A.N: Many thanks to Melismo, who contributed quite a few ideas to help me finally get this written and for reading numerous partials and drafts. In this chapter, we get to see that Briana handles the whole situation surrounding Moira's death much better than Alistair does, and Eamon has to be a bit of the bad guy.
The morning of Moira's pyre burning, Alistair stood staring out his window. As if to add insult to injury, it was a beautiful spring day. The sun was out and there was just a tinge of green to all the trees and the grass, as the warm weather promised to make everything blossom with life, everything except his daughter that is. He didn't want to do this today. He didn't want to do it ever, but it was the last thing he could do for Moira, so he would. He would go and stand in attendance while the smoke rose from her pyre.
He wasn't looking forward to seeing Briana. They had avoided each other since the baby's death. He knew she blamed him for Moira's death, but she couldn't blame him any more than he blamed himself. Briana's father had arrived from the Bann of Waking Sea, but he hadn't seen him either. His father-in-law was one of those quiet men that seemed to get things done, but were totally unmemorable themselves. Alistair knew that Bann Alfstanna relied on him immensely.
Since Moira's death, the only servant Alistair had allowed to be present in his rooms while he was there was his manservant, Adwen. He couldn't stand to have the others around. He couldn't take the looks of sympathy, the whispers about him they shared between them, the careful way everyone spoke or moved when he was in the room. Adwen had been with him since he first came to Denerim, and Alistair knew all he cared about was his clothes. That was the same and hadn't changed, and that Alistair could handle.
"Your Majesty," came Adwen's voice from the closet. "It's time to get changed."
Adwen emerged from the closet with his arms full as he prepared the outfit he had chosen for the king. Alistair let Adwen fuss around him as he obediently donned the clothes Adwen handed to him. When he was done, Adwen led him to his dressing table and sat him down. He went to work on Alistair's hair while Alistair stared into the mirror. He almost didn't recognize himself. His eyes were bloodshot and red. The unrelieved black Adwen had dressed him in seemed to draw attention to the new lines that ran across his face. Even his hair seemed lank and lifeless.
Eventually, even Adwen was satisfied with his primping and allowed Alistair out of the chair. He continued to fuss around Alistair, checking the lie of his jacket or brushing away an errant hair. Alistair was content to allow Adwen the familiarity as he knew that Adwen didn't really see him, but instead he saw a picture he was building in his mind of what Alistair looked like. That picture would be scrutinized today as the public would expect to see "the grieving monarch." His actions and expressions would be whispered about and discussed as his grief was measured by those who had no right to do so.
Briana started out the morning of Moira's burning the same way she had started every day since her baby died, in tears. Briana had never cried so much in her life, but then again, she had never had anything so awful happen to her. She had been so young when her mother died that she barely remembered her. Glenda had filled that role for her as she had taken care of Briana since she was a baby. Glenda continued to look after her and made Briana function, even if it was just to take a walk down the hall. Glenda was the one who held Briana when she cried, just as if she had really been her mother.
Her father had arrived three days ago, the day after Moira's death. He thought he was coming for the birth of his grandchild as the visit had long been planned. He hadn't said much to Briana since he arrived besides saying he was sorry. Her father was a kind man, but he had been lost as to what to do with a girl child after his wife had died of the wasting disease when Briana had been only two. Briana knew her father loved her, but it was an aloof kind of love. Briana always figured that was where she had gotten her own placid nature from and that she was like her father in that regard.
Glenda came into the room from the adjacent one she occupied. "I've brought you some breakfast, love," she stated. "Make sure you eat it all."
"I don't want it," Briana stated dully as she wiped more of the never-ending tears from her face.
"You must eat. You will need all your strength today. It will be a difficult one," Glenda said. "Sit," she ordered.
Briana reluctantly sat down at the little table across from her bed and picked up a piece of toast. Without much enthusiasm, she brought it to her lips and started dutifully trying to choke it down. "I guess Alistair will be there," she said more as a question than anything else.
Glenda brought her eyes to bear on Briana's face. "Of course he will be there. Where else would he be?" she asked.
"I'm not looking forward to seeing him," Briana admitted.
"Are you ready to talk about it now?" asked Glenda kindly. Glenda had been trying to get Briana to talk about Alistair over the last couple of days, but Briana had refused to discuss the situation between her and the king.
"I'm so angry at him, Glenda. I know he didn't purposefully make the baby sick, but what she died of came from him. There is a part of me that blames him just for that fact no matter how much I try to tell myself it wasn't his fault. The thing that I don't know if I can forgive him for and get past is that he intentionally didn't tell me everything. He left me in the dark for months when there were other people he told and who knew. How am I supposed to forgive him for that? Why should I even try?"
"Now, love. He is your husband and your king. You are his queen. Of course you have to try. Did he have an explanation for any of this?" Glenda asked.
