A/N: I return without further ado. Happy birthday nevvy! :D And a happy birthday to my wife, my life, my everything nice, Enbi.

I now post chapters as they get completed on my discord, link on my profile.

Instead of Kindness

Sasuke didn't know what to think about the letter calling him back to the village.

He assumed it couldn't mean anything good, and although he loathed to discover what it was about, there was a small part of him that almost looked forward to it. He didn't listen to this part of him very often, for good reason.

It made it all the easier for his expectations to breed disappointment, and Sasuke was more than a bit tired of disappointments, enough to last a lifetime.

Still, he thought of Kino and how it was her he looked forward to seeing again the most. He wondered how time apart had affected her, if her feelings had changed and she was glad he was gone. He winced thinking that. It was the worse case scenario, considering he'd left the Uchiha estate to her for reasons beyond being charitable, but it was a scenario that could happen.

Kino was not the average person, there was no telling what was going through her head half the time, and though he'd tried in the past to understand her, he still didn't get why she was so dedicated to him in the first place. Unexpectedly, it made him feel insecure in their relationship-a relationship he wasn't even really sure how to describe.

Sasuke couldn't call what he felt for her to be love. He didn't know if he was capable of such things after everything he'd been through.

Because he'd spent the majority of his life fueling the hate in him, after coming to be competent in the power he'd done everything to obtain, he felt awkward, uneasy, scared to be trying at something so different. Something so unlike him to entertain the idea of.

He could never be like Naruto, who embraced happiness after hardship like it was breathing air to him. Sasuke was bitter, jealous, uncontrolled in his fury, angry at everything and everyone, and-lonely-seen as undesirable company.

He didn't love her, and didn't even want to try to.

He was, instead, taking advantage of her and the companionship she readily gave, taking it all without a thought, tying the rest of her life to his in plans she hadn't agreed to yet but that he was almost certain she would.

Him, the remains of a massacred clan, and her, a girl who's emotions had been destroyed by the very one who'd devised his family's death. It was so fitting, in an ironic sense, that he hoped it was the both them who ensured the survival of his clan. Spiting the dead monster with that outcome was the cream on top in this case.

It could have been that anyone would have done, that he could have found what he needed with Sakura, or some other girl who was willing to overlook his reputation.

But at least it was her, who wouldn't try and ruin him, who didn't see the depths of his decayed mind just yet, and...

At least it was her who he thought might be nice to kiss again.

散々嫌になって

Kino sucked in a breath and fidgeted with the pin in her hair, suddenly more nervous than she anticipated. Ino had helped pull her black hair into braids that had been rolled into a bun. She had even said Kino looked cuter than normal, but somehow it made her worry it was the wrong appearance to have as a shinobi.

Especially the wrong appearance to see him with. Maybe it was a bit... strange? Strange in that she never dressed up more than necessary, affixing herself to mission parameters or plain, understated clothing. What if she looked weird?

"I change my mind!" Kino said, realizing that this might just be too much for her.

(And wouldn't he be angry when he was told she'd been the one who requested his return?) Somehow, her own anger seemed small in comparison. Or, better described, dissipating in the fear that he would begin to hate her.

She had to go back to the Hokage, tell him to rescind the letter.

"It's okay to change your mind," she muttered, her fingers still twisted around the pin, about to pull it out. "Ino does it all the time. That's what Sai said." Though, Kino had rarely seen her do it; Ino always came off more as the decided type, someone who made choices and rarely regretted them.

Panicked, Kino pulled out her diary and wrote, I wish I were a lot more like Ino! And Sakura—both of them are so much stronger. To be so firm and commanding—

"I leave and come back to you wanting to be like them?"

Kino's hand paused, and her entire body stiffened before she tilted her chin up to meet his gaze.

"Sasuke," she said softly, the pen falling from her fingers and rolling onto the desk. Then, realizing she'd forgotten to address him properly, she added softly, "-san."

He smiled, the sharpness to his gaze a welcome sight after having been without it for so long. Her breath caught, her heart jumped in her chest, though for entirely different reasons than before.

"Kino."

Holding his gaze, she had to wonder where her anger vanished to. It couldn't be that emotions could evaporate so easily, could they? No. Instead, they were replaced with the almost physically palpable relief that sunk a sigh through her lips.

