Thanks to everyone who reviewed previous chapters, love you so much 3

It was like everything in front of him stopped, and he saw it from every angle: the two of them, just standing there kissing. The guy he hated and the girl he...

He couldn't even react. He just stood there, numb. His body was numb, his mind was numb, his heart was numb. No, it wasn't. In that moment, his heart was anything but numb.

It was cracking in half, and if he didn't do something soon, it would surely shatter.

But what was there to do? The two people in front of him kept kissing, not even noticing he was there. A low gasp suddenly escaped him, and Lily broke apart and looked around. When she saw and recognized him, the look on her face was too much for James. He turned round slowly, and stepped back through the Portrait Hole.

His mind was clouded by the drink, and his body seemed to respond a little too slowly. In a second he was in the Common Room, and in two he was back in the dormitory. It was empty: the others must still be down at the party, he thought.

He lay down on his bed, trying desperately to stop his mind from wandering to what he had just witnessed. It was something he had never wanted to see, and which he thought he never would.

Well, there had been times when he had wondered... What with Lily and Snivellus being so close... And it had been obvious to everyone that that git fancied her like mad. But he had dismissed it as pure paranoia, for what did he have, to be paranoid about? Lily had never been his in the first place, he thought miserably.

Anyway, Lily wasn't the kind of girl you could call "yours". She was rather more liberal than James had thought at first, but he liked it. She wasn't the kind of girl who would just depend on a guy, or on a guy's wishes, and that's why James knew that if she was kissing Snivellus, it was because she wanted to. She wouldn't have been forced or convinced into it.

Also, Lily wasn't the sort of girl who just kissed a guy for no reason. Or for fun. She would only ever kiss someone if she liked him a lot, James knew that.

The way she had been kissing that git broke James' heart.

He was so busy wallowing in hurt and self-pity that he barely heard the knock on the door. He did notice, however, when the door opened and the girl he was thinking of stepped inside.

"Hi," she said.

Hi? Is that the best you can think of after I see you snogging that evil git? But he said nothing.

"I, er... I don't really know what to say." She sat down on the bed, right next to him.

"Then don't say anything."

"I feel like I have to, though. I'm really sorry you had to see that."

"Look, Evans, it's a free country, you're allowed to kiss whoever you want," said James. He stood up and leaned against the wall, looking at her. "Why are you even here? I'm not your boyfriend, you don't have to justify yourself to me."

His words were cold, and a shiver ran down Lily's spine. It hurt to hear him speak like that, although she knew he was right. "I don't know why I'm here, really. I just thought-"

"Well don't, okay?" he threw at her. "You don't owe me an apology, you don't owe me anything. Leave me alone, go off with Snivellus or something."

Lily winced. "James, I-"

"You what? You didn't want to kiss him? You looked like you were enjoying yourself when I got there."

"James, I regret ever-"

"You regret having kissed him? Why? Because I saw you?"

Lily didn't say anything, just looked at him, but James began to feel the anger forming inside him.

"Look, Evans, you're allowed to kiss whoever you want, okay? It's none of my business who you snog. I'm not your boyfriend, I don't own you, so why are you even here?" She remained silent. "It's because you know I love you, isn't it? You know I've been in love with you for what seems like forever. But even so, you don't have to explain yourself to me. You don't... But go on, say something! Anything!"

Still she didn't answer, just kept looking right into his eyes. James felt the ache in his heart, knowing that there was no going back after what he had just said.

Lily was completely still, her head resting against one of the posts of the bed. The irony of the situation, of him having the girl he loved in his bed, struck him and he suddenly laughed. She looked at him, wondering if he had lost leave of his senses, but James couldn't help it.

"James, are you okay?" she asked him.

He laughed again (because how was he going to be okay after this, ever?), but after a while the chuckles subsided. "It's ridiculous, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"All of this. You, me... Snivellus."

"Don't call him that," Lily sighed.

"Oh, it's true, though. What's the point of any of it? Why do we even bother with love?" He was quiet for a second. "Man, that was deep."

Lily couldn't help herself, and a small smile pulled up the corner of her mouth. She patted the place beside her, and James sat down there.

"I'm so tired." She leaned her head on his shoulder, and it rested there perfectly, just right.

"Well, imagine if you'd just played a Quidditch match, imagine how tired you'd be then..." He yawned. Lily did too, and he noticed how cute she looked when she rubbed her eyes so sleepily. But then suddenly she looked serious again. She moved her head, and readjusted her position, so she was sitting cross-legged in front of him.

"James, I want to tell you something."

"Okay..."

"It's going to take a long time to explain..." She nibbled at her lip, not sure if she should really go through with this.

"No problem. The guys will be downstairs for ages yet."

"Alright, then." She took a deep breath, and began to speak. "As you know, I come from a family of Muggles." He nodded. "Well, around the age of four, I began to show signs of magic. At the time, no one knew what it was. My parents were completely baffled, and my sister was wary of me. I grew up feeling different to everyone around me. To be honest, I was terrified: of not being accepted, of not being able to control what I did... There were accidents, you see. Nothing serious, but things like Petunia's hair falling off, stuff like that. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know if I could do anything... And then I met Sev." Her expression was almost blank, but James could tell that what she was telling him was important to her. "I was eight or nine, I think. I was going through a rebellious phase, you know? My parents were like "you don't know what you're doing, don't do it", and my sister tried to stop me. She couldn't, of course. When Snape first appeared, she was terrified. Neither of us liked him at first. But then I got to know him, and I was really happy. Because at last, there was an explanation to what I could do. I wasn't alone anymore." Her eyes narrowed as she remembered something, but she didn't cry. "I was worried about being Muggleborn. But he... he said it didn't matter. He told me not to worry about it. He knew so much, about Dementors, and Azkaban, and the Ministry... I believed him."

