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Trinity Blood: Divergent Path
Chapter 19: Reason for Despair

Abel let Lilith help him back to their apartment. Despair pressed down on him. How was he supposed to keep that promise? He didn't want to lose any of those he cared about, but how? Lilith, their children, and all of those in the colony depended on him. What was he to do? Abel no longer had the answers he'd once thought were so clear, so plain.

"Come on," Lilith's voice was soft and sweet, "you need to sleep." Her hand was warm in his as she led him over to the bed.

Abel didn't make a move to sit down on the bed; he just stood there, looking at the floor. It was his fault. He knew it was his fault, no matter what Arthur had said.

"Abel?" Lilith ran her fingers over his hand.

"It's my fault," his voice cracked. "I know it's my fault." His eyes burned. He didn't want to cry. If he showed this side of himself Lilith might never want to see him again. But he had no one else he could turn to. No one else he could break down before.

Lilith sat down and patted the spot on the bed beside her. "It's not your fault, Abel."

"There has to have been something I could've done to save her!" Abel exclaimed, frustrated in himself. Frustrated that he couldn't have saved Sonya and then there was another emotion he wanted to ignore, to push away. The deep, creeping sorrow sank into his heart and burned at his eyes. The emotion spread through him and began to sink its claws into him. A single hot tear trickled down his cheek.

"It's all right," Lilith whispered. She pulled him onto the bed. Her fingers wound around his.

The tears came more freely at Lilith's words. Lilith pulled him into an embrace. He sank down, feeling as the sorrow pulled at him. He felt Lilith's smooth, warm fingers stroke his hand, pushing back his hair.

"It's all right," Lilith choked on the words. Her own tears hit Abel's ear and cheek.

It wasn't "all right." Abel knew none of it would be all right. Sonya's death was a mark to him that only more pain was to come. How many more would they lose? This war was pointless. The death it was bringing unneeded. Sonya was gone now because of the rebels damned geared, because the UN had refused to help mars in its time of greatest need. No, nothing was "all right." Not in this moment.

Abel wept. Lilith's arms were wrapped around him in a comforting blanket. She took his sorrow and pain, returning hers. In this moment, they shared their grief. And Abel felt more useless than he ever had before in his life.

What was the point of being so enhanced? What was the point of any of this? The discovery of the crusnik and bacillus had been a symbol of hope to the colony. Now, what was the point to it? Sonya had the bacillus in her and it had done nothing. She was dead now because of him. She was gone. What had been the point of coming to mars? What had been the point of trying to a better future when everyone was going to die here as it was? What was the point to any of it anymore?

xxx

Cain shivered, pulling his legs closer to his chest. Time seemed to have frozen. The days had blurred together until he was no longer sure how long he'd been in this darkness. All he knew was there was no possible way out of it.

"Giving up," Abel snorted, "just like you to do so. You're weak. You were always weak."

Cain clapped his hands over his ears. "Just go away," he moaned.

"Go away? I thought you wanted this," Abel stated.

Cain grabbed the cross Kayson had given him and curled up on the ground. He started to whisper words from the bible. He just wanted light, wanted to feel something other than cold, and wanted to see his real family again. He began to speak the words faster and faster, stumbling over a few. It was working. He couldn't hear the illusion 01 had conjured.

"Shut up!" 01 hissed. "That noise annoys us."

Cain didn't listen. He just huddled there, praying to a god he hoped would one day answer him.

"Silence!"

Pain shot through Cain. Crying out, the cross clutched in his hands, Cain rolled. Every inch of him felt as if it had caught fire. Shrieking, Cain writhed. The skin seemed to melt from muscle.

"Much better. Your cries, little pet, we much prefer."

The pain began to lessen. Cain stared at his hand. The skin was there once more, but it felt raw and burned every time he tried to move.

"Now, we wanted to tell you, we're going to destroy 02's host's happiness."

"W-what?" Cain gasped.

"He refuses to give 02 control. He must be taught a lesson."

"What are you…" Cain swallowed, "going to do to him?"

01 laughed, a cold; yet cheery laugh which haunted Cain. "We'll destroy his precious daughters."

"Daughters? No!" Cain shouted, struggling to sit up. "I beg of you, don't harm them. Please!"

"Go back to being a silent little pet. We've work to do!" The cold of 01's voice faded into the darkness.

"01, please, leave them alone. Leave them alone!" Cain stood on shaking legs. "Do whatever you want to me. Burn me if you want just leave my family alone! 01!" Cain shrieked the name until the words ripped at his throat. "Please," he whispered, collapsing on the floor. "Please don't."