"Not a good one," Briana responded. "That same old excuse about wanting to protect me."
"It is his job is to protect this country. Why should it surprise you that he would be especially protective of his queen? Who could be more precious to him than you?"
Briana sighed. Glenda had always been a hopeless romantic, but surely even she could see that while Alistair may care for her in some fashion, she certainly wasn't precious to him. Briana was luckier than some as she had both her father and Glenda to support her today. She knew she would need their strength to make it through the ceremony. Briana was awfully glad that she would have her veils of mourning to hide behind. At least she wouldn't have to show her tear-streaked face to everyone present.
It had been arranged ahead of time that the royal party, including Alistair, Briana, her father, Eamon, Isolde, and Teagan would meet in the library on the first floor of the palace. They would wait there until everything was ready and then they would proceed out to the gardens once the Revered Mother was ready to start the ceremony. Alistair had arrived before Briana, but Eamon, Teagan, and Isolde were already there. He had greeted them and then stood in silence, waiting.
When Briana entered the library, with her father and Glenda on either side like sentries, Eamon had glanced at Alistair. Alistair made no sign that he had even seen Briana. She made no effort to go to Alistair, either. Eamon sighed. The distance between the two was obvious, but he supposed it could only be expected with the heartbreak they were going through and the circumstances surrounding it. When one of the servants had come into the room to inform them the Revered Mother was ready for them, Alistair at last turned to Briana, who was hidden beneath her veils.
"My lady," he had said, offering his arm, but not really looking at her.
Briana had placed her hand lightly on his arm and allowed him to escort her out into the gardens. They didn't have far to go to where a huge crowd had gathered for the day's sad event. The crowd's murmuring was quickly hushed as the royal couple and their entourage came into view. The party proceeded in silence up to where Moira's small body was laid out. Wynne had cast a preservation spell on the child's remains the day she died, so she still looked exactly like she had that day. Alistair and Briana were allowed a last few minutes alone at the side of the pyre with their daughter before joining everyone else. Briana dropped her hand from Alistair's arm as she looked down at her baby, and her tears flowed freely again. She turned away, blinding seeking Glenda, her comfort at this time. Alistair stayed at his daughter's side, looking down at her for a few more minutes before leaning down to place one last kiss on her forehead. Then, he too turned away to rejoin Eamon and the others. Briana and Alistair stood with their small family group, two people with a shared grief, unable to reach out to each other.
The Revered Mother began, but Alistair didn't hear a word she said. He kept his gaze fixed on the small body lying in front of him and tuned out everything else. Therefore, it was almost a surprise to him when the fires were lit. As the smoke began to rise, he heard Briana cry out beside him. He slowly turned to her, but she had already moved away from him and was leaning on her father's arm. As Briana's cries of distress became more intense, her father and Glenda led her away, back into the palace.
Alistair watched her go with expressionless eyes. No tears of his had fallen this day. He felt totally numb, as if there was an invisible wall between him and everything else in the world. He spared a glance for the crowd. Many of the women were openly crying and wailing. He felt nothing for their supposed grief. How could they know the loss he had suffered? They had never held her in their arms, watched her as she slept, or gazed into her eyes.
He turned his attention back to the pyre. As the fire started to gutter out, the crowd began drifting away. Alistair stood in silence until the only thing left in front of him was a pile of smoking ash. It was done. She was with the Maker now. He would never forget Moira and would think of her every day of his life, his one and only daughter.
Eamon had decided to wait a day or two before he tackled the subject of Briana with Alistair. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he was, when Alistair showed up in his study the next morning ready for work.
"Alistair," Eamon said gently. "You don't have to be here. You can take some time away from the endless meetings and decision-making, you know."
"I know," he answered. "But what else do I have left? Should I just sit in my room and play make-believe wishing games? No, thank you. I'd rather work."
"What about your wife? Why don't you spend some time with her?" Eamon asked.
Alistair gave what might have generously been called a wry laugh. "Do you really think she wants me to spend time with her? I think the kindest thing I can do for her is leave her alone," he stated. He drifted off to the side of the room while pretending to concentrate on a small wall hanging.
"If you don't mind me asking, what is the situation between you and Briana?" asked Eamon. He decided that with the opening Alistair had given him he may as well address the subject now.
"Well, I think I do mind," said Alistair. "In fact, I think I mind a lot. It's none of your business, and I don't wish to discuss it," he finished firmly.
Eamon was surprised. Alistair was usually willing to follow where Eamon led. "I'm concerned that you and your wife do not seem to be happy together," Eamon tried again.
"We just lost our daughter. What do you expect?" asked Alistair.
"I would expect that you would grieve together and try to comfort each other," said Eamon.
"Sorry to disappoint," said Alistair flatly.
Eamon sighed. "I have some information you need to know," Eamon said.
"Oh?" Alistair made it a question, without turning away from the wall to face Eamon. "I'm listening."
