A Story of Us

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. It's just my favorite sandbox to play in.

Chapter 20

There was something to be said for being so lost in your own demons that you were oblivious to the world around you. There were advantages to losing yourself in oblivion and work and shutting off that part of you that cared about the people in your life. The pain and the uncertainty didn't matter. They couldn't be felt. You became numb to the world and all that mattered was the moment that you were living in currently. The only thing that you looked forward to was the next opportunity to dull your senses and stop caring again. That was the thing about addiction. It was tricky, deceiving. It made you believe that what you felt was good and necessary, while around you, everything you loved and forgot that you wanted crumbled away. It became easier, once you started seeing it, to run and hide. To ignore the mistakes and the pain, and to delve deeper into the things that took you from it. Another drink. Another case.

Then you stopped drinking, and it was the work. Just the work until your body was so tired, that it was sleep that took you from it. It was a nasty, vicious cycle. Running from your mistakes only created new ones. Trust was broken and finding your way out of that was even harder than turning away from the oblivion that could be found at the bottom of a bottle. You didn't realize what you had, and what you'd lost, until it was finally time to start fixing it. Then it became a matter of ignoring the dark voice in the back of your mind that told you that it was too late. Too little, and not enough. The only way to really silence that was to just work harder. Try more. Get up and come back again, and again, until the people who stopped relying on you could see that you were someone who could be counted on again.

Those were things that Andy reminded himself of after speaking to his son. The conversation with Charlie was stilted, and even more awkward than the visit with Nicole had been. His children were disappointed in him, and they didn't trust him, and that was even harder to face than all the mistrust of any number of people, friends, family and coworkers that had known him during his drinking days.

It was better than it had been. A couple of years ago Charlie wouldn't have wanted to speak to him at all. Now they were at least talking. When Andy mentioned the possibility of getting together over the holiday break, his son didn't immediately come up with a dozen different excuses why they couldn't. He got a simple, if awkward, we'll see. It was better than nothing.

Little steps. Tiny ones that seemed inconsequential. Unless someone had lived this life, they couldn't know just how huge they were. Or why a simple, half promise of maybe getting together in a couple of months was bigger and more important than any of the other milestones and leaps he'd made in the fifteen years or so that he had been sober.

Even as Andy thought that, he knew that he was wrong. There was one person who understood it.

He looked up, his phone in his hand, and tried to wipe away the goofy smile that was on his face. He had only been home a couple of hours. They had kept him in the hospital overnight and much of the day. He finally managed to convince the doctor that if all he had to do was lay around and rest, he could do that at home. So they let him go, and once he was home, his phone had finally rang. Vicki said she'd have Charlie call him. He hadn't really thought he would. Hoped, but didn't think. He thought that maybe his son was a little too much like him in that regard.

"Hey dad." Charlie shifted on the other end of the line, sighed. "So uh… mom said everything was okay? They let you go home?"

"Yeah. Just got here a little while ago." Andy was in his recliner, and Sharon hated the damned thing but they'd made room for it in the family room. She didn't seem to mind climbing into it with him, it was big enough, but it was old and the leather was worn and faded. It didn't exactly match her furniture, and she wanted to get a new one, but he told her that he liked this one. She just rolled her eyes at him and huffed in that way of hers. The one that told him she was giving in, but only because she loved him. He picked at the blanket that was covering him, a soft fleece throw that Sharon kept folded over the back of the chair. She said it made it less of an eyesore. Andy shifted the phone in his hand and shrugged, even though his son couldn't see it. "I'm good," he said after a moment. "It's going to hurt like hell for a couple of days, but it's fine, kid. How are you? How's school?"

"I'm glad you're okay," Charlie said. "You know, that it wasn't worse. You scared us a little." He hurried on before they could dwell too much on that statement. "So uh, Nicole said that she met the new chick. That she seems nice?"

