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(Drusilla)
I watched Maven leave Skyhold on horseback with a couple of other guards from the balcony.
"Does your sister know of your worsening nightmares, my dear? The demons trying to possess you are drawn to you en masse as you become stronger. Your display in the Fade made things worse, no doubt."
Ugh, the Fade. Don't say it. Saying it makes it real.
"We have only become more distant since they started...then more when they became worse. Her focus on training hasn't let up since her recovery. As soon as I said she could pick up a weapon and walk, she's been toeing the line. Hopefully, Cullen can promote better habits for her." I was such a hypocrite.
"And, from the ever growing bags under your eyes, you've been trying study away a basic need."
"Yes, I'm lucky my memory and reaction time haven't faltered…yet."
"True, but I still recommend trying those face creams I mentioned the other day. I still have some spares I could stand to part with. The three of you all appear to have horrid dreams on a regular basis. The Commander, I understand, but neither you or your sister will say anything of yours." I wonder if she knew we all had PTSD.
"I wouldn't mind taking you up on your offer." I gave Vivienne a wry smile. Sometimes I forgot how good she was at getting her way.
"Of course, darling." She produced a container from the top of a stylish satchel, which didn't surprise me any. The Knight Enchanter knew how this exchange would go. I took it and my leave with a polite nod, choosing to drift over to the library and Dorian.
"Hello, Sparkler." I greeted, seating myself across from him.
"Drusilla. Has our dear enchantress finished yet another of her sly lectures on the importance of 'perfection in all things'?"
"I barely let her begin before I caved." I showed him the little container she had handed me and he rolled his eyes but smiled.
"Has Maven left with Cullen yet?" I nodded, almost sulking as I stared out the window. My eyes wanted to close and rest for a while. Even without a mirror, I knew I must have looked cravenly.
"You never told me about what that business at the Royal Palace was about."
"What business? We saved a schemey Empress who knew The Game and shoved the cost of losing down her throat, ate gaudy looking food, and left with an alliance in our pocket and Morrigan as an ally."
"You forgot your dance with The Iron Bull. No one there missed that. When we came back, it looked like you were enjoying yourself quite a bit."
"I was. Bull is an excellent dancer. Quite gentle too…" Dorian's smile reached his eyes, but his next words were coyly delivered.
"Have you ever considered pursuing something with him? Might help with your sleeping, if only a little."
"You are suggesting I use Bull to sleep better by sleeping with him." It wasn't a question.
"Nothing so crass but I don't know the man like you do. Have you never considered a relationship with him? Does his race-"
"Dorian, you know how I get whenever you mention me and anyone dating or whatever. I highly doubt he would be interested in shouldering my baggage, let alone sleep with me…" I muttered.
"On another note, how did your visit with your father go?" His mouth formed a line.
"Well played."
"It went well then."
"As well as it could go, I suppose. Then Odessa lightly chided me for leading her on. It was strange. For a moment I was afraid I would lose her friendship altogether and then expelled from the Inquisition. Yet the former scared me more than the latter." I blinked, shocked for a rare moment. How had the thought not occurred to me? That talk with the Inquisitor was so vital? Having always kept him in the Inquisition, I never considered ending their friendship. Dorian was an amazing friend here. Always the insightful Tevinter bookworm. I adored him...and AdoriBull, but that was during the playthroughs that didn't end with Bull's betrayal and/or romance.
"Our Inquisitor knows how to cherish the company she keeps."
"So it would seem." The Necromancer smiled. Successfully distracted.
If only, for now.
(Maven)
The water was clearer than I remembered. I repressed the urge to wince as I briefly wondered how much of our world Drusilla and I had taken for granted before we landed here. Glancing at Cullen, I was relieved to see him pondering with his gaze on a lily pad.
"How much did those books tell of the Templar Order?" I pulled my lips under my teeth. Was he trying to be this indirect? This was cute. I could play off of this.
"I recall one such templar going through quite a lot. He was in just about every book. The Hero of Ferelden came across him during its fall as Uldred and quite a few other mages chose to become abominations and blood mages. It was the first crack and the first trauma. The next spoke of the Champion of Kirkwall, dealing with almost the exact same dilemma on a city sized scale. This time, however, both his superior as well as the leader of the mage rebellion there were crazed with power and possession. Another trauma to add to an unwanted collection. Now, here he is, in the middle of one last battle between mages and templars...only to find their battle is a pawn in the scheme of one giant Tevinter bastard who would love to have both sides in his grasp. Even the Wardens are our now. Everything after this will be peaceful, especially once the lyrium battle is won." In my retelling, I had grasped his hand without thinking and he was watching me. Had I said something wrong? I bet I had…
"Sorry, that is not where I wanted the topic to go…" I laughed awkwardly, brushing stubborn strands behind my ear.
