Note: Please see Prologue for warning, copyright and disclaimer information.

Salem

I found a place ten minutes from Corrine's apartment and not too far from St. Stephen's, the Society of Leopold's house in Salem. The apartment wasn't anything special, but it was someplace to crash when I needed to be alone, and it gave me somewhere to keep the answering machine I needed to have for Kate to get a hold of me.

I talked to the prince a few times on the phone, usually when I had an emergency and couldn't get a hold of Kate. Her name was Elvira Van Dorn and she warned me that there would be no 'foolishness' in Salem as there had been elsewhere. I assured her there wouldn't be and I meant it, mostly because I couldn't risk loosing the clan's protection for Corrine.

She gave me the name of another Tremere I could contact with information if I needed to, but warned me not to go into detail about the 'agreement' I had with the clan. I guess Ford didn't want to advertise the fact that he had a vulnerability that could be used against him. For real now, if I was his enemy and knew that he'd have to die if anything happened to Corrine, I'd be sure to use that to my advantage.

Kate was in her glory thinking she had me at her beck and call. It didn't take me long to set her straight, and when I did she was pissed. I had to deal with her because that was the arrangement, but neither of us liked it much. I knew she was using an alias, but she wouldn't tell me what it was. It took me almost a month to figure out exactly where she was staying, but I didn't let her know I knew.

The vamps in town were the same as vamps anywhere. Any of them that looked too closely at me thought I was a ghoul and I'd stopped trying to correct those a long time ago. Only one of them gave me real problems, and I took care of him quick enough.

He was Brujah, which meant he had more muscle and speed than brains. I caught him following me around town a couple of times but I lost him pretty quickly. Then one night I was walking on one of the piers near dawn and didn't feel him coming until it was too late. My only way around him was to fight or swim and I really didn't want to get wet.

I tried playing stupid, but he didn't buy it for long. When I tried to get past him he was just fast enough to catch me. He dragged me kicking and fighting over to the edge of a nearby warehouse telling me the whole time to relax, that I'd enjoy it. I knew better.

Memories of Luther's punishment kept ripping through my mind and I had a hard time concentrating on the here and now. I haven't tasted fear in my mouth too many times in my life, but that was one of them.

The instant he sunk his fangs into me I snapped out of it. My hands found a stake and I drove it through his chest and pulled away from him. His teeth tore through the skin of my neck on the way out and I knew I'd have a hell of a scar. He fell to the ground, lifeless.

I stood over him for the longest time with blood trickling down my neck. I wanted to kill him, but he was one of Salem's five known Brujah. Destroying him would mean going against Ford's explicit instructions. I wasn't supposed to kill any vamp without orders coming through my contract unless it meant blowing my cover with the Society.

What was I supposed to do? The sun would be up soon so I couldn't just leave him there, but I wasn't about to let him go. I dragged him inside the warehouse and made a quick phone call to the prince's house. I let the puppy who answered the phone know where I was leaving the bastard and went back to my apartment.

It took some doing to hide the bite from my co-workers at St. Stephen's, but I managed. Even harder was hiding it from Corrine. When she noticed the bandage under my high collar, I told her that one of the children who came into the church had bitten me. She looked at me funny, but she didn't push it.

Corrine was happy I was living in the same town with her again, but not as happy as I was. I mean, I couldn't spend as much time as I wanted to with her, but at least I could keep an eye on her, make sure she stayed safe. Sometimes it felt like I had a normal life, you know? Like I'd never signed the contract and I was free to live life the way I wanted to.

Soon I was going to her apartment every Sunday night for dinner. She's a good cook, which she definitely didn't get from me. Martina had tried to teach me, but I guess I'm better at destroying things than fixing them because her lessons never took.

When we started spending more time together, I think she realized how limited my budget was. She kept trying to give me money, but I didn't want it. How could I explain to her that I could have had all the money I ever wanted, but that she was more important? That would bring up too many questions about what I did and where her trust fund came from and I didn't want that. I didn't want her money, either.

St. Stephen's was just like any other Cenaculum I'd stayed at. Most of the people seemed overzealous and over worked, but everyone lived for the greater purpose; eliminating the supernatural. I tried not to wonder what they would do if they found out I was one.

A few of the guys seemed interested in dating me, but I set them straight quick enough. I don't date, ever. No man in this world could compare to Mac Brennan and there's nothing I can do to change that.

