Feb 23rd; Simulate (Fuji/Yukimura); word count unknown.

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Fuji glances at Yukimura, smiles, and proceeds to scream, then double over and clutch his abdomen, as if in pain.

Next to him, Yukimura ducks his head, hiding the twitching of his lips, and composes his face into a mask of concern.

"Whatever is the matter, Fuji-kun?" he asks, reaching over to place a hand on his back.

"I'm giving birth to our child," Fuji gasps out, and screams again. But this time, everyone around them is staring in some form of horror, shock, or thinly veiled disapproval.

"Fuji, you can't be pregnant," Inui says. "You're a male."

"Are you saying my pain is fake?" Fuji asks, and screams again. This time he sinks to the ground and grabs Yukimura's hand, squeezing it.

"You have shown no other signs of being pregnant," Inui continues, as if he hadn't heard Fuji.

Fuji sniffs and glances at Yukimura. "He doesn't believe me."

"Don't worry, Fuji-kun," Yukimura says. "I'll take care of it." He glances up then, at Inui, and frowns. "You should trust the words of your teammates. If he insists he's pregnant, then he's pregnant."

"Males are not capable of bearing children," Inui returns, just as Fuji screams again and Yanagi places a hand on Inui's shoulder, pulling him away from the pair.

"You should be the one going through this," Fuji insists, and squeezes Yukimura's hand tighter.

"I'll bottom next time," Yukimura offers, smiling sweetly and turns his head to stare at Fuji when he hears Sanada choke and start to cough and Niou start cracking up.

"Fine." Fuji sniffs, then doubles over again.

"You all make poor nursemaids," Yukimura scolds. "Why is no one calling for help or even attempting to comfort poor Fuji-kun."

"Because they don't love me," Fuji wails, and starts to sob.

"So sorry, Yukimura," Niou says, grinning wildly and speaking through his laughter. "I'll go call for help right now."

"Thank you, Niou. I can see who my friends are."

"We're never doing this again," Tezuka says to Sanada, and frowns.

-

Fuji picks up the match, strikes it, and promptly drops it, watching a ribbon of smoke float upwards, and screams.

Around him, the combined Hyoutei and Seigaku regulars stop. Tezuka groans.