"She's not nice." Andy watched Sharon walk across the room and make a face at him. "She's mean, son. The good ones are always mean." He smirked at her when she rolled her eyes at him and put a basket of laundry on the coffee table so that she could fold it and be nearby him and Joey, if she were needed. His eyes moved to the swing in a corner of the room. Joey was napping as it swayed gently and played a happy little lullaby.

Provenza had brought him home. He hadn't wanted Sharon to bring the baby to the hospital. He called his partner instead. So he had the older Lieutenant drive him home and help him inside. He was deposited into his recliner. Sharon offered to feed him a late lunch, but Provenza had declined. He had plans with one of his daughters. Or maybe it was one of his sons. Who the hell knew. Andy couldn't keep that family straight.

"You know, between her and your mother," Andy continued, "there wasn't a single nurse that would play with me all night." He sighed, heavily, and in feigned exasperation. "It was hell."

Charlie snorted quietly. "Sounds like maybe what you need. Keep you out of trouble, old man."

"Getting in trouble is how I met her." Andy grinned. That was more or less the truth. He'd met her through Jack, but that didn't bear thinking about.

"Nic says you're getting married." Charlie sounded quiet. "That uh… this thing with her and that kid, it's still happening?"

He sounded unsure. Maybe even a little bit upset. There were undercurrents in his tone that made Andy frown. "It's still happening," was all he said. "We're going to take care of all that when things calm down a little. Unless she changes her mind. She might just get smart and figure out that she's better off without me." Andy grinned when she snorted at him. "I'm kinda hoping that you can meet her too, before we do that. That was always kind of the plan. Life's just been a little crazy around here."

"Sounds like it." Charlie said, a little haltingly. "I mean, I think I get it. Mom explained it a little. Nicole and I talked about it. Sounds like maybe, you know, it's been a little busy." And not like he was hiding it from them. Or avoiding them. Which is what they'd both thought was maybe happening. He told them about the baby, and he told them about this new girlfriend, and it all seemed to come out of nowhere. Then his mother explained it all. How hard it had been, how up in the air everything was. That they'd almost lost the baby and that maybe things were finally settling down a little bit. Or they were, before his dad got shot. That made it hard to stay upset with him, hearing all of that. "Dad, why didn't you tell us?"

Andy sighed. Long and deep, and it made his side ache. "I didn't want to worry you. I wanted to see what was going to happen first. Then I wanted to let you make up your own mind, about whether or not you wanted to know them. That's a decision you've got to make." It was the first time he'd really taken a stand with either of his children. He was usually more patient, waiting, wondering. Andy shook his head when Sharon looked at him, concern in her gaze. "We've all got our own lives, Charlie. I'm always going to be here for you. I know what you said before, about hoping I'd be happy with my new life. It's not a new life, son, it's the same life, just new people in it."

"Yeah." Charlie said. "I think I get that. I thought…" He paused. "I don't know what I thought. When you told us about her, I guess we just both thought that she was another one of your, you know, the younger women you date."

"Well, she is younger than me." Andy smirked. "I think the cradle robbing analogy that you're looking for still equates. Even if she is old by your's and Nicole's standards." That had Sharon straightening and turning. He watched as her eyes narrowed and he shrugged. "You know, maybe we could change the subject and you could tell me about school, before this hole I'm digging for myself gets any deeper."

Charlie paused. Then he realized she must be in the room with his dad. He snorted a laugh. "God, you said all that in front of her? Nicole was right. You really are a spaz, old man."

"Hey." Andy frowned. "Stop maligning your poor, old man. He's injured. Now, school. I see the tuition bills, now I want to know how it's going." That was another way in which Sharon kept pointing out that he differed from Jack. He was helping Vicki pay for his kids' education. He had paid every dime of child support that was ordered in their divorce and custody arrangement, and when the kids had turned eighteen, first Nicole and then Charlie, he stopped. He paid part of the tuition instead, since it was needed more. That was one thing Vicki could never fault him on, and God knew that woman could fault him on a lot. He had never cheated, and he had never not supported his kids. Even when he was too drunk to know what day of the week it was, or too busy feeling sorry for himself to pull his head out of one case after another, those checks always made it to her on time.

