Note: This was probably one of the hardest chapters I have written so far. Even though I normally identify more with Enjolras (in terms of his passion) I decided to write my own feelings through Courfeyrac's point of view. They are based off of my own friend who was abused by his father.

You guys have all been wonderful with your reviews and comments, but I ask of you to be understanding these are my own emotions that are written below...True guilt never truly does die.

Merry Christmas by the way!

Besides his mother, Enjolras was the person Courfeyrac cared about the most in the world. Of course he loved Combeferre too, he'd known him his whole life, so how could he not, but Enjolras was the closest thing he ever had to a brother. He never knew he could feel so protective of someone who wasn't blood related. He would never forget the anger and rage he felt when he found out Enjolras's father was beating the crap out of him. He always heard when people are angry they see red. That was the color he literally remembered seeing that day. Until that point he never knew that type of life could exist, much less exist in his own life circle. And if he ever even thought that it happened, in his mind, it only happened to other people.

He hadn't had the easiest childhood. There were many times he went to bed hungry. He was aware that his mother struggled as a single parent, and had to work and be away from him more than he or she liked, but not once did he ever not feel loved. In fact outside of Combeferre and Enjolras his mother was his best friend. The majority of his childhood was spent with his mother sharing and sometimes over including him in her life. She took him everywhere from work to parties. He never remembered her raising her voice to him, much less her hand. It was hard for him to grasp the concept of a parent enjoying hitting their child like Enjolras's father seemed to.

Once he found out about the abuse, he cast himself as Enjolras's personal protector. He did everything he could think of to try to prevent the abuse from happening. He pleaded with Enjolras to tell someone to the point where, for a period of time, it seriously hurt their friendship. When Enjolras time and time again refused, he threatened to tell himself. This threat, which caused fear, rage, and anger from Enjolras's direction, silenced Courfeyrac.

To this day, he wished he would have told someone, anyone, after the unveiling in the woods that day.

A huge part of him still felt guilty that he hadn't been able to risk his friendship for Enjolras's wellbeing.

He had been selfish and immature.

He never should have agreed to keep quiet…

He'd been weak and afraid.

He should have told…

Accompanying the guilt of silence was this nagging feeling that constantly tugged at Courfeyrac's heart. It was this feeling that he had known on some level Enjolras was being abused before he really knew. Looking back, there were several memories and moments where Enjolras's fear of his father was evident. Courfeyrac often wondered if he would have just been more observant and questioned Enjolras over these situations when they were younger maybe the outcome would have been different. Maybe Enjolras would have been more willing to tell someone. Maybe the abuse wouldn't have gone on for as long as it had.

Then there was a part of him that felt immense anger and blame towards the adults around them growing up. He knew that Combeferre's parents as well as his own mother witnessed interaction between Phillip and Enjolras. Even when they were little, Phillip never really hid his disdain for his son. Courfeyrac felt that if he knew on some level, the adults in the situation had to know. He never understood why no one acted on protecting Enjolras until it was thrown in their faces. They almost didn't react in his mind until they had to. Courfeyrac remembered this was the first time where he realized adults weren't perfect that they always didn't have all the answers

It was equally devastating when he first found out Enjolras has cancer. He didn't even try to shield his tears. Right away, he wished it were him. Even now, after watching the horrors Enjolras was going through, he wished it were him. He could have dealt with it better. He was bigger, stronger, and healthier to begin with. It seemed ever since they were young Enjolras was always coming down with some type of respiratory infection or sore throat. Plus, he didn't have the past to contend with. It seemed atrociously unfair to him that Enjolras would survive his father's abuse only to be then thrown into battle with an equally dangerous, deadly demon.