Nora Valkyrie watched the holographic screens in front of her with a full sense of exhaustion. All over the city, skirmishes were breaking out between her evil minions, led by James Ironwood, and the American soldiers. A video screen on the left side of the table showed a steady stream of leaders from other nations condemning her for aiding Gandhi's nuclear holocaust. Another projected map displayed the number of nations currently hostile to Vale's humble dominion, all colored in bright red. Numerous other blips showed where her scouts had encountered the presence of enemy troops, all of which seemed to be converging on Vale.
Why does being the main bad guy have to be so hard?
Enemies were propping up everywhere. Even though Nora didn't control anything outside of her own company and Gilgamesh, people still saw her as the de facto Queen of Vale. She was fine with that, cause she was the Queen of the Castle and all, but it led to so many problems, which she would rather just shove onto someone else.
Ironwood, The Monarch, Gauron, and some of her other valued minions had helped to restore order in the city and keep some of the invading armies at bay. Nora had also sent Gilgamesh to help them with their task, but it was only a matter of time before her enemies came in with bigger guns. Plus, she was pretty sure that some of her underlings were planning on betraying her because they all saw her as a stupid airhead.
Her head slammed into the marble table. "My brain hurts!"
Nora felt the soft, metallic touch of her robot boyfriend Ren on her shoulder.
Shortly after, Winter Schnee gently lifted her chin up and turned Nora round to face her. "What exactly is the matter, Miss Valkyrie?"
"Everything! Everyone is trying to kill me and now I can't focus on my mission to torture Weiss because a bunch of stupid politicians are trying to take over my land just because some stupid dummy-head decided to give Gandhi the secret passwords to the Pentagon's defense systems! Why does everything have to be so goddamn complicated? I just want to be the main bad guy of the story and make Weiss pay for stealing my pancakes! It's not like I want to take over the world or anything!"
Nora reached into the drawer underneath the meeting room table to acquire her death note, but then she remembered she had the thing burned because everyone was trying to kill Barney, Beato, General Ironwood, and Bear in the Big Blue House with it. It didn't seem to work anyway, seeing how they were all still alive despite their names being written in it a thousand times.
Nora reached over an pressed down on a button so that the flashing lights and noises coming from the table wouldn't distract her from her queenly duties. When she looked up, the vampire girl saw an all to familiar figure.
"Spiderman!"
Well, he wasn't actually Spiderman because he looked more like a mechanical toy spider than anything else, but Nora decided to call him Spiderman because he was shaped like a spider and he could talk. Nora couldn't remember his actual name - it was something like Chakarovara-something or some other lame-ass name - but Spiderman was a lot easier to remember. Besides, Italian Spiderman and Spoderman were already taken. He was also shiny and made out of gold because Winter had enough muniez to make him out of that stuff, and he also sounded like that one really sneaky guy from Game of Thrones who was also called Spiderman or something like that because he didn't have any balls.
"Is there anything that you would like my assistance for, Pancake Queen?"
"I wonder what Jesus would do in this sort of situation."
"Errm…" The Golden Spider paused for a moment. "I'm afraid I am not all too familiar with the subject of Christianity, other than it being a popular religion within the United States. But, based on my records, I do believe he would find it most prudent to dispatch of one's enemies with the power of Kung Fu."
Winter circled around the mostly empty table to where Nora could see her without turning. "Perhaps if I might make a suggestion…"
"Well, your ideas are usually good." In fact, Nora usually deferred to Winter for advice, especially since she always helped her with her math homework and dealt with all the boring crap like taxes and making company regulations and stuff. "So, what are your thoughts?"
"I think we should look at our potential alliances."
"But everyone wants to kill me!" exclaimed Nora.
"Remember Hermes?"
"Who's that again?"
"The Parsian prince we recently let go. The guy who looks like Adam Taurus. Right now, he should be gathering forces to press his claim on the Pars throne. Provided we maintain good relationships with him, that should secure Iran under our fold. Legitimizing his claim, and thus allowing the population at large to associate Prince Arslan with Gandhi's rash actions, will hopefully draw some of our enemies' attention towards Weiss, which will be good for our overall position.
"We can also channel some of our funds towards the Serbian government, which should guarantee their support.
"We may also be able to secure Skyrim's support by legitimizing King Stannis's claim to the Iron throne, provided we can find him. Alternatively, we could use our own plant."
"Red spy?"
"Precisely."
"But… what if he betrays us?" As logical as Winter's proposals sounded, there was always the possibility that some of their so-called friends would just gut them like cornish game hens in the end.
"Unlikely. He won't gain anything by doing so. Besides, I've already taken a few precautions to ensure he remains cooperative."