He leaned back a little in his chair and winced. He waved Sharon back when she started toward him. Hell, he was sore, he didn't need her hovering. "Your mom said you might not play ball this year," Andy continued.

"Rotator cuff is giving me hell," Charlie sighed. "We're working on it in the off season, but yeah. I'm thinking maybe I'm done. I was never going to play after college. Baseball was fun, but I'm not that good. I'm more interested in school. How damned sad is that? I'm turning into Nicole. She's never going to let me hear the end of it, you know? But it doesn't matter. I want to get out of here and start building stuff."

Charlie was an architect major who sometimes spent his summers working for contracting companies for the added experience. He would be designing the things that others built, but it helped to have a good foundation. Andy was proud of him for that. "Hey, I get it. You've only got a year left, and you don't want to blow it paying attention to something that isn't going to take you anywhere. It's not sad. I think that's called being an adult. I'm still trying to figure it out myself." Andy rolled his eyes when Sharon laughed, unable this time to suppress it.

His son heard the giggle through the phone line. "Is that her?"

"Yeah." Andy was making a face at her. "That's her. See what I've been saying? She's mean, son. All the good ones are."

"Nah, just sounds like maybe she's got your number is all." Charlie smirked.

"You have no idea," Andy said drily. "Tell you what, when you're home over the holidays, we should get together. You can meet her for yourself. You know, meet the little guy too."

Charlie hesitated. He didn't know if he was ready for that yet. Knowing about his dad's new family and meeting them were two different things. Nicole said she seemed nice. He thought maybe he'd wait until after Nicole really spent some time with them. Then he'd form an opinion. He knew that Nicole was thinking of taking them up on a dinner invitation. What were older sisters for if not to test out the waters when Dad got involved with someone new? "Sounds like an idea," he said finally. "You know, we'll see how things go."

"I can handle that." Sharon was watching him curiously. When he smiled, her brows lifted.

"Good." Charlie replied. "Listen, Dad… I'll check on you again later in the week. I need to go, I kind of have a date later. Don't worry…" He paused. "She's mean too."

Andy laughed out loud. "Good. Keeps us in line."

After he hung up, the goofy grin just couldn't be stopped. "He said we'd see." Andy shrugged as he put the phone aside finally.

"That's good." Sharon finished folding the towel that was in her hands and dropped it onto the sofa. She walked toward him and leaned against the arm of his chair, on his uninjured side. Her fingers combed through his hair. "They'll be okay. Both of them. They love you." Even as horrible as Jack was, she knew that Ricky and Emily still loved him. They were angry at him now, but that never lasted. They'd give him another chance. Not because he needed it, but because they did. In this case, Andy was earning the chances that his children were giving him. "It's going to work out," she told him. "You'll get there."

He curled his arm around her waist and drew her down beside him. It hurt like hell to do it, and he groaned quietly, but Andy kept his arm wrapped around her. The chair was wide enough for both of them, especially now that she wasn't pregnant anymore. "Where did you come from?" It was a question she had once asked him. He grinned crookedly at her when she rolled her eyes at him.

"The mean girlfriend factory, apparently," Sharon drawled. She sniffed at him. "All the good ones are mean?"

"Yeah." He leaned down and kissed the line that was forming between her brows. "Who else is going to keep me on my toes, stop me from being an idiot, and put up with all my bad habits. Like this ugly eyesore of a chair I love so much."

She groaned. "You know, Andy, if you really loved me…"

His eyes narrowed. "Don't ask me to choose between you and this chair, Sharon." The corners of his mouth twitched, but he suppressed the urge to grin. "I had it first."

She heaved a sigh. "Yes, but you're asking me to choose between you and my couch." Her lips turned down into a pout. "I love that couch. I've had it a long time. You happen to like that couch too."

