Sia - I Go To Sleep

-Valkyrie's POV-

My eyes flicked open suddenly, I was in my bed, it was night, it was cold. Moonlight bathed the room and sweat lightly tinged my forehead. My irises flicked around for a moment, thoughts pondering thoughts. Remembering dreams that slashed through memories, sitting up I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, looking at my phone next to me.

When I look up from my pillow
I dream you are there with me

I didn't really know why Skulduggery left. Actually. I did. I just didn't want to believe it. Wether I was too childish to understand how stupid it was for me to have feelings for him. And it was highly laughable to think he had them back. Think about it Valkyrie Cain in love with The Skeleton Detective. That's just amusing to most people.

But the fact it had been bothering me so much till he noticed, and forced it out of me. Just like he did with Darquesse. The fact he chuckled it off, thinking hormones, teeny years, that time of the month?

Though you are far away
I know you'll always be near to me

Of course, I know he still cares for me. But maybe, not in the same way anymore. Not in a protective daughter like manner. It certainly effected him we he realised I wasn't joking and it bloody hurt when he laughed and joked. Eventually when he knew it was effecting my work, he decided to cut it short there. Terminating the partnership, leaving me to...well. Wallow in pain. He left to Russia, for reasons unexplained.

I scoffed, like he'd explain why he was leaving me.

I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me

It had been a month now, and with my depressed moods. Locking myself in my house, loosing weight, feeling unimaginably restless and having insomnia. It was all my fault after all. I should suffer.

The self harming came next, I got calls and texts from Ghastly and even Dexter sometimes, asking if I was alright. I eventually blocked them.

I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me

Yet I still wonder if you ever cared how I felt that day.

What went through his mind even? How did he react alone?

I really just wanted to talk to him, I missed him. I missed his voice.

He didn't even say goodbye.

My eye's fixed themselves on my phone again.

I look around me
And feel you are ever so close to me

My hand slowly gripped the phone, the screen flashed up, bright on my face. I had no messages and no missed calls. My fingers lightly dabbed on the buttons, wondering wether to call or not.

It was 3 AM. I doubt he'd appreciate it.

Frowning, my head fell down and I sighed, this was so hard. Why do I bother?

Great, now the suicidal thoughts were back.

Each tear that flows from my eye
Brings back memories of you to me

Tears pricked my eyes hotly, and I blinked them back but some still managed to leak out, I looked back at my phone and went to the contacts. Only one was there now.

Skulduggery Pleasant.

A hand ran through my hair again and went to my mouth, covering the mouth and nose in sadness. Tears were pouring freely now, my breath hitching. He left me, he laughed at me. What the hell is the bloody point?

I go to sleep,
And imagine you are there with me

The air seemed to be thinning, as if my breathing were limited, heavy and short.

My head keep shaking, I slammed the phone down and stood up, turning and turning, pacing and shaking.

I go to sleep,
And imagine you are there with me

My mind started giving ideas, okay, okay. If he doesn't pick up, then what does it matter? It's already ruined your life by throwing you back into the mortal world.

I chewed my nails, looking out the window in thought.

I was wrong, I will cry
I will love you till the day I die

Turning slowly, I picked up the phone, hands shaking and looked at the contact number for the longest time.
My thumb hovered over the call button.

You were all, you were alone and no one else
You were meant for me

I turned suddenly, looking up. What was I doing? I thought.
Saving your life? Came another voice.
Shaking my head once again, I looked down, a tear drop splashed on the phone screen.

My breathing was getting rapid, fast and shallow, definitely feeling like I was running out. I was shaking and my head was light.

When morning comes again,
I have the loneliness you left me

I hadn't realised the time, how could I have been doing this for an hour and a half?

That's just not right. I had to do this now, before light. In case...In case he didn't pick up.

In case I was an idiot all over again.

Taking a sharp breath, I hit the green button and my heart went hot, beating so damn fast.
It rang.

And rang.

And then, "You have reached Skulduggery Pleasant's-"
I cut it short and fell to my knee's, crying and sobbing.

My nails dug into my scalp and I silently screamed over and over as the tears kept pouring. Standing up violently, I put the phone down on the counter. He didn't deserve a goodbye, he never gave me one.

Looking at it for the last time, I ran from the room and out the door.

Each day drags by,
Until my time finally descends on me

I was sprinted for a while, before coming the bridge in Haggard, the water was low, sharp rocks lay waiting at the bottom.
Taking my second to last breath, I climbed over the bridge railing and stood at the edge, looked down.

Closed my eyes.

Held out my arms.

Took a final breath.

And dropped.

I go to sleep,
And imagine you are there with me

Just before I hit, little did I know, the phone by my bed.

The phone with only one contact on it.

Rang.

It buzzed, vibrating on the counter.

With the recipient of, 'Skulduggery Pleasant'

I go to sleep,
And imagine you are there with me

For the national Suicidal Recognition Day

If you know anyone you may be worried about, or suffers depression, anxiety, absolutely anything that makes hem feel this way. Contact kids helpline, lifeline, beyondblue and many others.

And if you think someone is like that, talk to them and ask how they are. If they say they're fine. They're probably not. Save them the emptiness. :)

And if YOU are going through shit. Well, I understand how you feel. And when you read this next thing, you think. This doesn't help me, it won't work, I'll always be like this. Trust me, I felt like that too when I read inspirational crap like this too. But believe me when I say, it gets better. I didn't believe it could, but it does. :)
No matter if its random or caused by something or someone wonderful. It will happen.

Stay strong, people love you.

I may not know you, your face, name or voice.

But I care about you.

And you matter to me.

:)