Cain clutched the cross to him. His body shook with pain, fear, and despair. He would've been an uncle if not for this deal. If he'd been stronger, then-then Lilith's and Abel's little girls wouldn't now be in danger.

"Leave them alone," Cain whispered. "Leave them alone!" he shrieked the words to the darkness.

"We won't," 01 jeered. "We'll kill Elizabeth and Lilly before they're born. We can now thanks to your brother and that stupid woman of his."

"01, please," Cain pleaded with the darkness. "Leave my nieces alone. I'll do anything. I'm begging you."

01 didn't reply.

"Please, 01!"

Pain shot through Cain. Crying out, he watched as gashes appeared on his arms from nowhere.

"Enjoy your torment, little pet."

xxx

Lilith watched Abel standing near they pyre. His shoulders were hunched and eyes down cast. He wasn't crying. In fact his face was blank betraying nothing of the emotions he'd shown last night.

From where Lilith stood she could still see the red of tears in the whites of his eyes. Neither of them had slept that night. She'd held to him as if he'd been a child again and tried to comfort him. No matter what she'd said or did, he still blamed himself for Sonya's death.

Even if Lilith had known all his life, she hadn't ever expected to see Abel cry. In that moment last night the world seemed to have stopped. Abel had broken down and cried as if he were a child. She had cried as well. Now he just stood there, watching as the embers of the pyre died and holding a weeping Seth.

Lilith loved him more because he had been able to show her his emotions. At the same time she feared for him. He was taking this hard, placing all the blame of Sonya's death on himself. What was she to do? He was strong, but if he started to blame himself for every death of those around, then what?

"Abel," Lilith whispered, placing a hand on his arm, "we should head in. You two have work to do."

"You're right," his voice betrayed nothing to her. A careful façade hid everything from her and those around them.

"What about Arthur?" Seth asked in a soft voice. "Shouldn't someone stay with him and little Athina?"

Abel shook his head. "Arthur wants time with his daughter. I'm giving him leave to stay with her. I don't want him returning to duty for awhile yet." Abel's voice didn't waver. There was a blandness to his tones which sent a chill of fear straight with Lilith. She knew he was just hiding his emotions. But for how long could he keep up this act? It could very well break him.

"I'll leave the two of you here," Lilith said near the stairs. She kissed Abel and smiled at Seth, patting the girl's head. "I'll be in our apartment for awhile, Abel. If you're in any pain come to me or see Kayson. I don't want you pushing yourself today."

"I'm fine, Lilith." Abel gave her a small smile. "Besides I'm not going to be doing any physical fighting for a few weeks." He turned and waved before heading off down the hall.

"Is he all right?" Seth asked, holding Lilith's hand.

"He's strong. Just seeing Sonya die has affected. He'll be back to his normal self a few days, you'll see," Lilith tried to reassure Seth.

"All right. I should go as well." Seth walked off, heading away from Lilith and towards her work.

Lilith stood completely alone in the hall. She rested her hand on her stomach. Her mind clouded by worry and fear for her dearest love and for Seth. Both of them seemed so far off. She wanted to help them more, but couldn't.

"Hey, hey!" a shout sounded from the top of the stairs.

Lilith looked up to see Cain waving at her excitedly.

"Hey, Lilith." He stumbled nearly falling down the stairs.

A small laugh logged in Lilith's throat. "Wait there, Cain, I don't think you tripping down the stairs is a good idea."

"Right!" he nodded like an overly excited child.

Lilith mounted the stairs and stopped before Cain. "What was it you wanted, Cain?" she asked, shifting on her sore feet.

"To talk. Come, come," Cain turned and started off down the hall.

Frowning, Lilith followed Cain down the hall. He paused and a room before entering. Lilith sighed. She knew Cain wasn't going to pull something on her, but still this would be the first she was alone with him since he'd gone insane. Lilith stepped into the room.

The second the door hissed closed behind her. Pain shot through her arm. Cain threw her across the room before pouncing on her.

"Cain, what are you—" her eyes widened at the sight of 04's container in his hand. "It was you who fused Seth," she breathed in shock. "Why, Cain? Why?!"

An insane grin spread across Cain's once serious face. "Now, it's time," he began.

The needle slammed into Lilith's chest. Sheer, blinding pain spread through her from her heart. A twinge came before her abdomen. Crying out, pain filled her body, turning her veins to molten lava.