The way her eyes were sparkling had him grinning crookedly. Yes, they did like that couch. It was comfortable for all sorts of things. Andy's head tipped. "You know, when you put it that way… we should keep the couch. It makes this whole idea that furniture needs to match really ridiculous. Don't you think?"

"Hm." Sharon was really thinking about the couch now. She moved out of his recliner and walked toward the kitchen. "No, it should go." She figured it was probably a bad idea to tell him that Joey was made on that couch. Especially since he wasn't involved in those activities. "If you insist on keeping the chair, then the furniture has to go. Probably the rug too…"

Andy's eyes narrowed. She had gotten all fidgety. He craned his head and watched her move around the kitchen through the open door. She stood at the counter and poured a glass of tea. The real give away was the way she reached up and scratched her forehead. His jaw dropped open. "Sharon!" He slanted a look at the couch, and then the rug. He thought about it and them for a moment. His head inclined. He waited for her to come back into the room with her glass, and another for him. He tipped his head back and grinned at her crookedly. He was almost leering when his eyes moved first down and then back up her body. He slanted a purposeful look at both items. "Yeah, but we did it better."

She put the tea glass on the table beside his chair and rolled her eyes at him. "What am I going to do with you?" Sharon sighed. But she tilted her head and smiled indulgently at him. He really was something.

He continued to grin crookedly back at her. "I can think of a few things. I can think of a lot of things actually." His dark eyes sparkled merrily. "Most of them, my head is say let's go, but my stitches are reminding me that we should probably wait."

Sharon snorted at him. She leaned down to kiss him. "You are nothing but trouble," she drawled.

"Yeah, but that's the way you like me." He curled a hand behind her head and pulled her close for another kiss. When her lips curved upward against his, he smirked. "Just tell me that the table is unsullied and we'll be fine."

She snorted another laugh and bowed her head against his shoulder. Sharon laughed, but tried to muffle the sound to keep from waking the baby. "You really are horrible," she said.

"Yes." He tugged on her arm and pulled her back into the chair with him. This time he eased over and it hurt less. When she curled up against his side, he let his hand slide down to her thigh while the other one slipped into her hair. "You really hate the recliner that much?"

"No, it's fine." He loved it. It was rather comfortable. She tucked her face against his neck and hummed quietly. She was just happy to have him home. "It's ugly, but it can stay."

He grunted quietly. "Love me, love my damned recliner, is that it?" He felt her smile against his neck. His fingers combed gently through her hair.

"That's it, exactly," she murmured. A tremor worked its way through her. She'd come too close to losing him. The recliner was really so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. "Charlie is okay?" She asked instead, turning the conversation back to more important topics.

"He's good." His smile softened. "It's hard to believe he's all grown up now. It goes so fast." His arms tightened around her.

"I know." Her lips brushed the curve of his jaw. "Ricky is graduating this year. Emily is in New York. It feels like only yesterday that I was…" She sighed quietly. "Living my life between their feedings, or running around trying to make little league games and dance recitals. I look at them now and it's so hard to believe they were ever that small."

He followed her gaze and smiled. Joey slept on, completely oblivious to the world around him. His little mouth was puckered and would occasionally move. "With Nic and Charlie too," he said. "It is kind of weird, looking at him and thinking about the other four. Are we really doing this again?"

"Hm." She hummed quietly and smiled. "We really are." Sharon lifted her head and smiled at him. "We'll figure out a way to make it work. With Charlie and Nicole, and everyone that is involved. We'll find a way."

His brows lifted. "We?" It was his turn to grin about it. "So we're a we now," he teased.

"Oh," she shrugged. "I think we definitely are. You're not going anywhere, pal." She poked his chest with her finger and made a face. "Keep trying, but I have it on very good authority that I'm mean."