The mechanical spider on the table then cut into the conversation, "Uh, Miss Winter, Miss Valkyrie. I don't mean to interrupt, but perhaps there are other issues that we should discuss."
"Such as?"
The Golden Spider twiddled its two foremost appendages. "Perhaps we should not be focusing so much on what threats lie on the mortal plane. As hopeless as our situation may seem, the current arsenal at our disposal is more than sufficient to fend off any threats to your rule, Miss Valkyrie, even without my assistance.
"I would be more worried, however, about the activity that's going on in the underworld. My spider senses have picked up something quite strange. There is something down there, my Sloth Queen, and it is ascending rapidly, much more quickly than what I would have ever thought possible.
"If we do not act, Miss Valkyrie, the dead will no longer remain dead."
"Well what could possibly be so bad down there? It's all just a bunch of lame towers anyway." Indeed, Nora had briefly seen the depths of Naraku as she was recovering from Weiss's attack, and there was practically nothing there.
"Back when I was at the height of my power, there was only one individual who had escaped that endless purgatory, that one man who dared defy my divine authority. I have made the error of permitting one man's ascension; I cannot allow that mistake to ever happen again."
Considering that even Spiderman was afraid of whatever was lying in the depths of hell and purgatory, Nora knew she couldn't just simply ignore his warning, even though he was nothing more than a toy spider made out of gold. "So," asked Nora, "why don't you do something about it?"
"It is impossible to stop someone from ascending the towers of Naraku so long as that person has sufficient determination in their heart; it is only possible to delay them. It would be better if we used our time to prepare for when that eventuality arises. In the meantime, I shall…"
"That will not be necessary," said Winter Schnee. "I will dedicate some of our resources to deal with this threat from the underworld, or Naraku as you call it."
"But Miss Schnee," said the Golden Spider, "we are short on manpower as is!"
Winter made a delicate wave of her hand, "It is as you say, Chakravartin, we have more than sufficient resources to deal with whatever comes at us, so long as we deal with each of our problems one at a time."
"Thanks, Winter!" Nora leapt up from her seat and gave her esteemed treasurer a great big hug. "You're the best big sis ever!"
Nora felt Winter's warm chest press up against her own, along with the soft pat of her hands on her back. Ren seemed to have wandered to the front of the room in order to investigate some stuff on one of the hidden side computers.
After about half a minute, Winter pushed the young vampire queen away. "I appreciate it, Nora. Now, perhaps you would be interested in that new shipment that came in from Disney World the other day."
"Yay! Come on Ren! Lets open up our Christmas presents!"
Ren, Nora, and Winter began to walk out of the meeting room in order to head for the package room on the second floor. Even though Winter was not her actual sister and she could be a bit rough at times, she always seemed to be there for Nora. Hell, if it wasn't for her, Nora would have never been able to start up her corporation of supervillainy dedicated to torturing Weiss and killing all her friends. She always seemed to have good ideas cause she was super-smart, and the fact she had gathered so many people together - Nora couldn't even remember their names half the time - was pretty amazing in and of itself.
All in all, Winter was like a fairy godmother to her.
The false priest walked back into the grand throne room and approached Lord Disney's high seat. Standing on the metal flooring besides his majesty was Major Stroheim, Pajama Sam, and Wolf O'Donnell.
"Ah, Mr. Kotomine, I trust that everything is going well with the Disney Grail War?"
"Everything is going exactly as you have arranged, Lord Disney. Saber, Lancer, Rider, Berserker, and Caster have already been summoned. All that remains is the question of Archer and one more cavalry-type servant."
"And what are your plans for getting the other two servants into play?"
"I have already made arrangements with the French government for securing an Archer class relic. It is also rumored that Gwonam possesses an artifact capable of summoning an Assassin class servant, even though this does not follow the normal procedures for said class. If we do not see results on that end, our compatriots in the Mickey Mouse Club are looking into securing another relic for us to use."
"Not bad," said Wolf.
The Lord of Disney World clasped his hands together. "Your performance as admirable as always, Mr. Kotomine."
"It is the highest honor to receive your gratitude, Lord Disney," Kirei said, as he knelt before his liege.
"Thank you." Lord Disney then turned to his three associates on the ground below, "Major, Wolf, Pajama Sam, head over to the lab and proceed with Alpha Protocol-8. We want to be prepared for when the Pillar Man awakens."
The three of them bowed out and then proceeded out a gate towards the left side of the room.
"Now Mr. Kotomine," said the man formerly known as Lord Farquaad, "is there any other news that you'd like to share?"
"There is someone who would like to see you."
"Oh," the Lord of Disney World remarked, "and who would that be?"
"A young boy by the name of Stewie Griffin. He might be young for our company's standards, but I can assure you he is quite gifted. He is also a former operative of Nora Valkyrie's Evil Enterprise of Doom, so he may have some information that's worthwhile."
