Friday October 9th: Week 5, Day 25
"CLASS IS IN SESSION!" the Ganondorf recording screamed. They all pondered on how it got back in there.
"Seriously, where is Mogenar? I know that you were there!" Mewtwo demanded.
"I keep telling you, one minute your deer were there and the next moment everyone was gone, I saw nothing!" Fox defended.
"Then what was with the blood smears?"
"That was… Rayquaza's…"
Mario was looking at his watch, counting down the time until Captain Falcon entered the room. "Three… two… one…" The door burst open and Mario leaped, hugging the man's leg. "You're back!"
"Relinquish my leg otherwise I will ANNIHILATE you."
Mario screamed and ran back as Ganondorf used his now free leg to walk over to his desk. "B-but you're supposed to be in jail!"
Ganondorf snorted. "Only thing keeping me out were two heavily fortified stone walls and 500 armed guards, 30 of which were snipers. It easy as killing you!" Ganondorf pulled out a few sheets of paper. "Let's see, my schedule today is GANONBALL! Who wants to do something else?"
"It would make me feel better if we did," Ness said.
"YOU QUESTION MY DECISION YOU INSOLENT DICK-EATER?! DIE, DIE HORRIBLY AND EXCTUCIATINGLY PAINFULLY!" He used the sheets of paper to paper cut Ness to death.
"You're using a lot of big words now, did you finally learn English?" Marth questioned.
"NO QUESTIONS!" Ganondorf shot lightning from his fingers, but Marth ducked and it hit Kirby who imploded and burst, sending flames everywhere. "And I read dictionary while bored."
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING?" Marth screamed.
"NO QUESTIONS!" Ganondorf shot lightning from his fingers, and once again Marth ducked, this time killing Pikachu. "Hmm, Peach is low on steroids, she seems to have returned to normal. I cannot allow this!"
"Wait, I'm okay though!" Peach defended but Ganondorf injected her. "Damn you, you glass eating whore!"
The door burst open and Captain Falcon dashed in. "Sorry about being late, my AWESOME car wouldn't work, someone filled the AWESOME gas tank with C4 which would explode once what the hell is Ganondorf doing here?"
-Office-
"WellIspentplentyoftimelookingoveryourresumeandcheckeditrepeatedly. AfterplentyofthinkingIeventuallycametotheconclusionthatyou'rereadytobeabossinBrawl. WelcometotheteamRayquaza,we'llgetsomeonetoteachyouabitmoreeventually."
Rayquaza stared at the hand sitting behind a desk. "Could you repeat that last everything?" he asked. Master Hand shoved Crazy Hand out of his chair.
"Sorry about that," he said, sitting down and putting on reading glasses. Yeah, you read right.
"Do you seriously need glasses?"
"Nah, they make me look sophisticated! However, I'm forced to tell you that we don't quite think you're ready to be a boss." He looked and saw that Crazy Hand had already signed his papers as acceptance. "Fuck it! I'm too lazy to go through the crap to change this so you're in."
"Sweet, go technicalities!"
-Class-
"Shouldn't you go back to the AWESOME jail Ganondorf?"
"Just go back Ganon," Mario said.
"DID YOU JUST ORDER ME?" He was inches from Mario's face with a sword in the plumber's throat. "The only ones who can order me are Captain Crunch and ROB, and I don't believe that I'll be seeing them anytime soon!"
"That's great Ganondorf, kill more people, that will keep you out of jail," Marth said, clapping sarcastically. He ducked under another beam of lightning. "Can't you shoot that at someone else for once?"
"Sure!" Ganondorf shot it at Bowser who ducked, making it hit a mirror and bounce toward Marth. The swordsman leaped out of his desk as it imploded. Ganondorf blew his smoking finger like a gun.
"Ganondorf," Captain Falcon began, "due to the fact that you're a wanted felon I hold it in my AWESOME duty to take you back to jail where you can AWESOMEly serve out your AWESOME sentence. I can take you back easily or by AWESOME force."
"YES!" Ganondorf screamed, holding a Gameboy Colour. "8 years… it took 8 year, but I have finally caught Mewtwo! Time to transfer it up to my newer game so I can show this bitch off!"
"I resent being called a bitch," Mewtwo growled.
"Dude, you're like, the strongest Pokémon EVER, who fucking cares?"
"Ganondorf! I challenge you to a VS MATCH!" Everyone froze, as Ganondorf turned to look at the man. He began laughing.
"I accept! NO ITEMS, FOX ONLY, FINAL DESTINATION!"