"I like you mean." He grinned up at her. "It's damned sexy." When she rolled her eyes, he chuckled. "I'm not kidding. My best friend is cute, sexy, and mean. She doesn't take any crap off of anyone, least of all me. She's smart, she's funny, and the best part is…"

Sharon's brows lifted. "Oh, I can't wait to hear this." Her lips curved upward. This was usually the part where he turned a great compliment into something incredibly crude. Her green eyes sparkled down at him. "What is the best part?"

His head inclined. Oh, he was taking that as a challenge. His brown eyes gleamed. "She really likes my salty—"

She clapped a hand over his mouth. "Not in front of the baby." Her shoulders shook with silent laughter. She smiled indulgently down at him. "You really are horrible."

"Hey." Andy shrugged. "Those are important lessons for him to learn. I can't have him turning out completely like his old man. I'm going to teach him exactly how to find girls like you." He arched a brow at her. "Sweet, funny, beautiful, and fierce."

"Fierce?" Her brows lifted. She was smiling warmly at him. His other words had the desired effect on her.

"Oh yeah." He reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Even when you're scared you keep going. When it hurts, you go even farther. Fierce." When her face settled into a soft look, he pulled her down against him again. She snuggled into his side and he grinned. "It also helps that you've got a great body and you know how to—" He trailed off when she pinched his arm. "Yes dear."

She could hear the laughter in his tone. Sharon rolled her eyes at him. He was an absolutely horrible man, but she couldn't love him more. "Well, while you're teaching him that," she said. "Think you can teach him how to be just like you?"

"Just like me huh?" Andy's voice rasped, thick and husky. He looked down at her. "Sure that's a good idea?" He knew his failings. They were many and well catalogued.

"I do." She looked up at him and smiled gently. "I think he should be just like his father. Smart, funny, and strong. Strong enough to realize what he is and what he's doing, and strong enough to fight through it. You aren't always right, and you don't always succeed, but you keep fighting. You keep trying. That matters. Even when you're wrong, even when you fail, it matters." Her hand stroked his chest. "He's going to fail, Andy. We all do. We make mistakes. It's how we pick ourselves up and work through them that define us. You do that everyday." Sharon reached up and cupped his face. Her thumb stroked his bottom lip. "I've never asked that my children be perfect. None of us are perfect. I've only asked that they be kind. That they do their best. That they follow their hearts and their dreams, and the dictates of their conscience. I want that for Joey too. I'm proud of my children, and I know that I'll be proud of him too. But I want him to be a man that he can be proud of. That's you," she said softly.

It never ceased to surprise him the way that she could see him. Seated as they were in his recliner, he tipped her face upward and caught her lips in a gentle kiss. His hand cupped the back of her head as his mouth angled over hers. He forgot all about his side, and the throbbing ache that was working its way through him. Instead, all he felt was her, and the breathless thrill that settled over him at just how completely that she could love. She had every reason to distrust him. Every reason to turn away. Yeah, she was fierce alright, and he was damned lucky. If he taught Joey nothing else in his life, it would be to find a woman like his mother and hold on for dear life.

He captured her hand with his, and his thumb caressed the unfamiliar feel of the ring she still hadn't taken off. "How about we teach him that," he rumbled against her mouth. His nose nuzzled her cheek, and when she smiled, he kissed the tip of her nose.

"I think I can live with that," she said quietly. She snuggled closer, but was careful of him, even as she wrapped her leg around his. Sharon tucked her face against his neck and sighed quietly.

"So tell me…" He lifted her hand, pressed his lips against her palm. "Want to get married?"

"Hm." She smiled against his neck. "Joey wants his parents to be official," she stated, recalling just how he'd proposed.

"You know," Andy said. "It occurs to me that someday, maybe we could learn to communicate like adults." When she started laughing, he turned his face into her hair. He loved that sound. When she tipped her head back and he looked down, he felt his own smile broaden. There was something about the way her eyes lit up when she was happy. How they crinkled at the corners and shined at him. It made his heart beat a little faster to know that he was putting that look there. He had seen her pain, and too much of it; his chest ached at the thought. Seeing her happiness made his heart swell.

