Note: And now back to Yara's POV. I will return to Lara at some point but I'll try to make it clear beforehand.
Yara blinked, her name sending a shiver down her spine. These ruins were abandoned, devoid of all life; nothing had a voice here. Yet she would know that Free Marcher accent anywhere. She raised her head, her muscles stiff from underuse, and met the gaze of Lahara Trevelyan. The Herald's auburn locks were messed up, but her mismatched eyes remained resilient. Her right hand also pulsed with light, and Yara pressed her palm to her breastbone.
Could it be…another Shard?
"Well, are you going to come down and say hello or what?" Lahara asked, tapping her foot. "I've been looking all over for you!"
Yara could only close her eyes. The sight of the Herald should have brought relief, yet only aching emptiness burned inside. It was all she had known since waking up in the ruins, and it had all but consumed her. She was beyond even Lahara's help, now.
The crystal groaned, and Yara opened her eyes. Lahara was scaling the throne. At last the Herald perched beside her, her jaw tense.
"Look, it's really me." Lahara took Yara's hand and squeezed. Yara stared, the Herald's warmth bathing her fingers.
If only she had reached here sooner…
"How…How did you find me?"
Lahara managed a relieved smile.
"With difficulty, that's for sure," she replied. "Remind me to never challenge you to a game of hide and seek." Her grin faltered, and her tone turned serious again. "Are you okay?"
Yara glanced aside, holding her hand across her chest. She couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. The hollowness within was more than just a bitter ache. It had steadily drained her, until she could barely even breathe. That was when she'd collapsed at the crystal throne, awaiting the end.
Her rune glowed, and she grimaced, the lights within crystal stirred. If not for the Shard's power, she would have long since faded away. But now it was the only thing keeping Yara going, her spirit no longer enough to sustain her.
She could never leave.
"I'm fine," Yara murmured.
"You sure?" Lahara eyed her up and down. "You don't look fine." She hesitated, fiddling with her collar. "Don't you feel like something's…missing at all?"
Yara bit back her gasp. She held her arms around herself, staring at the ground. That was exactly how she felt. And she could pinpoint exactly what had vanished, too—all the feelings and experiences before her accident. For too long they had festered in darkness, yet since releasing the Shards, they had completely disappeared. Cut away as if they never existed, and Yara had no means to recover them.
Yet even if she could regain her missing memories, Yara wasn't sure she wanted them back. They had brought her nothing but pain, and were better off lost forever. Elissa Cousland was long dead, and the world had moved on without her. Yara had moved on without her.
There was no place for the Hero of Ferelden anymore.
"No," Yara lied. "Why do you ask?"
Lahara's brows narrowed slightly.
"No reason," she answered, although her eyes gave away she knew more than she was letting on. "Anyway, while I'm sure the Maker appreciates you keeping His throne warm, wouldn't you rather freeze to death in Haven with me?"
"I…can't," Yara said, clutching the throne tighter. If she left the crystal, she would fall apart. It was the only thing stopping her spirit from unravelling.
"If you're worried about the gate, I know how it works," Lahara said. "It's how I got here in the first place."
"I said I…"
Lahara grabbed Yara's hand. "I'm not taking 'no' for an answer!"
She yanked Yara off the throne. The moment Yara broke contact, the crystal flashed. They hit the tiles, and Yara cried out. Fire tore through her ribs, and she grasped her chest, her rune blazing.
No, she couldn't leave!
"Come on!" Lahara pulled, and Yara was forced to run. It only took a few paces before her legs gave way. She staggered, but Lahara didn't let up on her grip. In a swift movement the Herald twisted round, catching Yara on her back. Then Lahara broke into a sprint, heading straight for the obsidian gate. The pillars came to life, and Yara's vision swam. The world around began to fade, but before she'd lose consciousness, they broke through the portal.
Wait…don't leave me…
Lahara thundered back to the ground. She lost her grip on Yara, and they landed hard on the brittle rocks. The Herald cursed, rubbing her shoulder. Yara remained still, the icy air raw against her throat. She couldn't move.