Fox nudged Ganondorf. "It doesn't work like that. You have to actually fight him," he said.
"Okay. In that case, ALL ITEMS, ANY CHARACTER, BRINSTAR DEPTHS!"
-Brinstar Depths-
Kraid roared behind the arena. "YAY! I make floor go spin!" he roared, hitting the platform.
Everyone was on a floating platform off on the sidelines. "Been a while since I've been here," Samus said. When asked by Kirby, who was later punished by Ganon, what she was doing, she answered, "I want to see Ganondorf get owned. Plus I'm holding a bet, gotta get money somehow! COME ONE, COME ALL! SEE THE OWNING OF THE CENTURY, GANONDORF OF THE GERUDO VARIETY VS. CAPTAIN FALCON OF THE RACER VARIETY! WHO WILL WIN? FIND OUT, PLACE YOUR BETS!"
Ridley flew up and landed with them. "What are you doing here?" Link asked.
"NO QUESTIONS!" He was thrown off the platform into the lava by Ganondorf.
"Babysitting Kraid, ever since Samus shot him in the head with that super missile he's had the mentality of a four year old." Samus was glaring at him. "Oh, hi Samus!" She continued glaring. "Still not over the whole 'killed your parents as well as everyone you've ever cared for', huh?" His response was a glare.
"Let's get busy!" Ganondorf and Falcon jumped into the arena and began attacking each other.
"I bet on Captain Falcon!" the revived Mario said, eating a sandwich. "If he loses I'm fucked, so money means nothing. My life is nothing more then a pitiful attempt at living in a world where only those who cause suffering and agony rule." He continued eating.
Marth was reluctant to eat the sandwich he bought after that.
"Looks like Ganondorf's taking a beating," Mewtwo said.
"YES!" Mario cheered.
"I agree, he's- Oh, he just nailed Falcon!" Fox commented. "Looks like a comeback to me."
"NO!"
"Wait, Falcon's dodging him a lot now."
"YES!"
"Now Ganondorf's kneeing him in the face… repeatedly…"
"NO!"
"Falcon broke out and is regrouping. Looks like he's got a homerun bat!"
"YES!"
"Ganondorf's hitting him with his own fist."
"NO!"
"Stop that you three shit-sucking douchebags!" the steroid induced Peach screamed.
"You are an AWESOME foe!" Captain Falcon said.
"And you're an ass who's standing right where Kraid's about to hit." Captain Falcon dove out of the way as Kraid made the arena spin. "STAGE LESSON ONE CLASS, never leave boundaries or you'll get injured severely like this retard!" Ganondorf explained to the class.
"So what do we do while we watch?" Bowser asked. "Wait, I got an idea, let's throw things at Kraid to make him screw up!"
"Bad idea," Ridley said. "You'll end up killing all of us!"
"Let's start with this guy."
"Wait, what?!" They tied Ridley with rope and Giga Bowser picked him up. "BAD BAD BAD IDE- Wait, you people are gonna suffer, why am I complaining?" he asked himself. "Launch away!"
"That's the spirit!" Giga Bowser said before throwing him at Kraid just before he hit the stage. Ridley hit the monster in the face, knocking him off balance and making his fist hit their platform, knocking it over.
"I REGRET NOTHING!" Marth screamed.
"Bullshit, you told me this morning that you regret everything!" Roy snapped.
Marth began strangling them as they fell. High above, Peach was floating with her umbrella. "Take that whores, I WIN!"
Ridley flew by. "Until you steadily lower into the lava. Yeah, I play Melee." Ridley grabbed Peach's umbrella and ate it, resulting in her falling to her death like everyone else. "Tastes like cinnamon, weird…"
-With Captain Falcon and Ganondorf-
"We shall end this with one AWESOME blow!"
"You're on bitch! WARLOCK…"
"FALCON…"
"PUNCH!"
The universe was destroyed upon collision.
-In a far away dimension-
"Sir, you know the universe that you liked the best?" a Primid asked its leader.
"Oh yeah, that place is sweet! Its ice cream ain't that bad either," Tabuu said.
"It got destroyed."
"WHAT? But I haven't even starred in a video game yet!" Tabuu panicked. "I know, I'll show those bitches, time to rebuild, then I can star in a game because they'll owe me!"
"Why don't you just make a universe where you already have a video game?" the Primid asked.
"An excellent point," Tabuu said, spreading his wings.
"You're about to obliterate me, aren't you?"
"Indeed I am." The Primid sighed, shaking its head. The Red Rings of Death quickly destroyed it.