Disclaimer: Unfortunately GA or the characters aren't mine. No infringement intended.

A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews and adding the story in your favorite's/alert's lists. Sorry I couldn't update sooner. If you remember Derek has started seeing a therapist, in this chapter we would learn Derek's POV through his discussion with his therapist. These are just some extracts from their sessions so there aren't proper startings and endings. Hope you like it.

A week later - Doctor Craig's office

"My work is my identity. I am Dr. Shepherd. I have worked hard to be where I am today. This is what I always wanted. This is what we always wanted. That is why Addie married me. When we first met I was just Derek, an ordinary guy in med-school with mediocre finance and large debt burden. Honestly I didn't even look that good in those days. And she was the Forbes Montgomery, smart, beautiful and classy. Everyone thought she was out of my league but we somehow clicked. She believed in me. She knew I was going to be a great surgeon one day. Our ambition and passion was what drove our closer. We used to spend hours talking about our future and imagining our life as world class surgeons. We both wanted the same things, so I really didn't understand why Addie started complaining so much about me working hard. She was a surgeon too and was equally passionate about her work. I expected her to understand. If she wanted a full time attentive husband she should have married someone else having fixed 9 to 5 kind of a job." Derek's workaholic nature was a big problem in their marriage so Dr. Craig had decided to address that issue first and thus Derek was now expressing his thoughts on the issue.

"Derek from whatever you have told me, she was very supportive in the beginning. Then why do you think she changed? Or did anything changed from your side? There is a difference between being busy and being indifferent. What made you withdraw yourself from your marriage?" Dr. Craig questioned.

"I really don't know. It just happened." Derek shrugged but then he realized that was the key problem and he had to find out why it happened. He tried hard to recollect the time when his feelings changed. But he couldn't pin point it exactly. "Initially her behavior used to disturb me a lot. After being in OR for hours I needed some peace at home but instead all she offered was nagging and hurtful words. After a while I got immune to it all and started ignoring it. Our home didn't offer any comfort anymore so I often preferred staying at the hospital."

"What were her complaints?"

"The usual. Why didn't I come home for dinner? Why didn't I show up at the gala? Why didn't I call? Why didn't I answer her call? Why did I take up that surgery? Why was I putting so many extra hours? And many more like those."

"Were you putting extra hours or had you always been working so much?"

"I, no we always worked extra than others that is why we are best. We needed more practice and more cases. But I started spending even more time at work after becoming head of my department. It was a new responsibility and I wanted to show it to our Chief that I was worth the trust he had shown. Being HoD was different from being just a surgeon. It was a new territory which involved more of administrative and management skills. I had to put extra efforts. By then I had also earned some reputation in medical field. People came from all over the country to get treatment from me. They had to wait for months to get my appointment. I felt guilty for making those sick people wait for so long. I tried to cut down the waiting period by working few more hours each day. Was I supposed let my patients die because my wife wanted to go out for dinner?"

"Your wife was a renowned surgeon and HoD too. Her field has more emergencies. How did she manage her work life balance?"

"Prioritization and delegation. That's what she tried to teach me for years. She mostly operated on cases which no one else could. She passed on less critical cases to fellow surgeons and just supervised them. She was always better at managing everything. She thinks I am a hard worker and she is a smart worker."

"You don't believe in prioritization and delegation?"

"People wanted best for them or their family members that is why they came to me. I couldn't turn them down or let someone subpar operate on a patient when the best was available."

"So your patients were your top priority. That's noble and selfless. But your wife thought you neglected your own family for helping others."

"I didn't. I did this all for them, for my family. It wasn't noble or selfless. I did care about my patients and did want to help them as much as I could but that wasn't the only reason why I worked so much. Being in OR made me feel like a god. It was a huge ego booster when my patients and their families also treated me like one. And every extra hour of work meant higher paycheck. And money does matter. It is easier not to care about money when you have a lot but life is difficult when you don't have it. I know it from my personal experience. My family was never very rich but we were doing okay, but dad's death badly affected our financial condition. We were five kids and mom was the single earner. She worked really hard to support all our needs. She tried her best to keep her problems to herself but we were old enough to understand what was going on. My elder sisters started small jobs without telling mom. I also tried to work but no one gave me any job at that age. Those years were very difficult for our family. That was when I decided that I wanted to be rich. I wanted to earn good so that I could provide comfortable and luxurious life to my mom. I wanted her to enjoy her life as Mark's mom or other ladies around us did. We all siblings wanted that and we are glad that we can take good care of her now. I often wonder how life would have been if dad was still alive. I didn't want my wife or my kids to go through what we went through after dad's death. That was why I didn't want to have kids until we were settled. I wanted to save enough money so that if anything happened to me they would at least be financially secured. So I started working harder when Addie brought up the topic of a child. I know Addie had her trust funds and was capable of supporting our kids on her own but I wanted to fulfill my responsibility as a father. I was working hard for future of my family but in the process I don't know how I became indifferent and abandoned the present with my family."

