happy? Even now?"

Christina looked at him sceptically, to which George added "I mean, I know he's a jackass, but just look at them Chris. Do you seriously not see something there?"

Christina gazed down in the O.R. and reluctantly admitted to herself that George was right. The intensity of whatever was going on between the two was undeniable. She sighed.

"Honestly George" said Christina, addressing her friend by his first name "I think Mer loves him too much for her own good. It's my opinion he's a sorry excuse of a man and Mer should castrate him for what he did. But you know her; she doesn't see the world in black and white. Never did. She believes that good people do bad things. So I wouldn't put it past her to cave, however much she's fighting it now."

"And you don't want that?"

"I don't know O'Malley!" she cried frustrated. "I don't want my person hurt again."

"But if there's a chance it could make her happy?"

"I'm too scared it will break her again." she replied honestly. George looked at her sadly, understanding and sharing her concern.

"You know," he said eventually, "you should give Mer more credit Chris...she's a strong person."

"She is." admitted Christina "probably the strongest person I know, though if you tell her I said that Bambi, I'll kill you. But she has one weakness George, one kryptonite. She's hopelessly in love with the damn bastard." and the two once more fell into silence, contemplating the scene before them; and wondering what they were going to do.

Most of the observers in the gallery had been and were too absorbed in the surgery to catch the hushed conversation between the two residents, all remaining impervious to the matters discussed focused instead on the medical miracle that was taking place in the OR below.

But George and Christina, remained unaware of the curious eyes and ears of the person directly behind them, taking in everything of their whispered exchanges.

As their conversation ended, Mark Sloan backed slightly in his seat; likewise returning his attention to the surgery below, smiling slightly to himself. If her closest friends were this concerned on how affected Meredith was, than this was going to be easier than he thought after all.