"Well, when you put it that way." She curled into him again, and continued to smile. "I absolutely do. Pick a date and I'm there."

"Me?" Andy's brows lifted in surprise. He wondered if maybe the stress had gotten to her finally. She was leaving this up to him? He felt her tremble against him, and realized immediately it was more laughter. "Not funny, Sharon."

"Who's laughing?" She looked up at him again. She smiled warmly. "At least not about that. I'm serious. Pick a date. I'll be there. This one is on you. Whenever you want, wherever you want. I'm all yours."

He blinked at her. She was being serious. He could tell in just how serene she was about it. She'd made up her mind and there was no changing it. "Just like that?" His grin slowly returned.

"Just like that," she repeated. She lay her head against his shoulder again and sighed. "I'm not thinking about it anymore. It's just going to happen. No more worrying. No more waiting. Just you and me, and our kids. Yours, mine, and Joey."

"Your parents too," He said, knowing that there was no way around that.

"Yes, that would be nice." Sharon shrugged. She rubbed his chest and let her eyes close. "Whatever. I'm sure you'll make it wonderful."

"Really." When she only hummed in response, Andy shook his head. His hand slipped into her hair again. He felt her relaxing against him and just smiled. She was giving herself over to him completely. No more worries and no more wondering. He turned his face into her hair. "It will be great," he promised. That was a promise that he knew that he could keep. No matter what else happened, he could make her happy in the time that they had together, however long that was.

"I know." She nuzzled his neck, smiled against his skin. "That's why I trust you. It's why I love you. It's why I'm proud of who you are, Andy." It was why she wanted him. It was why she wanted this, the two of them. The way they were now, so simple and comfortable, and happy. She was content just to lay there, to feel him against her and know without a shadow of a doubt that he belonged there. It wasn't a thought, it was a feeling. It was an instinct, this need she had to run toward him rather than away. They were completely imperfect people, but together, they weren't exactly perfect, but they were better. She knew what it meant now, that saying, that someone was her better half.

A soft mewl came from the swing. They looked at one another and waited. When a second, soft cry sounded, Andy's eyes crinkled and he smiled. "He gets jealous. I'll work on that."

"Hm." Sharon moved carefully. She rolled over the side of the chair and walked toward the swing. Joey was screwing his little face up and getting ready to start crying. She unclipped the harness and lifted him out of the swing. She settled him against her shoulder and rubbed his back. He wouldn't be hungry, but he did need a diaper. She took care of that and retrieved Andy's pain meds before she moved back to the chair to rejoin him.

Settling into the chair alongside Andy with the baby and trying not to hurt him, that was an entirely new adventure, but one worth exploring. She lay Joey on Andy's chest and then she eased down beside the pair. She lay her hand against his back and rubbed gentle circles while she snuggled into Andy's side again. Joey settled down easily enough. He drew his legs beneath him and they heard him sigh before he settled back into his nap.

"I wasn't the only one who missed you," Sharon murmured quietly.

"Well he only listens to me." He leaned his head against hers. His hand settled beneath the baby's bottom, holding him in place. His other arm was wrapped around Sharon again. He let his eyes close. A small smile curved his lips. "So… maybe the recliner isn't so bad."

"I can learn to love it," Sharon decided. "It could very quickly become my new favorite place." She hummed quietly as she relaxed against him. They were safe here, with him, she and Joey. They had been safe with him from the start. Odd, she never imagined it turning out like this. Not even in her wildest imaginings. As she let herself drift, she let go of the pain and the fear that the events of the weekend had created. She embraced the warmth, the security and the hope that lay before them. The world fell away, not unimportant, but held at bay for now.

It was just the three of them. Drifting toward slumber in his eyesore of a recliner. The best piece of furniture in the room.