Her gaze fell to the midnight sky, inky and vast; mirroring the chasm widening within her. There was no stopping it now.
"Maker, what's happening to you?" Lahara knelt beside Yara, resting her right hand on Yara's chest. Yara's Shard flickered, but its light was fading. The Herald's eyes widened. "Wait here, I'm going to find Elissa and set you right!"
The mention of the Hero's name made Yara flinch.
She…She can't be…she's dead…
You won't abandon me again!
Footsteps approached, and Lahara gasped. A shadow fell over Yara, and she found the strength to raise her head. Green eyes met hazel, and Yara's breath caught.
"You," she whispered.
You were supposed to disappear!
"Yes." Elissa's eyes narrowed. "You remember me now, don't you?"
Denial sprang to Yara's lips, but never came forth. Her heart was slowly realising the truth, and now it was staring down at her.
"I…you're…" She looked away. "You're not really her."
"No, I'm not." Elissa answered. "I have her form and thoughts, but I'm not whole." She held her palm over her chest. "I'm missing something important. Just like you are."
Yara winced, her shoulders slumping. Lahara stared, clutching her right hand close.
"Yes." The admission stung, and Yara brushed her fingers against her Shard. "It was because of Morrigan's fugue. She made me lose my past, and…"
"Oh, it wasn't only Morrigan's doing," Elissa interrupted. "She played a part, for sure, but do you know who first severed us apart?"
Yara clenched her teeth. A memory prickled—one she should not have been able to recall—but she couldn't stop it.
"It was you," Elissa said, her hazel eyes darkening. She started to pace around Yara. "It happened a long time ago. When you couldn't face what you'd lost, and you'd have done anything to be rid of the pain…"
Yara gasped, the vision replaying. The night sky, the lake, the cliff…
The light that hurt.
"You were hurting so badly, you didn't know what to do," Elissa continued. "You couldn't accept what happened to you, nor what lay ahead. So you cast me aside, and locked me inside your heart."
Her words pierced like arrows, and Yara clenched her fists. Yes, it was coming back to her now. Burdened with such hopelessness, her only option had been to bury everything inside, where it would no longer rip her apart.
"I…had no choice," she murmured. "I had to be rid of you! You were the reason everything hurt! It was the only way I could…"
"Move forward?" Elissa's tone was mocking. "But I became more than that, didn't I? As time passed, you made me everything you hated about yourself. Your selfishness, your fearfulness, your loneliness, your guilt…" Her jaw tensed. "And when you fell after the defeat of the Archdemon, you couldn't bear the thought of me anymore. You wanted to cut me away, so you'd never be reminded of your failures!"
Yara clenched her eyes shut.
"I became the piece of your soul you couldn't accept, that you couldn't bring yourself to acknowledge," Elissa continued. "And Morrigan's spell made your wish come true."
Lahara caught her breath.
"Then…it was the fugue that split your soul in half, not the Shards, and that's why neither of you can leave this place," she deduced. "Yara, you can't keep denying yourself like this! You have to become whole again, or you'll be trapped forever!"
"No!" Yara screamed. "No, I won't…never!" Her body trembled, and she raked her hands through her hair. The thought of going back to that… "I can't…I can't…" Her chest tightened, and her breaths turned to ragged wheezes. "If I…that pain again…I'll...I'll lose myself!"
"You can't hide from who you are!" Elissa barked. "Stop denying me, Yara. If we remain separated, then neither of us will survive much longer."
"Then I choose death," Yara hissed. "I won't have my heart crushed like that again!"
"No, Yara, stop!" Lahara tried to grab her, but a tremor rocked the ground. Gasping, the Herald fell to her knees. "Elissa?!"
Elissa remained above Yara. Her hazel eyes were empty.
"Then let the shadows take you," she whispered. "You deserve to be alone, for all eternity!"
Yara's face filled with horror.
"No, wait!"
She reached out, but she was too late; Elissa was already fading. Lahara also tried to grab her, but her hands slid through Elissa's form. Then the ground was torn asunder, and the Herald yelped, separated from Yara. She scrambled, trying to jump back to the ledge, but the gap was too wide. Her balance faltered, and Lahara fell, right back into the gate. The pillars flashed, and she disappeared.