"Sasuke," she said again, and then, surprised at the blurriness to her sight, laughed. It was through a thick voice that she stood from her desk, took his hand into hers and said, "Welcome home. I've been waiting. "

He was quiet for a moment, his gaze caught on the sight of his hand in hers, and she stared at it, curious what he found so interesting. It was perhaps the first time she noticed how big his hand was in comparison to hers, how it took two of hers to clasp one of his.

She laughed. It seemed like the sort of thing to do. "I'm still smaller."

"Yeah," he agreed, his shoulders slackening before he pulled his hand away. She was disappointed but the emotion didn't last—he used his sole arm to wrap it around her waist and pulled her to him. He let his chin settle on the top of her head, adding, "you're still small."

Kino took it as permission to do what she really wanted; she slung her arms around him and pressed her face into his chest, memorizing the textures of his clothes, the scent of his skin, the sensation of his warmth affecting hers. She sighed, feeling herself relax for the first time in a long time.

Of course, it had to be ruined with him pulling away.

He gave a pointed look at her diary. "What's that?"

Kino weighed the options she had as a response but found her silence stirred his curiosity further. He went to pick it up and Kino reacted on instinct, sweeping the book off her desk and pressing it against her chest.

"It's..." Kino didn't know how to describe it.

"Private?" he guessed, his brows raising. Sasuke almost looked amused by her.

"Yes," she whispered. "It helps me work through my thoughts."

"I'm glad," he said, stepping away from her to look around her room. "It's still plain. Don't you want to decorate it?"

This baffled her. "Decorate? What for?"

"Honestly, I'm of the same mind when it comes to my own things," Sasuke admitted wryly, and with a subtle smile she couldn't help but marvel at. He'd never appeared to be so relaxed as he stood before her now, his posture casual and his expression natural.

Kino's lips lifted up unthinkingly. "I decided that I like clean rooms without clutter."

"That's self evident," he noted, in a tone that she suspected meant he was doing it jokingly.

"You're a bit... different," she said, attempting to remember the version of himself she knew better.

He raised his brows. "Have I?"

She nodded and then stepped in close enough to brush her fingers against his cheek, lifting up the hair that covered the rinnegan eye. "I sense calmness within you."

His hand went to cover hers, and she blinked at the chill of his fingertips. "You're different too."

"I feel different," she whispered, twisting her fingers around his before coming to hold his hand in her palms. Silence hung in the air as she rubbed warmth into his skin, until she mused, "Cold hands are owned by those with kind hearts."

His brow lifted and his lip curled in a hesitant smile. "Why do you say that?"

"On a mission in the past... I encountered an aged woman who told me that. She explained that it's because people with cold hands are too busy looking after everyone else to realize they need to be looked after too."

"How old were you when this happened?"

Somehow, she was surprised he cared to ask. "I was twelve."

"It's a nice notion," he said, eyes on their joined hands. "Do you believe in it?"

Kino stilled, contemplating it. "A kind person is capable of having warm and cold hands, and so is everyone else. Cold hands is perhaps a trait of someone forgetful of themselves, but that in itself doesn't represent kindness."

"Hm." Sasuke looked away from her, pulling his hand away to gesture towards the door. "It's about dinner time, isn't it? Should we eat out?"

"I haven't cooked in a while," she murmured, already heading in the direction of the kitchen. She turned to smile at him, trying to convince herself that he was actually there. "Let's stay inside for your first night back home."

It was here that he began to look awkward and out of place, glancing from her to the walls and floor, his shoulders tensing. "Yeah, home," he whispered, as if he hadn't wanted her to catch it.

Somehow, it made her sad to hear the uncertainty held in his voice, and sadder yet when she realized then that he would not stay in Konoha with her forever.

It was only a matter of time before he left again.

でも好きになる

Language Guide;

散々嫌になって - sanzan iya ni natte - thoroughly full of hate

でも好きになる - demo suki ni naru - but becoming loving too

These lines are lyrics from a song called As You Like It/お気に召すまま/oki ni mesu mama by E ve. Which, after Kenshi Yonezu's Shunrai, is the best bop of 2017 for me. Check 'em out.