A/N: I enjoyed writing this chapter its near and dear to me so be kind…but honest. No song in this one yet there is a poem which I wrote…and you can't take okay? LOL, I trust you all not to steal it…anyway this chapter took me forever to write and I am in love with it. Please, please, please review rapidly and long on this chapter I really want to know what you think…this chapter is dedicated to someone who will never read this but I dedicate anyway to my friend Anna Lee…she is the best person ever!! Please review long this time…LOVE YOU ALL, CONVERSES ROLLED DOWN
Disclaimer: THE POEM IS MINE!!! THE OC IS NOT :-) Enjoy!
Marissa laid on her newly furnished, by Seth and Summer, bed and twirled a pocket knife around all her fingers to between her pinky and thumb. She paused and opened the pocket knife to reveal a nail file. She filed her nail so far it turned a bright pink; this wasn't the pain she enjoyed, or rather had enjoyed. She wasn't like that anymore; no she had changed.
"Well, hell Julie how do you expect me to care for her if you don't help out? (Pause) No I mean by like paying some kind of child support… (Pause)…You know why…I lost my job, remember that's why you left me…Damn it Julie I need help…I can't do this alone… (Pause) yeah she's fine…asleep in her room, she was out with Ryan… (Frustrated pause, like he was interrupted) Ryan is a good guy, and you know th…Julie calm down…can we talk about this later? I understand but…you're right I'm unemployed but that doesn't mean I am here all the fucking time…I do watch her…Ryan is good for her…no Julie if you want that done do it on, don't do something that's going to send her back into…Julie let me get a word in okay? I don't want her leaving me…because I don't trust Caleb with her…No I didn't mean…Julie…"
The rest of the conversation was Jimmy telling Julie to calm down, and not do something stupid. Marissa threw the pocket knife back in her drawer and turned on her side, crossing her arms over her chest at the same time. She dropped cold tears onto the bed sheets and wiped them up as quickly as they dropped…her therapist had told her to write when she felt like cutting, well she felt like cutting, and got out her journal shaking as she touched the paper with her pen. She wrote furiously hardly letting the pen off the paper:
It's In the Cut
Hot blood dripping leaving a cold stain
The funny thing is you love this kind of pain
Your hand slips over the fresh scar
These cuts make you who you are
No one can stop you now
Its time now to make that perfect vow
A lie never to do it again
Never let that razor touch you skin
But you want it, need that hurt
Everyone but you agrees you must convert
Into someone that isn't you
No one has any fucking clue
That you hate what you've become
Always experiencing the numb
Blood leaking
That love your seeking
It's in the cut
It's about keeping your mouth shut
(Yo this is copyrighted by me…so don't go stealing it!)
Ryan played "Halo 2" all night with Seth, catching up on his life. Not that much was going on now that Seth had Summer. He sat while Seth went over he and Summer's plans for the next day. "We're going out to the beach first, where I made a candle light dinner, then off onto the 'Summer's Breeze', off to the coast no where big. Then, now here is the best part, we are camping out in the woods."
"Doesn't sound like something Summer would want to do," Ryan said honestly.
"Eh, she'll love it."
"I hate this Cohen!" Summer screamed through the rain.
"Nah, come on give it a chance," Seth shouted back.
"I gave it a chance, and it still sucks."
Seth took her hand, it felt warm against the rain, "one more chance," he said delicately.
Summer smiled, and kissed him quickly, taking in the tenderness of his lips against hers.
Seth cracked the smile he'd held back for the entire trip, just being with Summer was just enough for him, "You want to go shopping?"
"Seriously Cohen," Summer wailed.
"Seriously...Roberts," her last name echoed down the mountain they had been camping on, for ten minutes.
"YAY!" Summer took his hand and skipped off to the Land Rover, "yay, for shopping!"
Ryan walked the distance to Marissa's apartment, and knocked gently on the door. Jimmy opened up the door, his eyes red from tears. "Mr. Cooper, what's wrong?" Ryan asked wanted to see Marissa right then!
"…It's Marissa, she…," Jimmy put his hand to his face, "she's in the hospital again…and they're not sure she'll…," Jimmy stopped looking deep into Ryan's face, "Ryan, they aren't sure she will make it."
"What the hell happened?"
"She just…I mean I…," Jimmy began to brake down, crying hysterically.
"Jimmy, just tell me what happened," Ryan put a reassuring hand on Jimmy's shoulder.
"I found her Ryan…I saw it…I saw all the blood, the eyes in the back of her head…I could smell the blood all day…I tried to clean it up," Ryan peeked inside the house, where in the back corner carpet was torn away, and revealed a deep set stain of royal red.
"Why?" Ryan could only conjure up enough breath.
"She…heard me on the phone with her mother, and we argued for a long time," Jimmy grabbed his temples rubbing them irately.
"Jimmy look at me."
"She did it because she heard me talk about her moving in with Julie and Caleb, and Julie would never let Marissa see you…I guess she put two and two together," Jimmy finally looked Ryan in the eyes.
The heat of tears was pulling Ryan under, "what hospital Jimmy?"
"City of Hope Hospital," Jimmy choked on his words, "I'll go with you; this isn't coming up anyway." Jimmy pointed back to the bloody stain outside Marissa's door.