"You forget I asked." He gave a small sad smile.
"Still, I could have been so much vaguer. I could have just said that I know you went through a lot of bad and painful shit and then we could have moved on to making a lighter mood-" He was laughing. It wasn't even fake. This was genuine laughing, like I had just told him a good joke. The rarity of it stunned me as I watched, his jovial sounds making the corners of my mouth lift. Cullen was downright gorgeous when he laughed.
"Forgive me. I did not mean to laugh at you. You were becoming so distraught and I wanted to kiss you, but it felt like it might be improper to. Your story has a happy ending. Why would I be upset?"
As fine as I was with getting another kiss from the Commander, I was glad he didn't want to seem like he was just trying to shut me up. His consideration...and that little smirk.
"Do you know why I brought you here?"
"To have some real alone time with me?"
"I will not deny that, though, it is only half of it. Would you humor me? I am hoping this gives you some more luck on the battlefield, so that I might worry less while you're away." He showed me a familiar coin and I almost let out a giggle. I bit my lip and accepted the prized item, using it now to fidget. In all those times I changed up a response before, I found I could think of nothing to say at all.
"Thank you, Cullen. It may even give me more than luck." A grin and slanted look up at him told me he had advanced ever so slightly. My hands moved up to slither around his neck as I initiated a kiss. We shared so many now and I had yet to get over the feeling.
"I tend to forget myself around you. Just a little." The urge to sigh was hard to fight but I didn't want to seem too eager. Even if it was Cullen and it was hard to hold back.
"I was just about to say the same thing." Voice low and his eyes were on my lips.
"Just as long as you don't forget me." I teased him from his reverie. This date felt too short but one couldn't be greedy.
"How happy is the ending, exactly?" Cullen asked once we neared our mounts.
"Retire to a life on the countryside."
"Do I have company?" He asked after a while.
"Usually."
When we returned, Varric was there with Bianca. Not the crossbow. This was going to be difficult. Drusilla and Odessa were close by and my sister looked like she was about to pop if she didn't say something, but I had a feeling she was waiting for me.
"Where are we at in this?" I inquired with a sigh. The peaceful moments were far and few. Drusilla beelined towards me, grasped my arm and pulled me away.
"Veil?"
"You guys talk. Maven and I will get back to you." Night had long since fallen and it was dark when we entered our little home.
"What's going on?"
"I don't know what to tell them. How much and what to not say. Everyone was looking at me and I didn't want to fuck things up." She said in a rush.
"She needs help getting down there for the key." I mused.
"Exactly. Then there's the heated exchange between them and...I don't know. Part of me thinks we should just let them go with her. It's only darkspawn."
"What should we say then? Trust her?"
"I mean...kind of. There is something she needs to get from the Deep Roads and she wants you guys to help her. That seems a bit more reasonable. There are tons of darkspawn in the area for one dwarf who knows what she's doing." Something was wrong.
"Hey, um-"
"I would really rather we not talk about how I look right now. I am well aware that I look like shit. We can send them on their way and I will deal with myself then."
"You aren't going with them?"
"No way. I hate the Deep Roads about as much as Varric does and I have too much built up anxiety to be useful in a fight. I need a drink...at least one. You feel free, if you want to see things go down yourself. I, um, things with you and Cullen look like they are going well. That's good. I am happy for you. Be safe, Maven."
She was gone before I could say anything but I decided I would only go with them if Odessa made sure Bull stayed behind. It was odd to think that she would be the one needing an eye on her while I went off to fight off hordes of darkspawn to help lock up a way in.
The door to the Herald's Rest opened and closed and I took it as my cue to go and tell Odessa our say. Sometimes, knowing things was such a pain in the ass.
(Drusilla)
I sat down and waved a little at Cabot. My eyes burned from lack of sleep but I knocked back a tankard of whatever he had given me.