"Lily, it doesn't matter..."

"I know it doesn't, but I also realize now that it does matter to some people, me being a Muggleborn. But anyway... Sev became a big part of my life. He was the friend I could truly rely on, he was always there for me, especially when I needed him the most... I remember this one time, I set fire to the teacher's desk in the middle of my Maths class. No one found out it was me, but the teacher burnt her hand. I felt so guilty... I ran home crying, but my parents didn't understand, so I went to the park, and he was there. He always was." Her breath caught for a second, but she still tried to stay calm. "And then, at last, we were eleven. We were so excited, it was unbelievable. I barely knew anything about Hogwarts at the time, but Sev kept saying he wanted to be in Slytherin, so I just thought I would be too."

"Remember that first day on the train?" said James.

"Of course," Lily smiled. "You and Sirius really wanted to be in Gryffindor, and Sev wanted the exact opposite. What did he say: if you'd rather be...?"

""Well, if you'd rather be brawny than brainy..."" he imitated Severus' voice.

"Yeah, that was it... He got Sorted into Slytherin, as you know, and I got Sorted into Gryffindor. He was... annoyed. He said Gryffindor was the worst House to be in, it was full of show-offs. But I started making friends, you know... Avril, and the rest in my dormitory... They were fun to be with, although it wasn't special like with Severus. I was still friends with him, though, so that was okay." A dark expression clouded her eyes. "But then he started hanging around guys like Mulciber, and Rosier... They loathed people like me, and to be honest, I loathed them back. I mean, you know what they're like." James nodded. "He started hanging around with them more and more, and sometimes he'd say he couldn't meet up because he was with them. And then... Well, you were there, you know what happened. We were both stressed because of our OWLs, but that was no excuse. It was like someone had opened my eyes, and I finally saw Sev for what he really was: a horrible, Muggle-hating Slytherin." She was quiet for a moment, then took a deep breath. "But I couldn't forget what we'd had. It had been so special, just the two of us... I couldn't just let go. So every time he came to tell me he was sorry, I listened. Maybe I was hoping he would convince me, say something that really excused what he had done... But he was always "I shouldn't have said that to you", instead of "I shouldn't have thought that". That was the problem, that he still thought like that. This summer was terrible, I was so bored... Pet wasn't talking to me, although that's nothing new. I didn't really have anyone to talk to, except the occasional letter from the girls..."

"It must have been awful."

"It was, although at least it wasn't too long. Then the term started again, and that was great," she smiled. "But then Sev started approaching me again, saying he was sorry, like he hadn't said it a million times before. And tonight..."

"What was that coin you were looking at?"

"Oh, yes, that..." She took it out of her pocket, and handed it to James. It looked exactly like a normal galleon, except for the fact that around the edge it said "I'm outside the Fat Lady. Please come?". "It's a coin, we enchanted it with a Protean Charm so it says whatever we need it to say."

"That's pretty cool, actually," James handed her back the coin.

"Yeah. So he sent me that message, and I just thought I should go and hear him out. I saw him there, and it was like... like nothing had even happened. Like he'd never called me a Mudblood. It was like the old times, when it was just Sev and me. He apologized, and I think for a second I was ready to forgive him. Maybe not to forget, but at least to forgive?" She sighed. "I don't know. But then he said... he told me he loved me."

James' heart felt like a fist, clenching and un-clenching as she spoke. It was painful, but she kept on.

"Then he just kissed me. Just like that. To be honest, I was too shocked to react at first, but then... I kissed him back."

Ouch, James thought, as his heart gave another throb. "Do you love him?" he asked her. He was not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"No!" she looked shocked. "Of course not."

"Then why did you kiss him back?"

She was silent. "I don't know. I was... confused? Really, I have no idea. I shouldn't have kissed him back, I realize that now. But I just missed him so much..."

James was glad that Lily was not the sort of person who cried a lot. He wasn't that great at comforting crying girls. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Again, I don't know. What do you think I should do?" she looked at him, straight into his eyes.

"You're asking me for advice?"

She nodded.

"Lily, I have no idea. But I guess this is something you should try and sort out? Are you sure you don't love him?"

"I don't think so. If I loved him, I probably couldn't have told him we wouldn't be friends anymore. I just miss him..."

James didn't say anything, because what was there to say? So he moved closer and put his arms round her.

"Why did he have to do that?" she said. "Why did he have to kiss me? He's just bringing back old memories..."

"He probably misses you too, you know."

She looked at him. "James, why are you so good to me? You just saw me kissing your worst enemy, and now you're trying to comfort me... why?"

"You know why."

Lily could see the pain, almost physical, etched on his face: in the hard line of his jaw, in the sad look of his eyes. It broke her heart to see him like this.

The door burst open, and Sirius appeared in the doorway. He had his tie knotted round his head, and was holding onto the frame of the door, as if he were about to fall over.

"Oops," he said, slurring the word. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, no," Lily said, standing up. "I was just going. I guess I'll see you around, James."

"See you," he said, but she was already out of the door.

Sirius flopped down on his own bed. "I was interrupting, wasn't I?"

"Nah..." James sighed. "There's nothing to interrupt." But then why was he feeling like that was exactly what had happened? And why was Lily, already in her own dormitory, feeling the same?

I'm not sure about this chapter, so please tell me what you think. Especially if it's Constructive Criticism :)