Derek took a pause and closed his eyes leaning his head back. After few minutes of silence he started speaking again.

"After a while it wasn't sufficient. The success, money, people's admiration didn't excite me as it once used to. I wanted something more, something challenging. I thought being chief of surgery would be the answer. But I had tough competition for that position, so I started working even harder. I also started focusing on research work. I was trapped in a stagnant zone and I was struggling to break out from that. I got so engrossed in my personal struggled that I didn't realize that I was pushing my wife away."

"That happens with many people, especially at this age. Midlife crisis! Now the important question is do you want to continue this way? You want to be a father so you better decide your priorities soon. There is nothing wrong in devoting completely to your work but in that case you may not want to start a family or at least you should clarify to your partner what your priorities are going to be."

"I don't want to be like this. For last so many months I hadn't done anything other than work but last two weeks were different. I and Addison spent all our evenings together. It was refreshing. I think it even helped me to work better. My work is important but that is just a part of my life not my entire life. I do want other things. These last two weeks have made me realize that. I want to embrace all aspects of life. I want to be the best father for my kid. I want to change. My family has always been my first priority and now I am going to act that way."

"That is good to know. If you are willing to change we could work on ways to improve your work life balance. For this week I want you to think about how you can do that. You may start practicing it from immediate effect."

Two weeks later - Doctor Craig's office

"So how are things going with Addison?"

"Sometimes they are good, sometimes just confusing. I am accompanying her to all her doctor's appointment. I am in regular touch with Naomi. So I know what is exactly happening. I feel more prepared. I was disappointed by the negative result but I think it was for better. It all happened too sudden. I mean a week before I and Addie were supposed to finalize our divorce and after a week I was in fertility clinic with her donating my sperms. I didn't even know her exact medical or emotional condition. But now I am fully involved. At least I know what is happening with her medically. Unfortunately I can't say that for her emotional condition."

"Is it because of your communication problems?"

"Kind of. She still isn't letting me in completely. On face of it she is all good. She is sharing every little detail about her treatment with me. But when I offered to give her daily hormone injections, she said she can manage it. I miss spending time with her so I asked going out a couple of times but she declined every single request. She then started avoiding everyone including me. She kind of isolated herself. She has built a wall around her. She always does that to protect herself from getting hurt. She was like this when we first met, but when we started dating, she slowly opened up and let me in. But now she is back to her old self and I guess I have to earn my way back in."

"Did you try talking to her?"

"Yes I did. I am not going to repeat our mistakes. I directly asked her why she was avoiding me. She said that was because of her hormonal condition. She is having mood swings and her patience level has gone down. She didn't want to risk saying something unprofessional to anyone so she avoided people as much as possible. But I am not people, she shouldn't be worried about saying anything to me. I told her that and she also promised that she wouldn't avoid me. But still she is holding back. She never asks for any help, she tries to handle everything on her own and not depend on anyone." Derek continued rambling. He couldn't pinpoint what exact problem was but something didn't feel right.

"She doesn't make you feel needy." Dr. Craig stated as matter of fact. Derek nodded in agreement sheepishly.

"Derek, she has been on her own for a long time. She has been managing everything herself not just after your separation but since New York when you were absent. You can't expect her to trust you just because you were nice to her for few weeks. Give her some time." Dr. Craig tried to explain Addison's side.

"You are right. I just hope she won't take too much time. I want her to have someone to count on once she gets pregnant. I don't want her to have to handle everything on her own. She isn't as strong as she tries to show. She needs me. We are going to LA again next week. It will be a short trip this time, just three days. We already have the frozen embryos. We just need to implant them. I hope the procedure works this time. Addie doesn't want to try again if it fails this time. I am not willing to give up that easily but I don't want to talk about that till the situation arises. Let's hope for the best till then."

A/N: Sorry there weren't any Addison moments in this chapter but i will make it up in next chapter (may be with some good news :)). Let me know your views on the chapter.