"Please, no!" Yara struggled to stand. "Elissa, come back! I…I…"
The ground gave way, and Yara screamed. She plunged into the abyss, snatching at the fading light.
No!
Don't…
Don't leave me alone!
"Maker, her heart's stopped!"
Eliza threw herself at Yara, ripping open her shirt and ramming the heel of her hand onto her chest. "Ryan, wake up, I need a hand!"
She started the forceful compressions, as Ryan jolted from sleep. In his next breath he jumped from his bedroll, grabbing the breathing mask from the desk. Leliana and Bethany shot to their feet, exchanging a horrified glance.
"No!" Alistair cried, when Lahara jerked awake. She blinked, then held her right hand, groaning.
"Lahara, what happened?!" Leliana grabbed the Herald's collar. Bethany was right beside her, her face white. "Tell us, now!"
Lahara could only bow her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. How could she speak of what had happened? Yara had lost her will to live, and now she was going to disappear for good.
She'd failed.
"Answer me!" Leliana shrieked, shaking the Herald.
"I'm sorry," Lahara whispered. "I did all I could to get her back. But she…gave up."
"No!" Bethany's eyes brimmed with tears. "She couldn't…she wouldn't!"
"You're lying!" Leliana barked. "Elissa would never give up on life! Not when she survived against all odds!"
"Two minutes, Eliza!" Ryan called out, clamping the mask over Yara's mouth and nose.
Eliza swore, stopping to let him give two rescue breaths. She then replaced her hands on Yara's chest, but her compressions were weakening. She was too tired.
"Let me take over!" Alistair roared.
Eliza nodded, and the Warden-Commander copied her pose. He threw all his weight behind every push, and a sickening crunch echoed. Bethany whimpered, burying her face in her hands. She couldn't watch.
"Maker above, please!" Leliana fell to her knees, her hands clasped together. "I had to watch her die once!" Her shoulders trembled. "You have to let her live!"
"Not…going to…lose you…this…time!" Alistair puffed, not letting up. "Elissa…wake…up…dammit!"
Yara couldn't breathe. Darkness surrounded her, and she was drowning in it. Her vision was clouded, the pain in her chest suffocating, and she couldn't fight it any more.
This was it.
But as much as she wanted to succumb, to let the torment finally end and never open her eyes again, a spark within still called out to her.
You cannot disappear.
But the light…it hurts…
There is so much you have yet to do.
Maker, don't! I can't go through that again!
You can, and you must. For you fear the alternative more.
…I…
I don't want to die…
But I can't do this…
I'm not strong enough on my own!
No matter how smothering the darkness, there is always a light that can never be extinguished. It burns in hearts other than your own, and they can rekindle you, if you would let them.
Yara's eyes opened. The flickering image of Leliana and Bethany appeared, along with Alistair, Nathaniel, even Lahara; everyone she had come to know and care for.
Draw your radiance from those who love you…
Grimacing, Yara found the strength to raise her hand to the vanishing light.
It was her only hope.
Please…someone…
"Help me!"
The moment she spoke, a burst of brilliance flared above. Yara could only stare, entranced, as a figure soared through the depths, coming straight for her. Warm arms embraced Yara, and she caught strands of brown hair floating in the blackness.
Elissa?
No…
Me.
Yara forced herself to raise her arms, and she wrapped them around Elissa. Agony surged inside, threatening to tear her apart, but for the first time she didn't resist.
She had run for long enough.
My home is burning. Mother, Father, I love you, and I'm so, so sorry.
Eliza waits at the end of the room, smiling. I take another hesitant step. I can do this.
I am left a burning agony. Terror seeps into my bones, and I hear the song that will one day call me to death…
Bethany takes my shoulder. "I won't let that be. Not after what you've done for us."
"I won't let you die," Leliana mutters. "Not when we need you. When…" She hesitates. "…when I need you."
Bethany collapses once more. We have to find Stroud, quickly!
Leliana's breath warms my lips, and then we are as one.