Lilith was dimly aware of Cain standing and laughing. Through the haze of pain she heard him say, "This is only possible because you wanted them to have a brighter future.

Shrieking, Lilith writhed. Her fingers clawed at the floor. The pain increased. She could feel as the crusnik devoured her precious daughters. Hot tears slid down her face. The door hissed closed in the distance. The pain began to ease. Lilith gasped, lying there on the cold floor.

The door opened as darkness began to pull at Lilith. "Lilith!" a familiar voice shouted.

Lilith gave into the darkness. When next she opened her eyes she was staring into a mirror. Her reflection was off. Instead of gold eyes the reflection had red, silted eyes and fangs protruding over her lips.

"We're deeply sorry," her reflections whispered. "We couldn't stop ourselves. Hunger drove us to kill them. We're sorry," the reflection repeated.

"Who?" Lilith's voice cracked. She forced herself to sit up and the reflection copied her.

"We're called 04, the youngest of the four crusniks. We know you keep 02 from taking over his host. We know you're his strength. We're sorry for taking your daughters. W-we couldn't stop ourselves."

"What do you…" Lilith trailed off remembering the pain she'd felt. "What happened?"

"Our kind need the bacillus to live," 04 whispered. "We use them as a food source, but they're so much more than our food. They're our friends. You're kind are the only ones who could hold us. The four us needed you and your family to be free again."

"What—" Lilith couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But Abel's still Abel and Seth is still herself. What do you mean?"

"We mean what we say. 02 can't gain a foothold on his host. The one you call Abel is too strong for even 02 right now. 03 decided long ago she didn't want to be in control as long as her host swore to watch over those with the bacillus."

"And you?"

"We've no wish for control. We've no wish to take more from you."

"What about 01?"

"01 is a power hungry tyrant. Just as 02 is a blood thirsty. The one you call Cain is trapped here within the darkness which confines us now."

"What? But then who's…" Lilith's eyes grew wide. "You mean to stay the crazy person running around now isn't Cain!" she exclaimed.

"We can't say," 04 whispered. "01 will have to say."

"What do you want of me?"

"To stop 01from getting 02 to fully take over his new host. We want your world to be the one our kind gets trapped on for as long as Earth lasts. We want to live in the darkness now and never again cause you pain."

"Wha—?"

"If you need our power, it's yours now. You are a crusnik, you are us. The words you must speak are 'Nano-machine crusnik 04, release of restrictions forty-percent, activate' or eight-percent. We'll be here when you are ready to speak, Lilith Sahl."

xxx

Abel turned to see Lilith had vanished. Frowning, he looked around the halls. He needed to ask her something. He wanted to know if-if what had happened last night would hurt them any. Abel started back the way he came. The only ways Lilith could've gone were up the stairs or back outside. He stood there for several long moments thinking on which way she could've gone.

After a while Abel decided to try upstairs. She had said something about heading back to their apartment after all. He headed up the stairs and caught sight of Cain walking away at a quick pace. Abel started after his brother.

A scream sounded from a nearby room. Abel paused. The screaming continued. It-it sounded like Lilith. Fear tore through Abel. He raced to the room and opened the door. His heart stopped at the sight of his beloved on the ground.

"Lilith!" Abel raced over to her and fell to the ground. His fingers pressed to her neck. Her pulse was weak. Her eyes closed. "Lilith?" Abel looked around the room. His eyes locked onto 04's container laying empty beside Lilith.

Shaking, Abel activated his radio. "I need a doctor now!" he shouted over it. "I'm on the second floor of the capital building first door on the left."

"On our way," Kayson's voice came to Abel.

"Lilith, open your eyes, love," Abel whispered. He touched Lilith's face, but she didn't react. "Please, my love. Please."

Soon Abel heard Kayson and the others arrive. "Move aside, sir."

Numbly Abel stood and stepped aside to let to let Kayson and the doctors take Lilith. Abel followed. He didn't – he couldn't be away from her. She was everything to him. He could stand the thought of losing her now, her or their daughters.

When they arrived at the hospital Kayson told Abel to wait outside in the hall. Abel paced, unable to bring himself to sit down to wait. He didn't know how long he paced before her door, only that every second that trickled by was pure torture. He wanted to be with her, to make certain she and their daughters were okay.

"Sir."

Abel jumped and looked at the door to see Kayson had immerged. "What's the news? How are they?" Abel asked, fear clawing at him.

"You might want to sit down."

Abel didn't move. His heart hammering and feeling as if he sat down it would all of this too real.