"No book today?" I glanced up at the familiar voice. Donal Sutherland. He wasn't armored up and I only saw Voth hanging around upstairs. Sutherland was the fast learning farm kid who ended up starting his own company a lil like Bull but with help of the Inquisitor.
What was he doing downstairs?
"Nah. Needed a break from the reading."
"Would you like to drink with Voth and I?" How many nice boys like Sutherland had I turned down in my world? Without even knowing it sometimes. The others I shot down because I didn't care.
"The next time you're out and about on Inquisition orders, you'll come across a pretty archer. Recruit her. She won't let you down and, if you ask nicely, I am sure she will drink with you."
"What's...what's her name?" So, he already knew who I was.
"Shayd. Spitfire of a woman and she's more than a pretty face."
"Thank you, m'lady. I hope the drink does you good." He gave a little bow and retreated up the steps.
"That's the first time I think I've seen a man walk away with a smile on his face after trying to flirt with you."
"Odessa not bring you along the Bianca run with her and Varric?"
"Nah. She's got the Seeker and Viv on that. Your sister too, I think. It okay to let her go with them?"
"I'm not her Keeper, Bull. Anyway, I am more likely to hit her by accident than be any help and it's just darkspawn." A phrase I never thought I'd ever actually say. If this was origins, I'd be terrified and a lot less capable of focus. People seemed more flippant there about everything. Most were also ignorant of those things they were so easy going about. Like the mage circles and playing God.
"Still can't sleep?" I was relieved and appreciative that he didn't ask me if I was still afraid to sleep. The problem was, I needed to sleep. The only way I was going to let myself do that was by getting blackout drunk.
"Yeah." I nodded my head at Cabot to let him know to keep the drinks coming. This was stupid. I was being stupid. There was no need to worry about those who had survived all those years ago when we had escaped, but there it was. Somehow, these demons were strong enough to plant and reinforce our anxieties and deeply seated fears, even the most ridiculous ones. This should have been obvious. Just like the people in Origins, we underestimated the evils of this world. The people here call us All-Knowing when we are no better than they are.
I don't remember how many drinks I have had but this feels nice. Dreams are weird and blurry, like my inebriation went to sleep with me. Demons are blurs; prettily colored deformed things. Their words are pretty but there are things no level of drunkenness can alter like my knowledge of them and the damage their empty words have caused. The only nightmare I have and remember is the way my head feels the following morning. Bull must have carried me home or something because I haven't opened my eyes but I feel a mattress of some sort beneath me.
"I said things…" I murmur absently to no one. What did I tell Bull while I was wasted off my ass? My head still felt heavy with drink.
"Nothing too bad." Sounds from nearby and I squeak, launching myself into sitting position. My movement is too quick and my head falls back into the wall by my bed.
"Ow! Fuck!"
"I thought you knew I was here." He says sheepishly as I just choose to lie back down and heal my injured head. If only this magic worked on damaged pride and other feelings.
"No, I just figured I rattled on too much after drinking too much. What did I say?"
"You wish you could let yourself be more open to people like Maven is with Cullen. Do you trust anyone other than Maven?"
"I trust you." Rolling onto my side, I opened my eyes a smidge. Why had he stayed after bringing me here? He was sitting against the back wall, facing the door, per usual.
"You told me that too." His chuckle rumbled through me and I think I was smiling.
"Did you carry me home and tuck me into bed?"
"I was tempted to tuck you in so tightly you wouldn't be able to get up without help…" That sounded sexual somehow.
"That's not nice. What stopped you?"
"You asked me to stay and keep guard."
"And you did?"
"As soon as I told you I would stay, you held my arm and passed out." New worries surfaced. What had I done?
"Did I use my strongy powers by accident? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine but I didn't know if you would wake up if I moved and you haven't slept much recently."
"You're so sweet."
"Hey," He warned half-heartedly." None of that."
"Did I tell you that I like you? I like you, you know."
"Are you trying to soften me up?" Reaching over with my right hand, I lazily braced part of my weight on his shoulder. The warmth of his body startled me almost as much as hearing his voice had when I first woke a bit ago. He turned his head to face me, his expression was equal parts humor and accusation...or was that curiosity? I couldn't tell in this lighting. What was I trying to do again?
"Nah." I leaned forward just enough to press my lips against his and pulled away to lightly tap my index finger against his nose.
"Boop. Go to bed, Bull." I giggled to myself again and went back to sleep.