Bethany's eyes now hold the same wariness as mine. Thank the Maker, she survived!
"Your family ring?" Leliana's voice trembles. "Are you sure?"
"The only way you could have that pendant was if you stole it from her corpse!"
The Archdemon screams. I cry out, my fingers snatching at the disappearing ground.
"She will not last the night."
"Fluster me?" Leliana splutters. "How about turning me inside out, not knowing if you'd stop breathing? Or if I had given you the Ashes in time, or that you would ever…"
"Open your eyes, child!"
Yara suddenly let out a heaving gasp, and Ryan flinched. Rapidly she fell into a harsh coughing fit, fighting to draw breath into her lungs. Alistair stopped his compressions, drenched in sweat. Ryan snatched the mask away, then rolled Yara onto her side. Eliza slipped in beside him, bowl in hand. She was just in time as Yara vomited, coughing out bitter bile. Ryan discarded the mask, using a reed to clear Yara's mouth before she would choke.
"Praise Andraste!" Eliza pressed her fingers against Yara's neck, reassured by the beating pulse. "Good work, Commander."
"Thank the Maker!" Leliana buried her forehead in her hands, her cheeks streaming tears. Cassandra rested her hand on the spymaster's shoulder, reassuring.
"It truly is a miracle," the Seeker breathed.
"You stupid, arrogant, selfish little bitch!" Lahara screeched. She stormed to Yara's bedside, her nostrils flaring. "Don't you ever scare me like that again, you hear?! I didn't risk my life wandering the Fade with half my magic blocked so you could throw a hissy fit when I finally found you!"
Despite her broken ribs, Yara couldn't help herself and started to laugh. It hurt, oh Maker it hurt, but she didn't care. The Herald had achieved the impossible, and she would be forever grateful.
"Glad you find it so bloody hilarious," Lahara huffed. "If you weren't so weak right now, I'd show you something really funny…"
"Easy, Herald," Alistair said, chuckling. "It's not the first time Yara's pulled something like this. You get used to it."
Eventually Yara's breathing calmed, and Ryan rolled her onto her back again.
"Here." Bethany pressed her palm to Yara's breastbone, healing the fractures. Yara let her eyes close, though still grimaced at the mage's touch. Her ribs would mend, but the deeper pain—both inside and out—would take a lot longer.
As Bethany finished, Leliana rose to her feet. She walked over, crouching beside Yara. Yara turned aside, suddenly finding it hard to look at the bard. Now memories of past and present were united, and it left an uncomfortable knot in her stomach. Leliana took a breath, meaning to speak, but Eliza beat her to it.
"Right, everyone out," the healer ordered. "Except Bethany and Ryan. The real work starts now."
Leliana tensed. "But…"
"No exceptions," Eliza said, "even for you, spymaster. Once I'm happy Yara is stable, you can come and visit to your heart's content."
Leliana's eyes flared, but Cassandra held her back.
"Yara needs to regain her strength," the Seeker said. "And you still have your own duties to attend in the morning."
Leliana closed her mouth, resigned to a defeated nod. Cassandra made for the door, but the bard hesitated. Finally she sucked in a breath and touched Yara's wrist. A jitter ran up Yara's arm, and she tensed. It did not go unnoticed, and Leliana swiftly removed her fingers. She muttered something to herself, then departed.
"You alright, Herald?" Ryan asked. "I can check you over if you want."
"Oh, don't worry about me," Lahara said, waving her hand dismissively. "It's nothing a decent sleep won't fix, anyway. I'll leave you to it."
She followed Alistair into the snow outside, leaving only Bethany and Eliza's assistant behind. The mage knelt by Yara's bed, her tears renewed.
"She did it." She laid her head on Yara's chest, comforted by her beating heart. "I can't believe it, Lara did it!"
"Yes," Yara croaked. "And the Shards worked."
Bethany's breath caught.
"Then your memories…!"
Yara gave a slow nod. The truth sang in her thoughts, no longer shrouded; no longer the source of a decade's worth of misery, but a part of her, whole and complete.
"I am Elissa Cousland," she whispered. "And I remember everything."