"Bring him in…"
Fire Lord Ozai watched his fleet creep towards the Valian coastline from the observation deck high atop his flagship. It was one of the finest ships modern science and technology had to offer, even considering the major upsets and discoveries that came about as a result of the GamerGate fiasco.
This land, and all its wretched inhabitants, will soon belong to me.
Indeed, there was no other man more deserving than the Phoenix King to rule over Vale and its people; they would be integrated into the Fire Nation or they would all perish in a fiery holocaust. But even so, Vale was only a mere stepping stone for an even greater prize.
The Iron Throne.
He had heard about the squabbling amongst the other five Kings, but his advisers had told him to wait until the opportunity was ripe. Even for a man so righteous as himself, Ozai considered it wise to listen to their advice. They had served quite well under Professor Ozpin before his disappearance, and the fact they were former members of the Spanish Inquisition was nothing to take lightly.
Indeed, no one would expect a sixth claimant to the Iron Throne.
Once the lands of the Iron Throne, and Vale by extension, belonged to him, he would be well poised to place the rest of the continent under his hegemony, and with no one else to challenge him, he would be well on his way to becoming God-Emperor of Mankind.
It was a shame his daughter had run off to some third-rate business venture instead of running affairs at home.
Out of the corner of his eye, the Fire Lord saw the head of the Engineering Department, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, approach from behind.
"I say," said the tall, round-bellied, lanky-armed robotics technician, "this is quite beautiful weather we're having this fine afternoon."
Ozai watched as flashes and fireworks erupted out of Vale out in the distance. In spite of the fact that he was the only one worthy for the crown of Vale, there were others foolish enough to claim the crown for themselves, as much as they claimed they wanted to oust Ironwood and Nora for their collaboration with Gandhi. Still, he would have to act quickly before one of those Britannian princes could steal the city from under his nose.
"It do suppose it's quite nice, though personally I'd prefer a bit more smoke and flames. Perhaps we should go out for a picnic once we've cleared the city of any undesirables."
"Ah yes!" Dr. Robotnik slapped his hand on the iron railing nearby, "Nothing quite tops off a fresh conquest like some fresh shrimp on the barbie! On a Tuesday even!" Eggman let out a hearty laugh. "As I was about to say, I can't seem to thank you enough for taking me onto this grand venture of yours."
Dr. Robotnik was a convenient pawn, that much was true, and he had proved quite useful so far. Thanks to his technical expertise, along with some of the assets he lent to Ozai's personal retinue, the Fire Nation fleet was unmatched in the entire world. Still, the man could be a bit of an annoyance, especially with his incessant small talk. The fat man spoke a bit more than the Phoenix King would have liked, and such men were more likely than not to let something slip.
Perhaps he would have to introduce him to The Boiling Rock sometime later.
Dr Robotnik then turned from the window to face Ozai. "You should show a bit more excitement, your majesty! We're about to subdue an entire nation! Just think about it! Once we have all of Vale's Dust reserves and their transformable-weapon technology, our robots will be better than ever! Who knows, maybe we'll be able to integrate some of the region's so-called 'Grrm' into our new designs! You know what they say, the more the merrier!"
Ozai silently grumbled as he looked out at his fleet and the city beyond. In spite of the doctor's faults, the man still had his uses. Indeed, not even the Americans could boast of a fleet to match his own, especially after recently acquiring that small flotilla of semi-sentient ships complete with disintegrating ion cannons.
All of Remnant will soon belong to me.
The Fire Lord then pressed the button for the microphone strapped onto his person, which allowed him to communicate with the entire fleet.
"All ships, commence Operation Firestorm."
A/N: Hi everyone! Hope y'all are still enjoying this. I was originally going to include a section that shows what's going on with the Malachite Sisters and whatnot, but I ultimately decided not to because nothing's really happening on their end at this point in the story.
I'm not sure whether adding another faction at this point in the story was a good idea, considering how much of a clusterfuck Hoboverse!Remnant is already, but I've kinda been planning on this for some time, so I figured I might as well just go with it. I hope I'm not going to regret this decision later.
Also, I should probably try making a map of what "Remnant" looks like in this story at some point, cause if it isn't obvious already, Hoboverse!Remnant looks fairly different from canon!Remnant. I'll probably make an announcement when I get around to doing it.
I'm going to be going out of town in a week or two, so there might be slightly larger gap than usual between when I post updates during that time.
Now that this brief interlude is up, the Assault on Vale arc should be starting next update. So, anyway, Happy Holidays everyone! If you have any questions about the story, be sure to comment/pm me or whatnot, and be sure to favorite/subscribe if you like this story.