The change of scenery hadn't change anything in my heart. I still dreamed about Mac from time to time, still wished he were with me. I would have given anything for him to see Corrine and the way she was growing up. I knew he'd be proud of her.

It was strange though. Here I was, a few months shy of twenty years alone, and I still couldn't look at anyone else and think about what it would be like to be with them. Oh, I know that what had happened in Burlington didn't help matters, but even before then I can remember thinking that I'd be alone the rest of my life.

The thing was, I didn't feel like I was alone. I still found myself thinking of things to tell Mac and wanting to cry when I remembered he wasn't around to tell them to.

I didn't relive the raid in my dreams as much as I used to, but I did still dream about that night in Baltimore, the night my life shattered. I kept trying to tell myself that it didn't matter any more, but I knew it was a lie.

One night I was walking through the streets of Salem toward a house Charity thought a Changeling lived at. I was supposed to scout out the house and see if there were any signs like fairy rings or something like that. Like they advertise or something, I honestly don't know what she was thinking.

So anyway, I was walking down the street about an hour after sundown and I saw this car coming down the street. I wouldn't have paid it any attention, but since it was dark I had my feelers out and I could feel that there were vamps in the car, but that wasn't what threw me.

I saw the driver first off. He was a fairly good-looking man for a vamp, I guess. There was a woman sitting next to him who was turned around to talk to the men in the back seat. I didn't really notice the third person in the car, but the quick glimpse I had of the forth man made me stop and stare after the car.

Several long minutes later I shook myself and headed down an alley. I sat down at the base of a fence and buried my head in my hands. I was going insane, that was the only explanation. After all these years, I was finally loosing my mind.

There was no way I'd really seen what I'd thought I'd seen. No way. Mac was dead and if he weren't, he sure as hell wouldn't be in a car full of vamps. If he weren't dead he'd have met me on the mountain twenty years ago, I know he would have. We'd sworn to meet there no matter what.

For real now, that hadn't been the first time I'd ever turned around and for just a moment thought I'd seen him there. Hell, I knew it was crazy, but sometimes when I was alone I still talked to him like he was standing right next to me. But this time he had just seemed so real.

It took me a while, but I finally got myself together enough so that I felt like I could walk without falling on my face. Instead of scouting out the house I'd been sent to spy on, I went back to my apartment.

I looked around at the bare rooms and remembered how happy I'd been to furnish our apartment in Baltimore. I laid down on the beanbag with my head on my arm and stared at the only picture I had of the two of us together. If I closed my eyes I knew I could feel his hands on me, his lips pressed to mine.

Damn, it was way past time for me to get over this. Mac was dead, and he'd always be dead and no figment of my overactive imagination would change that, ever. I had to get over it or go crazy and I seriously didn't think I'd be able to protect Corrine from a mental institution.

I laid down on the mattress that served as a bed and tried to sleep. I reached out and touched the space beside me where Mac would have slept if he were alive. If I pretended real hard, I could imagine the spot was warm and that he'd just gotten out of bed. If I closed my eyes and tried hard enough, I could almost smell him on the sheets.

What would he think if he could see me now? Would he hate me for the things I did to keep our child safe? Would he blame me for his death? I think he would at least be very disappointed that I hadn't fought the vamps to my own death.

And you know, I had to wonder if we'd still be together if the vamps hadn't raided our apartment. Maybe our love would have died a quiet death just like everyone else's seems to now days. Maybe he would have gotten tired of killing vampires. Maybe I would have. There was nothing to say that we would have still been together, was there?

No, there wasn't anything that told me Mac and I would have made it. Just every beat of my heart, every breath I take. I've only loved two people in my life. One died on me, and the other one I watch over the best I can. I can't imagine it ever being any different.

So I lie in the bed that I've made and watch the sky lighten through the window. I try not to think of the blood on my hands or the deaths on my conscience. Instead I remember the dark hair and handsome face that once smiled at me with love. I think about what it was like to live with him, to love him, and I wait.

I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe for the night I finally don't make it back from one of the hunts the Society sends me on. Maybe for Corrine to grow old and die so that I can just walk off into the night. Or maybe I'm waiting for my heart to finally mend so I can finally get over losing Mac and get on with my life. Yeah, like that's going to happen any time soon.

Screw this waiting crap.