Sighing, Kayson rubbed his eyes. "She was fused with crusnik but will make a full recovery."

Relief folded through Abel. She was all right.

"However, the injection caused her to miscarry."

Abel stared at Kayson, not certain he'd heard the doctor correctly.

"I'm sorry, admiral, but Lilith can't have children anymore."

"Tha-that, how can that be?" Abel demanded. "She was healthy. You said it so yourself. The bacillus injection didn't do anything to her or them."

"I'm sorry," Kayson shook his head, "but there's nothing more we can do. You can be with her now. She's sleeping off the shock."

Abel stood there as Kayson walked off down the hall. Gone? No chances at ever having children again? No, that – it just… Abel swallowed and took a deep breath. He needed to be strong for when Lilith woke. She was bound to take the news worse than he was.

Entering the room, Abel saw his beloved sleeping in the only occupied bed. He crossed over to her and took the seat at her bedside. Taking her hand in his, he watched the gentle rise and fall of her shoulders. She still showed signs of being pregnant, but the hollowness of his heart reminded him she wasn't.

As the hours slipped by, Abel drifted off. He dreamed of blood and war. The dream shifted to a happiness lost and how he would tell Lilith everything would be all right. The dream turned to a nightmare. Lilith was shouting at him, blaming him for the loss of their daughters. He pleaded with her, trying to tell he wasn't responsible for it. She wouldn't listen.

A hand jerked from Abel's. His eyes shot open. Lilith was slipping off the far side of the bed. She let out a gasp of pain.

"Lilith!" Abel leapt to his feet. "Stop it, please."

"Get away from me!" her voice cracked, a deep fear etched into her words. She stumbled away from him until her back was against the wall. "Get away."

"It's me, Lilith. It's Abel." Abel move around the bed, but stopped at the sight of the fear in her eyes. "It's me," he whispered to her. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Lilith just shook her head. Her long hair falling around her beautiful face and into her fear filled eyes. The sight sent a jolt through Abel.

Abel took a step back; then another. What was wrong with her? What was wrong with him? "It's me," he repeated. "Lilith, please," he pleaded with her. "Please calm down." He stepped towards her and she shrank away.

The door opened. "What's going on?" Kayson asked. He looked from Abel to Lilith and back again. "Abel, leave the room."

"But—"

"Leave the room, doctor's orders," Kayson's voice was calm but held a note that made Abel shiver.

Turning, Abel glanced at Lilith. "Will she be all right?" he asked Kayson.

"I'll tell you in a bit. Now, don't make me ask you again, admiral."

Abel nodded before he left the room. He sank into a seat just outside of the room and stared at the floor. Their daughters were gone. Abel wrapped his hands around one another. He stared and stared at the floor. And-and now it seemed Lilith really did blame him for it. She feared him, hated him. It was his fault. It was his fault. He should never have left her after the funeral.

"Abel!"

Abel didn't look up at the sound Seth's voice and the racing footsteps.

"How's Lilith?"

Abel couldn't bring himself to respond.

"Brother?"

"Sh-she's going to be fine," Abel forced out the words.

"It doesn't sound like it." Seth sat down beside him. He felt her small arm wrap around his arm. "What happened?"

"You're not going to be an aunt," Abel whispered.

"She miscarried?" Seth asked. "But-but I thought. Oh, Abel, I'm really, really sorry." Seth leaned her against his arm.

Abel shook his head. "Lilith doesn't want me around," he told his sister. "I should—"

"Well, that's just stupid!" Seth sniffed. "I seriously doubt Lilith blames you for the miscarriage."

Abel just shook his head.

The door opened and Kayson reappeared. "I think it would be wise if you gave Lilith some space for a time. You can take her home, but don't try sleeping beside her for awhile."

Abel nodded and stood. He would take Lilith home. "Seth, would you stay with her?" Abel asked his little sister.

"Yeah, I'm not going to leave her alone," Seth nodded. "You can count on me."

Abel couldn't bring himself to smile. When he entered the room Lilith was fully dressed. He took a step towards and she glanced at him before looking away.

"Lilith?" Abel made to touch and she backed away from him. Abel lowered his hand. "Kayson said you can go back to the apartment. Seth will take you." Abel turned and left the room, forcing himself not to look back at her.

(Author's Note: Sad chapter, again… I actually don't think there are many happy chapters in this book from this point on… Even the old Divergent Path wasn't really a happy book.

Gah, I want to write book 2 now. The music I am listening to just fits book 2 far more than book 1.

Chaos! *hugs*)