"Wynne came to see me the day before yesterday, with news about Briana," said Eamon.
"Is that so?" asked Alistair. "What news?"
"Alistair, would you please at least look at me when you talk? I'm not willing to discuss this with your back," requested Eamon.
Alistair turned around to face Eamon, but leaned up against the wall, with his shoulders right on the wall hanging he supposedly had been studying so intently just seconds before. "What news?" he asked again as he crossed his arms and propped one foot against the wall behind him.
"The way it was explained to me is that there may be some, some difficulty with Briana's fertility after the baby's delivery," said Eamon gingerly.
"I see," said Alistair.
Eamon waited for more, but nothing was forthcoming. "I'm concerned about the likelihood of the two of you providing an heir together," Eamon finally stated. He paused, waiting for a comment from Alistair. Again, Alistair remained mute and stared at Eamon's desk with no hint of what he was thinking showing on his face. "I realize this is extremely personal, but I need to know. How much trouble is there between you and Briana? Is this just something temporary because of everything going on now or is it something more serious?" Eamon asked.
Silence filled the room. Eamon decided to wait Alistair out. He leaned back in his chair and just stared at Alistair. Finally, after several minutes, Alistair drew his eyes up to Eamon's, "It's serious," he admitted.
Eamon let out a breath. "I was afraid of that. I hate to suggest this, but maybe it would be better in the long run for both of you. Have you had any thoughts of setting her aside?"
Alistair answered quickly, "No, I won't do that."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"I must say, Eamon, you certainly do have a proclivity for suggesting that we Theirin men put aside our wives. First my brother and now me. I wonder if you would have been so quick to give my father the same advice about your sister if Cailan hadn't been born?"
Eamon's eyes narrowed. I will not respond to that. He is hurting and is just striking out where ever he can. "We were talking about you and Briana, not the past. If you aren't getting along and there is the issue of an heir, why not annul your marriage?"
There were a couple of different reasons Alistair didn't want the marriage annulled. For one thing, he had decided that there would be no heir. He would not put himself or his wife through another nine months of pregnancy only to have his child die. He'd rather the bloodline die with him than to keep trying and losing his children. He would kill no more of his own babies. If he stayed married to Briana, he could easily avoid her bed now with no excuses needed, and Eamon couldn't start looking for another woman for him to marry. He knew Elissa Cousland was still unmarried and that she would be the first woman pushed at him if he and Briana split. Deep inside himself, he also knew he hadn't been very fair to Briana over the years with the way his thoughts and feelings had turned to Lanie so often, and there was no way he wanted to humiliate her by publicly casting her off, especially just after losing the baby. He carried enough guilt about other things; he didn't need to feel guilty about that. He may make a poor husband, but at least, he hadn't broken any actual promises to her yet. No, it suited him to stay married to Briana.
"What makes you think another woman would make a difference? You know as well as I do the main trouble is me, not Briana's state of fertility as you put it, and that won't change even if I take another wife," stated Alistair.
"Will you at least think about it?" asked Eamon, though he knew the likelihood of Alistair changing his mind was small.
"No," said Alistair. "I consider the matter settled."
After his not very successful conversation with Alistair, Eamon thought that he would broach matters with Briana. He decided to wait a few days and let her work through more of her grief. At least she seemed to actually be grieving instead of locking everything up inside like Alistair was doing. He had continued to try to talk with Alistair and get the young man to let out some of his feelings, but Alistair continued to rebuff him whenever he tried.
His opportunity to approach Briana came early the following week when Alistair was out of the palace over at Fort Drakon. There was a joint exercise going on between some of the guards from Denerim and members of Maric's Shield. (Alistair had kept the name, although Ser Hugh instead of Ser Cauthrien headed the unit now.) After Ser Hugh and Captain Kylon had successfully solved the investigation into the attacks on the elven women of the Alienage, Alistair had come up with the idea of doing some practice operations in case it was ever necessary for the two units to work together. Alistair's presence had been requested by Ser Hugh, and he had left the palace with his commander and was expected back later in the day.
Shortly after lunch, Eamon had a break in his schedule, so he took the opportunity to make his way to the queen's new quarters. He had sent a page to her earlier and received permission to call upon her. Eamon hadn't often had an occasion to go to the queen's quarters when she was occupying the rooms set aside for her that adjoined Alistair's, but he was surprised how small the room she was currently staying in was. There was barely room for a bed and a small dining table for her, along with a sitting area off to the side that only comprised two small chairs and a stand between them. Surely, the palace could do better than this for Ferelden's queen.
When he came in the room, he found Briana and her maid waiting for him. Briana was sitting in a chair with some type of needlework. When he made to bow over her hand, she waved him off with a command of, "Sit, Eamon," as she pointed to the other chair. Glenda offered him refreshments, which he turned down. "Now, what can I do for you?" she asked.
