Peering over the edge of the roof it seemed like a hell of a long way down. I knew I could pull myself back up into my room if I needed to, but frankly I was tired and knowing I'm being watched has a tendency to make me clumsy. Iinstead Idecided to try peering over the other side of the roof, to see if it looked less far on that side. I came face to face with a red head blue guy. I swear it was the shock that caused me to use my best talking to five year olds voice.
"Well hell-oh," I said giving a bright patronising smile. "What are you doing here?" To be fair to me I wasn't entirely sure whether this guy was staff or student, but that still doesn't excuse the talking to five year olds voice. If it had been me I would have looked at me like I was a fruitcake. This guy gave me a smile. I gathered from the smile that he was either trailer trash or a non-US citizen. No-one with money in the States has teeth like that.
"Ms Jacobson," he said. "I'm zo pleased to meet you." He stuck out a hand as he more or less walked over the edge of the roof. The guy must have special skills for climbing because if I tried that I'd smash me head open. I shook his hand politely, still giving my best patronising smile.His hand had only three fingers, I know I'm hardly one to pass remarks about mutilated hands but his seemed to have been designed that way. Different. His blue face was etched with darker blue scar lines that crinkled with his smile. I would probably have backed away if there hadn't been a fifty foot drop behind me. Some of those scars looked new.
"Me too," I beamed idiotically. "And you are?"
"Kurt Vagner, I am also a new teacher here. I will be taking a German class this semester as well as tutoring in math, music and of course Fizz Ed."
Math-SSSS I wanted to say, but I restrained myself. "Fizz Ed?" I asked instead. Presumably it was some kind of training in drinking that nasty fizzy beer they have over here.
"Fizikal Education," he explained. "All staff are expected to participate four dayz a veek. Given you are here I vill expect zat you are interested more in the gymnastic?"
I'd been kind of blocking this one out. I hate PE, it's so damn regimented. Take swimming laps in a pool for example. What's that about? I'm in a pool I'll bounce up and down, turn somersaults, duck dive to the bottom and day dream about being some kind of aquatic creature. That's why I like going in pools. I can spend an hour pretending to be a duck. Or a turtle. Or even a jellyfish. I don't want to swim up and down for the sake of my soul. Jellyfish don't do laps. They are well known for it. Similarly, if I'm going to ride a bike I want to coast down hills with my feet on the handle bars and occasionally fall off into a bush. I have no interest in sitting on a stationary bike and to see how far I can get today, and then come back the next day and try and beat it! I don't want to know how far I travelled to get nowhere and how fast I went there. And if I'm going to play football, I'll be honest, when I play football I want to hack people in the shins and then claim they fouled me. All the while humming the tune from 'Match of the Day'. The whole idea of dribbling round cones and doing keepy-ups brings me over all sleepy.
"Ah," I said. "Mm."
"I wanted to say congratulations on gettink the job," he told me.
"Thanks," I said.
"I thought your lesson was really fun."
My blood ran cold in my veins. "You were watching?" I asked. "How were you watching?"
"Zere are webcams in all ze classrooms," he said. "You did not know this?" It must have been the dinner plate eyes that gave it away. I took a step backwards in shock and sat down heavily. Or rather didn't, because there was nothing behind me on which to sit.
"Oh," I said quietly as I toppled off the roof.