It was early morning in the Cullen home. Since vampires don't need to sleep, all the kids were up and playing all night. Alice was sulking in the TV den and playing X-box. She idealed old games like Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy X, although Edward always said the graphics sucked. He had a... let's just say the oposite of soft spot for Rikku, though.
Alice identified mostly with Tifa because she looked almost exactly like her, just more human without animé eyes. (In the film when she looks very real.)
"Alice, honey," Esme called from the kitchen where she was making omelett and apple pancakes for breakfast. "Have you got any plans today?"
"Um, not really," Alice lied. "Maybe going to the beach with Mary Agnes and Mariel. (Nikki had began to go by her middle name now that she had a personality change.)"
"That's very family friendly," said Esme glowing positively. "You're taking Jasper with you, of course."
"Um... sure," said Alice untruthfully. She had really hoped she wouldn't have to babysit the disagreeable Dalek. But then she remembered that Mariel's uncle could help him get back to normal. She went back to playing her game for two hours under her fuzzy mint green comfort blanket.
Why did her life have to suck so much? Why did they have to come here, of all places. If they had gone to Hawaii like she had suggested, then Jasper would still be himself! She could have been walking hand in hand down a scenic beach with the boy she loved, and watched the sun rise above the ocean. But nooooooooooooo. Instead she was alone and miserable in a draughty old castle in a foggy village in Scotland, while the love of her life had become hideous and hated her with every tentacle of his being.
"Alice, darling?" Esme called again a couple of hours later. "Please come and help me get Jasper ready for the stroll."
"Can't you manage on your own?" Alice asked. She was still looking for the Ocarina of Time, and she had to shoot a lot of dragons that wee everywhere, and she was having a really hard time finding carrots for her Unicorn.
"You know how Jasper doesn't do mornings," Esme complained.
They went into Japser's new nursery that was decorated with UFOs and dinosaurs. Jasper wasa sleeping in a cot that Esme had gotten him so he wouldn't slither out of bed as much. Carlisle had accidentally stepped on him a couple of times when Jasper had been lying around on the floor. And stepping barefoot into a Dalek is a very gross sensation.
"Good morning, sunshine!" Esme beamed and opened the windows to let some fresh air in. Jasper squeaked angrily and his tentacles were flailing all over the place.
"Mommy Alice is going to take you to the beach!" Esme cooed. "Isn't that going to be fun, snoogey?" She placed Jasper on a changing table, and Alice started to cry because she wanted to raise a REAL babby!
"What do you want to wear, hunnypumkin?" Esme asked, showing Jasper several adorable baby clothes. Jasper replied by spitting his dummy in her face.
"Don't be naughty!" Esme warned him, "Or you get milk in your bottle instead of juice!"
When Jasper was dressed and ready, Esme wiped Alice's crying face with a handkerchief.
"There, there. Stop crying," she admonished. "This is your family life now, and you have to learn to handle it like everyone else."
Alice had to go alone down to the McCray farm, because Peter wouldn't have agreed to letting Uncle Goober take Jasper. She brought along her dog for company instead. He was growling and cowering because dogs hated Jasper. Holding the leash with one hand and pushing the stroller with the other, she dreamt about a future where her boyfriend was brought back to her. She loved Peter, but she loved Jasper more. Human Jasper, at least.
Uncle Goober was eating breakfast (raw frog, scrambled eggs with sting nettle and rowanberry soup) outside of his shed. The family had erected a tall, electrified fence around it, but Uncle Goober had long cracked the code on the lock.
"Ahaaaa, there you are!" he said through a mouthful of frog. Bits of intestines stuck on his sharp, spikey teeth. "I thought you had chickened out."
"My mama raised me to keep my promises," Alice said proudly. "You may be mad as a hatter, but you are the only one who can help Jasper. Here he is, all yours." She handed the squirming bunch of appendages over, and ran away as fast as her legs could carry her, with the dog in her arms.
While Alice was betraying her family and helping the advancement of science, Dumbledore was discussing future courses of action with his little group of time travellers and the Doctor.
"The next concert is in Rome, and the Volturi will have the VIP seats," he reminded them. "This means that whatever terrible deed Vaughn and Snape have planned, it is likely to take place there, and the Volturi may be involved. We must be prepared for anything. Snape is very skilled in the dark arts and with a katana."
"I suggest Mariel doesn't come!" Bree said with importance. "If she had still been Nikki she might have been remotely useful with her gun, but now she just isn't a warrior."
Mariel felt depressed.
"She can still be useful," said Dumbledore. "Although she isn't a witch, she has powers that resemble magic, and she can use a wand, and has learned how to cast a shield."
"All time Lords and Ladies have those powers," the Doctor explained. "And it's more versatile than being a campire or a wherewolf."
This made Mariel feel happier, and she was proud that Dumbledore stood up for her in front of Bree. But Bree wasn't paying attention anymore, because she was making out with Jacob.
Suddenly there was a flash of light and a rush of air, and someone apparatted into the room.
"My goodness!" said Dumbledore. "Severus Snape?"