"What I have to discuss with you is of a personal nature," said Eamon. "Perhaps you would like to dismiss your maid?" he suggested.
Briana gave him a long assessing look before turning to Glenda, "Why don't you go check on those flowers I wanted for the room?" she requested.
"Are you sure, my Lady?" asked Glenda.
"I'll be fine, Glenda," Briana said with a small smile. "The guards are right outside the door."
"Very well," said Glenda with a disapproving sniff. "I shall return shortly."
Briana set down the needlework she was doing. "I'm glad she's gone. I hate this stuff," she confessed. "It makes Glenda feel better to see me doing something, though. Now, what is this visit all about?" she finished.
Eamon didn't deal with Briana very often, so he had forgotten how self-possessed the young queen was. In many ways, he considered her a good match for Alistair, and he really regretted what he was going to have to say to her today.
"Well, as I said before, it's about a personal ..."
"Just say what you have to say, Eamon," broke in Briana. "You don't have to pretty it up for me."
He nodded. "Good. Wynne came to see me last week. She didn't know how to tell you or Alistair the news she had to share, so she brought it to me. I've tried to speak with Alistair about this subject, but he refuses to discuss it with me. In fact, there is not much besides business that he will talk to me about these days."
Briana just nodded and continued to look at him with her dark eyes.
"You know the importance of an heir to Alistair, correct?" asked Eamon as he realized he really didn't know how to broach this subject with her.
"Yes," she said. "I know."
"Well, there is now another issue besides Alistair's problem," Eamon informed her.
"What is it, Eamon?" she asked impatiently.
"Evidently, it has something to do with a potion Wynne gave you during the delivery," he said.
"It was ealik extract-which can cause fertility problems after the fact," said Briana thoughtfully. "I hadn't even considered that when I took the draft from Wynne," she admitted.
"Yes, I believe that was the name," he answered, relieved he didn't have to spell it all out for her. This was one benefit from Briana's healing training. "I'm sure Wynne could explain it all to you in proper detail, but from what she told me it will be difficult, although not impossible, for you to conceive again."
"Which, when added to Alistair's issue..." she trailed off.
"Yes," said Eamon. "You see the big picture. I'm sorry about everything that has occurred, but as chancellor, it is my duty to make sure the succession is secured, especially as Alistair's rule is likely to be somewhat shorter than normal. It cannot be put off for years. He must have a child and that child must have time to grow up."
"And just what do you expect me to do?" she asked.
"As I mentioned, I had a discussion with Alistair. I-I suggested to him that he have the Chantry annul your marriage," Eamon admitted.
Briana just looked at him for a few moments. Eamon didn't know her well enough to read the look on her face. Finally, she asked, "What did Alistair say to that?"
"He absolutely refused to put you aside," Eamon answered.
"I see," she said. "So, I repeat, what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to do your duty as Ferelden's queen and ensure Alistair has an heir. We both know that's the sole reason why he married you. I want you to leave Alistair, so he can marry someone who can give him the child Ferelden needs."
There was one part of her that wanted to jump up and shout, "How dare you make such a declaration to me!" However, there was another part of her that couldn't help wondering if Eamon was right. She knew what her assigned role was to have been in Alistair's life, that of mother to his child or children, if they had been so fortunate. If a child was to be denied them, she wasn't sure what her purpose was to be now.
"You do realize what you are asking from Alistair by insisting he have another child, don't you?" asked Briana.
"Yes," said Eamon. "He must try, though. There is no other choice. I know the chances are high that the same thing that happened to-to…"
"Moira," interjected Briana as her eyes filled up with tears. "Her name was Moira."
"Of course," Eamon murmured. Briana turned away from him slightly as she wiped her tears, and Eamon looked away to allow Briana time to compose herself. He felt like a total heel. It was bad enough to come and ask her to leave her husband, but now to make her cry over her daughter as well was even worse.
Finally, she said, "I will talk to Alistair, but I make no promises as to what the result will be."
"Thank you," Eamon replied as he rose to leave. "I'm so very sorry for having had to be the one to bring this news to you. It brought me no pleasure."
Two opposite reactions came out of the meeting between Briana and Eamon. Briana exited the meeting determined to talk to Alistair and see if there was anything left to be salvaged between them. According to Eamon, Alistair had refused to set her aside at Eamon's suggestion. She would really like to know the reason for that. With the troubles in their relationship, Moira's death, and now the news about the difficulty in conceiving future children, she would have thought Alistair would have jumped at the first chance he had to be rid of her.
Eamon left the meeting knowing that a confrontation with Alistair was coming. Once Briana talked to him, he knew Alistair wouldn't be pleased with him. Eamon was just doing his job; however, Alistair was the one who had made him chancellor. Ferelden's need had to come before Eamon's role as Alistair's surrogate father.